


Feather and Rock

by mynameisnice



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lemon, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:07:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 157,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27781258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mynameisnice/pseuds/mynameisnice
Summary: Hermione is a successful university lecturer travelling Europe. During one of her trips, she meets a former acquaintance. A slow story about healing, friendship, hope and love. Rated M for later chapters.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Comments: 21
Kudos: 140





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone,
> 
> Some of you might remember this fic! I originally posted it last summer but removed it after I got an offer from a publisher for this story in a non-Sevmione setting. However, after a lot of back and forth with them about cutting chapters, changing storylines etc. we decided that it wasn't going to work out, so tonight I will finally post it again!
> 
> I will leave all the chapters as they were, incl. the introductory notes etc. because most of them are about all of you being so supportive of my writing!
> 
> So thank you to everyone who decided to return to this Fic and to everyone who decided to click on it for the first time! I hope you will enjoy it just as much as I did and well... Sorry again for being such a bummer! From now on: FanFictions are Fanfictions and published work is published work. I won't let anybody bully me into taking down my writing again (not even publishers, sorry :))

Original Note:

_I'd like to give you some background on this Sevmione FanFic._

_I've initially only started to write this story to improve my English. I am not native and I felt like my linguistic skills were stagnating, so I gave it a shot. However, it got a little bit out of control. I basically just began writing without any plot or concept, but I really liked where it went._

_I will leave the first few chapters as they were, so you can get a sense of how my voice as a writer developed throughout._

_Because I have never planned to write an epic fic the plot moves fairly slowly at the beginning. I have written about half of the story, and I have now established the whole plot, so I decided to post the first chapters. I try to upload chapters weekly, or whenever I have finished another one._

_Please, please, please let me know what you think of the story and the characters. I am so nervous about posting my writing, because whenever I read through my pages, I just want to burn them all and bury myself somewhere. I would really love to hear if you like it or if you have any tips and suggestions._

_You can find me on Tumblr where I post about the story; aesthetics, drawings, photos. Just search for mynameisnicse_

_Now, enough patter. Thank you for reading and enjoy the first chapter._

_XXX_

Song Recommendation

HELP - LONDON GRAMMAR

"Dr Granger?"

Hermione closed the magazine she was reading and slid it into her bag, not too hastily and not too reluctantly. She had mastered the skill of inconspicuously stowing away magical papers when out and about in the muggle world.

"Yes, that's me. Can I help you?"

She looked at a friendly young woman who stood next to her table with a steaming cup of coffee in her hand.

"I am so sorry for interrupting you", the woman began ecstatically. "My name is Clemency Nancy. I have just been to your guest lecture at the University of Geneva. I very much enjoyed your presentation." She had an absolutely delighted expression on her face but looked nervous.

"That is very kind of you, Miss Nancy. I am glad you enjoyed it."

Hermione watched her for a moment. Miss Nancy seemed to have something else on her mind. She was fidgeting with the receipt that stuck between her fingers and the cup in her hand.

"So, erm… Have you heard of Beauxbatons?" Miss Nancy asked the question at a rather rapid speed.

Hermione was confused for a moment and she put her hands flat on the table. The last thing she would have expected in a muggle café in Geneva, was being asked about Beauxbatons. But then, she was a witch after all, and the magical world was small. She quickly composed herself and smiled at the young woman, who now looked positively terrified.

"I have heard of Beauxbatons. Would you care to join me?"

Miss Nancy exhaled loudly and slid into the chair opposite Hermione.

"I am so sorry, I made a complete fool of myself, but I thought that was the best way of finding out." Miss Nancy smiled sheepishly. "I was very impressed with your talk, and then I spotted you just now. I initially only wanted to express my congratulations, but then I saw you reading that charms magazine…" The young woman shrugged her shoulders.

"Thank you, Miss Nancy", Hermione said with a smile on her face.

"Clemency, please. Call me Clemency, Dr Granger."

"Alright, Clemency. No need to call me Dr Granger then either, Hermione will do."

The young woman nodded happily.

"So, Hermione. How is it that you lecture at a Muggle university, being a witch and all?"

Hermione tried to hide how uncomfortable this topic made her by smiling friendly, but she rubbed her fingertips against the table top to keep her calm.

"I believe some muggle academic fields complement wizarding studies very well. I studied in both worlds for the last few years to keep all my options open. How come you attended a lecture at a Muggle university?"

Hermione was genuinely interested as well.

"I am in my last year of chemistry. My father is a healer and Potions master. I am going to work in our family business, and he believes that there is a lot to learn from Muggle chemistry. I do it alongside my Potions mastery. Papa actually used to study here himself." Clemency smiled broadly and took a sip of her drink. "When I heard about your public lecture, I thought it would not hurt to visit the department of social sciences. And I have to say once more, I thoroughly enjoyed your talk."

Hermione was impressed. It was very rare to find wizards or witches that combined both, magic and non-magic subjects, just like she did. Although Clemency did it for different reasons.

She finished her coffee and smiled at the waiter before he took away her mug.

"Clemency, would you like to introduce me to Geneva's wizarding quarter? I didn't think I'd have the chance, but I also didn't expect to be meeting any witches or wizards here. What do you think?"

Maybe she would get to go to some wizarding shops, she hadn't been to Diagon Alley in a while. It was unsettling, but maybe a foreign wizarding place would do her some good.

"Oh, well Geneva doesn't have a wizarding quarter!", Clemency said. "The next closest place would be Arraxy, a small town in France very close to the Swiss and Italian borders. It's where I am from, and it is entirely magic."

After settling the bill, they decided to apparate separately. Clemency had only recently passed her apparition test and wasn't too comfortable with side along apparition. She scribbled an address on a paper napkin.

"You can apparate there. You don't need to visualise it", she said and left the café a moment later. The napkin read _Saint Nancy d'Arraxy_ _l'H_ _ôpital Magique._ Hermione was a little bit sceptical, but it seemed only reasonable to be able to access a hospital without having been there before.

She landed in a large, busy foyer. Everything was white around her, the floor, the walls, and the robes people were dressed in. The ceiling was chanted just like the one in the Great Hall of Hogwarts, and it was sunny outside with only some stray snowflakes swirling around.

Clemency was talking to an elderly man at the reception desk and Hermione walked towards them.

"Ah, there you are!", Clemency greeted her. "Papa, this is Dr Hermione Granger."

Hermione smiled friendly at the man and shook his hand. He looked professional in his white healer robes and had generally a very friendly appearance.

"Nice to meet you, Dr Granger!" The man had a strong grip. "My name is Guillaume Nancy. My daughter told me she would be attending your guest lecture in Geneva. How come you are lecturing at a Muggle university? I believe you're of magical birth, seeing you here in Arraxy?"

"The pleasure is mine, Mr Nancy."

Hermione never really knew how to explain how she had gotten into Muggle academics. She liked to pretend that there wasn't a specific reason other than that she liked researching and was genuinely interested in non-magical topics, which wasn't a lie, but also not the whole truth.

"I am muggle born actually, and I decided to pursue muggle academics alongside my magical studies, just to keep all the options open to myself", she explained. "I really enjoy anthropology and sociology and it ties in nicely with the magical academic fields I am working in."

"That is exactly what I am thinking, Dr Granger." Mr Nancy looked very pleased. "The wizarding folk is missing out on a lot, by not considering any of the muggle studies." He then turned to Clemency. "Could you work through some of my papers, Clemency. I am rather busy with meetings this afternoon."

Hermione could hear that the first bit of what he said was not really a question. Clemency looked slightly uncomfortable, but not in a negative way.

"Dr Granger was hoping so see some of Arraxy, Papa."

Mr Nancy nodded understandingly. "Well, I will work on the papers later then."

"I can find my way around Arraxy by myself, that is no problem at all." Hermione smiled at Clemency. "Thank you for letting me know about it in the first place. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't told me about it."

"Well, Dr Granger, if you are not busy later tonight, how about we take you out for dinner" Mr Nancy proposed. "My wife and I run the local pharmacy. You will easily find it just off the main street. If you would like to meet us there at 6pm?"

She liked the idea and didn't mind apparating back to London a little bit later than planned. Hermione agreed and soon later left the hospital to discover Arraxy.

The town had a lovely charm. All the buildings looked very typically middle European. Their roofs as well as the streets were covered in snow at the end of February. Hermione smiled inwardly, thinking she had never seen such a bright place, first the all-white hospital and now the all-white town.

Wandering around for a while, Hermione came to the conclusion that this place was definitely bigger than Diagon Alley. The town centre was the lowest part of the settlement and had a very welcoming character. From the main street one could look up and see the snow-white French alps all around. Houses lined the streets that lead uphill, and some of them were clearly held in place magically; the angles at which they were built would defy any rule of gravity.

Hermione found the Nancy pharmacy, but decided to go there later. She walked down another little street and came across a bookshop. Naturally, she couldn't resist and about two hours later she queued to buy an exorbitant number of books. They were all in French or German, but she would just use magic to work through them. Her French wasn't very good, and she had been using her own translation spell during the whole time in Geneva. Just as the girl behind the till scanned the books with her wand, Hermione remembered that she didn't get any wizarding money.

"I am so sorry, but could you hold those books back for me. I have to go and find a bank to get some money." She smiled apologetically at the young woman.

"Oh, you know, we do take Euros."

Hermione looked at her surprised. "Really?"

"Yes, yes. Ever since muggle France introduced the Euro the wizarding government decided to use it too. It's much easier that way."

Hermione was positively impressed and pulled her purse out. She realised she only had Franks.

"We take those too. A lot of Swiss witches and wizards come to Arraxy." The woman smiled and indicated Hermione should give her the money.

She payed and shrunk the books to put them in her beaded handbag. She had often thought about getting rid of the bag, as it reminded her too much of their time on the run, but now she was rather glad she still had it. Of course, she could have just charmed a new one, but she liked the one she had, and the war was nearly exactly ten years over now. It didn't really bother her too much anymore.

A quick tempus charm told her it was half past five. She made her way to the pharmacy, thinking she'd still have enough time to have a look around and check out their ingredients. She didn't spend much time on potions anymore, ever since she left Hogwarts, but it was still interesting to see what kind of things they stocked. The climate was different, and they had better access to some rare ingredients that only grew in specific regions of Europe.

Walking the streets, she felt weirdly comfortable. It was extremely cold, and her toes hadn't warmed up during her time in the bookshop, but she didn't mind.

Nobody was paying her much attention, not at all like in England. Whenever Hermione was out in wizarding Britain people recognised her and whispered whilst throwing her glances. Occasionally, someone would walk up to her and strike a conversation. There was no malice behind any of it, but all the publicity and celebrity status were annoying and tiring sometimes.

Publicity was mainly about why she hadn't started a magic career, hadn't married and didn't have any children yet. Not to mention the various invitations she got to official events, where suitors lined up and competed for her attention. It seemed as if being a single woman made her inevitably a product on a market that she didn't want to be on.

The anonymity here in France was similar to muggle England, where nobody knew her either and she enjoyed it very much.

She entered the pharmacy and was greeted by an herby and fresh scent. The shop was tidy and orderly, but a rather adventurous experience for Hermione's sense of smell. There were scents she could identify; dittany, rosemary, mint and monkshood. But also scents she couldn't identify; fruity, spicy and tangy. She looked through the shelves, examining everything and getting drunk on the fragrances.

It was fairly busy for a Wednesday afternoon and a young man offered her some help in case she needed any. She thanked him and continued strolling through the aisles. At the back of the shop she heard two people talking. Hermione could see a woman and she wondered if it was Mrs Nancy, the owner.

"The new legislations should take effect from May, that would give you two moon cycles to brew. Can I expect two batches of the improved wolfsbane potion?"

Hermione wondered what legislation they were talking about. In England you could barely get a wolfsbane potion, and in batches not at all. It required some incredibly expensive ingredients as well as a very capable Potions master.

"That should be manageable."

At the sound of the other person's voice the blood in her veins froze. It seemed scratchy but familiar. The man coughed slightly and continued: "Will Guillaume have some updates on the developed treatment plans tonight?"

"I should hope so."

Hermione could see the woman walk away in her peripheral view, but she didn't dare to take the two steps she needed to see who the other person was. She remained still where she was, listening concentratedly in case he would speak again.

Could it be? No, she shook her head. He was dead.

"Can I help you?"

Hermione jumped at the voice that came from behind her. She turned around to see the woman who she thought was Mrs Nancy. She looked friendly, with a broad smile on her face and no less authoritative than her husband.

"Oh, no. Erm…" Hermione stammered. "No, thanks. I am just browsing."

She gave the woman a smile and gestured her hand towards the shelves. Then she quickly made her way to the back of the shop, aiming for a bookshelf that seemed to be stacked with guidebooks on herbs, plants and other potions ingredients.

Her eyes wandered aimlessly over the titles, whilst her mind was still racing. She pulled out a book named _Rare Alpine Herbs and their use in Medicinal Potions_. Just as she opened the book to have a look at the outline, she heard his voice again.

An extreme and sudden surge of adrenaline rose up in her and her gaze automatically wandered down the aisle.

She could see the man in perfect profile, but was it him? He stood behind a high desk and was bent over a pile of notes, handing a few sheets over to the woman that Hermione had named Mrs Nancy. The resemblance was uncanny, he looked almost exactly like Professor Severus Snape. But he also looked completely different. If it wasn't for the very distinctive voice, Hermione would not have looked twice.

He was tall and lean, and his hooked, large nose was very present. His hair was black and long, but for some odd reason he had tied it in a bun at the back of his head, and it had also gone a bit grey at the temples. What gave Hermione the ultimate shock, was the full beard on his face. This could not in Merlin's four-hundred-forty years be Severus Snape.

He talked quietly to Mrs Nancy and Hermione stared at him for a good few minutes. She was petrified. For all she knew, Severus Snape was dead and here stood a man so much like and also unlike Severus Snape, it was frightening.

"Hermione!" Clemency popped out from between two shelves. "You're already here. How did you like Arraxy?"

Hermione didn't answer Clemency, as right in the moment when he heard her name, the mysterious maybe-professor's head spun around to her. In that moment Hermione eliminated the 'maybe' and was very certain that it was him. His black eyes looked at her, cold and without any expression in them.

They stared at one another for only a few seconds and Hermione didn't even dare to blink. After what felt like half an eternity, Snape looked away and calmly gathered the sheets from the desk. She quickly composed herself just as Clemency walked up to her.

"Are you alright?" The woman's eyes wandered into Snape's direction.

"Yes, I am." Hermione closed the book and showed it to Clemency. "I might get this one."

"That is Septimus Prince", Clemency said, nodding towards Snape. "He works here, I study potions under him." She looked at Hermione with a cheeky grin on her face. "A lot of witches try to get his attention, but he is rather moody. I don't particularly like him."

Hermione's cheeks flushed. "I am not trying to get his attention."

"Are you not?"

Hermione couldn't help but get a little bit annoyed with Clemency. She liked the girl, but she did not really think the younger woman's preposterous allegation was very appropriate. She also had too much going on in her head at that moment, as to really care for Clemency's elaborations of Snape's popularity with women.

"No, I am not." Her no-nonsense tone left no room for speculation. "He just seemed very familiar."

Hermione shrugged her shoulders and indicated that she would go and buy the book. When she handed it over to the nice man behind the till, she noticed Snape in a room behind the counter. From the angle that she was at she could see half his body. He was sat at a desk, writing something and a blind man could have seen how tense his shoulders were.

"Dr Granger!"

Hermione got startled by Mr Nancy who suddenly blocked her view of Snape.

"You weren't thinking of buying this, were you?" He took the book into his hands and examined it.

"Yes, I was going to buy it. Would you not recommend it?"

Mr Nancy smiled at her. "Absolutely, it is a very useful guide." He put it into a nice-looking paper bag and handed it over to her. "It's on the house. Clemency couldn't stop talking about your informative lecture all afternoon."

The girl looked embarrassed but smiled.

"Consider it an act of friendship", Mr Nancy added.

"That is very kind of you, sir. Thank you very much."

Hermione took the bag just as Mrs Nancy joined them from behind one of the many shelves.

"Armita, have you met Dr Hermione Granger yet?", Mr Nancy introduced them to one another.

"I have seen her browsing the shop, yes!" The woman smiled and shook Hermione's hand. "Armita Clemency, nice to meet you Dr Granger."

So, she was not Mrs Nancy after all.

"Please, do call me Hermione."

She was smiling friendly at all of them, trying to hide how jittery she actually was. Snape was still sitting at the desk in the other room, not making any noise. She was wondering if he was listening, but she didn't dare to look into his direction again.

He clearly did not want to be recognised. He looked nothing like his old self and was working under a pseudonym. She couldn't blame him, the Daily Prophet and Wizarding Britain hadn't been too kind to him, even after the war.

"I got your message earlier", Armita said to Guillaume Nancy then turning back to Hermione. "Had I known it was you, I'd have offered you a hot drink!"

"Oh, don't worry!" Hermione waved her off. "I had a great time looking around."

They started talking about some of the rarer ingredients that the pharmacy stocked, and Hermione thought it was a shame she wasn't around much longer to actually buy some and take them back to London.

She didn't brew potions anymore, but she was on good terms with Penny Haywood, who was teaching potions at Hogwarts. She was married to Ron, who had joined George in running the joke shop. They had bought Zonko's in Hogsmeade and Ron was in charge of that branch. It worked very well for the both of them, they had bought a house in Hogsmeade and Penny walked to work every day.

"Well, if you are not under time pressure, I can call on a friend of mine who owns a hotel. He usually has a spare room", Guillaume proposed. "If you want to stay for a couple of days, I will send him an owl right now."

Hermione didn't need to think about that. She really liked Arraxy and even if it wasn't for the pretty little town, there were plenty of muggle sights in the area that she could explore. And there was a certain Septimus Prince.

"I'd really like that. Thank you, Guillaume."

"Well, shall we head out for dinner then." Clemency suggested and they all agreed.

"Prince, will you be locking up?", Guillaume asked Snape.

"Actually", Armita interrupted. "I think he should join us for dinner."

Hermione felt the familiar, sudden rush of adrenalin again.

Snape cleared his throat. "Thank you, but I am rather busy."

"Come on, dear. What could you possibly have to do? We are completely stocked, there is nothing pressing."

Hermione froze in shock. She didn't consider that Armita was not one of Snape's students and thought her tone with him was rather daring.

She expected Snape to lash out at Armita, and he didn't disappoint.

He rose from the chair and slowly turned around, an utterly annoyed expression on his face. Walking towards them, he stopped just in front of the doorframe. Hermione couldn't help but feel tiny under his disdainful eye, although he wasn't even looking at her directly. His voice was dripping with venom when he spoke again.

"Contrary to everyone's belief, I do in fact have a life and private interests. And whilst it is not my wish to share any of them with you, I can assure you that, as exhilarating as this little dinner party of yours sounds…" He gestured bounteously at the group, "…I have better things to do." To underline his words, the trace of a sneer tucked on one of the corners of his mouth.

Armita wasn't surprised by his harsh words, but it clearly bothered her. Hermione tried to seem busy, eying some bezoars that were individually wrapped in a sale box next to the till. However, she couldn't help but carefully look at Snape when he let out a sigh.

"I will lock up." His voice and expression had lost a bit of malice. "Enjoy your dinner."

They made their way to a quaint little restaurant. It wasn't fancy, and Hermione just shoved her coat, scarf, hat and gloves behind her back onto the bench. The family explained they came here regularly with all of them being rather busy, working and studying. Hermione also worked out, that Clemency did in fact have her name by combining both her parents' surnames. Apparently, that practice wasn't uncommon in wizarding France.

She learnt that Guillaume Nancy, and through him Clemency, were descendants of Saint Nancy of Arraxy, a healer from the thirteenth century. Every member of the Nancy family tree had been a healer since 1247. They had founded the hospital only a few decades after Saint Nancy's death on the grounds of her burial place.

The food was lovely, and Hermione really enjoyed herself, but she noticed that Armita still seemed bothered by Snape's behaviour.

"He just hasn't acted like this in a long time", she explained when Guillaume told her to let it go. "I can't help but wonder what triggered him, but who knows. The man is a ticking timebomb."

"I know, darling. But we all have a bad day from time to time."

Hermione didn't join in with this conversation, as she didn't want to be too nosey. She decided to just listen carefully.

They soon talked about other things, but she couldn't stop her thoughts from constantly wandering back to Snape. When Guillaume started talking about the meeting he had earlier today, her mind was getting exactly what it wanted. More information on the former Potions Master.

"The legislations will take effect from May, just as expected, but we can only start giving out prescriptions in July. Wizards and witches with lycanthropy are being informed by the start of June, and we will assess everyone on our register first. Not everyone with werewolfery might be in a condition to be put on a prescription yet. Some of them will need to be monitored at Saint Nancy's."

Hermione was absolutely stunned.

"I can understand if you're not allowed sharing any of this information", she said. "But are you saying werewolves can receive the wolfsbane potion on prescription in France?"

"Not yet." Guillaume smiled. "But from May that should be the case."

Hermione's mind was racing. The wolfsbane potion was incredibly difficult to make and the ingredients were rare and accordingly expensive.

"This is extraordinary!" Hermione couldn't hide her excitement. "How is the health system coping with this? The wolfsbane potion isn't the cheapest potion to brew."

"Well!" Guillaume laughed and his eyes were filled with pride. "It's been a long way! I am happy to elaborate if you are interested."

Clemency leaned over and whispered loudly, so that clearly everyone can hear: "He considers this his biggest achievement, you have no other choice but to be interested!"

They all laughed but Hermione was dead serious.

"I have no doubt this is your biggest achievement. In England werewolfery is an extremely sensitive topic. There is nearly no access to proper medication and very little interest in a werewolf's welfare. Please do elaborate!"

"My younger brother is a werewolf and until a few years ago the situation in France wasn't any different to the situation in England. I grew up seeing him suffer every month and it was just terrible."

Remembering Professor Lupin's transformation in her third year, Hermione could only imagine what it must be like seeing a family member in that situation.

"It is actually the reason for my profession. I started to do a mastery in Potions, but I very quickly realised that being a Potions master wasn't going to change the way werewolves were treated. Yes, I could brew the wolfsbane potion, but the production is regulated by the French Ministry of Magic. I believe that is also the case in England?"

Hermine nodded.

"I wanted to make sure werewolves were guaranteed medical attention and therefore possibly better inclusion in the society."

Hermione was fascinated by this man. He represented so much of what she believed in.

"So, I trained to become a healer, just like all of my ancestors. It became obvious very soon that it was my true profession. While I am good at potions, the healing profession runs in the family. It is basically in my blood, my DNA. Anyway, I finished my training and it took some years, but I eventually managed to setup a scheme that guaranteed free medical examinations for any werewolf who wanted it. Whilst not all werewolves can afford the wolfsbane potion, the majority of them appreciate medical attention before and after their transformation. The scheme involves providing them with nutrition and exercise plans, an inspiration I took from muggle medicine."

He seemed very proud about that. Hermione admired him. He was of such ancient magical ancestry, but not too proud to relate to muggle methods.

"Although lycanthropy is mainly a magical condition, it is also a hormonal condition. You cannot treat it as such, but the right nutrition can in some cases influence the mood stability during the week before the transformation. Physiotherapy in the broader sense, like exercise plans and joint mobilisation, is very effective after the transformation."

"I have never thought about it like that. That is incredible."

Hermione was stunned.

"The real progress took place when Septimus Prince joined the business ten years ago." Hermione thought she had been very attentive the whole time, but at the mention of Snape's pseudonym her senses peaked.

"He was, and still is, just as interested in the werewolf cause as I am. I think a friend of his was a werewolf. He mentioned it once."

Hermione put that information away for later.

"And believe me if I tell you this: Septimus is the finest Potions master I have ever met in my entire life. My skills come nowhere near his, and Clemency here…", he looked proudly at his daughter. "… is very lucky to be training with him. He has refined and absolutely perfected the art of potion making."

Hermione knew Snape was one of the best, but hearing another man say it like that made her very proud for some reason. She had been taught by him as well, after all.

"He has developed an improved version of the wolfsbane. Basically, one only needs to take one potion a week before the transformation. Additionally, it doesn't just maintain the human sense of self during the transformation, but it also greatly reduces the pain the individual experiences."

"Sn-", Hermione coughed. "Septimus created such a potion?" She quickly caught herself.

"He did indeed." Guillaume nodded thoughtfully. "An unequalled talent this man has. He said he had been working on it for years, but previous employments wouldn't leave him with enough time for independent research. It took him a while, but about eighteen months ago he had the potion patented. He wanted me to go and claim the work as my own, the lunatic. I dragged him into the ministry."

"So, what is the French Ministry's stand on this?", Hermione inquired.

"Well, this is what today's meeting was about. Due to all the work done over the last two decades, there is a fairly accurate register of people with werewolfery at Saint Nancy's. In the last decade there have only been a very small number of werewolf attacks. The ministry wants to keep it that way. Some people with lycanthropy have been taking the newly developed potion under supervision, since Septimus got the patent. From May, Saint Nancy's will be allowed to give out prescriptions to werewolves whose condition is under control. At least as far under control as it can be with the current methods. For now, only we can hand out those prescriptions, but once we have collected more data it should become a nationwide standard, including the hospitals in Paris and Aquitaine."

Hermione showered Guillaume with compliments and congratulations. She truly thought it was a ground-breaking achievement.

Her thoughts circled around Snape and she couldn't help but wonder if this could have been the situation in England if he were still there. But England was blissfully unaware of the fact that Snape was even alive. He was alive, and he helped form the future for the better. Again.


	2. Chapter 2

Words as Weapons - BIRDY

Hermione had used the Floo Network to get to the hotel at the edge of town. She sat down on the bed, kicking her shoes off and rubbing her face with her hands. The discovery she’s made today weighed heavily on her mind and she tried to control her emotions.

_Think logically._

She was almost entirely sure that Septimus Prince was in fact Severus Snape. He may have magically or non-magically altered his appearance, but it was very unlikely that anybody else in this world could be so much like him. The way he acted, the disdain dripping from every single word he uttered, and the spiteful sneer on his face were all well-known trademarks.

In addition to that, Septimus Prince happened to be an extraordinary Potions master that arrived in Arraxy ten years ago, shortly after the war had ended. The pseudonym was only half a pseudonym when one was aware of Snape’s history. She could see why he had chosen Prince. Septimus wasn’t quite as obvious of a choice but Hermione had a vague idea that she would follow up on tomorrow, once she was in Geneva and had internet connection again.

But first things first. She checked the time with a quick tempus charm, it wasn’t very late yet. Heading towards the fireplace she threw in some Floo powder and asked for Harry’s living room at Grimmauld Place.

“Hermione?” Ginny answered into the fireplace.

“Hi, Ginny. Sorry for calling in so late, but is Harry around?”

“Sure, hang on a moment.”

Hermione saw Ginny leaving the room and hear her shouting for Harry.

“Hi Mione. What’s up? Where are you calling from?”

“I’m in France. I came across a witch in Geneva and I’ve decided to stay in a wizarding town in France for the weekend. It’s lovely. Listen Harry, can I ask you an odd favour?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Could you check something for me at the ministry. It might sound really weird, but I came across something funny here and it’s probably just an unjustified hunch, but I thought if you could check, it might just calm my mind a bit and-”

“What is it, Mione?” Harry interrupted her, looking amused.

She sighed loudly. “Could you have a look into Professor Snape’s file for me?”

“Oh.”

“Yes, like I said, I am probably just being paranoid. But I would really appreciate it.”

“Well, sure. But Mione?” Harry sounded a little bit uneasy.

“Hm?”

“Snape’s file is archived already. I might not have access to it. I mean…. He’s been dead for ten years.”

“I know, I know, Harry. It’s just…” She tried to sound more casual than she felt. “It would really put my mind to ease.”

“Sure.” He smiled at her, but Hermione could hear he was sceptical. “Is there anything in particular you wanted to know?”

“Could you, ehm… well, this might sound weird now.”

“Mione…”, Harry tried to push her.

“Well… could you check what they did with his body?”

“Are you telling me Snape’s body is somewhere on display in France?” He tried to sound funny.

“Harry! No.”

“Sorry. Yes, I will check. Consider it done.” He grinned at her through the flames.

“Thanks, you’re really doing me a massive favour. Will you know by Friday?”

“I will try.”

“Thanks, Harry.”

She fell back onto her heels and crouched in front of the fireplace, rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands.

“Oh God…” she sighed quietly.

Harry had been her best friend for seventeen years now, and she felt horrible about not telling him exactly what had happened. She would tell him eventually, but at the moment she thought it was not fair to Snape. He clearly left England to start a new life in France in anonymity and if she wanted to find out anything about him, she wasn’t going to upset him by telling everyone about his whereabouts.

She turned away from the fireplace. Since when did she care about what was fair to Snape? It wasn’t as if he had ever been fair to her or any of her friends. He might have had a rather rough time throughout all the years she knew him, and even before she knew him, but one could clearly see that his crude attitude still hasn’t left him.

She went into the bathroom to get herself ready for bed. He hadn’t said a word to her, if anything he had ignored her. Did he not recognise her? No, that wasn’t possible. She was very sure that he knew exactly who she was. Did he not want to be recognised? Most likely, although Hermione couldn’t help but think he could have done a better job at disguising himself. There were more effective ways to change one’s appearance than letting your hair and beard grow. But on the other hand, he probably hadn’t been expecting to meet anyone he knew in Arraxy.

Which lead to the question: why was he in Arraxy? How had he been able to leave the country unnoticed? How had he survived?

Hermione dried her face and when the memory of Snape dying on the floor of the Shrieking Shack hit her, she pressed the towel tightly against her mouth to fight against the nausea. Sitting on the edge of the bathtub she stared into nothingness.

How was she going to proceed? Snape was alive and she was happy for him. If she was absolutely honest with herself, she was even a tiny bit jealous. He lived here in France, far away from everyone who once knew him. With nobody bothering him, he had plenty of time for his own research and was apparently quite successful at it as well.

 _Ok, this is leading to nothing_.

She could be analysing his situation for the next six hours or she could go to bed, so that she had enough energy tomorrow to actively do something useful.

Crawling under the duvet she made herself comfortable, but sleep wouldn’t come for a long time. Her mind was in uproar, she wanted to just _do_ something. People should know he was still alive, he deserved recognition for his efforts during the war. She was going to find him tomorrow and talk to him.

The logical part of Hermione’s brain knew that this was ridiculous. He had probably run over the hills and far away after she’d left the pharmacy, and if not, he would definitely not tolerate her simply walking up to him to start a conversation. Logical Hermione also knew that, even if she brought up the courage to speak to him, he’d be butchering that courage within seconds.

But she was tired, and whichever part of her brain was responsible for her thinking at this stage, it told her that at least he deserved to know that she was happy that he was alive, and that she was impressed with all the work he had done during the war as well as here in France. With these thoughts circulating in her head she fell asleep.

The morning couldn’t come quickly enough. Hermione woke up several times during the night, checking if it was time to get up yet. She was wound up, the sensation not being dissimilar to what she felt before she’d be travelling or having an exam the next day. When she finally decided to get up around seven thirty it was still dark outside. She felt a little bit silly about being so binged up, but she couldn’t help it. Armita had proposed that Hermione should come to the pharmacy around eleven. She could have a look at a selection of their rarer potion ingredients that Armita would put together for her.

She showered and by the time she was ready to leave it was just after eight. Enough time for a short trip into the muggle world before the Nancys would expect her. Grabbing her bag, she left the hotel to apparate to Geneva.

She landed in the same spot that she had left yesterday, very near the café where she had met Clemency. She decided to head there, it was nice and cosy, had free internet and the coffee was excellent. After ordering an americano and a tasty looking pastry she settled herself in a corner and got her laptop out of her beaded handbag. She started googling, and her speculations around Snape’s pseudonym were quickly confirmed.

Lucius Septimus Severus Augustus was a Roman emperor and founder of the Severan dynasty. Chuckling inwardly Hermione closed the browser and got her new _Rare Alpine Herbs and their use in Medicinal Potions_ out of her bag. She planned on lending it to Penny Haywood and she wanted to give her a collection of some of those rare ingredients with it. She started reading and compiled a list.

A while later she noticed someone else coming into the café and when she raised her head to have a quick look she nearly chocked on her coffee. It was Snape.

He was wrapped in a plain, black muggle coat that was quite similar to the frock she remembered him in. She could tell he was still tall and lean, but not as gaunt and lanky as he used to be.

Merlin’s beard, he looked so strange. She couldn’t help but furrow her brows a bit. She wasn’t sure whether that beard and hairstyle did him much good or not. He had never been pleasant to look at, but now it was just weird. Not because it was more or less ugly, but she just couldn’t cope with him looking so…. well, so unlike himself.

She could still hardly believe that it was Severus Snape. A part of her mind was going completely nuts, trying to connect all the pieces together. He had been dead, but now he had to be recategorized as not-dead. He was as loathsome as ever and he was still working with potions, but he lived undercover, kind of.

She was so busy with sorting out her thoughts that she noticed too late that she was staring at him and he was staring back.

“Enjoying the view?” It was a frighteningly familiar drawl.

Hermione opened her mouth as he walked towards her table but didn’t know what to say.

“Stop gaping like a fish, it doesn’t become you.”

He crossed his arms in front of his chest, the lack of teaching robes did not lessen the effect that this movement had on her.

“It is really you, isn’t it?”, she breathed.

He raised one of his eyebrows in response.

“Professor Snape”, she added unnecessarily, immediately wanting to slap herself in the face. Unfortunately, he proceeded to do exactly that for her, metaphorically.

“Unless I am having a nightmare”, he scowled, “-and believe me, seeing you makes me wonder if I do - I am not your professor anymore.”

“What would you like me to call you then? Prince?”, Hermione snapped.

Snape simply ignored her and nodded towards the book and the list on the table.

“What do you think of it?”

Hermione sighed. At least that question didn’t sound malicious.

“I am neither an expert in herbology nor in potions, but based on what I have read so far it is very informative.”

She tried to sound casual, hiding how completely at odds she felt having a conversation with him.

“It is in three volumes. The second volume is on poisons and antidotes and the third volume is on specific magical effect potions”, he explained very Snape-like.

Hermione examined the first few pages in search for the other titles. Her eyes widened instantly when they discovered something else.

“You wrote all of them?” _Hermione, you idiot. He’s a potions master._ “Of course you wrote all of them.”

His expression was bored and he took a step towards the table to put his cup of coffee down. Noticing the movement out of the corner of her eye, her hand instinctively twitched a tiny bit towards her wand. He cocked one eyebrow.

“Itching for a duel in a café again, Miss Granger? After all these years?”

An ice-cold shudder ran over Hermione and made her hair stand on end. Her face went completely blank, only her nostrils were slightly flared. But what tipped her over the edge, was his smug expression at her reaction. She could tell he was pleased that he had hit a sensitive nerve.

“That was completely uncalled for.” She put as much harshness into her words as possible, which was very easy in her current state. “Especially from someone in _your_ current situation.”

To her shock he smiled at that. It was more like a grimace but at least he didn’t look like he was going to curse her right there and then. She on the other hand, felt very much like cursing him to the moon.

“Would you like to elaborate?” His gestures and facial expression feigned ignorance.

“No.”

“What a novelty. The importunate know-it-all Granger will not take the opportunity to be ever so eloquent. This might not be a nightmare after all.”

“I am glad to hear that you think it possible I could be the object of your dreams.”

She did not know where this came from and felt a sudden rush of panic. However, the expression on Snape’s face was priceless. He looked utterly taken aback.

Her response to his silence was the same faked ignorance that he had mockingly portrayed just a few moments earlier.

Yes, this was good. She wasn’t going to take any of his jibes.

To her surprise he pulled a chair out and sat down opposite of her, leaning back and crossing his arms in front of his chest. They stared at one another for a good few minutes. He clearly tried to glare her into capitulation, but she wasn’t going to back off. This was ridiculous and she knew that he knew it was, too.

When he finally spoke his demeanour was as icy as always.

“What are you doing here?”

“Nothing.” _For God’s sake, why is it that you do not think before you speak today, Hermione?_ “I didn’t plan on coming here. Not to Arraxy anyway. I was in Geneva for work.”

He considered her for a moment and seemingly accepted her answer as truthful.

“What is work?”, he continued enquiring, not portraying anything on his face.

It was fair enough, Hermione thought. He had presumably been hiding here for ten years and had now been discovered. He wanted to know what she was doing here.

“I was invited to give a guest lecture at the university.”

“I have worked that much out myself.” His tone was spiteful. She glared at him.

“Why are you asking then?”

“Whilst it is known to happen, it is not usual for a witch or wizard to desire to a career in the muggle world, and the last time I met you…“ He paused there for a moment, the memory evoking a distasteful scowl on his face. “… The last time I met you, you were still a witch.” His eyes were piercing her ruthlessly.

Bending her head, she rubbed both her eyes with the palms of her hands, stalling for time but mainly because she realised he was trying to invade her mind.

She wasn’t going to tell him the real reason for her choice of career, but she also didn’t want to lie to him. He would realise that very quickly anyway and she didn’t dare imagine what would happen if he snapped.

She tried to imagine what she would feel like in his position. He was worried she would call him out, she determined. And he tried to cover it up with spite. He was bold enough to use Legilimens on her, and whilst normally, she would have torn him off a strip, she could understand his motives in this situation.

Thinking quickly, she resolved to be civil with him, even though he wasn’t. Lifting her head she stared him right in the eye, hoping to convey that she was being honest and that there was no need to butcher through her mind.

“I have a mastery in Charms but I decided I would like to study in the muggle world too, as it is where I am from. I have been awarded a doctorate from Oxford two years ago. My muggle research field is cultural anthropology, specifically identity and nationalism. Many muggle subjects are quite relevant and also applicable to the wizarding world, and I find my muggle research lets me understand and relate to the events of the wizarding world in a different way.”

He studied her for a few moments. Feeling like she needed to explain herself further, she started talking again.

“I met Clemency Nancy after the guest lecture I held. Here in this café actually. It was a mere coincidence, I hadn’t planned to turn this into a magical trip.”

“Do you see a connection between anthropology and Charms as a subject?”

She was surprised at his question and a little bit suspicious. But on the other hand, people were rarely interested in her studies. She smiled and started bobbing in her seat.

“Not very clearly as of yet. It is my current research project. It is undeniable that the use of magic has a vast influence on human behaviour and the existence of wizarding communities is a living document of it. Another point is that wizards experience inclusion by segregation from Muggles.”

Snape watched her but she didn’t notice. She was too caught up in her explanation.

“The problem I have with determining the specific role charm work has in this scenario, is that I can only do theoretical work. It is impossible to make a group execute their magic in every way but charm work on a long term basis. Witches and wizards that give up magic completely put themselves at a high emotional risk. But trying to refrain from doing only one type of magic could possibly result in extremely dangerous outbursts of magic in the other fields.”

She sighed heavily, realising that she came to that dead point again that she always encountered when working on this topic. She noticed that he watched her and felt a bit silly for talking too much.

“I am sorry. I am very invested in my work.”

She rolled her shoulders. How did this happen? Why was she discussing her work with Snape?

“An unbreakable, oafish Gryffindor habit.” He shook his head.

“Excuse me? Are you trying to say -” She was about to take proper offence when he cut her off.

“Unnecessary apologies, Miss Granger. Typically Gryffindor. Only shallow-brained people are sorry for their interests. Don’t be. I can appreciate that it is a rather interesting and difficult theory that you are working on.”

Hermione looked at him warily. The Professor Snape she knew would have never said anything like this. It was very near to a compliment, if one considered Snape’s standards.

“Personally, I think you have your answer already”, he added.

She tilted her head slightly, implying she wanted him to explain.

“Think, Miss Granger. But not now.”

He sat up a bit straighter in his chair, and Hermione was baffled. How did he make her talk so much about her.

 _Well, he didn’t_ , she thought. _He asked you a simple question and you started spouting like an overly full teapot, just waiting to be tipped._

He pointed his finger at the book again.

“What did you get that for? Whilst it wouldn’t surprise me, I don’t believe you study potions in addition to everything else.” The corner of his mouth twitched familiarly. “You never had a _true_ talent for it.” The smug sneer on his face from earlier was back.

Trying to ignore this snide remark but being hardly able to, she sat up straighter as well.

“One doesn’t need to have a _true_ talent for something to be interested in it”, she answered coolly. Before he could say anything else she decided it was her turn for questions.

“Why are _you_ here?”

“That is none of your business.” He leant back and crossed his arms again.

“I believe it is”, she retorted, actively leaning further forward, challenging him.

He abruptly moved towards her, mirroring her position.

“What would you like to hear?”, he snarled. “Or rather, what do your little friends want to hear?”

“I have not told any of them”, she answered with a pained expression in her eyes.

“Not yet”, he returned. 

“Believe it or not, but you are not everybody’s object of interest”, she snapped.

He turned up his nose in disgust.

“You are, for some unfortunate reason, incapable of letting me live my life in piece. I am clearly an object of your obnoxious ardour of discovery.” His voice was a dangerous growl now.

“You were the one sitting down here with me!”, she argued with a slightly raised voice. The tension between them increased drastically, and both of them sent forth little sparks of angry magic.

“Because you couldn’t restrain yourself from staring holes in my back!”

It was rather unfortunate that they were in a public muggle café, or perhaps it was a good thing, as it stopped their discussion form becoming to heated.

“This is ridiculous.”

She stared at him and shook her head. A moment later she got up and took her things. Heading towards the door to leave, she paused. She turned around and saw him looking at her haughtily.

“I am not going to tell anybody.”

His expression didn’t change and she left the café.

When she apparated to Arraxy she had calmed down considerably. She wasn’t going to let this get the better of her and maybe Snape wasn’t as opposed to seeing her as he pretended to be. Yes, he had been remarkably loathsome this morning, but a feeling in her gut told her that he simply had not expected to see any familiar faces and didn’t know how to deal with it. It was not an excuse to be as cruel as he was, but she knew that behaviour of him and tried to ignore it. She was probably just imagining it anyway, he seemed positively negative about their encounter.

Walking down the main street to the pharmacy she was in deep thought about how to proceed. She couldn’t just let this go. He did so much for everyone during the war. She felt bad for him. She didn’t pity him, but she felt upset on his behalf. He had been used and when he was considered dead nobody wasted much thought over him anymore. Harry, Ron and herself included. They hadn’t even thought about his body anymore.

She suddenly felt deeply ashamed. They watched him die and left. Yes, it was a battle, but they also never came back for his body. It was no wonder he was lashing out at her.

She entered the pharmacy and was immediately drawn into a conversation with Armita.

“Come on, in here!”

She led Hermione into the room behind the counter. It was very large and divided into different areas by work benches.

“You remember Septimus?”

Armita nodded towards Snape who was reading through some notes in one of the many corners of the room.

“Yes”, she replied. “I do.”

She was surprised to see him. She didn’t expect him to be here, as she had just left him an hour earlier in Geneva. She smiled quickly at him but looked away before she could see his short nod. He furrowed his brows and turned away.

“Hi, Hermione!”, she heard a familiar voice.

Clemency was brewing something that let off yellow fumes. Snape stalked over to her and made a harsh comment, silencing her immediately. Hermione was reminded of her school days and felt sorry for Clemency, but the girl didn’t seem too care. She was probably used to it.

Armita noticed the short exchange and whispered: “Never mind his mood. Merlin knows what’s tied a knot in his wand this morning.”

Hermione tried to smile at her but wasn’t very successful. She knew exactly what or rather who had tied a knot in his wand.

“Now, dear.”

Armina rubbed her hands and walked towards a large shelf that looked like it might fall over any moment. She pulled out several boxes and baskets and placed them on the table. They worked through Hermione’s list and she ended up buying about half the ingredients she had written down. Even though Armita insisted on giving her a discount, they were still rather expensive. But Hermione got along well with Penny and thought it was worth it.

“When are you leaving again?”, Armita inquired.

“I’ve got a job interview tomorrow, so I was going to leave soon.”

“What’s the job?” Armita was wrapping up Hermione’s things.

“It’s a teaching position. Charms.”

“How nice, I wish you good luck! I tell you what…” Armita opened a drawer and got out a small bit of parchment and a quill. “Write down your address so we can stay in touch.” Hermione wrote down her London address and they left the room shortly afterwards. She threw a quick glance back over her shoulder at Snape. He seemed completely preoccupied with some papers on his worktop, absently turning his wand with his fingers. She wondered if he had followed their conversation.

_Of course, he has. He was a spy._

She bid Clemency and Armita farewell, after they had agreed that she would come for a week during summer break and visit them. She left the shop and turned around to look at it for a minute.

This was where Severus Snape lived a peaceful life. No megalomaniacs playing ping pong with him, no dim-witted gossip sheets writing about him, nobody throwing him suspicious glances, and no war. He deserved it, more than anything else.

She wouldn’t tell anybody about him, and she decided that she wasn’t in a position to force him to speak to her or anyone. She never told him that she was happy he was alive or that she was impressed with all the he’d done and is still doing in France. She sighed. Turning on the spot, she disapparated with a quiet pop. 


	3. Chapter 3

TILTED CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS

Hermione entered the Three Brooksticks. She could see Penny and Ron sitting at a table in the far corner and she walked over to them.

“Hello Hermione!” Penny got up and hugged her and then gave her a quick once-over. “Look at your rosy cheeks.” She smiled at her. “How was your trip to Geneva?”

“It was lovely, thanks! Hi Ron.”

She gave him a huge smile and he got up to greet her too. They hadn’t seen one another in a while.

“Good to see you Mione.” He grinned and then wildly gestured towards the bar. “ Shall I get you a butterbeer?”

“I think some lemonade would do. I have an interview after all.”

She thanked him as he went off to get her a drink.

“I am so happy you’re taking the job, it will be great to have you around!” Penny clapped her hands together in delight and they sat down.

“I am going for an interview, I haven’t been offered the job yet”, she reminded her friend whilst taking off her coat.

“Poppycock! I told you, Minerva has been talking to Filius about offering you the job for months. She has even offered it to you once before, if I remember correctly?”

“Well, yes…”

Hermione felt a little bit uncomfortable. She had been offered the position after she finished her mastery under Professor Flitwick, but she had declined, as she had just started her doctoral thesis then. At least that was the official reason. In reality it had all been too much for her, and she just wanted a break from the wizarding world.

“But they might not give it to me this time. There are plenty of qualified witches and wizards, and I have already declined the offer once. I am surprised they invited me. Do you know who else applied?”

“Yes, but I am not allowed to tell.” Penny looked apologetically.

“Oh, yes of course. I’m sorry.”

“But technically I am allowed to tell you who got invited for an interview”, she whispered with a mischievous smile on her face.

“No don’t. It’s not correct. That’s basically the same”, Hermione said immediately.

“Not if nobody else got invited.”

Hermione looked surprised. “Penny, you shouldn’t have...”

“Well…” She took a sip of her butterbeer and smiled. “I didn’t tell you who else applied.”

Ron joined them again and handed Hermione her drink. He quickly noticed the disapproving look on her face and began laughing.

Turning to Penny he said: “You told her, didn’t you?”

The two of them laughed and Hermione soon joined in. They started talking about Hermione’s trip to France and how she discovered Arraxy. She deliberately didn’t mention her encounter with Snape.

“Oh, Mione, before I forget”, Ron started. “Harry asked me to let you know that he had a look at Snape’s files. He was going to call into your place today, but he forgot you had an interview. You can just tell him tonight.”

Hermione completely forgot about that and a faint feeling of discomfort rose in her.

“Oh, that…”, she said nonchalantly.

“Yeah, what’s the story with that?” Ron seemed a little bit sceptical.

“Nothing, really.” She tried to sound casual. “I need to tell Harry it’s fine. I was just being a little bit paranoid, that’s all.”

Ron nodded.

“Right. It was a bloody scary sight…”, he said gloomily, shaking his head. Trying immediately to lift the spirits, he continued: “Wouldn’t surprise me at all if he’d be ghosting around scaring the bejesus out of his former students.”

They all laughed, Hermione not so much at the comment itself than at the way he said it. She was so happy that everything had worked out nicely between her and Ron, she wouldn’t want to miss him in her life. He just knew how to cheer everyone up.

“I should get going.” She got up and put her coat on. “Wish me luck!”

“You’ll be fine!”, Ron and Penny said simultaneously.

“Come to our place once you’re done, right? Harry and Ginny are coming too”, Penny reminded her.

Hermione nodded and waved them goodbye as she left the Three Broomsticks.

Walking up the path to Hogwarts she started feeling a little bit nostalgic. For every bad thing that had happened here there were a hundred or more good memories that immediately popped into her mind.

She hadn’t always thought like this. She had barely managed to finish her mastery, before she had a break down an decided to leave the magical world behind for a while. She had finished her studies within three years, but she could have been much quicker had she not suffered so much from the traumas the war had given her.

She hadn’t been able to look at the castle walls anymore without seeing pictures flash in front of her inner eye, she hadn’t even wanted to pick up her wand anymore. So she had left. 

Hermione stopped at the crossroads, looking downhill at the Shrieking Shack. He had died there, or rather nearly died there. She couldn’t believe he was alive, the sound of his voice had frozen the blood in her veins.

Looking at the old building she had to calm her mind. If she gave in to the mental pressure, she would smell the blood, the fire and the agony of that night. The memory of him bleeding out on the wooden floor was still vivid, when she allowed herself to think of it.

A sudden anger rushed over her. Why did they not simply tear the whole building down?

_Calm down._

He was alive now and happy. There was no need to be upset on his behalf, it wasn’t like she had been upset about it anytime during the last ten years. Turning her back towards the Shrieking Shack she looked up at Hogwarts.

It was beautiful. The sun was standing low and made the roofs look like they were on fire. She was nervous about entering the castle. Could she stand it? She remembered how she would come here three times a week to do her training under Professor Flitwick. That was over five years ago now. Minerva had known about her post-war struggles. The headmistress had wanted to employ her straight after her mastery, but realised that Hermione couldn’t stand it any longer.

She had never left her friends behind, of course, and she hadn’t given up magic completely, but she had needed the time off. She needed to reconnect with her parents, with her heritage, and with herself. There had been a time, when she had seriously considered that a muggle lifestyle with the odd use of magic might be good for her.

However, when she received Minerva’s letter inviting her for an interview, she felt a calling, strong and passionate throbbing in her chest. She was an extraordinary witch, she needed to live it, and she knew if she wasn’t ready to fully return now, she’d never be.

When Hermione arrived at the gate, she was surprised to see Hagrid waiting there.

“Mione!” His familiar and friendly voice nearly made her heart burst. “Good ter see ya!”

He pulled her in for a hug and naturally there was no way to escape it.

“Professur McGonagall sent me ter fetch ya.”

“Well, if there was a person I could have asked for to pick me up, it would have been you anyway!” She smiled up at the half giant. “Good to see you too, Hagrid. How are you?”

“Me? I’m fine!” He laughed his full and warm Hagrid-laugh. “Don’t be goin’ on about me. Ye’r soon to be a professur, ‘ermione! And I have ter tell ya, I’m not surprised! I knew it from the day you walked in ‘ere!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Hagrid”, she laughed.

“I’m to’ally serious!”

They made their way up into the castle and to Professor McGonagall’s office. Hermione knew that the headmistress had kept Professor Dumbledore’s tradition of sweet related passwords, but they didn’t need one as they saw Professors McGonagall and Flitwick coming towards them from the other end of the corridor.

“Hermione, how wonderful to see you!”, Professor McGonagall greeted her by putting a hand on her shoulder.

“I am happy to see you too, professors.”

She nodded at the both of them.

“Oh, for Merlin’s thrice long beard. Will you ever stop calling me that?”

She sounded stern, but Hermione knew her former professor well enough to hear the kindness in her words.

“I will do my best, it’s hard to break old habits”, she answered smiling.

“Thank you so much for your time, Hagrid”, Professor McGonagall said.

“Nothin’ ter thank me for, professur! Talk ter ya la’er, Mione!”

They had a lovely chat in the headmistress’s office. Apparently there were a few changes made to the staff at Hogwarts. Professor Flitwick had been Deputy Head since after the war, but they only recently decided to restructure the school’s governing board. The Deputy would no longer be head of any house and Professor Flitwick had wanted to reduce his hours for a few years now, Hermione recalled.

“You might remember Miss Penelope Clearwater. She will be starting with you in September as the new Head of Ravenclaw and History of Magic teacher”, Flitwick explained.

“With me?”, Hermione asked surprised.

“Yes, of course. That is if you want to accept the position offered to you”, Professor McGonagall looked at her over the rim of her glasses.

Hermione couldn’t believe her luck and nodded happily. “Yes, of course. Thank you so much, professor.”

Professor McGonagall pursed her lips. “Now, if you won’t stop calling me that, I will have to reconsider.”

“I am sorry. I will be doing my best. Thank you, Minerva, Filius.”

She nodded at the other professor too. It felt weird, saying their names. It was a bit too casual, but she guessed that was how it would be from now on. She would be on casually professional terms with the professors she had admired and looked up to for most of her life. 

She was bouncing as she walked through the castle corridors to make her way back to Hogsmeade. She felt safe and at home, just like she had felt when she first arrived. She felt that she belonged here.

“I knew you would get the job.”

Hermione turned around at the familiar voice.

“Hi Luna!”

She walked back and gave her friend a tight hug.

“I thought the libspats were buzzing rather loudly”, Luna explained but Hermione couldn’t really follow her. “I can’t wait to tell Neville.”

Luna’s master training in Transfiguration under Professor McGonagall had overlapped with Hermione’s training by one year. She had accepted the post of transfiguration teacher after working for the ministry for a few years, replacing Professor Woodworth, a lovely but aged lady sent by the ministry to cover for Professor McGonagall. Luna has held the post for three years now and Neville, who was teaching herbology for five years already, had become Head of Gryffindor after Professor Woodworth left.

“Ron invited us to go down to them for dinner too, but we’re on duty tonight. I hope your libspats won’t be hanging around much longer. They’re so noisy, we won’t be able to hear if anyone is out of bed.” 

Hermione smiled.

“I am sorry about that.” She wasn’t sure what Luna was talking about, but when had that ever been the case.

She made her way down to the castle gates, talking to Hagrid for a couple of minutes and promising him to come by for tea sometime soon.

Dinner at Ron and Penny’s was great. Hermione gave Penny the book, explaining she had put a translation charm on it and putting heavy emphasis on that she would be coming back for it in a week. She handed her the magically miniaturised packet of rare ingredients from France and was glad to see that Penny liked the gift.

“If you don’t mind, I will make copies of the pages that include descriptions to some of the ingredients you got me. I won’t be able to memorise all of it like you do!” Penny laughed.

The only thing that made Hermione a little bit jittery was when Harry reminded her about Snape’s ministry file.

“They never actually found his body”, he said, looking at her carefully.

“Oh.” Hermione tried to appear apprehensive, but casual.

“They think some Death Eaters found it at the end or after the battle and … you know… payed their tributes.”

From the sound of Harry’s voice, Hermione could tell that he didn’t imply anything nice by using the word ‘tribute’. 

“That sounds horrible but is probably not far-fetched.”

She felt truly bad, thinking for some reason she was discrediting Snape by making it sound like that it was what must have happened to him. However, it helped making Harry believe she wasn’t really thinking about the topic anymore. In reality, it was a constant thought in her head.

After dinner, Harry, Ginny and Hermione apparated back to London. Hermione went inside Grimmauld Place with them to pick up some pie that Mrs Weasley had left there for her earlier today.

“Dinner for tomorrow sorted.” Harry grinned at her and she left shortly afterwards, deciding to take the Tube and train to clear her mind.

Why was she so upset about everything that concerned Snape? She wanted them to tear down that horrible building, she hated how they decided that a bunch of lunatics had defiled his dead body and she still felt guilty about herself for not giving this any thought earlier.

_But he is happy now. Just let it go._

Hermione got off the train and made her way home. The area was predominantly muggle, but she had noticed some magic on occasion. She shared the house with another young woman, the flats were two separate entities and Hermione lived upstairs.

It had the perfect size; a living room, small kitchen, bathroom and office that also worked as a guest room on the first floor, and a bedroom and en-suite bathroom upstairs under the roof.

It was easy to keep it cool during the summer, using a simple spell, and buying the upstairs flat had saved her a big chunk of money compared to the one on the ground-floor. 

She went straight to bed that evening, but she didn’t sleep well. Crookshanks was still with her parents and she missed his warm body lying across her legs.

Her dreams were vivid, partly ridiculous and partly vile. She met Snape in a fancy French bakery buying some baguette; Harry visited her at Hogwarts storming into her very first class and shouting that they had found Snape’s body, but he had been chopped into bits and they couldn’t find one of his arms; and worst off all, Penny had spilled a potion over her book and had tried to repair it by handwriting some of the damaged passages with an auto-answer quill.

The next few weeks were rather unspectacular.

Hermione sent some research articles to muggle and magic papers that frequently published her, and she did a couple of guest lectures in Manchester and Bristol. She picked up her book from Penny and they had coffee with Luna and Neville the same day, as well as on a couple of more occasions. There had been a big gathering at the Burrow for Ron’s birthday and on the second of May they all went to a massive event at the ministry for the tenth anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. Nobody had really looked forward to it, but it turned out to be a rather enjoyable event. 

She also visited Harry and Ginny usually once a week, giving them a hand with the children for a couple of hours, as Ginny had just had their third baby in October.

She spent a lot of time with her parents, who lived a little bit further outside of London. Once Hermione had restored their memories, they had decided to come back to England, but they had bought a new home. It was a lovely detached house in a nice residential area and it also facilitated their new dentistry.

Hermione and her mother had started going to the local gym together for yoga classes. To her own surprise, Hermione really enjoyed it. They usually went in the morning, heading to a café close by afterwards.

“Don’t be sad, Mum. I’ll have a lot more opportunities to leave the castle as a teacher. I’ll come and see you and Daddy.”

“I know, I know.” Jane Granger tried not to look too upset. “It’s just…. It won’t be like this.” She waved her hand between them, where two cups of coffee stood on the table, to express what she meant. She smiled at Hermione.

“I am extremely happy for you, honey. I am just worried…” She looked at Hermione thoughtfully. “You were so… well, you know what it was like when you returned to us. I don’t want you to ever feel like that again.”

Hermione squeezed her mother’s hand.

“It’ll be alright, mum.”

“Just promise me to come down from time to time.”

Hermione laughed.

“From time to time? I had rather hoped to turn up every weekend and have you do my laundry.”

“Well, if that is so… you better stay up there and don’t come outside of Christmas and summer holidays!”

Picking up their yoga mats they left the café and Hermione headed to the Tube to get home. She entered the house and picked up the muggle post that was left for her on the floor in the tiny, narrow hallway. Walking up the stairs to her flat she examined the letters; two bills and one unfamiliar looking envelope with her name and address handwritten on it.

She greeted Crookshanks who made it very obvious that he was not pleased at all with being left alone in the flat all morning.

She picked him up and ruffled his fur. Walking into the kitchen she placed the letters on the table and with the cat still on her arm, she poured some milk into his bowl.

“I am sorry, Crooks. You know I don’t like you being out and about in London. What would I do if you got run over by a car or locked up in someone else’s house?”

Crookshanks still looked displeased. If Hermione would have had to guess, she’d have said he was trying to tell her how stupid he thought this was. He was a half-Kneazle and he would be ruling London if he’d be let loose.

“How about I drop you off at mum and dad’s again soon. It’s much safer there for you.”

She let him back down and turned her attention to the post again, opening the unfamiliar letter.

_Miss Granger,_

_As I am lacking essential ingredients for my potions, I’ve been informed that you bought some of the last batches._

_I thought you might find these useful, or at least interesting. You can keep them._

_I hope your interview went well._

_S.S. Prince_

Hermione couldn’t believe her own eyes. She hadn’t been thinking about him in quite a while now and she had to sit down and read the letter several times, before realisation dawned upon her.

Severus Snape had sent her a letter. A normal, stamped muggle letter.

She quickly checked the envelope and found two miniature books, each one no bigger than half the size of a bank card. Turning them around in her hand, she couldn’t feel any magic coming from them. He’d used a non-traceable shrinking charm.

Tapping them once with her wand they expanded to full size. They were the two other volumes on rare Alpine herbs. She opened one of them and read a hand-written note scribbled on a piece of parchment.

_Congratulations, you spotted a non-spottable shrinking charm. Four years of mastery were not wasted on you._

She rolled her eyes but had to smile. She was mature enough by now to realise that this wasn’t a jibe at her. Mocking her on her master subject was a very Slytherin way of complimenting her.

She took the two books and walked down the very short corridor into her little office. Sitting down at the desk she began to read the volume on general potions. A couple of hours later she had created copies of some pages that she was going to give to Penny next week.

What should she do about this letter now?

She sighed and got up to make herself a cup of tea and cut a melon. She should write a letter back to Snape, thanking him for the books. She couldn’t send him a muggle letter though, as they obviously didn’t deliver to wizarding settlements.

Walking into her living room she threw some Floo powder into her fireplace and called for the kitchen at Grimmauld Place.

“Harry?”

For some reason she was always asking for him, it was a habit she couldn’t stop even though Ginny was her best friend, too.

“Hermione?” Ginny answered. “How are you? Harry is at work.”

“Hi, Ginny. I’m fine thanks. How are you?”

“All good. Is anything the matter?”

“I was wondering if Pig is able to do long distance flights. I meant to send a letter to France for ages.”

That wasn’t untrue, she was going to write to the Nancys as well.

“His name is _Pigwidgeon_ ”, Ginny huffed. “I don’t think he’s strong enough to make it all the way to the French Alps”, she added apologetically.

“No problem, Gin. I’ll go to Diagon Alley and see if I can send it from there.”

She hadn’t expected that the little owl would be able to do the trip.

“Why don’t you come into our shop and use one of our owls, Hermione?”

“George?”

Hermione was surprised to hear him speak.

“The One and Only. Just come in and we’ll get you sorted.” He popped into view and smiled at her. “They’re used to international deliveries.”

“That would be amazing. Thanks, George. Can I come later today? Will you be around?”

“Sure, just heading back there now anyway.”

He gave her a quick wave and disappeared.

“Do you want to come over for drinks and chats tonight?” Ginny asked.

“Alright, say eight?”

“Perfect.”

Hermione sat at her kitchen table ruffling Crookshanks on her lap whilst staring at a blank piece of paper. She had already written the letter to Armita but she didn’t know what to say to Snape. She didn’t even know how to address him. Sighing in annoyance she put her pen down and got up to make herself a cup of tea, Crookshanks meowing in protest and wandering off into the living room.

Whilst she waited for the kettle to boil, she looked out her kitchen window into the tiny back garden that belonged to the ground floor flat. There was also a nice little conservatory attached to the house and Hermione was always a tiny bit jealous that she didn’t have one.

After pouring the tea, she sat back down and picked up her pen again.

_~~Mr Prince,~~ _

No, definitely not. She wasn’t going to address him like that. To her, he was still Snape, professor or not.

~~Professor Snape,~~

_~~Mr Snape,~~ _

No, that didn’t work either. What if the letter got into the wrong hands, or was even just seen by Guillaume or Armita?

“Screw this, who needs to be addressed anyway”, she murmured to herself.

_Thank you very much for the books, I really appreciate it. It wouldn’t be the first time that you are missing potion ingredients because of me, I had to keep up the tradition. I did however acquire them legally this time._

Could she really write that? She wondered if he knew about the rule breaking during her second year. He must do, and if he didn’t… well, this would give him something to think about at least. Shrugging her shoulders, she decided she might as well. He was in a whole different country and she wouldn’t have to face him.

_Penny Haywood is teaching potions at Hogwarts now and she was very interested in a number of preparation techniques outlined in Volume Three, she plans on using some of the material in class._

_The interview went very well, thank you for asking. I will be starting in the position from September._

_Guillaume mentioned the new legislations regarding the wolfsbane potion. Congratulations on this achievement. I hope everything is going according to plan._

_Hermione Granger_

Deciding that this would have to do, or she would drive herself nuts over it, she folded the paper and sealed the envelope. She left the house and walked down the street towards the park. It was the best place for apparition, because she could simply turn between the trees and vanish without looking too suspicious. She had thought about lifting the apparition ban from her house but deemed it safer to just leave them in place and simply accept the short walk. Most of the time, she took the tube anyway, it gave her some time to read or she would stop on the way to pick up food. Quickly checking her surroundings, she turned on the spot and disappeared with a quiet pop.

She appeared in front of Ollivander’s. For some reason that was always the place she thought of first when apparating to Diagon Alley. It was a sunny day and she made her way to the Weasley’s shop.

“Hello Hermione! George just went to Gringotts, he should be back at any moment.”

A young, dark haired man stood behind the counter and smiled at her. It was Roger Davies, a Ravenclaw who was two years above her. They had dated for two years before they broke up.

“It’s ok, I’ll just wait here until he’s back.”

“How are you?”, Roger asked her. “I heard you’re going to teach Charms at Hogwarts from September?”

Hermione felt extremely uncomfortable. She had broken up with Roger when she had decided that she wouldn’t pursue a magical career. Roger had had little understanding for her decision, constantly telling her that she shouldn’t waist her magical talent on muggle studies. She didn’t think she had waisted anything, and because she had been struggling with her life overall, she had called it quits with him. He hadn’t deserved it, she thought now. He had just tried to support her.

“Yes, I am”, she replied to his earlier question.

He gave her a smile but didn’t say anything else.

Roger had a mastery in Charms as well. He had worked in America for a few years after they had broken up but had decided to come back to England. He had recently joined Ron and George’s business, where he developed the charms behind some of their products and looked after their international business connections.

Just when he took a breath to address her again, George came back into the shop. He carried a cage with a rather big dark grey owl. He held it out to her and smiled.

“I named him George the Mighty. He will only listen to that name and I’ve been told he likes nectarines. Go on, take him.”

Hermione took the cage and noticed it was incredibly heavy. She looked at George, her face a mixture of questions and disbelief.

“A gift from me to you. Congratulations on your new position, professor!”

Nothing she said could stop George from insisting that she keep the bird and so she left a few minutes later, only carrying an empty case because George had simply let the owl out and sent it to Hermione’s flat.

She decided to send the letter to the Nancys from the post office. She thought it wiser to send both letters separately.

When she arrived back home, George sat outside her kitchen window. He was an incredibly big owl and she’d have to think about magically creating a nook for him to sit in. She sat down and added a line to the letter.

_P.S. His name is George and he likes nectarines_.

“I hope you don’t mind me sending you all the way to France for your first trip.”

The bird looked at her but didn’t move at all. If she would have to attach an adjective to it, she’d even call him arrogant.

“Once you’re back, I will have been to the shop and you can have a whole pack of nectarines.”

The owl still didn’t seem to care. _Well, of course he doesn’t. He’s a bird._

She watched him fly away and couldn’t quite help the pleasant feeling of anticipation that creeped up on her. 


	4. Chapter 4

DANCING IN THE DARK RUTH MOODY

It was late in the evening and Severus had stopped working on his current batch of wolfsbane potion an hour ago. It needed to rest for thirty-six hours at this stage and he had tidied up the work room and retired for the night.

His flat could be accessed via a staircase that led from the brewing room of the pharmacy upstairs. The Nancys lived on the second and third floors and the first floor was mainly storage space for the pharmacy. His flat took up only about a third of the floor. It had three rooms, a decent sized living area with kitchen, a small bedroom and a tiny bathroom.

He did also have a small balcony and when he heard a quiet hoot and looked up, he saw a rather large bird sitting on the handrail.

The door stood wide open to let the fresh spring air into his flat, but the bird didn’t come in. He put down his book and got up.

“You’re a very well behaved one”, he addressed the owl, but he didn’t recognise it. “What do you have there?”

He took the envelope and went to get a biscuit for the bird, but the owl wouldn’t take it.

Severus nodded appreciatingly. “I’m not too fond of those either. Wait and I’ll get you something else.”

The envelope didn’t say his name on it and for a moment he thought the bird might have just come to the wrong place. He turned around and looked at the owl again. It seemed very sure of itself, sitting there quietly and watching him. He decided to open the letter.

_Thank you very much for the books, I really appreciate it. It wouldn’t be the first time that you are missing potion ingredients because of me, I had to keep up the tradition. I did however acquire them legally this time._

_Penny Haywood is teaching potions at Hogwarts now and she was very interested in a number of preparation techniques outlined in Volume Three, she plans on using some of the material in class._

_The interview went very well, thank you for asking. I will be starting in the position from September._

_Guillaume mentioned the new legislations regarding the wolfsbane potion. Congratulations on this achievement. I hope everything is going according to plan._

_Hermione Granger_

_P.S. His name is George and he likes nectarines_.

She had actually bothered to reply to him. He didn’t want her to reply, he hadn’t even wanted to send her a letter in the first place. But he did. And she replied.

Judging by the impudent way she had phrased her letter, she probably thought she’d have a pen pal now.

He tossed the letter on his kitchen table and pinched his nose. He had known from the first day that this was a bad idea.

He would sometimes check for public lectures or talks at universities in surrounding cities. Usually he’d stick to the ones related to chemistry or medicine, for obvious reasons, but when he had read about Dr Hermione Granger, he couldn’t help but be intrigued. It couldn’t possibly have been the eternally insufferable know-it-all Granger.

How wrong he had been.

Without shame he planted the idea in Clemency’s head to go to see Dr Granger. He didn’t need to do anything else. Experience had taught him that magic kind always recognised one another, and it would also have been too obvious to plant any more ideas in the girl’s head. Unfortunately, a few days later the brains of the damned Golden Trio came strutting into the pharmacy.

Of course, it was her. What else should he have expected. She of all people wouldn’t stop at showing off in all magical fields. She would also take over the muggle world.

The moment he had spotted her, he had simply wanted to shoot himself. He hadn’t felt such anger or pain in a long time, and he had hated it. He had hated seeing her, he had hated what it did to him. The memories it had brought up were nearly unbearable.

He was happy here in France, nothing reminded him of those terrible years. Yes, he was still thinking about it from time to time, but that was completely different. He hadn’t actually been faced with a living reminder, until that day.

He had to blame himself of course, he basically invited her to Arraxy by the way he had set things up. But he was in fact intrigued. As much as he hated thinking about the dreadful time he had in England, it was also his home. He had thought it didn’t matter much to him, but when he had read her name, he suddenly wanted to know.

What was going on in England? How did the war change the society? What was going on at Hogwarts? Who was alive, who was dead?

The castle had been his home for most of his life and he would never say it out loud, but he missed it. Since Clemency had asked him for help with potions, there had even been a couple of times when he thought that he missed teaching. He banished this notion quickly. He had never been a good teacher and he hated stupidity. Unfortunately, there was a lot of it in educational institutions. But nonetheless, it had lingered in his mind for a long time now.

A soft hoot interrupted his thoughts and he glared at the bloody bird, who glared back even more terrifyingly.

“Oh, bugger off, would you?”

But the bird just kept on staring.

“I don’t have any fucking nectarines.”

It bobbed along the handrail.

Severus let out a growl that would have had any first year wet their trousers, but this was a bird, not a student. Reluctantly, he walked over to get some strawberries from the kitchen counter. The owl accepted them gladly and took off.

He had sent the letter to her out of guilt. It was a funny feeling and it seemed to be a characteristic feature of his. He was particularly drawn to feeling guilty over things. His entire life had been structured around it for more than two decades, possibly even longer. And now little Miss Know-it-all came here, stalking around in his habitat and making him feel guilty again.

He had made her come to Arraxy, and he hadn’t been able to cope with it. Then he met her in the café, which was in fact a coincidence, and he lashed out at her at every given opportunity. To be fair, she was an easy object to tantalise, but it made him feel bad because she hadn’t actually done him any wrong.

If he had learnt anything in France it was that, even though he sometimes just couldn’t stop himself from being a bully, at least he should try and apologise.

And he did mean it. He wasn’t actively trying to be a bully, it just happened. Small things would trigger it, and it usually had the desired effect. He was left in peace if he was mean to others, so he never learnt to react differently in a taunting situation. He just started to verbally slap people, preferably below the belt, because that was the most effective way.

To even things out with her, he had sent a letter and the books. He knew she would like the gift and it didn’t require any effort on his part.

Why he asked her about her interview, he did not know. But she had given him some nice information on what was going on in Hogwarts. He started at the letter lying on the table.

_Fine, for Merlin’s sake._

He took a pen and paper and began writing.

_Miss Granger,_

_The sight of a human-cat hybrid made up for any indiscretion caused. In fact, as soon as I have been told that you had bought the last batch of saxifraga sempervivum, I have simply drawn on that memory to keep my calm._

_I hope that Miss Haywood will read the paragraph on the saxifraga before actually trying to use it in class. I have only recently discovered the incredibly rare mineral it produces, and it ails me to think about how those dim-witted creatures would waste a valuable ingredient such as this._

_The Paris Institute for Magical Mastery is hosting a symposium series during the first week of June. I believe Charms is on the list. Attendance is by invitation only. I will attach the symposium outline for the week. If you care for some of the talks related to Charms, I shall put your name on the guest list._

He did not know why he offered this. With a flick of his hand he erased the paragraph, but then made it reappear again. He did that a couple of times.

Did he really want her to come to the symposium? No. Did he want to know more about the events in Hogwarts and England? Yes. He decided to take the risk of possibly being utterly annoyed for the whole week.

_We shall be presenting research results of the wolfsbane potion, too. The proceedings have been delayed a bit, the legislations most likely will have been made public the week prior and there will be an open talk._

_S.S. Prince_

_P.S.: What a ridiculous name for a bird. He also likes strawberries._

He read over the letter again. Good heavens, it did not sound like him at all. He took the piece of paper and shoved it into the junk drawer of his kitchen table. He didn’t need to send another letter. He made up for his bad conduct in February and that was that, time to go to bed.

The next morning, he was woken by the bloody bird. He liked to keep the door open when sleeping, so the obnoxious hooting travelled from the balcony straight into his bedroom. It was only touching on dawn and the flat still lay in darkness, but Severus could make out a hint of red in the early morning sky.

He got up and walked over to the balcony, staring at the bird through the closed door. It seemed like a contest on who had the most terrifying glance. Just when Severus realised, he was having an eye fight with a stupid bird and wanted to turn around, the owl pecked against the window. He grunted and opened up. The bird did nothing more.

“What?”

Nothing. The blasted owl looked at him arrogantly _._

 _It’s a bird you dope, it can’t look arrogantly._ But it did.

Severus went and got a bowl of strawberries.

No reaction.

“This is ridiculous.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m going back to bed.”

Hoot.

“What?”, he barked.

Hoot. The owl flapped its wings.

“You are as nettlesome as your owner. Leave!”

The bird didn’t leave but remained quietly sat on the handrail.

A week had passed since Severus had received Hermione’s letter. The darn bird would turn up once or twice a day and he had simply resolved to leaving his flat and going downstairs to brew some potions, label some batches or prepare ingredients that could be pre-prepared.

He was currently filling chamomile extract into some vials to be stored away whilst Guillaume sat on a workbench going through April’s finances.

“You’re late”, Severus remarked.

“I know. It’s been a busy month.”

“We are two weeks into May.”

Guillaume huffed and put the papers down. “I need to hire someone to do it for me.”

“My offer still stands.”

“You are doing enough, Septimus. I am not going to bother that mind of yours with numbers and tedious paperwork.”

“I don’t mind it.”

He didn’t. He did the finances and stock takes at Hogwarts himself and he always thought it was a good way to get a pause from brewing, and pathetic students for that matter. It demanded the same accuracy but in a different way.

He told Guillaume that much.

“If you need a pause from brewing, please just take an actual break. Go and get some coffee, like us normal people do.” The man smiled at him.

Severus didn’t reply to that and a moment later Clemency walked into the work room.

“Hermione sent another letter. She said she might come and visit us during the second week of June. Her parents apparently have a holiday home near Grasse and are spending three weeks there. She is staying with them for that week.”

Guillaume and Clemency shortly discussed Hermione’s letter, but Severus was only listening with half an ear.

Miss Professor Doctor was going to come again to play the squeaky wheel.

Right, if she decided to come anyway, he might as well send that bloody letter. She was going to be a nuisance either way, but at least he would appear like he cared for her to come to the symposium.

And maybe he did, a tiny bit. It made him feel smug about himself, showing her that he had a perfectly pleasant life here in France. Because he knew, sooner or later she was going to spill the beans and at least then, they all would know that he was capable of more than murder and betrayal.

His mood sank instantly, but he was good at pushing those memories into the back of his head by now. He labelled the last vial and stored the whole lot away. Then he left quietly to go and send a letter. For once he wasn’t annoyed with the grey creature waiting for him on the balcony handrail.

Hermione felt absolutely miserable. George had asked her how George the Mighty was doing. Unfortunately, she hadn’t seen the bird in over a week now, so she had to tell a blatant lie. She very nearly gave up the hope of it ever returning.

That was why she dropped the hot tray with cupcakes onto the floor when she saw the owl sitting on the kitchen windowsill that evening.

“Holy -”

She let out a loud sigh when she realised it was George. _The Mighty._

She opened the window and tried to stroke the birds feather, but it looked absolutely disgusted at her gesture.

“I am glad you’re back.”

She noticed the letter and took it off the owl’s claw. Then she opened the fridge and got some nectarines out.

“Look what I’ve got here. They’re nice and fresh, I bought them this morning.”

She gave him the fruit. Pecking it with his beak, he didn’t seem too pleased. Crookshanks wandered into the kitchen and let loose an angry hiss. The massive bird batted its wings and Hermine quickly pulled back her hand.

_I am not made for an owl._

Crooks hopped onto the kitchen worktop and hit out against the bird, bravely hissing and trying to defend Hermione. George looked bored.

_It is a bird, please stop humanising it._

“Stop it, Crooks!”

She tried picking up the cat, but the cupcakes on the floor didn’t make it very easy to move around in the small kitchen.

“Crooks, get off!”

George elegantly straightened his wings and took off. Crookshanks looked very pleased with himself and stalked back into the living room.

Hermione picked up all the cupcakes and binned them. She wasn’t usually this fussy, but her kitchen was in dire need of cleaning and she didn’t want to eat cat fur. Switching on the kettle for some tea, she sat down and opened the letter.

She couldn’t trust her own eyes. Correspondence with Snape was the weirdest thing in the first place, but actually thinking that what he wrote was amusing and… nice…

No, she was surly misinterpreting something. She got up and poured herself a cup of tea.

_Let’s try again._

He made fun of her Polyjuice potion fiasco, but to be fair, he had a point there. Still, it was very uncharacteristic.

He ridiculed students. Right, that was something she could associate with Snape.

He offered to put her onto the guest list of a private symposium. Now, that was already worryingly not like Snape at all, but it was even made worse by the fact that he seemingly would be presenting at the event himself. This was extremely suspicious. Why would he invite her?

She looked at the attached outline. It looked interesting. She had heard of a number of international events like this one, but she had never been to any of them. It was rather tempting, and she would have immediately taken anyone up on the offer, if it hadn’t come from Snape.

_Don’t be silly, cut him some slack. He’s not all bad._

She didn’t know where that thought came from, but she remembered their short conversation in Geneva, or rather him questioning her and she replying to him. He had been nasty as soon as the conversation had been about him, but when they had talked about academics, he had been perfectly pleasant.

_Do it. You were going to go anyway._

She went across the hallway into her study and sat down to write her reply.

_I am glad that I could endow you with a memory that still lifts your spirits to this day._

_I am certain of Penny’s competency and I can assure you that there is no use of unjustified nastiness in her classroom to ensure proper substance handling._

Take that, cranky old man. Now, let’s be nice again.

_The symposium outline looks very interesting, I’d be delighted to attend. I had conveniently planned to stay in France for the second week of June, I will simply extend my stay to two weeks._

_I am glad to hear that despite the initial delay the legislations regarding the wolfsbane potion are going ahead and that you can still progress with the presentation of your results. I am looking forward to it._

_See you in a fortnight,_

_Hermione_

She gave George, who was conveniently back on her windowsill, the letter and he took off. Being rather giddy, she didn’t feel like going to bed and began baking a new tray of cupcakes. She suddenly was very excited to go to France again.

“I think she’s got a French lover”, said Ginny and they all laughed.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Hermione glared at her, her voice carrying her signature no-nonsense tone.

“She’s right, Ginny”, said George seriously, sipping on a drink and looking deep in thought as he sat there, in a massive armchair.

Surprised at his comment, Hermione said: “Thanks, George.”

“Tell me of one other soul on this planet, that would go to _Paris_ to attend a _private_ _symposium_ with a bunch of smart-Alecs.”

She shot him a stern look, foreboding severe consequences, should he not shut up.

“Just saying…” He ducked his head and tried to hide a provocative smile. “But you’re right, if anything, Paris is the capital of _academics_.” Wiggling his eyebrows, they all burst out into laughter again.

She rolled her eyes and got up to pour herself another drink, although she did have a smile on her face too.

They were all at Ron and Penny’s place that Saturday night. Neville and Luna were off duty from the castle and Harry and Ginny had sent their three little ones to Mr and Mrs Weasley for the weekend. Their youngest one, Lily, was eight months old now, and one could tell that they enjoyed having a night off for a change.

“When are you leaving then?”, asked Ron.

“Well, the first talk I want to go to is on Tuesday, but I need to sort out my mum and dad’s place in Grasse. They haven’t been there since last year. I think I’ll be leaving Monday morning.”

“How are your parents doing by the way”, Ginny asked when the others started conversations amongst themselves.

“They’re very well. Mum’s been asking for you. She wants you to join our morning yoga sessions a bit more often.” Hermione grinned.

Her mother and Ginny got along very well, and although Ginny was known to be very outright, she didn’t have it in her heart to tell Jane Granger that she hated their yoga sessions.

“It’s just so… I don’t know, stretchy!”

To underline her words she imitated funny looking yoga postures and they started giggling like little schoolgirls.

“You seem very enthusiastic about going to France.” Ginny gave Hermione that best friend look.

“I’m not seeing anybody there, Gin. You know I would have told you!”

“Yes, but I also know that you are not telling me _something_.”

The two girls didn’t notice Luna approaching.

“I hope you find what you are looking for in France, Hermione.” Luna smiled and her voice had that dreamy quality.

Hermione wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Erm… Thanks, Luna.”

“I’ll leave you two again, I didn’t want to interrupt your conversation at first, but I think I did at just the right point.” She wandered off into the kitchen.

Hermione and Ginny silently watched her leave.

“You have to tell me what her classes are like, once you’re at Hogwarts. I would actually pay to see that.”

Ginny shook her head, then she turned towards Hermione again. “So?”

“Listen, Gin.” Hermione knew, if she wanted to, she could escape this conversation, but Ginny was her best friend. “Please rest assured, I am definitely not seeing anybody romantically. Actually, even the thought of that makes me sick”, she tried to banish the picture from her head. “I came across something unexpected and going to that symposium seems like a good way of finding out what is going on. Besides…”, she pretended to be offended now, “… why does it suddenly seem like such a surprise that I want to go to an academic talk?”

Ginny grinned. “Because, if it were just for the academic talk, you wouldn’t have been able to shut up about it.”


	5. Chapter 5

HALF THE WORLD AWAY AURORA

Hermione apparated onto an empty street a few hundred yards away from her parents’ holiday home. She couldn’t get any closer, because the house was in a residential area and she didn’t want to be seen suddenly appearing out of thin air. She had also put heavy security wards onto the property. For many years she had seen constant threats everywhere, and she still couldn’t stop being overly protective. Even if there wasn’t immediate magical danger, it would at least stop any muggle from trying to break into the place. Not that this was an area where this was likely to happen.

When she started walking up the hill towards the house, she was very quickly reminded of the privileged upbringing she had had. Or even the privileged life in general.

Their holiday home was in a wealthy residential area north of Grasse. It was sunny and the street had a typical Mediterranean feeling to it. It was late in the morning and she could hear people talking behind the garden hedges. She made out the sound of cutlery against dishes. It wasn’t as busy as she remembered it, as no one was on summer holidays yet.

Her parents’ house was built on a hill, it was rather narrow and had three floors. From the street one could only see the top floor.

She opened the large gate and once she was within the grounds she lifted some of the wards. On one side of the building there were steps leading into the garden. She decided to walk down and enter the house through the back door.

The view from here was stunning, she could look all over Grasse and sometimes she thought she could even make out the sea in the far distance.

Everything was situated on a slope; at the very bottom there was a decent sized garden with a small swimming pool, although not really big enough for swimming. On the same level was a spacious patio from where you could enter the ground floor of the building. It accommodated a small bathroom and a large open dining and living space with a kitchen. On the second floor there was a balcony with an external staircase leading up to it, two bedrooms and a larger bathroom. The top floor, that could also be accessed from the street entrance was simply made up of a spacious hallway and a study.

Hermione loved it here. She went into her bedroom and emptied her little beaded handbag. Then she busied herself, cleaning up the place with the help of a few charms. She was done quickly and changed into a summery dress before she left the house again to make her way into Grasse and buy some food at the market.

She got bread and cheese and some fresh fruit and vegetables. She also thought about getting some sweets, but remembered the pastry shop in Arraxy and thought of her parents. They really liked magical sweets, so she decided to surprise them and buy a large amount of the stuff when she was there later.

She had arranged to meet Armita and Guillaume for dinner that evening, and until it was time to go, she decided to lounge in the sun on the patio and read a book.

A couple of hours later George landed on the table next to her and she dropped her book in shock.

“Holy… Guacamole.” She gasped immediately sitting up straight on the lounger. “Bird, you will be my death!”

She took the letter of him and he hooted expectantly, so she got up to get him a nectarine from the fridge. Holding it out to him, he looked disgusted.

“I thought you like nectarines?”

She sighed and went to get strawberries. He only batted his wings and took off.

_Stupid owl._

_There were no more spaces available on the general guest list, and whilst it would have been my preference to just not be harassed with your presence at all, I did put you down as my_ personal _guest, to prevent possibly bothersome disappointment on your part._

_I suggest we arrange a schedule, so you can be sure to attend all the talks you had planned on going to. I am not going to waste my time accompanying you, I shall try and attend presentations of my own liking in the meantime. I presume you do not need supervision once you are in the building._

_I expect your reply by Monday evening._

_S.S._

Hermione could literally hear his drawling voice in her head. Brilliant. How could one possibly manage to sound that cranky in a letter?

Suddenly the symposium seemed to be the least good thing about this whole trip.

_No, don’t let this destroy your holidays. It’s going to be just fine._

Severus tidied up his papers. He hadn’t really put very much work into this presentation. He would just speak freely once it was his turn, but a few notes wouldn’t hurt.

He was looking for Guillaume, but Jerome, the young man working in the pharmacy, told Severus that he wasn’t around, and he decided to go upstairs and make himself some coffee.

It was a beautiful day outside and he watched the people on the street below whilst the water dripped through the coffee filter. He only liked freshly brewed filter coffee, sometimes with one of those delicious pastries that the French made. It was his guilty pleasure and he indulged in it quite often.

Taking his coffee, he walked back downstairs into the work room. He just held the cup to his mouth when he froze in his movements, staring at her.

“Hi.”

Hermione Bloody Granger stood in the middle of the room, smiling at him far too happily. His expression immediately darkened considerably.

“I thought I come by to discuss the schedule”, she said.

She was nervous but was hiding it well. He could only tell by the slightly heightened tension in the room. Thank Merlin, his senses hadn’t dulled down since his glorious days as a spy.

“Thank you for inviting me…” She hesitated. “… as your guest.”

He looked at her, feigning a bored expression. In reality, he didn’t really know what to say. He hadn’t expected to see her.

“Bored of writing letters? You never seemed to bore of writing tomes for assignments.”

He mustered her, she was too easy to read. First she looked hurt, then angry and then she smiled. This all happened within seconds.

“That is because assignments were of importance to me. Replying to your petty slander is not.”

Impudent wench. Although she had a point. He had regretted what he had written as soon as the owl had left. She walked over to him and placed a little beaded handbag on the table before she crossed her arms in front of her chest and smiled jauntily.

“Anyway, I am honoured that you would be bothered by my disappointment.”

“I never said that”, he snarled at her.

“I think I recall something along the lines of… _prevent possibly bothersome disappointment on your part._ ”

“It would be rather annoying, having to deal with a letter full of your wailing about missed opportunities”, he drawled.

For Merlin’s sake, this was going to be a long week.

“And I would make sure to get through at least twenty inches of scroll when writing it.”

_She is mocking you._

“Get. Out”, he barked at her.

“I am sorry.” She looked at him in terror.

He could tell she was starting to panic. Very good, he had the upper hand again. Nobody had power over him anymore. He put on his most terrifying expression.

“I didn’t mean to –“, she started but he cut her off by slamming his hand onto the desk.

“You did very well mean to be brazen and therefore disrespectful, and I will not tolerate it.”

Her face was giving away everything again and he relished the sight. She looked shocked, then sad, and finally resolute.

 _Hang on... No one simply skips through all these emotions in a matter of seconds_. 

She straightened her back and spoke in a very surprising no-nonsense tone.

“I did neither intend to be brazen, nor disrespectful. I meant to diffuse the tension by making a light, humorous comment. I do not want to cause you any discomfort, and I do not want to be caused discomfort by you. You invited me to come to the symposium, and I gladly and thankfully accepted this invite. However, if you will or cannot communicate in a casual, friendly manner or do not want me to join you any longer, I shall be leaving now. I don’t want to waste my time and energy any more than you do.”

She looked at him sternly. He obviously didn’t show it, but he was impressed by how clearly she communicated and how determined she seemed. There was no loop hole and no way of arguing around what she had said.

“You will make a decent teacher”, he said coolly.

_You bloody idiot. What kind of a pathetic reply was that._

She looked just as confused as he was, but smiled at him a moment later.

“Thank you.”

He busied himself with the closest pile of papers that was on the work top.

“You were a decent teacher, too”, she said after a while.

“Trying to compare yourself to the elite, Miss Granger?”

He raised one of his eyebrows. The corners of her mouth twitched. He could see the cheeky answer forming on her lips and was looking forward to her banter. He was slightly disappointed when she replied with a sensible “No, of course not.”

He had been too harsh earlier, she didn’t dare anymore.

_Well, that’s what you get from being a git._

“There is a new elite up and about in Hogwarts now, I suppose?” He tried to sound casual, not too interested.

“There are a few new people, yes. I find it hard to believe, that we are indeed the new generation of tutors. It seems irrational. I am sure I will never reach the level of my former professors.”

She seemed genuine and thoughtful.

“No, you won’t.”

She looked at him, not offended but sad.

“Your former professors will always have the advantage of a longer lifetime and more experience. But you can surely aim to be just as good as they were in their days, and with hard work become even better. I don’t believe any headmaster or headmistress would hire a professor that wasn’t of singular excellence”, he elaborated in a very calculated and neutral way.

The look on her face was worth the ridiculous sentimentality, he thought. She immediately brightened up. It made him happier, too. He felt smug about himself, having made her feel that way.

_Don’t be stupid. You didn’t make her happy. Your praise made her happy, because she is a sucker for approval._

But she was a sucker for _his_ approval, and that lightened his mood nonetheless. No one usually cared about his opinion.

“Who else is teaching at Hogwarts now? You mentioned Miss Haywood.”

_Casual conversation, keep it casual, you are not desperate for information, you simply indulge in friendly conversation, just like she said._

“Yes”, she replied leaning back against the desk. “Penny has been teaching potions for about seven years now. Professor Slughorn stayed on to teach it at first, but he is fairly old as you know. He is still Head of Slytherin though, and he takes some of the theory classes. Penny is also Head of Hufflepuff.”

He walked over to get some dried mandrake roots he wanted to chop up for a batch of pepper-up potion. He didn’t actually need to do it, but he needed to keep himself busy.

“Why are there separate theory classes?”, he asked.

“Oh, they are not really separate. Well, kind of…”

She sat down on a high chair and watched him chop up the mandrakes. “Defence against the Dark Arts is taught as an interdisciplinary subject now. Hestia Jones is teaching DADA as the main subject.”

Severus nodded in approval, he remembered Hestia.

“Throughout the first five school years it is combined with a different core subject each year. Students have a double lesson DADA and a single lesson DADA combined with another core subject”, Hermione continued in her lecturing tone.

“During the sixth and seventh year students can decide on which combination they want to specialise. There are theory lessons and practical lessons. They invite external people for those from time to time. Aurors and curse breakers and people like that.”

That sounded interesting and very sensible.

“Neville is teaching Herbology now, and he is Head of Gryffindor.”

Severus couldn’t help but snort at that.

“He has a rather tight grip on them, you would be surprised”, she chided him playfully. He liked that sound in her voice.

“Oh, Minerva is Headmistress and Filius is her Deputy, but that shouldn’t come as a surprise. However…”, she sounded like a little clever clogs now, and he had to refrain from rolling his eyes. “… from September onward, neither Head not Deputy Head shall be affiliated with any house or subject. That’s why I got the post of Charms Professor. Penelope Clearwater will be Head of Ravenclaw and she will also be teaching History of Magic.”

He raised his head at that and looked unbelieving.

“What happened to Professor Binns?”

She suddenly had a more serious expression on her face. “Nobody knows. He simply vanished after the war.”

“That sounds rather suspicious.” He raised an eyebrow at that but didn’t question her further on it. She nodded.

“Where was I… Oh, yes. Luna Lovegood did the first year of her Transfiguration Masters whilst I was doing my last year of Charms. She took over Minerva’s teaching position.”

He looked openly terrified now, not even trying to hide it.

Hermione laughed. It was the purest thing he had ever heard, but he very quickly pushed that thought out of his head.

“Believe me, everyone had a similar reaction. But rumour has it she is extremely talented with students, and the common Transfiguration grade is breaking record every year!”

She continued telling him about Hogwarts. There were a few new staff members, but she hadn’t met them yet and didn’t have much to say about them. Most of the other teachers were still there and he was glad to hear that Hagrid was still around, too.

She told him about how they had raised funds for the reconstruction of the castle, and how she had spent a term on site to help with the repairs. Filius had offered her an apprenticeship based on her outstanding charm work and she had reached mastery in no time.

She seemed a little bit vague about her decision to study at Oxford.

“I have worked on contracts with several muggle universities for the past seven years. I only started magic research again a few months ago.”

“Why?”

She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment.

“I thought I was missing out on muggle education. It’s hard to keep both going at the same time.”

He could tell this was a blatant lie. She of all people would be perfectly capable of handling both academic worlds, not that he would have every told her that. But he also knew that he wasn’t in the position to question her and didn’t say anything.

She told him about the muggle degree course too and then started to ask him questions about his work here in France. She was clearly uncomfortable and wanted to change the topic, so he went along with it.

“I had already done research on the improvement of the wolfsbane back in England, but … _things_ happened, and there was never really time to properly dive into it.”

He was sticking labels onto vials by now and she was watching his every move and listening to everything he said. He liked it. She asked intelligent questions and he answered her.

“When I met Guillaume it was a great opportunity for me. I can work very flexibly here, I have no fixed hours, as long as I provide them with the potions they need for the pharmacy and Saint Nancy’s, the hospital. He makes sure I always have all the ingredients I need. If I want to work on something special, I have room and time to do so. I only need to get my own ingredients.”

He enjoyed the conversation so much, he didn’t even notice he enjoyed it, and therefore couldn’t overthink it.

They had just changed the subject to Charms and Hermione was analysing how advanced his skills as a young adult must have been, creating all the spells as he had done, when Armita walked into the room.

“Septimus, I am locking up. Do you need to -” She stopped and looked perplexed when she saw Hermione.

“Hermione?”

A smile appeared on her face and she came over to give her a warm hug. “How good to see you! My, you look wonderful. How long have you been here?” She pulled back and mustered her from head to toe.

Severus caught himself doing the same for the first time this afternoon. She did look… nice. _Oh Merlin, get over yourself, you creep._

He furrowed his brows and turned back to his vials. He had them all labelled now, wasn’t there anything else to do? Being desperate, he put on a cold mask and pretended to study some notes.

“Oh, ehm. I don’t know how long I’ve been here…. What’s the time?”

It was half past five. They had talked for four hours.

_Four hours._

Armita glanced from Hermione to Severus aka Septimus and back. “How…?” She waved her hands from one to the other.

“We were discussing the symposium”, Severus snapped.

_Woman, shut up or I’ll make you._

Hermione looked at him with this worried yet suspicious look in her eyes, that he remembered from her school days.

_Great, now she looks at you in the same way that she used to look at those two dunderhead friends of hers. Well done._

“Well, you must be starving.” Armita clapped her hands together. “Clemency booked a table for six o’clock.”

“Another dinner party, how superb”, he grumbled.

He didn’t even try to hide his mood. He felt like he had been robbed of something precious, when Armita had burst in and interrupted their conversation.

 _You are the biggest fool alive_.

He grunted and busied himself with looking at his notes again.

“I completely forgot”, Hermione exclaimed. “I wanted to get my parents something. I might still make it. Can I meet you at the restaurant?”

“Certainly.”

She left for now and Severus tried to make a quiet exit as well.

“Not so quick, over there!”

_Armita, the ever present pain._

He rolled his eyes and tried to make his point by turning around to her very slowly, looking utterly bored.

“What am I missing here?”, she asked excitedly.

He looked at her, raising his eyebrows in question.

“You!” She gestured wildly with her hands. “You have been in this terrible, disdainful mood for weeks now! Not talking, not leaving this dark little work room of yours!” She shook her head and gave him a knowing smile. “And suddenly I catch you, looking like a little wizard in a sweet shop, chittering away with dear Hermione!”

He looked at her coolly, and went to get the coffee cup from his work top. He turned back to her and asked: “Anything else?”

“Septimus Prince!”

If he hadn’t been so uncomfortable, he would have enjoyed her obvious vexation.

“Would you tell me now, how this came to be?” She looked at him expectantly.

“No.” He turned to go back upstairs.

“Good, I’ll ask her about it then.”

_You nosey, bothersome, stupid old toad._

He huffed and faced her again.

“I invited her.”

“I didn’t know you were in contact.” She waved her hands to make him continue.

“Well, you should make sure that drawer of yours is warded better.” He pointed towards her desk. “It’s easy to get anything I want from it. You could ask Hermione to teach you some spells.” He made sure every word was dripping with ridicule and then he left the room.

“Well, I see you at dinner then!”, he heard Armita yell after him. 

As if he would join them for their little gathering. Bah.

But if they would ask Hermione anything about the symposium, she wouldn’t know the answer, because they haven’t actually discussed it. He flung his door shut and went to put on the water for some coffee.

If Armita found out, they hadn’t been talking about the symposium, which she probably suspected anyway, she wouldn’t leave him in peace and pelt him with questions to the point where he had to cut her stringy throat.

He might also end up doing that if he had to sit at a table with her for longer than two minutes. But he couldn’t be certain that smart Alec Granger wasn’t going to blow his cover.

 _I can’t believe you’re seriously considering this._ And he couldn’t remember when he started talking to himself.

“Merlin’s beard, fuck this”, he muttered under his breath and with a flick off his wand the water on the stove went cold again.

He walked back down into the work room and found Clemency rummaging through some boxes.

“I got some muggle vials in Geneva the other day, you wouldn’t know where Papa put them, would you?”

“Bottom left drawer over there.” He pointed towards one of the many corners of the room.

“Thanks.”

“Are you not going out for dinner?”, he grumbled.

“I am about to leave.”

“Usual place?”

“Yes. Why are you asking?” She looked at him and a fearful expression started to appear on her face. “You’re not going to join us, are you?”

He considered her for a moment, and an evil grin appeared on his face.

“Maybe I will. Just to ruin your evening.”

With that said, he turned on his heel and went back upstairs to get his purse.

When he left the building through the back door it was already a couple of minutes past six. He walked down the road. In the beginning he had his hands buried in his pockets, but the closer he got to the restaurant, the more intimidating he became.

He straightened his back, appearing rather rigid, and his lips formed a thin line. He was uncomfortable. He didn’t actually want to go. Why did he think he wanted to go in the first place?

He slowed down in his pace. Turning around swiftly and taking the first step back home, he stopped when Hermine appeared out of thin air right in front of him.

She looked in a hurry and nearly ran into him.

“The fact that this is a wizarding village, Miss Granger”, he said coolly, “does not mean social conventions do not apply.”

She looked utterly befuddled. “What?”

The warm evening sun illuminated her face and he stared at her, not showing any facial expression, but in reality her sight made him smile inwardly.

He turned and walked towards the restaurant. There was no point in going back home now. She followed him.

“Where did you come from?”, he asked her.

“I quickly apparated back to Grasse to drop of the sweets I bought for my parents. I got them this weird, sizzling chocolate mousse from the bakery down the road and was worried it might get squashed in here.” She pointed towards her little handbag.

“Will it not go bad by the time they arrive?”

“Excuse me?” She laughed, arms akimbo. “You are looking at a Charms Professor here. They won’t even notice that I got them a week in advance.”

He looked at her. She smiled feistily and slight breeze was blowing a few wild curls across her face. She tucked them behind her ear.

“Did you get the fire tongue pastries?”, he asked.

“No, should I have done?”

He nodded.

“I shall get those the next time.”

She smiled at him and he didn’t really know how to react to it. He clenched his jaw and fixed his eyes straight ahead.

They arrived at the restaurant and he opened the door.

“You are joining us?” She looked happy about it. Why did she always look so bloody happy?

He tilted his head to tell her to go inside.

“Hang on a moment.” She pushed the door shut and gave him a worried look. “What do I call you and how do I know you?”

He looked at her callously. “You don’t need to lie. There should be no need to call me by my name this evening.”

She didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t really care too much about that. But he did care about not making her lie. Mainly because she wouldn’t be any good at it, and she could accidentally trip over her own tail.

“Just speak truthfully, I will manage the rest.”

She furrowed her eyebrows.

“That’s insane, that is like juggling…”, she stopped abruptly, and he cocked an eyebrow.

“That’s like juggling two identities.” Her voice sounded subdued and she suddenly appeared incredibly sad. Lifting her head, she looked him in the eyes and he could tell something was on her mind. “I am so sorry for putting you into this position.”

He looked at her carefully, trying to make out her motives. She thought that she caused him harm, by making him deal with two identities. He had thought this the first time he had seen her, but for some reason it hadn’t crossed his mind since.

“Don’t be ridiculous”, he said coolly. Trying to sound lighter, he added: “Watch and learn from an expert.”

Then he opened the door again and they walked into the restaurant.

He would have not admitted it in Merlin’s four-hundred-forty years, but he enjoyed the company. The Nancys were surprised to hear that Hermione was going to Paris as well, and asked about it. He casually explained that he had invited her and Hermione chipped in that they had coincidentally met in Geneva during her first visit where she had told him about her academic work. It all worked out rather nicely.

Guillaume would be leaving tonight after dinner, he was staying in Paris for the whole week as he gave several talks on medicinal magic throughout the week. Hermione would come to Arraxy in the morning and apparate to Paris with Severus. She would attend their talk on the wolfsbane potion and one other talk in the afternoon on linguistic charms.

“I am very interested in what they have to say about translation charms. Maybe I can learn something from them.”

She grinned and leaned back, holding a glass of wine in her hand.

“Your French is superb”, Clemency remarked. “You would do yourself discredit using a translation charm.”

Severus noticed a smug expression on Hermione’s face. It was a rare sight. She wasn’t the kind of person to display such petty behaviour.

“As much as it ails me to admit this”, he drawled, “Clemency is right.” Said woman rolled her eyes at his comment. “Most translation charms are pathetic, and even the more refined ones are no substitute to actual linguistic ability”, he added.

Hermione put down her glass and leaned forward onto the table. She looked at all of them, one after the other. He could tell she was slightly tipsy, not bad at all, but her cheeks were red and she had a twinkle in her eyes. When her gaze found his, it dawned upon him. The twinkle wasn’t there because of the wine.

_You fool. She actually had you fooled._

He snorted amused and crossed the arms in front of his chest.

“I never thought I would say this…” He couldn’t help it, but the corners of his mouth twitched upwards. “… but I am mildly impressed, Miss Granger.”

The others looked confused for a moment, but Clemency caught on next.

“No way! You are using a charm?”

When Guillaume and Armita came around as well, she explained that it was her main master project.

“I had originally planned to work on a memory restauration charm, but that worked out rather well very quickly. I could have presented that as my master project, but I felt bad, somehow as if I would be cheating.”

Clemency facepalmed herself and Hermione laughed.

“Well, see, I already knew about memory charms. The point of a mastery is to master something new, having to work for it more than usual, to prove you’re capable.”

“No, Miss Granger. That is what _you_ think a mastery is about.”

Severus made it sound as if he was annoyed, inwardly he was thinking about her comment. Was it really that important to her to prove herself? To whom? Everyone knew she was brilliant. He would never tell her that, of course.

Hermione and Clemency started talking about dually studying magical and muggle subjects and went on to discuss the differences of French and English secondary education.

He didn’t notice at first, but he started watching her. It surprised him how content he was and he liked the look and sound of her laugh and jauntiness. It made him feel good, that she could be like this in his presence, despite knowing who he was.

All he could remember from his days in England were mistrust, hostility and exploitation. Nobody felt relaxed around him or would engage in conversation, not to mention friendly banter. He knew, he had to thank himself for that, and it had been part of his job to keep people away. It had been his only way of survival for that matter, but it had scarred him deeply.

He had wanted to escape it for so long, be alone somewhere, only be his own master. He never wanted to think of it again, and he never wanted to see any of them again.

He had it all now, in France. If one had asked him about Hermione Granger half a year ago, he would have gladly gauged out his own eyes with a rusty spoon and eaten them, rather than having to face her.

And yet, here she was and he relished in her sight. Not in a romantic way, but because she was a person from his past that didn’t seem to mind him in the slightest. Not at this moment in time, anyway. She was just being herself, laughing, talking to him and everyone else as if they were equals. Yes, everyone in France was treating him this way, but they didn’t know who he was. She did, and she wasn’t put off by it.

He liked her presence and the character radiating around her. It was calm, yet uplifting and spirited. Everything about her was paradox, yet pure harmony.

He was leaning back in his chair, swirling a glass of wine in his hand. His eyes were fixed on her, and he was so deeply in thought that he hadn’t noticed when they had asked for the bill.

“I will see you at nine tomorrow morning then.”

She smiled at him whilst bending to the side to get her bag from under the table.

He gave her a quick nod, hoping nobody had noticed him staring. He put down his glass and handed Guillaume some money to cover his part of the bill and a generous tip.

They left the restaurant and it was still pleasantly warm. Hermione was walking backwards down the hill, smiling at them and waving goodbye. She didn’t even fully turn around before she disappeared with a quiet pop.

He immediately felt robbed of something again, missing a fundamental placidity, a source of necessary delight.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,
> 
> Thanks, thanks, thanks and one hundred more thanks to all of you for reading and your motivating messages!!!
> 
> A few of you might have noticed that this story holds a few little hints about things that are important to me. Chapter 6 mentions reusable cups! Plastic free / plastic reduced living has very high priority for me, and if I can get just one more person to ditch their plastic cup… then I’ve achieved something!
> 
> Quick reminder that I also run a tumblr account where I post edits and aesthetics about this story! Just search for mynameisnicse
> 
> Enough babbling. Enjoy chapter 6!
> 
> XXX

BREATHE SIA

Hermione wasn’t sure at all anymore if she wanted to go to Paris. It was already eight o’clock and she was still in bed.

She usually had no trouble sleeping, at least not anymore. There had been a few years after the war when she had struggled with light insomnia, but she was virtually back to the sleeping habits of her youth. She did like to make sure she had strong wards in place, and she couldn’t just fall asleep anywhere anymore, but that wasn’t what had been the problem last night.

She felt uneasy. Yesterday had been a surprisingly nice day, until dinner. Snape had been staring holes into her all evening and she just didn’t know why. They had held wonderful conversation all afternoon, but the later it got the colder he’d become.

Or had he not? How could anyone know? His face and demeanour gave away nothing. It could mean anything, either he was simply bored or on the verge of killing someone. She didn’t want to cause him any more discomfort, but she wasn’t sure if that was in fact what was bothering him.

_Maybe he gets drained by social interaction._

Hermione’s dad was a little bit like this.

_Not like Snape, good heavens!_

But her dad would sometimes feel mentally exhausted after social engagements and needed some time by himself.

She was interpreting too much into this. Flinging back the thin blanket, she got out of bed and jumped under the shower. She had to be quick now if she didn’t want to be late. She washed her hair with muggle shampoo that she had slightly altered with a spell to be more effective, not changing the scent though, because that was what she liked most about it, grapefruit and mint.

She wasn’t going to put on full-length wizarding robes in this weather. She put on a nicely fitting, sleeveless dress and draped some smarter looking robes over her arm.

Her hair was still damp, when she grabbed her bag and left the house through the back door. She had created a small spot in the very far corner of the garden, that she could use for apparition and disapparition. Her charm work was refined enough to make sure nobody else would be able to access it. Anyone who wanted to come and visit, could do so via the front door.

She apparated into the town square of Arraxy. Checking the time with a quick tempus charm she noticed she had plenty of time left to get a coffee. She went to the usual bakery and ordered an americano to take away in her reusable cup.

“I’ll have a fire tongue pastry too, please.”

The girl picked one up and put it in a bag.

“You know what, can you actually make that two pastries? Separate bags, please.”

She might as well try and get on Snape’s good side this morning. She didn’t notice that he stood in the entrance and was watching her.

Hermione charmed the pastries to follow her in mid-air whilst trying to put the lid on her cup. She smiled when she spotted him. He looked rather grumpy, but that didn’t come as a surprise to her.

“Hi.”

He gave her a short nod and went to order coffee as well, although not to take away.

“I got you a fire tongue pastry, if you want it.” She tried not to sound nervous but did a poor job.

He didn’t say anything until he had his coffee and turned back to her.

“That wouldn’t have been necessary.”

She just shrugged her shoulders and followed him to a table. When she sat down and placed one of the pastries in front of him, he threw her a nasty glance, but she skilfully ignored it.

They shared their breakfast in silence and Hermione didn’t mind it at all. Despite his moody behaviour, it didn’t feel hostile or uncomfortable. She actually enjoyed it, mainly due to the delicious tasting pastry.

He got up and she picked up her bag and robes to follow him outside. Stopping right in front of the door he held an arm out to her.

“Shall we?” No spitefulness, no offence.

_Maybe he’s just not a morning person. A coffee and pastry are always a good solution._

She smiled at him and quickly slipped into her robes before putting her hand on Snape’s arm and being squeezed into side-along apparition with him.

They landed on a busy street and Hermione could immediately tell it was a wizarding area. Snape started stalking ahead and she had difficulty keeping up with him but knew better than to complain about it.

They took a corner and Hermione could see the institute they were going to. It was a typical French neoclassical building. It reminded her a little bit of the muggle _École Militaire_ that she had visited with her parents once, but the _Institut de la Maîtrise Magique_ obviously was simply more magical. It was huge, it seemingly touched the sky and the large pillars in the front looked crooked and as if they would crumble under the weight of the building at any moment.

Snape had stopped to wait for her, and she was preparing herself for a snide remark from him, but it didn’t come. He just looked down at her coolly from where he was standing and she hurried to catch up with him, her calf-length light robes fluttering around her legs.

“Would you mind…”, she uttered breathlessly. “Would you mind waiting a short moment.”

He stopped dead as if by command and she nearly ran into him. Quickly composing herself, she looked for a scrunchie in her bag and tied up her hair, her neck was starting to get sweaty.

“Thanks.”

Snape walked slower once they entered the building and she managed to keep up with him. She inevitably felt like a little girl next to him, not only because he had been her professor in the past, but also because he simply had this authoritative aura about him that she secretly admired.

In reality she didn’t look any less professional than him as they walked side by side.

Snape quickly introduced her to a lady, and she was given a stamp. It shimmered golden on the back of her hand and she chuckled. He gave her a stern look.

“It reminds me of the stamps you get when you go clubbing.” She looked at her hand and laughed again.

“Clubbing?”, he spat, each syllable dripping with moral condemnation. “I should have asked about your leisure-time activities before considering you eligible to accompany me.”

“It’s not as if I am knocking myself out every weekend”, she answered defiantly.

He let out a snort and stopped in front of a large double winged door.

“I have things to do now. You can either come in here with me and pretend to not know me”, he gestured toward the door, “or you can go to a talk of your choice.”

“The wolfsbane presentation starts in an hour, correct?”, she asked, and he nodded in response. She threw a quick glance at the door.

“It’s a small gathering of potions masters and healers. They usually meet before the talks start”, he explained.

“If you don’t mind, I would like to join that gathering.”

“Is there any point in trying to convince you otherwise?” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“No”, she said happily and walked towards the door. Just before opening it, she turned back to him. “And for the record: I will not pretend to not know you.”

He looked as if in agony, and because she entered the room quickly to avoid his potential wrath, she never saw the tiny smile that sneaked its way onto his face.

Guillaume greeted her cheerfully and there was luckily no need for her to stay with Snape any longer. She wasn’t sure if she could have coped with his mood for another minute.

She couldn’t see the hostile glance Snape gave Guillaume, as she was ushered into the room, away from him.

Guillaume introduced her to a number of people, and she listened to some quite interesting conversations. She didn’t contribute very much, as she was neither a specialist in potions nor healing, but she followed everything that was discussed as she had extended knowledge in both. She made some mental notes on things that sounded particularly interesting and she caught herself a couple of times wishing Snape was around so she could ask his opinion on some things, that she didn’t naturally agree with.

In one of those instances, she actually looked around and caught his eye. He looked more like her former professor than ever in his black frockcoat and she wondered if he even owned anything else. He was standing with a group of witches and wizards and he had clearly been in deep conversation before he noticed her looking at him. His gaze was expressionless, but she smiled at him.

_Let him be grumpy, but he can know that I am actually enjoying this._

When Guillaume and Snape started their presentation, it was fascinating at the very least. The two of them emanated so much combined knowledge it was hard not to be in awe. They talked for at least two hours and Hermione clung onto every word. She had missed it, the magic, the subjects, the theories. Magic was what defined her, it was an essential part of her being, and her mind was getting head over heels into the matter.

She had never actually tried to brew the wolfbane potion, but she was familiar with the theory. The things that Snape had come up with over the last ten years were absolutely incredible. She just couldn’t believe that one man could be capable of such unsurpassable brilliance. That combined with an equally skilled mind from another field was nearly overpowering her. There was no word, that could describe Hermione’s admiration for Snape’s capability at that moment.

When they finished, there were plenty of questions. Some very good ones, some not so intelligent ones. She thought she would have enough opportunity to ask her questions over a nice dinner and decided to leave the room to catch some air before she’d make her way to the Charms presentation. However, before she could leave, she heard Snape call after her.

“Miss Granger!”

She turned towards him and greeted him with a smile.

“Where are you going?”, he snarled.

“I shall be getting some food and then attend the talk in the auditorium on the fourth floor.”

“That doesn’t start for another two hours.”

“Like I said, I will get lunch -”

“I didn’t invite you, so you could be strutting around Paris and eat croissants all day”, he snapped.

“Excuse me?” She couldn’t believe what she had heard.

He looked at her coldly and she took a step towards him, being properly angry now.

“I can be _strutting around Paris_ as much as I please and I can have _every last croissant in this city_ , if I wish to do so. I can do whatever I like, and the fact that you so graciously invited me will not stop me.”

He gave her a repulsed look. “Well, as you have been doing whatever you liked since putting foot in this building, I shall not be stopping you now.”

She was absolutely outraged now.

“You didn’t leave me with much choice, did you? Reminding me constantly about how you don’t want to be bothered with my presence, snapping at me at every given opportunity and leaving me with a bunch of strangers upon arrival.”

“I don’t think Guillaume would be so pleased to hear you consider him a stranger. And I also wasn’t aware that you needed babysitting, _Professor_ Granger”, he drawled. “Shall I be taking you for lunch now, too?”

She threw her hands up defensively and turned to leave the room, but he was quicker than her and stepped into her way.

“Not so quick”, he sneered. “I shall insist on your company now. Miss Know-it-all doesn’t seem to be able to find her way around alone, being left with _a bunch of strangers_.”

He was making a scene and some people threw her suspicious glances.

His gleeful smirk provoked her, and her blood was boiling. Why was he making her so angry? She was fuming and she could tell he liked it. Why did he like tantalising people so much?

“You are a sadist and you disgust me”, she spat at him. Then she pushed past him and left him behind.

She stepped into the busy street trying to calm down. What an absolute prat. She was raging and walked aimlessly down the street trying to compose herself.

_Don’t let this idiot destroy your trip. You wanted to come here and you’re better than him. Just ignore it. You’re in wizarding Paris!_

She swallowed the anger down, and soon enough she enjoyed herself wandering the streets of the Parisian wizarding quarter. She found a nice café, pulled a book out of her bag and ordered lunch. It was nearly two o’clock when she checked the time after a while. She wanted to see the presentation but didn’t want to encounter Snape again.

_You are going to go back there now and listen to the Charms talk! Where is your Gryffindor pride?_

Right. She got up and made her way back. When she finally found the auditorium on the fourth floor, nearly every seat was taken. It was an amphitheatre arrangement and she sat down only a few rows away from the entrance at the top of the room.

It was a boring talk. It wasn’t stupid or uninformed, but it wasn’t very advanced either. For some reason people only wanted to improve a translation charm in a way that it would cover more languages, rather than actually working on achieving full fluency. She decided to leave after forty minutes. When she had half gotten up to leave, she spotted Snape standing at the back of the room close to the exit. She immediately fell back into her seat.

_For Merlin’s sake, this can’t be true._

Now that she was aware of him being here, she could also feel that he was watching her _. What’s his damn problem?_

After a few minutes she thought she couldn’t feel his eyes on her anymore and turned around carefully to check. He wasn’t there anymore. She got up quickly and left the room silently, just to be surprised by Snape standing in the corridor.

“I thought you wouldn’t enjoy it.” He spoke calmly and nodded towards the closed door behind her.

“And I thought I told you to leave me alone”, she snapped and walked past him.

“Actually, you did not. You said I disgust you”, he stated matter-of-factly.

“Well, a brain of your calibre should be able to put one and one together.” She stalked down the corridor without so much as looking at him. She felt that her comment was rather daring. She was nervously anticipating him lashing out at her, but it didn’t concern her as much as it would have usually done. She had enough of him and didn’t care very much about his moods anymore.

“There is a talk on Arithmancy on the second floor at three o’clock. I have been to one of the speaker’s talks before. He is decent.”

She didn’t pay him any attention and bit her tongue. He followed her quietly. When they left the building, she turned towards him and said brusquely: “Don’t you have anywhere more important to be?”

“Where are you going?”, he asked in return and she could see a glint of something in his eyes. Was it anger? Panic? Trying to exercise power?

“I don’t know how this is any of your business, but if you really need to know: I am going home.”

He sported an entirely blank expression now. “Do you want to go to any of the talks tomorrow?”

“I wanted to, initially. I was in fact looking forward to it. But I will not spend my entire holiday being bullied and flouted by you. If that means I won’t be attending the rest of the symposium, so be it. I could not care less. Goodbye.”

She walked down the steps and got herself ready to disapparate.

“Don’t go.”

Something in his tone made her stop. He sounded sincere, for once. And genuinely worried. She turned around and looked at him. His face expressed nothing of the tone he had spoken in.

“What is your problem?”, she asked him, and she wanted an answer. He said nothing, so she repeated: “What is your problem?”

He displayed no emotion whatsoever, but Hermione thought there was something in his eyes. She didn’t know what it was.

“I tell you what my problem is”, she said calmly, turning around to fully face him. “That, exactly _that_ is my problem.” She pointed at his face. “I never know what is coming next. That gaze you have…”, she tilted her head slightly, “… is it anger? Is it scorn? Will you taunt or harass me? Will you shout at me or maybe for a change just tease me or even be civil towards me? You are like a feather in the wind and I can only guess where you will be headed next.”

There was a long silence between them, and they stared at one another, whilst normal Paris wizarding life took place around them.

“I just didn’t expect you”, he finally said.

“That would have been an excuse in February. And whilst I understand your precarious situation, I want to remind you that you invited me to be here today, and the whole week.” She could be tough if she felt treated unjustly.

He had the audacity to lower his head and something in this gesture made her soften up a bit.

“I’ll be getting a coffee now”, she said soberly.

She turned around and walked away, although not too quickly, indicating he could come along of he wanted to. He did and walked next to her in silence, but with his head held high.

They sat down outside in front of the same little café that Hermione had her lunch at. She had calmed down a bit, although she still thought he did not deserve it, and she started speaking to him softly.

“Listen”, she searched for his eyes, but he was watching the bypassing people with a pretentious look on his face.

“I don’t know what is on your mind, but I tell you once more: I am not going to tell anyone about your existence here, as long as you don’t explicitly ask me to do so. I am not here to hunt you down or make your life any harder. I don’t want to cause you any distress or problems.”

“I know”, he finally replied. They sat in silence for a while drinking their coffees.

“You don’t need to tell me what is on your mind”, she started again, “but if you would like me to leave just tell me. I don’t want to cause you any more pain.”

“You aren’t.”

Hermione didn’t answer but watched him for a long while. They finished their coffees and sat in peaceful silence, each thinking their own thoughts. It was Snape who spoke first.

“Have you been to the famous Paris bookstore?”

She shook her head and looked at him questioningly. He got up and tilted his head indicating they’d go. She jumped onto her feet and smiled excitedly at him.

He couldn’t remember a single time in the past twenty years that he had felt so happy to see somebody smile.

They spent the next couple of days similarly, but in a much more cordial manner, and Hermione really enjoyed it.

Initially she only wanted to go to three charms talks. The first one she went to was about shield charms and Snape had claimed he would see a talk on Polyjuice potion. In reality she had spotted him at the back of the auditorium, but he wasn’t aware that she had, and she didn’t mention it when they sat in the café. The same day after lunch she went to see a renowned wizard in the field of memory charms, Bernard Bibblibus, and it was in fact an extremely informative and thought-provoking presentation. She noticed Snape again standing close to the side entrance, and this time she didn’t hide that she had spotted him, and he quickly caught her eye. After the presentation was over, she hurried to catch up with him.

They went to get drinks and sat down on a table in the foyer on the ground floor. He was interested in her opinion and asked her about the memory charms she had worked on during her masters.

“I obliviated my parents before our seventh year”, she explained to him. “I made their recovery my master project. Luckily it worked out really well and they recovered quickly. Filius liked the charm I used to change their memories. I made sure it wasn’t traceable, but because I knew it was there it was easier for me to reverse it. I knew already what I was looking for.”

She looked thoughtfully at Snape, not really paying much attention to him, but to focus her mind.

“I don’t think I agree with this common perception, that a memory restoration charm has to be swift and quick, like Bibblibus promoted it in his research.”

“Why don’t you agree?”, he asked her, genuinely interested.

“I could have done it swiftly and quickly with my parents. But I decided, a gradual recovery of memory loss is preferable.”

She sat up straight and began speaking in a lecture-like voice.

“I started by retrieving smaller memories at first, to see whether I would be successful. I was, but I also realised that it had a somewhat unsettling effect on my parent’s emotional state. I think they realised that they had been missing something. I did it all step by step, by the time I restored my mother’s memory of having a child, she fell into slight depression. She explained that whilst her memory was modified, she was aware of something but did not know what it was. When the memory came back, she realised that she had known all along that she was missing a child. She explained it had to do with her body, how it had changed after birth. She felt incredibly angry and depressed that she hadn’t worked it out earlier, by herself.”

“But that is the whole point of a memory charm, she wasn’t supposed to work it out.”

“Yes, I know that, and you know that.” Hermione lifted her finger to underline her words. “But the affected person doesn’t. They feel guilty, they feel like they have betrayed their own memory.”

She looked at him sadly now.

“I was the one that betrayed them. Whilst their memory was gone, I could cope. I knew I had done it to keep them safe. But seeing how they struggled, how they saw themselves as the guilty ones, although I have been the one causing them all that pain…”

“Don’t be ridiculous”, he snapped at her and had a very stern look on his face.

She smiled sadly.

“Anyway, I believe that gradual recovery is healthier for the victim’s emotional and mental health. They can process it easier.”

They sat at the table quietly for a while, until Hermione asked Snape about his thoughts on memory charms, especially on the synergy or the lack thereof with occlumency. He explained in great detail, how occlumency can help guard yourself, preventing that you ever become victim to a memory charm, but also how it can be a curse, because it can be extremely hard, even for an experienced witch or wizard, to restore a memory in an occlumens’s mind.

“Shouldn’t it be easier? As far as I know, the mind of an occlumens is very well structured. Wouldn’t that make it easier to fill gaps and repair damaged memories?”, she asked.

“You are right, an occlumens has a very well-structured mind, but that is exactly what makes it so difficult.”

She looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“Do you have a work room, a study or something similar?”, he asked.

She nodded.

“If somebody would pick up a book from your desk, or a sheet of paper, anything with valuable information, something you need to function, something related to your research…”, his eyes were piercing her now. “… and weeks later I would come along and hold that piece of information in my hands, would you think me capable of putting it back into your office, right where you need it to be?”

She huffed and leaned back, smiling at him. He copied her and said: “Even if I were to put the paper simply right in front of your nose on the middle of the desk….”

“… It could be a rather overwhelming memory and one cannot possibly know how the person would react or if they would be able to recategorize the memory”, she finished the sentence.

They talked a while longer but decided to leave soon.

“What did you think of Bernard Bibblibus in general?”, she asked him as they left the building for that day.

“He is very restless for someone who works in a field that requires such magical stability and accuracy.”

Hermine thought about this comment for a second and established, that Snape was not actually being rude or disapproving, but in a weird and twisted way complimenting the speaker. 

“That is a very good point. I suppose everybody has a different coping mechanism.”

He threw her a glance that very much said _You’re not seriously getting into the psychological concept of coping mechanism now, are you?_ or something more Snape-ish. She had to stop herself from laughing about the fact that she could literally hear his drawl in her head.

“Well, every academic I know has an outlet. You know, when your mind is racing, and you are thinking about something really hard. Professor Flitwick starts humming, my muggle thesis supervisor had this awful habit of clicking with his biro.” She clenched her jaw at the memory. “And Master Bibblibus seems to pace up and down.”

“Albus Dumbledore used to pace up and down.”

Hermione wasn’t sure how to answer to that, and it didn’t help that Snape had an icy glint in his eyes.

After that conversation they apparated home separately and met again the following day. Hermione wanted to attend one more presentation by a Hungarian witch who was talking about mood altering charms. Snape didn’t join this presentation, but they met for lunch together with Guillaume at the café they have been to before.

“If you are not busy this afternoon, I would recommend you go and see Flora Tremeau at two o’clock. She is a Transfiguration professor at Beauxbatons and has done considerable research on the Homorphus charm”, Guillaume said to Hermione.

She looked at Snape, who understood the unsaid question and said: “I have been in touch with her during my research, unfortunately her work is not substantial enough to be applied to potions. It is mainly theoretic.”

“Nonetheless, it is remarkable work”, Guillaume reinforced his previous statement. He then left them to attend a medicinal talk himself.

“He is right, if you are interested in transfiguration, it might be worth going to”, Snape said.

Hermione decided it wouldn’t hurt to refresh some transfiguration theory, even though it was at a highly advanced level. She was surprised when Snape entered the lecture theatre with her but couldn’t help and be excited about it. She had really enjoyed the discussion with him yesterday, and maybe there was an opportunity to talk again today over a cup of coffee. They sat down next to one another and stayed for the whole talk. Hermione could tell that Snape was watching her from the corner of his eye, but she pretended not to notice.

She payed close attention to Flora Tremeau. At one point she snorted quietly and immediately covered her mouth, when she noticed that it had been audible. She threw an apologetic glance at Snape, but he looked rather amused.

“I believe you can see how none of her research is of much use to our cause?”, he said to her when they left the institute.

“I can, yes. However, she did present some very good theories that one can work with.” Hermione walked down the steps light-footedly, looking deep in thought.

Snape looked at her.

“A penny for your thoughts, Miss Granger.”

She stopped in her tracks and looked at him, assessing the situation. Then she smiled and held out her arm for apparition.

“Call me Hermione and join me for dinner, and I shall elaborate my thought process in great detail.”

To her surprise he took her arm and indicated for her to apparate. They disappeared with a quiet pop.


	7. Chapter 7

MAYBE BIRDY

As soon as Severus’ feet hit the ground he felt incredibly unwell. He felt as if all life was drained out of him, as if he was only a corps. There was a numbness right under his sternum and it spread through his thorax, down is arms and legs. The woman next to him moved away and he grabbed her arm for stability.

_She lured you into a trap you fool, she’s not going to help you!_

He grasped for his wand, but something was completely off. It didn’t feel like anything, it was just like a normal stick of wood between his fingers. Something was wrong, something was terribly, terribly wrong.

He looked at her, his face contorted with murderous frenzy.

Hermione’s eyes widened in shock at his sight.

“I am so…”

She didn’t finish the sentence, but hastily pulled her wand out, swiftly flicking it at him and a slight tickling sensation seemed to run through his veins, replacing the numbness.

“I am so terribly, sorry! I should have -”

She couldn’t finish her sentence again, because a spell shot out of Severus wand right into her direction and she had to block it. She looked at him terrified. His face were filled with rage. He rushed towards her, dangerously furious, and shot two more curses at her.

“Please, listen”, Hermione begged him.

He stopped in his movements, but still had his wand pointed at her. When she submissively dropped hers to the floor he couldn’t hide a surprised glint in his eyes. She slowly raised up her shaking hands. She was in mortal fear. He lowered his wand slightly.

“Take my wand”, she said, her voice shaking.

He didn’t. He didn’t move at all. He tried to recollect himself, and noticed he felt perfectly alright again. No more numbness, but still a slight tickling in his fingers. He looked at her and her wand on the ground.

“Take it!”, she suddenly screamed, sounding much more resolute, but the look of deathly terror still on her face.

He lowered his wand completely and took a few steps towards her to pick up her wand.

“Please, listen”, she whispered, a pleading, horrified look in her eye. She was still afraid, her face was white as chalk. He didn’t know what to do and she clearly didn’t know what to say, he could see the thoughts racing behind her eyes.

“I should have apparated us onto the street outside, I am sorry for what you just experienced”, she said slowly, calculating every word. “I have put rather strong wards onto this property, I guess you have just experienced a lack of magic.”

It took him only a second to understand, but he still had to repeat it: “A lack of magic?”

She took a deep breath.

“Yes, you have been temporarily stripped of you magic via a charm that I have placed upon this property. You probably felt very uncomfortable and weak and -”

“I know what a lack of magic feels like”, he snapped and she shut up immediately.

“Are you telling me you created a spell, that strips a witch or wizard of their magic?”, he asked in an icy tone.

“I just use it to ward my parent’s house against any magical danger. I didn’t mean to -”

“Have you created this spell, Miss Granger?”, he asked again with more vigour.

“Yes, sir.”

His face fell. How could she possibly be capable of creating a spell like this.

“Don’t call me that”, he snapped at her. He put his wand away and he could hear her breathe out in relief.

“I am so sorry”, she started again, letting her hands fall onto either side of her body. “I should have remembered. I just really didn’t think of it anymore. It doesn’t affect me, you see. Only other wiz-”

“It doesn’t affect you?” He knew he sounded completely stupid, repeating everything she said, but he simply could not believe what she had done. He handed over her wand and she put it away.

“No, I worked on the spells for years to refine them like this. I am so sorry that I caused you such pain. I -”

“Would you shut up a moment?”, he snarled and she immediately went silent looking like a beaten puppy.

“I believe you haven’t registered this spell with the ministry?”

She looked ashamed. “No, I haven’t.”

“Does anybody else know of its existence?”

“Not directly. I have asked Filius on some advice on it at a very early stage. He wasn’t too enthusiastic…”, she went silent.

“I think you know, as well as I do, why that is.” Snape looked at her but she didn’t look back. “This is some rather dark magic. I haven’t heard of a single instance where a spell like this was successfully created, or executed. If you were to register this, they would probably lock you up in Azkaban for creating another Unforgivable.”

She looked deeply ashamed, but tried to defend herself.

“It is not that bad! Or is it?” She sounded horrified.

“No, it isn’t”, he replied truthfully. “It is neither painful nor unbearable. But stripping a wizard or witch of their magic is breaking fundamental law.”

“It is intended to only stop those with bad intentions in the first place. Only stop them, not cause them any significant harm”, she argued.

“You’re wandering the legal limbo. This is a very dark grey area.”

“A lot of magic is very dark grey”, she said defiantly.

He knew she had a point, and he knew she wasn’t bad at heart. But he was shocked to discover not only the extent of her ability, but also the way she decided to use it.

“Who would have thought the rule abiding Gryffindor Princess would ever start wandering off to the dark side.”

He tried to make a snide remark, but it lacked its usual venom.

“People change, you should know that”, she said coolly. “And not everyone changes for the better.”

He regarded her for a moment. He could tell there was immense pain and sadness in her eyes. She was so easy to read.

“You don’t have it in you. _Badness_ ”, he said matter-of-factly. “You couldn’t do bad things. This charm is the best proof. If you can create a charm like that, you can also easily create something _truly_ bad. Which you don’t have the guts for.”

Her expression changed instantly, but not for the better. Her face went blank and her eyes cold.

“I would kill for the people I love.”

There was no need to question her statement, he could feel she meant it. They stared at one another for a few moments and he felt like he had learnt a lot about Hermione Granger in that moment.

He wondered how she managed to make him feel so calm, although she was like a trembling volcano herself. Sleeping calmly under the surface, but having destroying qualities when triggered.

Why he even thought that, he didn’t know. He didn’t care about knowing anything about anyone. But for some reason he found her extremely interesting, on an intellectual and platonic level. He decided to let this thought rest for now and broke their eye contact by taking in his surroundings.

They stood in a garden. It was rather wild with flowers and bushes growing everywhere, but it had charm. The sun was standing low, but hadn’t quite started to set yet, and it tinted the surroundings in a warm orange.

He looked at Hermione who was watching him. Her eyes still glinted slightly with the past turmoil, but her face had its colour back making her cheeks rosy. The sun was reflecting in her warm chocolate eyes and stray strands of golden brown locks had escaped her bun, framing her slightly freckled face. She looked lovely and he wondered how he deserved to be in her company.

Why did she talk to him, why did she willingly spend time with him? Severus enjoyed their academic discussions, and hoped she did too. He didn’t mind having somebody to talk to, especially if they liked the same things he liked.

He put on his bored expression and straightened his back.

_What a ridiculous thought._

“Care to elaborate your thoughts on the Homorphus charm?” he asked her. Her relieved and warm smile tucked oddly somewhere in is chest.

“Let me get us some drinks and snacks first”, she replied happily and headed towards the back door. He followed her, inspecting the house and the garden. It was a lovely place and he thought the Grangers had to be rather wealthy to afford it.

“Please sit down”, she said when she came back out carrying a jug of something. She noticed his glance and placed the drink on the table.

“I don’t have wine or anything, but I made this lemonade yesterday.”

She gestured towards the table telling him to take a seat. A moment later she came back with a basket full of bread and a cheeseboard. He waited for her to settle down and they began talking whilst they ate.

“I believe Tremeau’s theory of dissecting the Homorphus spell and picking out the transfiguring components is very well thought through”, she started. “However, I think the reason why she is not progressing past the theory is the same reason why you can’t use her research results on your potions.”

“I can’t use her research on the potions, because I need something practical to apply to it. She just needs to find an opportunity to turn her theory into practice”, he explained to her.

“And I think, that will never happen. Not because there is no opportunity, but because it is approached in the wrong way”, she said.

He raised an eyebrow in question and buttered a slice of bread.

“You obviously know that the Homorphus charm is transfiguring a werewolf back into a human temporarily…”

“Thank you for giving me that much credit”, he sneered sarcastically.

“… and that is exactly where the mistake is being made.”

She leaned back and examined him. He furrowed his brows. Did she dare question his knowledge?

“Lycanthropy is a curse”, she simply stated.

He thought about this for a moment but couldn’t work out what she was trying to say.

“Explain”, he ordered and she smiled excitedly.

“The Homorphus charm is a _charm_ , not a transfiguration. Yes, its effects are close to a transfiguration spell and that is why most wizards approach it as such. And whilst that doesn’t drastically influence the effectiveness of the actual spell, it is essential if one tries to understand the spell. If the Homorphus is supposed to counteract a curse, is has to be a charm.”

He was absolutely stunned. It made perfect sense. He thought about it and then said: “The Homorphus charm doesn’t break the curse, but it counters it temporarily. It’s a counter curse not a transfiguration.”

“Correct. And if you dissect it on that basis, it should be possible to apply the _counter curse_ _components_ to a potion. There is a reason why it is called a charm, you can’t just treat it like a transfiguration, even though it might appear to be one.”

She jumped up from her chair and ran into the house.

Severus thought about what she said and he suddenly had an incredible thought. Right in that moment Hermione came back with papers and pens.

“I need to write this down”, she mumbled and started scribbling onto some paper.

“If one could apply the charm work to a potion, it could potentially be optimised in a way to extend its effectiveness”, he said and she scribbled away.

He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen himself and wrote down some quick ideas about calculations and methods that came into his mind.

They sat like that for a good few hours, discussing and writing ideas down. It was exciting, exhilarating and frustrating at the same time. But they eventually came to a dead end.

Hermione uttered a distraught groan and threw her pen onto the table. Severus gave up shortly afterwards and rubbed his eyes. It was rather late now and the night was pitch black, the only light coming from inside the house.

Severus suddenly realised that if he left now, he had no more reason to see her again. There were no more talks to attend and therefore she wouldn’t come to Arraxy in the morning to pick up coffee and a pastry in the bakery.

“When did you say your parents will join you here?”, he asked casually, trying to hide his chagrin.

“They should be arriving around noon on Monday.”

“Any plans?”

She shook her head. They were silent again for another while, and he wondered if she was thinking the same as he was. He wondered if she wanted to see him again, talk to him again. _Why would she? She’s probably happy that the week is over and she’ll be perfectly content spending the next week with her parents._

He stood up and picked up the notes he made.

“It’s late. Thank you for the invitation”, he said sincerely, but coolly.

She looked at him confused. “Oh, erm… no problem at all.”

“Will I just disapparate from over there?” He pointed at the corner that they had landed in hours earlier.

“Erm… yes, sure.”

He nearly ran towards the corner. He suddenly felt a rush of anger. Why was he so upset? Just because he enjoyed a couple of conversation with bloody know-it-all Granger didn’t mean he needed to have them every day from now on.

_But you like it, and you want it._

“Sev-… I mean, wait!”, she sputtered.

He turned around to her, feeling rather excited on the inside, but showing nothing but indifference on the outside.

“Maybe, erm…” She was nervous and he could tell. Stupid Gryffindor trait. “Maybe we could discuss some of this…” She waved the papers in her hand. “I mean, I always find that sleeping a night over something helps me refocus and find new ideas and… well, maybe, if you like, we could have another look at it sometime soon.”

He nearly smiled at her, but restrained himself. “That would be acceptable”, he said.

A faint grin adorned her face and she got up to accompany him to the apparition point. He threw her a quick glance and then looked into the distance.

“Severus will do, if you like.”

It triggered one of those moments, where her face went through multiple emotions in three seconds. First she looked stunned, then tender (he nearly didn’t believe his own eyes for that one), and finally happy.

“And Hermione will do, too”, she replied. “I’ll see you … soon then?”, she carefully asked.

“I shall send you a letter, once I had time to think through some of it.”

“Alright, then. Goodnight.”

He inclined his head in reply and she smiled at him. It was the last thing he saw before he disapparated.

Hermione spent all of Friday lounging in the garden, reading a book and writing down some ideas that she had regarding the Homorphus Charm. She didn’t really get anywhere though, and decided to give it a break and go to Paris on Saturday. She apparated to the café she and Severus used to have lunch at and had a look around some of the shops.

First, she browsed a stationary shop and got herself a high-quality quill and some lovely brown ink. She would use it to correct student’s essays at Hogwarts, and she thought brown looked less aggressive than red or black.

She also couldn’t resist getting herself two new set of robes in a fancy boutique. The first ones would be her new teaching robes. They were more like a dress, made of a sturdy material and with a stand up collar, but they were open in the front from the waist downwards and she would need to wear trousers with them. They were very dark purple and had only a few golden details around the button holes and on the cuffs. She’d look professional, but would be able be moving around comfortably in them, due to the open front. They were traditional, but had a modern twist to them and she just simply thought that they were perfect.

The second set she bought were new dress robes, and they reminded her of something a Roman empress would wear. She didn’t want to buy them at first, but she thought it was time to splurge a little bit. The gown was of a very dark crimson red; she did not want to appear biased in a professional capacity, but at an event that required dress robes, she certainly would do her house pride some justice. It was full-length and had a boat neck collar that was nearly off shoulder, but not quite. A cape was falling down the back and was fastened around the shoulders with a golden chain. The fabric was as sturdy as that of her teaching robes, but the cape had the additional feature that it looked like dragon scales. Hermione felt extremely regal in it and she thought she would probably never wear it.

After all that girly shopping she decided to head into muggle Paris and do some typical touristy things. She went to the Louvre and spent most of her afternoon in there.

All in all, she had a very enjoyable day and that was only made better by George waiting for her on the balcony handrail when she came home. His feathers looked like a mix of silver and gold in the setting sun.

“Hello, old friend. Long time no see.”

She walked up the external steps to the balcony and entered the house through the bedroom door. After she dropped her shopping bags on the bed, she went downstairs to get some nectarines. However, George would not even look at them.

“I am sorry, I really don’t know what to give you.”

She sighed and ate the fruit herself. She opened the letter that was on the table.

_Hermione,_

_I will start brewing a new batch of the wolfsbane potion on Sunday. You might find it helpful for your Charms research and if you like, you can come and observe the brewing process. The first stage of brewing takes four hours. Let me know if you are interested, and I shall plan to start after noon._

_S_

Hermione loved the idea and told Severus exactly that in a short note, also telling him to expect her on Sunday at noon exactly. She handed the note to George who took off with no further fuss.

Full of new motivation she went downstairs and sat down at the kitchen table, spread all her notes around her and started working again. She would even occasionally google some chemical reactions that she wasn’t sure about. She might ask Severus about some of those. She knew muggle chemistry did not always apply to potion making, but she had a hunch that some of the ones she was looking at would be good to know for the wolfsbane potion and specifically its confluence with Charms.

She spent the rest of her evening hunched over her notes, eating some cheese and bread and later on she decided to eat the chocolate mousse she had bought for her parents. She would simply get them some more, because she really needed that sugar boost.

It was two in the morning by the time she went to bed and sleep came easily after such a long day.

She woke up at half past ten and was happy with her natural timing. The balcony door was open and she could tell it was going to be an extremely hot day. She had some breakfast before taking a shower, and decided to put on a light floaty summer dress to battle the heat. Then she grabbed all her papers, jammed them into a notebook, shoved it into her bag and apparated to Arraxy.

It was quarter to twelve and she went to get some coffee before entering the pharmacy at exactly noon.

The young man behind the till nodded his head towards the door that led into the work room.

“Septimus said he is expecting you. Head in, he’s in there.”

“Thanks, erm… what was your name again? I am Hermione.”

“Jerome. Pleased to meet you, Hermione.”

They smiled friendly at one another and she walked past him into the work room. Severus stood with his back to her, stretching up to reach a box that was stored at the very top of a shelf.

“I presume these must be very delicate ingredients, or you would just swish and flick your wand?”, she greeted him.

He turned around and threw a ghastly glance at her. Then he pulled out his wand and deliberately emphasised the wand movement to levitate the box of the shelf.

“Why are you dislocating your joints to get to that box?”, she laughed.

She had decided, that his expressions were most of the time a way to cover up what he really thought, and therefore she didn’t pay much attention to his growl. 

“I am stuck in this room twenty-four hours seven days a week. I’d rather dislocate my joints than get rusty.”

He looked at her annoyed.

“Well, one also needs to regularly practice one’s wand movements, or your charm work will get rusty just as quickly, if not even quicker!” She said it a lecturing tone and walked over to his desk to place her bag on a chair.

“I never thought I would say this…”, he contorted his face in disgust, “… but I would love to be teaching at Hogwarts again, just to see you bossing around those dim-wits like that.”

She scrunched up her nose at him and took a sip of her coffee.

“Luna always says that in every joke there is an ounce of truth”, she said and looked at him curiously.

“What is that supposed to mean?”, he asked irritated.

She just shrugged her shoulders and turned away from him so hide a complacent grin. She was pretty sure she’d hit right on the button, but wouldn’t dwell on it for now.

“Would you like me to assist you with anything?”, she asked.

“No.”

She wasn’t very upset about it, but she would have loved to do something and couldn’t hide a small pout. He sighed pointedly and joined her at the work desk.

“I suppose you can cut some of the ingredients, if otherwise I have to deal with your immature sulkiness for the rest of the afternoon. This is a very complicated potion in its original state. I have simplified many of the steps, but my developed version still needs the highest level of accuracy. If incorrectly concocted, the effects are disastrous. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.” It was pure reflex and she immediately apologised. “Sorry. Yes.”

He scoffed at her purely by the means of a glance.

“You will do exactly as I say at any given point. You will not be able to leave this room for four hours once we start.”

She nodded.

“If I say don’t breath, you won’t breath. If I say clap your hands three times, you will do so.”

“Yes.”

“Turn around.”

She did.

“Turn back.”

She did, and when she looked at him again she saw a mischievous grin on his face. She hit him on the arm, ignoring the shocked look that gesture conjured on his face.

“Would you not do that! I am trying to prove myself worthy!”

The expression faded from his face, but left the shadow of a smile on his lips.

“You don’t need to prove yourself worthy. I wouldn’t have asked you to come, if I didn’t think you capable enough.” He then sneered at her: “And you’re not brewing anyway, every other dunderhead can chop ingredients according to instructions.”

She raised an eyebrow, not realising how much she imitated him.

“You really lowered your standards then, if every other dunderhead is suddenly good enough to be your minion.”

“Life is rarely perfect”, he lamented theatrically, then he rolled his sleeves up and took out all sorts of potions utensils. “Close the door, dim the light and start powdering these dried dittany leaves as finely as possible.”

She had noticed the absence of the Dark Mark but immediately turned away to hide her face and to do as she was told. She closed the door and darkened the room with a flick of her wand. When she started working on the dittany leaves, he began quizzing her on everything they did.

“Why did you close the door and dim the light?”, he asked.

“The temperature in the room needs to be controllable at all times and we want to minimise draught and air exchange”, she answered.

“And the light?”

She had to think about this a little while.

“The full recipe has never been disclosed, but as far as I know, the original one does not specify when the wolfsbane has to be collected, it only says at moonlight, or the potion has to be bathed in moonlight. My guess is, that you changed this detail and that there now is an indication as to when in the moon circle the plant has to be harvested”, she explained her thought-process. “To preserve the moon magic, it seems only logical that other sources of natural light would influence the transformational magic of the moonlight.”

He nodded in approval.

“Take a quarter of an ounce from the dittany powder and put it in a separate vial. Then squish one valerian root in a bowl and mix it with one vial of the chamomile extract. Cover the bowl with a large mandrake leave.”

He gave the instructions without taking his eye of the cauldron and she made haste to follow them.

They were about one and a half hours into the brewing process, and it started to get very hot in the room. Hermione had tied her hair up, but single strands were sticking to her face. She paid close attention to Severus’s every move and saw that he was just as hot.

His hair looked extremely greasy and she wondered for a second, if they had done him injustice all those years by calling him a greasy git. Not that she had ever called him that! But she now understood that it was probably impossible to not look greasy if one had to spend the majority of one’s day in a potions lab.

He seemed to notice that her thoughts were straying and started asking questions again.

“When do I harvest the wolfsbane?”

She sat down on a high chair and brushed the hair off her sticky face, thinking about his question.

“Think loudly”, he ordered brusquely.

“The moon is associated with the concept of transfiguration due to its phases. The moon is also directly linked to the human mind and I remember having read, that the human mind and emotions peak during full-moon. The aim of the original wolfsbane potion is to retain the human senses and mind during the transformation and possibly aid as a tranquiliser. This would indicate, that for the original potion the wolfsbane would preferably be harvested at full-moon.”

She looked at him for a sign of approval or disapproval, but he simply continued brewing. It looked incredibly complicated. He added some ingredient bit by bit in a steady rhythm, whilst stirring the potion in a different rhythm. She continued her elaborations.

“Harvesting the wolfsbane at full-moon is a very obvious choice and I guess, that in order to achieve a significant change of effect in the potion, a different harvesting process would be necessary. I can’t think of a way, where both the transformational moon magic and the peak full-moon magic are ensured to affect the potion.”

She looked at him again and didn’t say anymore, hoping he would explain. He did so once he had finished adding the ingredient and was only stirring for a while.

“Picking the wolfsbane during the waning moon phase, preferably during the third quarter of the moon and before the final waning quarter moon phase, ensures that highest transformational magic is retained in the plant. The plant then should be dried and put outside during the full moon to absorb the full-moon magic qualities.”

Hermione looked at Severus, but her eyes were unseeing. He noticed her strange expression, and when she started speaking, her voice had a timid _I-have-a-thought_ sound, that he didn’t know from her. She usually just recited from books, and he wondered if this meant that she had an actual original, intelligent thought.

“What if one tried to obtain the full transformation quality of the waning moon to the point of new moon and applied that to the potion.”

“Write it down”, he ordered harshly.

She jumped up and found paper and pen. They both knew this was an interesting and substantial idea, and could be of good use at some point. She started scribbling away whilst Severus carefully added the valerian root and chamomile mix to the potion. He was nearly done with the first part of brewing and concentrated on the last heat adjustments and stirring rhythms whilst Hermione tried to work out a way to capture the magic of half a moon phase.

Once he was done, he cleaned his utensils and put a shield charm around the cauldron. He stood next to Hermione and looked over her shoulder to read her notes, whilst cleaning his hands on a towel.

He stood extremely close to her and she could smell him. He stank.

She knew that the wolfsbane plant had a particular smell and many of the herbs they had used had strong odour, but he also just smelt like a sweaty Potions master. She tried to move away a tiny bit and noticed that her own legs were sticking to the chair. She probably didn’t smell much better herself, she thought, snorting quietly.

He didn’t pay her much attention and picked up her sheets, carefully reading what she had written down and muttering under his breath. His pacing made her nervous and she started to explain some of the things she had thought about.

“I am not sure how feasible it is, to collect wolfsbane on each night of one moon phase and combine it in a potion. I am concerned that one magical effect might cancel out the other, rendering the potion useless.”

He scratched his chin and played with his beard. It was oddly endearing. Then he sat down next to her and explained: “I think it is worth a try, the worst case scenario is in fact ineffectiveness. There is a small chance of magical overactivity, but I doubt it.”

“I have printed out a number of relevant chemical reactions, that you might be interested in.”

She fished the papers out of her handbag and handed them to him. He eyed them sceptically, and she remembered he probably didn’t know the concept of a muggle printer.

“Do you think, if one can capture the full magical cycle, one can apply it wholly to the potion?”, she asked.

He understood her question and answered: “There is no cure for werewolfery.”

“Not yet.” She shrugged her shoulders.

“It is rather insolent to assume this could become a cure”, he chastised her.

“Wizarding-kind or humankind would have never made great discoveries if they hadn’t dared to aim high and dream big.”

He had a deadpan look on his face as he considered her for a moment. Then he said: “The potion has to rest now for thirty-six hours. I shall be starting the second phase on Tuesday at four in the morning. I don’t expect you to join me that early.”

She smiled at him and collected her things.

“Open the back door for me, I shall be here.” Before she left the room, she turned back to him and grinned. “I have been given a problem to solve now.”

He waved her off annoyed, but secretly he was inspired and motivated by her ambition. He knew it was practically impossible to create a cure for werewolfery, but there was still huge room for improvement in his potion.

Once she had left, he immediately sat down with a pen and notebook and went through her chemistry papers, her notes on moon phases and transfiguration magic, and he didn’t stop working until he fell asleep in the early morning hours.


	8. Chapter 8

ANNIE’S SONG SCOTT MATTHEW

Hermione walked into Grasse on Monday morning to buy food at the market. It took half an hour to get there and, as it was still early in the day, it wasn’t too hot. On her way home however, she decided about halfway up the hill to apparate back.

She put the food away and took the stasis charm of the chocolate mousse and fire tongue pastries that she had bought yesterday after she’d left Severus. She also put fresh linen on her parents bedding and put some flowers onto the kitchen table.

She was reading on the balcony, when she heard them shut the car doors on the other side of the house. Walking into their bedroom, she summoned their bags and made sure the front door stayed open for them. A moment later her mother entered the bedroom, where she could see all her things putting themselves into cupboards.

“Sometimes I am really jealous of all the things you can do with that little wooden stick of yours!”

Jane laughed and went over to give Hermione a hug. “Look at that tan, have you done anything else than bathe in the sun and read all day?”

Hermione laughed. “Actually, I have!”

They heard a surprised snort and the tap being turned on downstairs.

“Ah!”, Hermione exclaimed. “Dad has found the fire tongue pastries.”

They went and saw George Granger gulping a large glass of water.

“That won’t help!”, Hermione laughed. “It has to sizzle out.”

Funnily enough, George the Mighty laded outside the kitchen door right at that moment and dropped some Charms magazines for Hermione.

“Mum, Dad, this is George the Mighty”, she introduced the owl. The bird looked as proud as ever. “Before you ask, no I didn’t name him. He was a present from George Weasley and I had no say in the naming process.”

Her dad looked at the bird all smitten. “Well, I think it’s a very appropriate name for such majestic creature.”

“Don’t let yourself be fooled, he’s very fussy”, she scowled.

He went up to the bird and to Hermione’s utter surprise the owl looked more endearing than ever before, tilting its head and letting her dad stroke it. Her mother joined them and George the Mighty relished in their undivided attention. Then she could swear she saw a wicked glint in the birds eyes.

“Unbelievable”, Hermione cried out and both her parents looked at her in surprise. Hermione just snorted.

“At least Crooks is a loyal pet. How is he doing?”, she asked her mother whilst she poured them some of her home-made lemonade.

“Ginny came to pick him up on Saturday. He’s as grumpy as ever.”

“He is not grumpy! It’s just what his face looks like”, she corrected her mother.

“Believe me, I can tell the difference between a grumpy face and an outright evil creature”, Jane remarked.

Hermione pointed at George the owl with her finger and opened her mouth, but she didn’t know what to say.

They spent the afternoon sitting in the garden, drinking lemonade and eating fruit. Her mother cut some of the bushes and generally spruced the garden up a bit, and Hermione helped her dad with some repairs on the patio floor boards. She had offered to help them magically, but all three of them enjoyed doing their work by hand.

She and her dad made a quick trip in the car to get some ice cream from town, and when they sat at the table eating it Hermione remembered something.

“I might not be around tomorrow. I’ll be leaving early and I’m not sure when I will be back. Definitely in time for dinner, though!”

“That’s fine, honey. We might head down to Cannes. What are you doing?”, her dad asked.

“You remember the wizarding place I told you about. Arraxy? I’m going to see a friend there.”

Her dad nodded and wasn’t further interested in it. Her mother however, jumped at the first clue.

“What kind of friend?”, she asked.

Hermione rolled her eyes. “Not _that_ kind of friend.”

Why did everyone think she had or needed a beau to spend her time with?

“So? Then _what_ kind of friend?”, her mother insisted.

Hermione sighed. “Well, actually I still know him from Hogwarts. He’s moved here years ago and we’ve lost contact. But we happened to run into one another in February.”

“Is _he_ one of your former classmates?”, her mother inquired.

“No, we weren’t friends. He’s a Slytherin, you know, the green house. And he wasn’t in my year.” She didn’t want to spill too much.

“Aren’t they the ones you didn’t like?”

“Well, yes. I was younger then, and prejudiced. They’re not all terrible.”

“They always sounded pretty awful to me”, her dad commented.

“Well, anyway. We started working on a project together”, Hermione said. She wasn’t going to discuss house politics now. “It’s about finding a medication or possibly cure for lycanthropy.”

Her dad always found wizarding topics extremely interesting and asked: “That has not much to do with your mastery though, has it?”

“No, you’re right.”

Hermione loved telling her dad about her work. He was genuinely interested and understood quite a lot about it, once Hermione explained it. Her mother was more practical. She found it interesting, but she couldn’t apply it herself, therefore she wasn’t too bothered with the details.

She explained to her dad what Septimus and Guillaume had worked on, resolving to use Severus’s pseudonym, and how they thought they could optimise it.

“So how will your charm work tie into that?”, he asked.

“I don’t know… ” Hermione looked as frustrated as always when she reached the dead end. “We haven’t really thought about it yet.”

“Well, you better get your thinking caps on”, her dad replied with a grin. “Sounds like a big undertaking, but if you find a cure for that….” He looked impressed.

The evening was lovely and they decided to go out for dinner. When they returned, they sat outside for another half an hour and finished the bottle of wine they had taken home from the restaurant. Hermione had apparated them back home, and her parents always got extremely excited about it. They were all giggly as they drank their wine and Hermione’s heart ached with affection at the sight. She was so lucky to call these two people her parents.

They retired early, but Hermione had only just fallen asleep when her alarm woke her up again. It was half past three in the morning. She didn’t have a shower, as she didn’t want to disturb her parents and she also thought, that she’d end up all sticky and sweaty again anyway.

She put on shorts and a tank top, but also transformed herself a warm jumper out of the extra blanket on her bed. She was cold from being so sleepy and it made her extremely moody.

_You wanted this. Now cop on and get going._

She made herself a cup of coffee and collected her things before she apparated to Arraxy at ten to four.

Severus was already waiting for her. He stood outside the back door and she was shocked when she saw him.

“You smoke?” She couldn’t hide the reproachful sound in her voice.

He rolled his eyes, inhaled one more time and crouched down to stub the cigarette out on the ground. Then he made the butt vanish with a slick move of his hand.

“I can’t believe it”, she nearly yelled.

“And why is that?”, he sneered. “Am I otherwise such a model character that an irksome habit such as this stains my reputation?”

“I would have thought you take more care of your life and health after…”

She didn’t finish her sentence and just looked at him in disbelief and anger.

He sighed heavily. “I really don’t want to discuss it at this moment in time, or at any moment in time for that matter. We have a potion to brew and we need to start in seven minutes.”

She wanted to talk back at him, but just didn’t know what to say. She was incredibly angry. How could he… she just had no words for it. She tried to convey as much and if looks could kill, he’d drop dead instantly.

They went inside and he started instructing her on the potion. She did as told, but didn’t say a single word to him. He seemed to notice and he didn’ try asking her any questions.

At about six in the morning they came to a point where the potion had to rest for an hour.

“Hermione…”, he started, sounding dead serious. She looked at him coolly, but inwardly she smiled at his use of her name, he rarely did.

“If you are planning on being angry over nothing for the remainder of the day, you can leave now.”

“Over nothing?”, she retorted sharply. “You are seriously damaging your health and considering that you are more than lucky to have another chance at life, I would have simply expected better of you.”

“I think it’s time for you to leave”, he said, and she could hear the anger he tried to hide in his voice. She didn’t want him to be angry, because it could end very badly for her, but she simply had to make her point.

“Don’t send me away, just because you don’t want to face justified criticism”, she said.

“Your criticism does not matter to me”, he barked. “And in case you hadn’t noticed, I will joyfully shatter every single expectation you might have of me.”

He walked up to her and spat every single word, his face contorted in rage. Or was it pain? Or fear?

“I neither am the flawless individual you would like me to be, nor do I intend on ever being anything like it. I am not living for some greater cause anymore, and I see no need to care about a healthy lifestyle, or a life in general. And if that destroys the pretty little world you have created in your head, so be it. I shall rejoice greatly in that achievement.”

He knew exactly where to stab the knife, and it hurt.

Hermione realised that he was lashing out at her because she had hit a sensitive nerve, but she couldn’t quite tell what exactly had set him off. Still, his comment made her thoughtful. Had she created a world in her head that wasn’t real?

“I am happy you are alive”, she said quietly, not looking at him. However, it seemed like it was the right thing to say. The tension in the room decreased. “I can’t understand why you would hurt your body like this.”

“My body has been hurt much worse”, he said calmly. “It doesn’t even notice trifle like cigarettes.”

She lifted her head and looked at him, pain and compassion in her eyes. She didn’t want to be reminded off what he possibly had to go through during the war.

“I have seen you die, Severus”, she whispered it. “Seeing you stupidly playing with your health and life like this… I cannot bear it. I cannot bear being reminded of the sight of you… that night.”

There was a long silence between them.

“I will not do it in your presence again”, he said sincerely.

“That is not the point”, she said and he knew it. “Do you think I want to be coming here one day, hearing you cough or wheeze. You coughed and wheezed when you died, do you remember?”

She sounded panicked now. “Do you think I want to come here, to sit at your bedside and see you succumb to a lung disease or cancer? No magic on earth can cure that!” She was swallowing heavily and suddenly felt very emotional.

“You don’t need to come here at all”, he said a tad aggressively.

“But I want to!” She sounded hurt now and Severus felt increasingly uncomfortable.

“I enjoy working with you, talking to you.” She looked at him desperately.

He said no word, but his silence spoke volumes.

“I care about you”, she said candidly. “Even if you hadn’t nearly died, I still wouldn’t want you to waste away your health like that.”

He had the decency to lower his head, then he nodded.

“It’s a bad habit. I shall work on it.”

There was another short silence, then he left the room. _She cared about him_. He couldn’t cope with the upheaval that had created inside him.

Hermione sat down and buried her face in her hands. She didn’t know where he went, but she was happy to have a moment to herself. She didn’t want to be this emotional, and she needed a chance to cool down.

Why did they always end up fighting? Had she been too forthright in her statement?

She did care about him, oddly enough. She knew from the first time she’d been here, that she was incredibly happy he was alive. She wanted him to have a good life. People might argue whether he deserved it or not, but in Hermione’s opinion everyone did. Everyone deserved to experience happiness. It didn’t matter to her what he had done during the war.

He had been made to do bad things, but he always knew it was for the greater cause and that was the reason he did it. He took up that burden, and he hadn’t complained a single time. He dutifully did what he was told to do, and he stood strong where others might have crumbled. She admired him. And she wanted him to lead a happy life.

He was brilliant and they thought in the same patterns, she sought to work with him. He had a lot to say and she liked discussing ideas with him. She did want to come here in the future. And should they ever finish the wolfsbane project, she would want to find something new to work on, with him.

She couldn’t finish her thoughts, because Severus came back into the room and placed a cup of coffee in front of her.

“Black with a spoonful of sugar?”, he asked.

She nodded.

“Will you help me grind the moonstone? We have ten minutes left.”

They worked alongside one another quietly, and at exactly seven o’clock Severus changed the heat on the cauldron and started stirring again. Without using words, they came to an understanding that morning, and neither of them questioned it.

Hermione took notes while Severus worked for another two hours. When he finished up, he went to wash his hands and she automatically handed him a towel.

“Any plans for today?”, he asked her, trying not to sound desperate for her to stay, although that was exactly what he hoped for.

“Not really. My parents are in Cannes all day. I thought about joining them, but I can’t really remember it, so I can’t apparate there and I am a little bit too lazy to take the bus to be honest”, she shrugged her shoulders, finishing her cold coffee.

“I can apparate you there”, he said.

She shook her head. “No, it’s fine. But thank you.”

He just nodded once, but she noticed a slightly sulky look on his face.

“The potion needs to stand outside tonight and then it’s done.”

“Well, thanks for letting me watch. It was a pleasure seeing you work”, she said.

There was a bit of a silence between them, before she spoke again.

“Do you have any plans?”

He shook his head. “The shelves are stocked.”

“I shall be reading some Charms magazines in the sun today. I wouldn’t mind someone to discuss some of the articles with.” She smiled at him. “Only if you want to, of course.”

“That would be acceptable.” He went to open the door into the pharmacy, and only when the fresh air hit Hermione she realised she’s been very sweaty again.

“I might take a shower first and then join you”, Severus said.

“Good idea. I will do that too, and lift some of the wards”, Hermione laughed. “You may apparate straight into the corner of the garden.

He inclined his head and Hermione left the work room.

She met Clemency and Jerome outside, and she had clearly interrupted them. Jerome wandered off and pretended to be busy rearranging potions on a shelf, and Hermione grinned mischievously at Clemency.

“Hermione! I didn’t know you were here!” Clemency rubbed her hands nervously on her robes and greeted Hermione with kisses on the cheeks. “Oh dear, you smell like a potions mistress!”

“Believe me, I am glad I am not into potions. The humidity and odour are nearly killing me.” Hermione laughed. “I spy with my little eye…” She wiggled her eyebrows and shot a glance in Jerome’s direction.

Clemency blushed and tried to hide a smile. Then she remembered something.

“Mum wants to meet your parents. She is all business and thinks that things for healthy teeth might sell well.”

Hermione was positively surprised.

“That is a brilliant idea. I will tell my parents, I am sure they’d be delighted. I shall let you know!”

She left the pharmacy and disapparated.

As soon as she landed, she took down the ward that caused the loss of magic. She hadn’t given the charm a name. It had a long and complicated incantation and there was no need for it to have a name anyway.

She hopped under the shower and the feeling was simply amazing. She hadn’t felt clean all day, as she didn’t have a shower when getting up, and the stickiness form the potions lab was unbearable. She spent more time under the water than she had to. Only when she felt another magical presence on the property she realised that she’d been dawdling and hurried to get out and downstairs.

“Sorry you had to wait, I didn’t think you’d be that quick”, Hermione said through the open kitchen door.

“Would you like some coffee?”

“Later maybe, thanks.”

She got some lemonade and fruit from the fridge and took it outside. She had to stifle a surprised gasp when she saw him. Severus sat at the table and seemed to be reading a book he brought.

He noticed it and looked at her, cocking an eyebrow.

“Yes?”

“Nothing”, she lied and busied herself with cutting up a melon.

He didn’t say any more but she could feel how he taunted her with his glance, quietly forcing her to speak.

“Would you stop staring at me?”, she snapped.

He didn’t try to hide it and even intensified his questioning glare. She snorted and put the knife down.

“Alright!” She surrendered. “I just didn’t expect you to look so… casual.”

She could feel her cheeks blushing and started cutting the melon again, so she didn’t have to look at him.

He wore black cotton trousers, blue espadrilles and a dark green shirt, the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. It was a perfectly decent ensemble, but if one only knew Professor or Potions Master Severus Snape, it could indeed be a shock to see him like this.

He rolled his eyes. “And I thought for a moment, I was growing some ghastly excrescences or had lost a leg without noticing it.”

“You might as well have. That would have been less of a surprise than seeing you without that black frock”, she chaffed him, faking a shudder.

They sat together all morning, Hermione read the recent papers published on charms and Severus read a book on Muggle chemistry.

“I found it in Geneva. Some of the things you left for me sounded quite interesting”, he explained.

Around noon Hermione dozed off on the lounger and Severus transfigured a canopy out of a blanket that was hanging over a chair, to make sure she wouldn’t catch a sunburn. It was peaceful and he found himself caught up in his thoughts.

How did this happen? Why was he sat in the Grangers’ garden, reading a book on muggle chemistry, drinking homemade lemonade and having the know-it-all Gryffindor Princess slumber a few feet away from him?

He knew he didn’t deserve it. None of it, not this moment and not his comfortable life in France. And yet, he enjoyed it so much. And he would be damned if he didn’t take the chance whilst he had it. It couldn’t do much harm to enjoy these few days of bliss. She would be leaving next week anyway, and then he wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore.

Although, she did say she wanted to come here to see him. Would she really? She’d be busy teaching at Hogwarts, and she wouldn’t just apparate to another continent and go through all the hassle that came with it, to spend a weekend off in Grasse.

Another thought crept into his mind. Could he go to England and visit her? No, that was impossible. Someone could recognise him. But it was tempting.

He missed it. He missed the Highlands, the mist hanging over the pastures in the morning and the tranquillity of the lakes all year round. He missed the bustling of the City of London, the business of Diagon Alley and the taste of The Leaky Cauldron’s hot Butterbeer.

He missed Hogwarts. He wanted to know what it looked like now. The last picture he had of it was haunting him every night. Burning, roofs collapsed, towers demolished.

The sight of the castle that night had killed him inside, and he remembered that he had wept tears. Between dying and watching his home being razed to the ground, dying had seemed like the lesser evil. He’d never be able to see it again. He’d never be able to be at home again.

Hermione stirred and jolted Severus out of his thoughts.

“Oh, good heavens”, she said drowsily. “I am so sorry, what you must think of me…”

“Oh no, she’s back. And so the peaceful silence is over”, he mocked her.

She got up too quickly and staggered a little bit, rubbing her eyes and discreetly stretching her limbs. She wasn’t alert enough yet to catch his taunt.

“Can I get you anything?”, she asked.

“Just lie down again.”

They spent the next couple of days in a similar way, but instead of sitting on the Granger’s patio, they were on Severus’s small balcony. Hermione had brought some of the lemonade and she had also stopped at the bakery for some pastries. They discussed a couple of articles and Severus asked her about her muggle studies.

“How did you manage to get a muggle degree?

“There is special admissions office at Oxford for witches and wizards”, Hermione replied. “Very few actually know about it or take the opportunity, I was the only witch in all the years I have been there. I think there are two at the moment.”

“So you don’t need muggle qualifications?”

“Not necessarily. You have to take a test, general knowledge, subject specific knowledge. You are still required to be at the same level.”

“So how did you manage to get your doctoral degree at the age of… ?” Severus waited for her to finish his sentence.

“Twenty -six”, she helped him out. “I began a master’s degree in social anthropology at the start of my second year of Charms mastery. I was twenty-one.”

She calculated the years in her head. “It took me one year and I got accepted for a doctoral thesis. I finished my charms mastery at twenty-three and spent another three years on the doctoral thesis. I wrote it on ethnicity and nationality. That was nearly three years ago.”

Severus asked her more about the muggle university system and they discussed how non-magical subjects could be combined with magical subjects. When Hermione got ready to leave, Severus could tell something seemed to bother her.

“Spit it out”, he said and she looked at him surprised. “I can tell you’ve got something on your mind. Let me know.”

She played with the handle of her bag nervously. “I was just wondering…. never mind, it’s nothing really.”

She turned around to leave, but he shut the balcony door without even touching his wand.

“Tell me”, he said. His voice sounded softer than he looked.

She let out a sigh. “I thought about the time when I am back home in London. I was wondering… I mean, I thought, maybe if you like and if you’ve got time… I don’t know, it’s probably stupid.” She shook her head.

A harrumph from Severus was enough to get her talking again.

“I just thought, if you would ever felt like talking about our project or so… well, if you wanted to come and visit me in England, that erm… I think that would be nice. If you would want to. I can understand that you might not. It was just a thought. Forget I even mentioned it.”

She looked extremely uncomfortable, but he couldn’t believe what he had heard. It was as if she knew about his thoughts. He tried to not show his excitement.

“I will think about it. See you tomorrow?”

She smiled and nodded. “See you tomorrow.”


	9. Chapter 9

TRUE COLOURS TOM ODELL

“Muggle dental products are designed to be used consistently. You would have to magically alter some of the effects. Otherwise a single use won’t do much good”, Jane Granger explained to Clemency and Armita.

Clemency nodded and wrote down some notes. She had taken on the project of dental care and would be working on the products together with Hermione’s parents.

They were all sat on the Granger’s patio and Hermione was listening in curiously.

“Things like Toothflossing Stringmints are great, if they weren’t sweets. Wizards could use them regularly and with magical adjustments, it would enormously increase dental health”, George said.

“Wizarding dental hygiene is overall very similar to muggle dental hygiene”, Armita explained. “I think that is also where to problem is. We do make toothpaste. It is nearly identical to muggle toothpaste and we use it just like muggles do. The problem is really, that not only are witches and wizards exposed to magical food and sweets, but we also live much longer. Our teeth need to serve us twice as long on average.”

Hermione explained to her parents, that in fact wizards were not completely clueless about dental health. They discussed more ideas and the Nancy’s decided to stay for dinner later.

“I will start working on some of these ideas, and maybe we can meet up again soon, whilst you are still in France”, Clemency proposed.

“That would be lovely. I am sure Hermione can take some of those wards down, so you can just come straight here again?”, Jane proposed. “I am afraid I will take advantage of your ability to apparate. It would take us too long to get to Arraxy.”

Hermione felt extremely uncomfortable.

“I don’t think we should take the wards down, mum. Why don’t you meet somewhere in Grasse or Cannes?”

“And talk about dental care potions in the middle of a muggle café?”, Jane asked.

Hermione’s dad came back outside with a jug of lemonade.

“How about one of those portkeys?”, he proposed. “That could take us to Arraxy.”

Hermione loved her dad for knowing his way around magical things. “That isn’t a bad idea, daddy.”

“Unregistered portkeys don’t arrive in Arraxy”, Armita informed them.

George looked questioningly.

“I can’t register one”, Hermione explained. “Muggles are not meant to travel via portkey.” Her dad nodded, understanding the problem.

“I completely understand that you don’t want to lift the wards”, Clemency exclaimed. “Why don’t you just stay another two weeks?”

“I really have to go back home, I have a lot of things to do before my new job begins.” Hermione pinched her nose in frustration.

“I am not a charms master”, Armita said. “But if you like I will put up the strongest wards I can manage every time we leave.”

Hermione’s parents looked at her expectantly. She really didn’t want to leave them without all the security in place, but she also knew that something could happen anytime they left the house. She was happy that they had such an easy relationship with magic, and the project with the Nancy’s was such a great opportunity for them. Maybe there was another way to make sure her parents were as safe as possible.

“That would not be a bad idea”, she replied to Armita.

She got up from the table. “I just remembered, I wanted to get something in Arraxy. If you don’t mind, I’d go there now. You keep on talking about your dentist things, and when I am back we think about some of the charms?”

Armita agreed and Hermione kissed her parents goodbye. “I’ll be back soon. Do you want pastries?”

“Yes, please!”, her dad said excitedly. She laughed and waved at them as she walked towards the apparition point and disappeared a moment later.

Hermione knocked on the pharmacy’s backdoor. Severus opened up and the terrifyingly dark expression on his face gave way to mild surprise.

“I thought Armita and Clemency were at your place today?”

“They are”, she sighed and walked inside. Severus had been sorting some ingredients into little boxes and he continued where he had left from. Hermione leaned on his work bench and crossed her arms in front of her chest and started to watch him, but he stopped soon again.

“What’s the matter?”

She looked at his grumpy face and immediately felt the need to explain herself. He looked like he might go and kill a werewolf somewhere.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Everything is fine, really!”

“Coffee?” Severus nodded towards the staircase. She grabbed her bag and followed him upstairs.

“It’s about the wards I put on my parent’s house”, she started. Severus boiled some water with a flick of his wand and prepared them some hot drinks.

“My parents and the Nancy’s get along really well, which is great!” She gratefully took the cup of coffee and they went onto the balcony. “They want to meet more often, and obviously mum and dad can’t come here.”

Severus nodded and indicated that he understood the problem. “And the Nancy’s can’t go there as long as the wards are up”, he finished her sentence.

“Armita offered to put them up every time they are there.”

Hermione looked at Severus. She didn’t want to actually voice her concerns.

“But you are not happy with anybody else’s charm work but yours.”

She nodded.

“It is not that I don’t think Armita is capable, I am sure she is”, Hermione tried to explain.

“I understand.” Severus looked at her, seemingly expressionless, but Hermione thought she could see the glint of something in his dark eyes. She sighed.

“Would you be willing to check on them every now and then?”, she asked him and was surprised to see his face fall in shock.

“What?”

His voice was cold, and Hermione suddenly felt like she might have asked to much of him.

“You really don’t have to!”, she exclaimed. “I just thought, you’re the most capable wizard I know, and if I’d trust anybody with my parent’s safety, it is you.”

She looked at him timidly.

His face grew dark, and darker, and darker.

“You don’t have to, it’s fine. I guess I am just being paranoid and…”

“I am a Death Eater”, he barked. “You wouldn’t want to leave your parents’ safety in my hands.”

She couldn’t believe what he had just said.

“Don’t say that. That’s not true.”

“You are naïve and foolish, if you think it’s not true.”

Every word was dripping with venom and pain. Hermione sat down on a chair and looked at him in disbelief.

“I don’t think I am the foolish one here”, she replied calmly.

“You might as well go to Azkaban and ask Dolohov to keep an eye on your parents.”

He turned around to go inside, and although Hermione was shocked by what he had said, she was quicker than him and got up to stand in his way.

“Stop it, Severus”, she demanded. She tried to subdue the anger that the name Dolohov had evoked in her.

He looked at her full of hatred, for himself or for her, she didn’t know.

“Get out of my way.”

“I don’t think so. You sit down right there…”, she pointed at the chair, “… right now.”

“I think you’re forgetting who you’re speaking to.” Severus clenched his jaw and his nostrils flared in anger.

Hermione couldn’t care less. She kept her calm, it wouldn’t do any good if both of them exploded now.

“I am much aware of who I am speaking to, thank you very much. Sit. Down.”

He didn’t move and towered over her, trying to be intimidating. She took a step towards him, lifted her chin and looked him in the eye, being calm and soft, but firm at the same time.

“You are nothing like any of them”, she intensified her gaze, “Nothing at all. And don’t think me disillusioned. I am aware that I don’t even know a fraction of all the things you had to do, but it does not matter to me. Everyone does good things and bad things. What matters is that we don’t let the bad things define us, you need to learn that. Your intentions are what define you.”

He took a breath before he spoke.

“I don’t agree with you, Hermione.” He looked less hostile now and spoke calmly. “No matter what your intentions are, it is never acceptable to stand by and watch evil happen. It is never acceptable to torture, it is never acceptable to kill.”

“I didn’t argue that these things are acceptable. But doing inacceptable things does not necessarily make you an evil person.”

“What defines an evil person?”, he asked her quietly.

“Defining an evil person, is like defining evil itself. If I would have an answer to that, Merlin would rise from the dead and bow in front of me”, she said with smile on her lips but no less serious.

“I trust you, Severus”, she said again. “And if you wouldn’t mind taking it upon you, it would greatly relief my worries to know my parents are in capable hands.”

“That sounds like you’re leaving two toddlers behind.”

She couldn’t ignore the smile that was tucking on the corner of his lips and started laughing heartily. She didn’t notice Severus’s eyes resting on her affectionately.

“It is natural, that at some point in life, the roles between parents and their children get reversed.”

He shrugged his shoulders and said: “I wouldn’t know. I assume no one can know about my involvement in this matter?”

She gave him an endearing glance. Severus looked sober, but she noticed something undefinable in his eyes.

“The fewer people that know, the smaller the potential danger”, she said. “Thank you.”

He simply nodded in reply.

She looked at him, considering for a moment to tell him that she would miss him, but she decided against it. She was never quite sure about how well he’d take such statements, and she had probably taunted him enough for one day.

“I shall write to you as soon as I am back in England.” She made to leave the building, but he called her back.

“Hermione?”, he said quietly. She looked at him, tilting her head in question.

“When you’re back in England…”, he paused for a moment. “Nobody can know about this.” He gestured around and she understood.

“Your secret is safe with me, Severus”, she said firmly. “I promise.”

Hermione picked up some pastries at the bakery before she apparated back to Grasse. Clemency and Armita greatly enjoyed dinner with the Granger’s and Hermione was incredibly happy that her mother finally found an area of magic that she was interested in as well.

They worked out some charms that would be based on the residents of the house, meaning Hermione would not be affected once she apparated into the property and the Nancy’s could easily enter via the front door. They didn’t keep the apparition point, or at least they thought they didn’t. Hermione would make sure Severus could apparate into the garden without trouble. The spot was well hidden, so her parents wouldn’t get a fright when they suddenly spotted a dark wizard. She knew, it was not fair towards them but she wanted to be absolutely sure the highest security standards were guaranteed.

Armita placed the wards on the building after dinner and Hermione was overall pleased and approved. She also was not so worried anymore, now that she knew Severus would keep an eye on it as well.

The Nancy’s left and Hermione spent the rest of the evening with her family. They asked her to look after a few things in their house once she was in London and she also offered to do some of the dentistry’s paperwork.

It was late at night when she apparated to England and the streets of Earlsfield were quiet. She left the park and made her way home. To her surprise she saw Susan, the woman living in the house with her, coming down the road with someone by her side.

“Hermione! Good to see you”, she said when they were both close to their gate. “How was France?”

“It was great, lovely weather and loads of wine and food.”

Susan laughed. “I don’t know how you always manage to go on holidays without any luggage.”

“My parents own a house in Grasse, I keep a lot of things there”, she fibbed, clutching her beaded handbag.

Susan noticed Hermione’s glance at the stranger by her side.

“This is David”, she introduced him taking his hand and Hermione understood. “We’ve just come back from dinner.”

“Nice to meet you”, the young man said.

They entered the house and Hermione wished them a good night before she went upstairs. In was quiet in her flat, and very hot. They clearly had had a few warm days in England too, and Hermione cast a cooling spell before she went into her bedroom to unpack the robes she had bought in Paris. She took the stationary and books downstairs into her office and went to make herself a cup of tea, before she went to bed in the early morning hours.

She couldn’t sleep for quite a while. She knew she had a lot to sort out in the coming weeks and she had to come back to get everything done in time, but she was sad about not being in France anymore nonetheless.

Hermione went to see Ginny the next day to pick up Crookshanks, but also to catch up with her best friend.

“Where are the babies today?”, Hermione asked when they walked into the kitchen at Grimmauld Place. She called the Potter’s three children ‘the babies’ even though two of them were technically not babies anymore. It was just a habit.

She was also their eldest son’s godmother. James Sirius adored her and she spoiled him in ways that she would probably not even spoil her own children, if she had any.

“They’re with mum. I have a lot of editing work to do and Harry is working too this weekend, so I thought I’ll try and get it all done by Monday.”

Ginny had recently been appointed Chief Sports Editor for the Daily Prophet. 

“Well, I will be off very soon then, I don’t want to interrupt you”, Hermine said.

“No, you won’t!” Ginny put a cup of hot butterbeer in front of her. “I have been waiting for a girly chat for weeks, you won’t leave me now!” She sat down opposite of Hermione.

“Tell me about France.”

Hermione understood what Ginny meant and sighed.

“Gin, it’s quite complicated.”

“You know I will not force you to tell me anything, but you also know that sharing something with your best friend can be beneficial at times.”

Hermine knew that Ginny was right. She wanted to tell her, but she felt bad for Severus.

“See, I’ve met someone, but they don’t want anybody to know about their whereabouts.”

“You met Professor Snape, am I right?”, said Ginny and Hermione nearly chocked on her butterbeer. She gave Ginny a shocked glance.

“How…?”

“I suspected it when you asked Harry to look into Snape’s file. I’ve looked at some of the articles the prophet had published on him and managed to get onto information that the writers used. Everybody thinks him dead, but as you know yourself, there is no real evidence. No body, no witnesses except you, Harry and Ron.” She tried to catch Hermione’s eyes. “I can put one and one together. Although, I was mainly guessing it.”

Hermione sighed and rubbed her eyes. “You can’t tell anybody, Ginny.”

“No worries, I didn’t plan on mentioning it during Sunday lunch at my mum’s. And I am not stupid enough to tell Harry.” She looked a little bit worried. “I don’t think it would go down too well with anyone.”

Hermione smiled, but then looked frustrated.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Do nothing”, Ginny said simply.

“What?”

Her friend shrugged her shoulders.

“I have given this a bit of thought”, she started to explain. “Snape was a spy. If he didn’t want anybody to find him, he’d have been more than capable to achieve that.”

Hermione looked quizzically, and Ginny continued: “He probably wanted to be found. I don’t believe he’d be careless enough to just risk having one of his former students run into him.”

“I am not sure, Gin…”, Hermione said. “It was a coincidence after all. And he has been very… I don’t know, sensitive about it.”

“So you have talked to him and he hasn’t cursed you or anything?”

Hermione laughed.

“No. We already talked in February and although he was positively furious, he didn’t curse me then. He tried to curse me on one occasion though, last week. We actually spent a lot of time together whilst I was in France.”

Ginny’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really? What have you been doing?”

“We started working on a project together. A combination of the wolfsbane potion and the Homorphus charm.”

“So, you just walked up to him and asked him to work on a project together?”

“Well, no”, Hermione said and explained to Ginny how he had invited her to the symposium and how they came to work together.

“And then you were just hanging out with him on his balcony?”, Ginny said and her eyes were nearly falling out of her head by that stage.

“Well… yes.”

“How did he survive?”, Ginny asked quietly.

Hermione was caught by surprise.

“I don’t know …”

Of all the things they had talked about, this had never come up.

“Ok, I tell you what this sounds like to me”, Ginny sat up straight and she reminded Hermione oddly of Mrs Weasley.

“Firstly, I believe he is extremely bored.”

Hermione looked sceptical.

“Think of it”, Ginny said. “He had been a spy for half of his life, whilst being a teacher at the same time and as far as I am aware, he was a renowned potions master, far beyond the work he has done at Hogwarts.” She gave Hermione an expectant look. “Now he only brews potions for a pharmacy. He has done that here in England for St Mungo’s too, whilst doing all of the other things.”

“You’re right”, Hermione said apprehensively. She hadn’t thought about it like that.

“Next thing, you turn up in his new life. He might have been annoyed and scared at first, but according to what you’ve told me, that didn’t last long.”

“He still lashes out at me at times”, Hermione explained.

“Of course he does”, Ginny said. “But more importantly he doesn’t send you away, he doesn’t mind you being around.” She looked determined. “And I believe there must be a reason for this.” She grinned at Hermione who looked slightly suspicious now. “As much as I like you, I don’t think Snape likes you enough to risk his exposure. I wonder if he realises he is bored.”

“You think he needs me to cure his boredom? That is ridiculous Ginny!” Hermione sounded annoyed.

“No, that’s not what I think”, Ginny replied. “I am not sure exactly, but I wonder if he sees you as an opportunity. To maybe come back?”

She looked less certain now. “I just don’t believe Snape does anything without thinking carefully about it and weighing the pros and cons.”

“I don’t know, Gin”, Hermione couldn’t hide her scepticism.

“Well, I don’t know either”, Ginny got up and put their cup away. “That is just what it seems like to me.”

The next few weeks went by quickly. Hermione had a lot of paperwork to do regarding the contracts she needed to cancel for her research funding, muggle and magical alike. She would still be doing her independent research, that was the benefit of her profession in the first place, but she didn’t need the funding any longer, and would only do external research if she wanted to.

She spent one weekend finishing the paperwork at her parent’s dentistry and once her mother was back they started going to yoga classes again. Even Ginny joined them a couple of times.

She always got excited when George brought a letter from Severus. They exchanged some of the research work they had done, but also checked in on one another’s general well-being.

Hermione didn’t want to admit it, but she missed having someone in the room to discuss her thoughts with. Her parents were very much like her, but couldn’t really keep up with her magical studies, and her friends were not as invested in it as she was. Penny was very good to talk to about research, but lately she seemed to have reduced her independent work and was focusing more on the Hogwarts syllabus and how to improve it. Hermione didn’t blame her, she could see that it was just as important. She would probably be the same once she started teaching.

However, she seriously lacked some intellectual discussion at the moment. It was frustrating not having an external source to give her food for thought. An external source being Severus. She had gotten used to it very quickly over the two weeks in France.

_I wonder if I could brush up my Arithmancy. It could help to calculate the possible outcomes of several combinations of potions and charms. I will think about some equations and attach the charts to my next letter. I doubt my calculations are good enough to work, but they might be sufficient to determine if equations in general could support the experiments._

_Maybe your Arithmancy skills are more promising?_

_Minerva sent me a letter yesterday. I will be moving to Hogwarts by the middle of August, so probably next week, and work on the Charms and DADA combined syllabus. This year is the first year to have students specialising in DADA with Charms. Most of them chose this combination, there are a good few on the DADA Transfiguration course, and only a handful on the DADA Potions course. But I presume if it were up to you, nobody would have made it into the advanced potions and DADAP classes. Anyway, I am looking forward to teaching my very first DADAC class. I was thinking about covering advanced shielding charms and wards, as well as teaching the ability to use defensive and offensive charms effectively. Anything you would recommend?_

_Clemency is planning on visiting my parents’ dentistry before the new term. I am so glad to see that they can combine magical and muggle professions so seamlessly. I wish we could just sit together like we did two months ago and discuss our work._

_Hermione_

_P.S.: I hope you are feeding George well, he won’t eat any of the fruit I give to him!_

_Hermione,_

_I am afraid I have to acknowledge my own sin of never really caring very much about Arithmancy. I know it is extremely useful for potion experiments, and luckily I’ve always had skilled Arithmancy Masters around me. At Hogwarts there was Septima Vector and here in France I have Jerome. He is not as good as Septima, but still an exceptional arithmancer, that is why he is working at the pharmacy mainly, he supports some of the research projects with probability charts._

_If you decide to improve your skills, I would recommend talking to Septima at Hogwarts, I believe she has been teaching you during your time as a student and I am certain she wouldn’t mind supporting someone who can appreciate her art._

_The new DADA syllabus sounds very interesting, I think I have mentioned that before. How do students decide what they want to specialise in and how do you determine who is suitable for which specialisation?_

_Before anything else, I would recommend insisting on nonverbal spells. Not just using them, but refining them, so that they are as efficient as verbal spells. As you probably know, it is a keen advantage in any precarious situation. I would also teach them to watch and analyse. They should learn to predict their opponent’s next move._

_Generally speaking, if the student can achieve to cast a variety of nonverbal binding spells and stunning spells, as well as a nonverbal Expelliarmus and Protego and other disarming and shielding charms, they are more than fit for their N.E.W.T.s. It is not on the syllabus as far as I am aware, but you could teach your better students a non-corporal Patronus charm and encourage them to produce a corporal once. I would not insist on it, as some witches and wizards are simply not capable of doing so._

_Clemency is obsessed with all those dental health potions, she talks about nothing else these days. I shall be starting to teach her the wolfsbane potion soon, to get her back onto the right track._

_You are welcome to visit at any time and discuss your ideas with me._

_I have never stocked more nectarines._

_S._

Hermione smiled when she read Severus’s letter. She remembered what Ginny had said, but it still didn’t make sense to her. It was also none of her business, she thought. If he wanted to come to England he would say so, and if not that was fine too. There was no need to dwell on it for now. If anything, she should think about when she could go to France next.


	10. Chapter 10

Song Recommendation

I’M GONNA BE - LUCY SPRAGGAN

Severus opened the door into the work room.

“You should have knocked”, Clemency hissed.

He looked around the room and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“You are not working.”

“I was until just now. I finished the first stage of the wolfsbane. You could have ruined it.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“It shouldn’t have taken you any longer anyway”, he said coolly.

In reality he was quite impressed. Clemency was a quick learner, naturally talented with potions and she had absorbed a remarkable amount of information over the last four years. He didn’t doubt one moment that her wolfsbane potion would be less than acceptable. Maybe not excellent, but if she did it a few more times that could be achieved too.

He walked over to her work bench and put down a basket full of dittany.

“Make three batches of pepper-up potion, two batches of bitterroot balm and one batch of an antidote against common poisons.”

“I told you, I am working on the wolfsbane”, Clemency snapped. The two of them really did not get along very well.

“And you ought to be capable of brewing multiple potions simultaneously, if you want to get that mastery.”

He pulled a box of bezoars off the shelf and slammed it onto the table in front of her.

“I believe you can find the rest of the ingredients yourself.”

Severus wanted her to work independently. If she could go galivanting off to England, then she could also stock up the pharmacy.

He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he was jealous. Clemency had spent the last week in England and now she made sure that everyone who wanted to hear about it, and everyone who didn’t, would get the full account of her little adventure. He felt like he had heard her story one hundred times.

Clemency had spent three days with the Granger’s in London learning about muggle dentistry. She had stayed in Hermione’s flat and she had visited Diagon Alley and muggle London. Then she had been invited to Hogwarts, she had dined in the Great Hall, she had sat in Hermione’s classes and she had watched a potions class under Penny Haywood. She had met Hermione’s friends in Hogsmead, and they had celebrated Hermione’s twenty-ninth birthday. She had had butterbeer for the first time in the Three Broomsticks and she had played a game of Quidditch with Saint Potter, his wife Ginerva, who had apparently been a chaser for the Holyhead Harpies, and a whole bunch of other people who were all annoyingly familiar to Severus.

He hated it. Every single time Clemency started talking about it, he just wanted to strangle her thin little throat. She even had the audacity to suggest he take up correspondence with Professor Penny Haywood, as if he had not been teaching the very same for seven years.

Clemency’s affiliation with people in England also made things much more complicated for Severus. How long would it take until they started talking about their potion teachers? Once that happened, they’d immediately work out that Severus was Septimus and Septimus was Severus and whatever.

He threw one last emotionless glance at Clemency and left the work room to go upstairs. He made himself some coffee but decided he’d have a drink instead. He liked cognac and he was in the mood for a strong drink.

Sitting on his balcony he was thinking about home. He had always known that he wasn’t at home here in France, but it wasn’t until Hermione came that he had become so aware of it. She portrayed home for him, and combined with her sober and steady nature, he experienced a feeling of belonging.

As much as he liked spending time with her here in France, he imagined what it would be like in England. They could have coffee at his favourite café in Covent Garden, they could go to Flourish and Blotts and Scribbulus and they could have a good home cooked meal in The Leaky Cauldron whilst they discussed the latest articles published in the _Potent Potions_ or _Things to know about Charms_ magazines. He could visit her at Hogwarts, they could get hot Butterbeer in the Three Brooksticks and walk around the lake in the white snow in December.

He could probably be giving guest lessons in potions or teach fulltime again, they could have dinner in the Great Hall, and he would not care a single bit about everyone’s suspicious and hateful glances because he’d be with her.

_For Merlin’s sake, pull yourself together, old man. You are pathetic._

Severus snorted into his cognac. He was pathetic. He was training up Clemency to take over his position, so he could move back to England, a country where nobody knew that he was still alive, and if they found out, where they’d probably lock him up in Azkaban.

He better didn’t let himself get carried away with these thoughts. It was ridiculous and unhealthy.

He got up and wanted to go inside when he saw George flying towards him from afar.

“Good evening, old chap. How are you?”, he murmured and patted the bird on his head. “Let’s hope you will keep on coming here with letters for me.”

_I have made progress on my Arithmancy equations. Are you free next weekend?_

_Hermione_

He tried to be not too excited when he wrote her back.

_I shall meet you at your parent’s house._

_S._

He liked the Granger’s place, he knew she was comfortable there, and he thought it was a good way of showing her the wards he had put in place at the end of June. His mood had improved considerably, and he decided to go back downstairs and check on Clemency. He even brought her a cup of coffee with cream and sugar, the way she liked it.

On Saturday morning he received a letter from Hermione, telling him that she had arrived in Grasse. He collected all his research papers and the small present he had gotten her for her birthday. It was a belated present, but he had found it on his last trip to Paris and had thought of her. Just before he left, he found himself walking into the bathroom to check his appearance in the mirror. It was stupid, he knew it, but he decided to get changed. He took off the black frock and chose his green shirt and black cotton trousers. After quick consideration he brushed his hair and tied it up new.

_You are such a wishful wimp._

He grunted and left to apparate into the Granger’s garden.

Hermione was nowhere to be seen, so he made his way to the house. When he reached the patio, she opened the kitchen door, clearly lost in thought or rather, lost in her bottomless handbag. She also held a number of cotton bags and when she noticed him a broad smile appeared on her face.

“Severus!”

Before he could do anything, he found himself in a tight embrace. It was probably the shock that made him go as stiff as a statue immediately.

“I’m sorry”, Hermione muttered and pulled back quickly, going bright red.

“I am glad to see you survived another intercontinental apparition without splinching”, he said coolly.

She smiled and shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve never had a problem with far distance apparition. The furthest I’ve done once is London to Athens.”

He raised his eyebrow in surprise. “I have to admit that is rather impressive.”

“Well, as handy as apparition is, I hope you don’t mind that we are going to walk down to Grasse now.” She went past him and headed up the stairs next to the house.

“Are we?”, he asked rhetorically.

“If you don’t want to starve, yes. If you’re not hungry you can wait here until I am back.”

He snorted and followed her up the steps. They walked onto the street and Severus could literally feel the magical force behind him as Hermione pulled up wards with a quick move of her hand.

“One might think there is a third wizarding war going on, with the kind of security spells you are using.”

“Constant vigilance”, Hermione cited, and Severus threw her a warning glance. She didn’t say any more.

“How was your first month of teaching?”, he asked after a while.

“It is just wonderful!”, Hermione exclaimed and then she started talking without pause.

She seemed like an eleven-year old that had just arrived at Hogwarts, being completely overwhelmed by magic and the wizarding world.

She told him about how wonderful her classroom was, that she was allowed to decorate it the way she wanted. He obviously knew this, having been a teacher at Hogwarts himself, but he still liked listening to her. She also told him about how the students struggled with nonverbal spells, but that their standards were overall very good.

“Technically, I have to invite an external expert at least twice a month for practical sessions. It’s supposed to show the students how the things they learn in school are applied in the real world, if you might call it that. I just don’t really know whom to invite”, she explained to him. “I’ve asked Harry to come in November and December, but I can’t always just ask him.”

“Why don’t to write to Bibblibus. Memory Charms can be considered dark magic in the broader sense”, he recommended.

Hermione thought about it for a moment. “That is actually not a bad idea. Do you have his details?”

“I shall get them and send them to you.”

She then told him about some of the new staff members. A young man named Roosh was the new flying instructor. He had come from America, where he had been Chaser at the Vermont Quidditch Team. There also was a squib teaching Muggle studies now, and she seemingly quite liked him, which made him rather jealous. 

“I spend quite a lot of time at Hagrid’s with Luna, Neville and Penny. Ron sometimes comes too, to pick up Penny. It is lovely.”

There was also a lady teaching all the classics, which were the electives from third year; ancient runes, alchemy and, to his surprise, Latin. Severus thought it was a useful thing to teach, as all the spells were Latinised.

He didn’t say much. He was happy to hear that she enjoyed it so much and for a moment he wondered, if she’d spend time with him if he were there.

_Probably not, she’s basically got all her childhood friends there. You’d be a burden._

Still, he could not help but wonder.

“Is something the matter?”, she asked him, and he wanted to slap himself for losing focus.

“No.”

She had a dangerously insightful look in her eyes, as they rested on him.

“I am sorry”, she said quietly.

He just ignored her, and they walked in silence for a while.

“Clemency said you’re heaping work on her like mad.” Severus noticed a sly grin on Hermione’s face. “Have mercy.”

“Never”, he replied coolly, but Hermione laughed anyway.

“About that…” Severus didn’t know how he should bring up the topic. “Has Clemency been talking to your friends a lot?”, he asked carefully.

Hermione gave him a soft look and he knew immediately that she understood what he was trying to say. Talking to her was so easy, she seemed to get him even when he himself had trouble understanding.

“I have made sure neither Septimus nor Severus were coming up in conversation. It only took me four and a half hours to work out a charm.” She smiled proudly.

He raised an eyebrow in question.

“It is based on the muggle repellent charm, but it basically distracts the thoughts of people in the room as soon as they wander into your direction. It can be applied to any person, not just you. It has been a bit tricky because you basically count as two people and I personally don’t know you as Septimus, but I think it worked. Even if it didn’t, thoughts about Professor Severus Snape are diverted, so that should cover it.”

He looked at her in astonishment but composed his facial expression very quickly. “Know-it-all.”

“Grinch.”

He gave her a condescending look, but she just laughed at him.

“That will not work for me anymore”, she pointed at his face. “It only proves my point.”

They arrived in Grasse and got enough food to feed an army at the market. Severus had never been to a muggle market like this and it was a rather nice experience. He knew his way around the muggle world obviously, but he had never thought of going to a market. It reminded him a bit of potion ingredient shopping. He watched Hermione as she checked the vegetables and fruits, and how she tasted some cheese. He took the bag with the baguette of her and as she wandered through the stalls, he managed to take the other bag of her too.

“I think we should get some wine”, she said when they walked down the main street in Grasse. “There is a good shop my parents go to. Red or white?”

“White.”

Hermione looked at him surprised. “Really?”

“With this kind of food, yes. Red is too heavy”, he explained.

She shrugged her shoulders. “Well, I am still going to have red.”

Severus insisted on buying the wine, as Hermione had bought all the food. One stern look was enough to shut her up, and he was pleased that, even though her earlier comment suggest otherwise, his glance still had the desired effect.

As they walked back home, Hermione complained and wanted to apparate back, but Severus got her started on the idea of a Charms fieldtrip with her students and she forgot about how steep the hill was. He carried the bags and she the two wine bottles, and he couldn’t remember when he had felt this happy the last time.

_Yes, you can. When she was sat next to you on your balcony in June._

When they were back home, they put the shopping in the kitchen and spread their work across the table on the patio. Hermione showed him the charts she had been working on.

“Look, I managed to visualise these equations. One of them shows the probability line of a potions combined with the curse breaking elements of the Homorphus charm.” She made a number of fairly complicated movements with her wand and the graph visualised in front of them.

“If a add this equation”, she flicked her wand and the graph changed slightly and fizzled out at the end, “you can see the probability line changes. This equation represents the Homorphus charm as a transfiguration charm. We don’t really want that.”

She flicked her wand again and the graph returned to its previous state.

“Now, if I add this equation”, more complicated wand movements followed and a second graph appeared, “You can see the constant graph for the transfiguration magic of the moon. I just haven’t worked out yet how to combine the two graphs.”

She looked through some of her papers.

“Can you separate the graph that represents the potion and the homorphus?”, Severus asked. He didn’t know much about Arithmancy, but he could think logically.

Hermione looked at him questioningly.

“You could have one graph for the potion and one for the charm and see if you can combine the moon graph with either of them”, he proposed.

Hermione thought for a moment and slowly nodded. Her stared into space for a moment, then she started furiously writing down new calculations.

They worked like that for a few hours and managed to combine the potion and the charm with the moon separately, but not together.

“There has to be either a mistake in my calculations, or a logical mistake in my thinking process. Probably the latter”, Hermione wailed. She put her head on the table. “My brain…”, she grumbled frustratedly.

“Food?”, Severus asked her.

“Alcohol.”

He got up and walked into the house to hide a small smile that had crept onto his face. A while later he came back with empty hands.

“I don’t know what you wanted to make from the vegetables”, he confessed.

Hermione laughed and got up to join him.

“I just cut them all up, put them in the pan and cook them until they’re soft. Then add some cream and herbs, et voila, you have a healthy thing to eat with all this white bread and fatty cheese.”

She got knife and cutting board out and started preparing the vegetables.

“How muggle of you”, Severus sneered. “I thought I’d be harassed with some more boastful wand waving. Quick, I might forget you’ve got a mastery in Charms.”

She looked at him expressionlessly and he thought for a moment he had been to harsh.

“Pour me some wine, potion master”, she said cockily.

It demanded his full willpower to stop himself from breaking out into laughter. He did as he was told.

“Hermione?”

He said her name reluctantly, but the question was burning on his mind.

“Hm?”

“Why have you not chosen a magical career earlier?”

There was a deadly silence between them, and he wondered for moment, if he shouldn’t have asked her.

“I didn’t want to do magic anymore”, she said quietly after a while, chopping some vegetables.

He nodded slowly, understanding what she said.

“I have never given up magic”, she explained. “But I couldn’t imagine my life in a world, a place that… held certain memories.”

“I understand.”

She didn’t look at him, but he could feel the thoughtfulness that radiated around her. He did understand what she meant, but he also didn’t understand it at all. He couldn’t imagine what talent the magical world has been lacking for a decade, just because of that bloody war. There was a lot about the past that he hated, but the fact that it stopped a brilliant young witch from living her life to her fullest potential… It made him angry beyond measure. Why care about himself any longer? He had been a wreck for the most part of his life, but she had been bright, brilliant and unspoilt, and the war had taken it away from her.

When they sat down outside to eat Severus pulled out a little packet of his pocket and put it on the table in front of her.

“Clemency mentioned it was your birthday a couple of weeks ago.”

She looked at him with these lovely brown eyes. He could have looked at them for days on end and not grew tired.

“Thank you”, she said, a loving and surprised tone in her voice.

He tapped the packet once with his wand and it turned into original size. It was a dark green notebook, embellished with tiny golden leaves all over it.

“You can write down your students names in those columns”, he pointed onto the page, “and the grades you’ve given them here. It automatically calculates the overall grade for the student and shows you it over here.”

“That is so useful!”, she said and looked at the booklet amazed. “Why did I not think of something like that?”

“It will also calculate each class’s average grade and display how well they did on each assignment. You can enter a percentage here…”, he pointed at a little square on the top of a page, “… that is the lowest percentage you think the class should reach overall. If an assignment is under the given percentage, the notebook will create a notification that the topic has to be revised.”

Hermione was absolutely in love with the present.

“That is honestly, the most thoughtful and useful present I have gotten in a long time.”

She closed the booklet and looked at him with her fawn like eyes and he could feel a warmth growing in the centre of his chest.

“Thank you so much, Severus”, she said sincerely.

He just focused on his plate again.

They ate and drank wine all evening, talking about all kinds of things and the night grew dark around them. Apparently, Hermione really liked going to museums and Severus told her about some of his likes.

“Have you ever been to the BBC Proms?”, he asked her.

“I am not a hardcore regular”, she laughed, “but I’d go to the odd one that piques my interest. Have you been?”

“I used to be a _hardcore regular_ ”, he confessed. “Season ticket.”

Hermione smiled at him, but he couldn’t define the look on her face. He felt the alcohol in his body, and all he knew at the moment was, that he was quite content. Hermione’s cheeks were flushed from the wine as well, and her eyes sparkled. She clearly wasn’t a regular drinker. She had only had two glasses.

“I will go swimming now”, she suddenly exclaimed.

“Wha-…?”

She got up and walked into the darkness of the garden. He could barely see her anymore, but he could tell that she was pulling her dress over her head and a second later he heard the noise of her gliding into the water of the small swimming pool.

To his utter embarrassment he felt his trousers getting slightly tighter in a place where they most certainly should not get tighter. He got up and walked into the kitchen, panicking when he noticed the bulge between his legs.

_You creep. She’ll be disgusted and it’ll have been the last time you’ll have seen her. She’ll laugh at you._

He poured himself some lemonade and thought about Hermione looking nauseated at his sight, mocking him. It worked.

He heard her open the kitchen door a while later.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have left you alone”, she slurred a bit.

He looked at her. She was in her dress again, but her hair was still wet. She looked lovely, and it sent hot blood into his groin.

_Mental note: do not drink in her presence again._

“Let’s go back outside”, he said and tilted his head to indicate she’d go first.

Hermione went to lie down on a lounger and with a flick of her wand she transformed it into a u-shape.

“Sit down with me”, she said, pointing at the seat opposite her, and he did. He kept his distance, knowing full well that he hadn’t been thinking the most appropriate things tonight.

She was stretching out on one side of the lounger and turned towards him. He did his best to look as passive as possible.

“Can I ask you something?”, she said.

“When has anything ever stopped you from asking a question?”, he replied coolly.

“You don’t need to reply.”

Hermione watched him, but he couldn’t make out her face in the dim light that came from the kitchen.

“How did you survive?”

It was a timid question, but he was surprised that she hadn’t asked him earlier. She probably knew that he would have snapped at her at best and cursed her at worst. It took him a while to answer her.

“I don’t know”, he said distantly. He had done his best to forget that night, and luckily no one had ever cared, until now.

“Tell me about it”, Hermione said, and he could hear her making herself comfortable.

He looked at her in the dark. She was lying on one side, an arm tucked under her head and her face directed towards him.

“I don’t remember much”, he replied quietly.

“Do you remember us?”, she asked him quietly and he knew what she meant.

“Yes, I remember you, Harry and Ron.” He leaned back on the lounger and looked into the sky.

“It is a rather hazy memory, most likely due to the blood loss I suffered.”

He waited a bit before he continued. “I woke up in my house a couple of days later. These are all very foggy memories. I wasn’t in a particularly healthy state. There was a house elf, it might have been the little one from the Hogwarts kitchens, Dobby.”

“Dobby died a couple of months earlier”, Hermione mentioned sadly.

“Poor creature, I liked him. Very loyal”, Severus said genuinely.

“Yes, he rescued us from Malfoy Manor”, Hermione said.

Severus nodded in understanding.

“So, Bellatrix did get him after all.”

Hermione murmured silently and Severus continued.

“Whoever the house elf was, it gave me a huge amount of blood replenisher. I had taken snake venom in small bits for months in advance, to build up immunity, but the blood loss would have killed me either way.”

“You took snake venom? That must have been excruciating.”

“The only thing more effective than an antidote is immunity.”

He was silent for a while and Hermione asked him: “How did you end up in Arraxy?”

“I was in my house for a few days I believe, I wasn’t always awake. I am not entirely sure how many days passed, but at some point, I was aware enough to remember what had happened and that it had been rather unfortunate that I hadn’t died.”

“Don’t say that”, Hermione said, and she sounded hurt.

“It is true”, he insisted. “At that point, I would have been locked up in Azkaban and probably given to the Dementors. Death is more merciful than a Dementor.”

“You wouldn’t have been locked up”, Hermione said. “Your efforts have been recognised and you have been cleared of all charges post-mortem.”

He looked surprised and it ignited a little spark somewhere in his chest. But he also quickly realised that it was wishful thinking on his part.

“That is because I had already been dead to them. Had I been alive, it might have not been that way”, he said coolly. “Either way, there were still living followers of the Dark Lord. Once they would have learned I was still alive, they’d have come for me.”

He paused and noticed how Hermione’s mood sank a bit. He didn’t see her face, but he could feel it.

“I hadn’t been to Arraxy before and the house elf took me to St Nancy’s. I’ve not seen the creature since. I told them I had been attacked by a snake and they looked after me. I noticed after a few weeks, that the blood replenisher the house elf had given me was in fact from St Nancy’s. I’ve asked Guillaume, but they don’t employ house elves at the hospital.”

Hermione looked thoughtful.

“I wonder if it was a Hogwarts house elf”, she said.

“Most likely.”

“I can find out if you like.”

He didn’t say anything in return. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

“It is probably not worth the effort. I couldn’t even go back home and thank them for it.”

He sounded more hurt than he wanted to, but he couldn’t do much about it. He was sad, he missed his home and he felt so comfortable and relaxed around Hermione that he didn’t have the usual control over his voice.

“Oh, Sev. I am so sorry”, Hermione suddenly said and sat up a but straighter. She was sleepy and tried to keep herself awake. He liked the sound of his name on her tiredly moving lips.

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault”, he said.

“Yes, it is. I keep on telling you about how wonderful everything at Hogwarts is, not thinking a single bit about how much you must miss it. It’s been your home just as much or even more than it’s been mine. I am so sorry.”

He shook his head.

“Don’t be silly. You’re being very Gryffindor and it annoys me.”

“No, Severus”, she said with a bit more force. “I want you to be able to come home. You _should_ be able to come home! You’ve done more during the war than most other people, you died for the cause. They recognised you post-mortem, and they will do the same if they know you are alive. I am certain of it.”

“Hermione”, he said and pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s not that easy. It doesn’t do good to dwell on dreams, a great wizard once said. Even if they did give me my freedom in England, what would I do? Nobody would want me around and nobody would give me work. I couldn’t sustain myself over there.”

“You wouldn’t need to”, she replied. “It’s just a matter of principle. You should be able to decide where you want to go. If you want to buy a cauldron in Diagon Alley, you should be able to do so. If you want to have a Butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks, you should be able to do that too!”

“Stop it”, he said firmly, and she looked at him in surprise. “Just let it go.”

He was getting angry now and he didn’t want to be angry with her. She seemed to notice, as she slowly sank back into the lounger.

They were quiet for a long time and the tension in him slowly disappeared. He thought she was asleep and flicked his wand to put a warming spell on a blanket that spread itself out over her.

“Severus?”, she said quietly and sounded half asleep. He was lucky, to sit on the other side of the lounger, as his name from her lips sounded angelic in his ears. He wondered what it would sound like if she said it in a different context. What would it sound like if they were lying next to one another, tired from loving each other for hours?

_Stop it, you pervert._

“Hm?”, he said quietly, not trusting his own voice. His throat felt rough.

“Would you come back if the opportunity were given to you?”

He didn’t reply to her and after a while he could tell she had finally fallen asleep.

He wasn’t sure if he would take the opportunity, if it were ever given to him. As much as he wanted to see the castle and walk down Diagon Alley, he feared their judgement even more. He didn’t want to endure those hostile glances ever again or be reminded of those horrible years of service under the Dark Lord. Neither did he want to be reminded of his service under Albus Dumbledore. They were both mad men to him, no matter what anybody else said.

Could he dare to start over again? Could he dare to hope for a life at home? He had it all here in France, why could he not be happy and content with what he had? Hermione could stop seeing him in either country, and he should better be far away from her when it happened. He feared the day when she would decide to not see him anymore. Could he possibly risk everything and go to England, to ensure their fragile bond wouldn’t break but maybe even grow stronger?

He settled into the corner of the lounger and his thoughts were circulating around various possibilities for a little bit longer, until he finally fell asleep in the mild air of a Mediterranean autumn night.

The next morning, he woke up when he heard Hermione stir on her side of the lounger. She groaned quietly and when he slowly opened his eyes he immediately understood why.

The morning was lovely, the rising sun setting the horizon on fire and tinting everything in a warm orange. But it was too bright, and the birds were tweeting too loudly for the headache that made itself known immediately.

He stretched his limbs and noticed that Hermione had pulled the blanket over her head. He could only see a few wild curls peeking out of the top.

He got up and walked towards the apparition point, when he heard her murmur his name.

“I’ll be back in a minute”, he reassured her and vanished a moment later.

He had apparated to Arraxy and entered the pharmacy via the backdoor. To his utter annoyance Clemency was in the work room preparing ingredients for a potion. He threw a terrifyingly hostile glance at her.

“Merlin’s knickers, what has gotten your wand in a knot again”, she said rolling her eyes.

He ignored her and went to get two hangover potions. Clemency threw him a disapproving glance, probably thinking he’d have them both himself. He walked out of the pharmacy and made sure the shut the bang the door as loudly as possible.

When he arrived back in Grasse, Hermione wasn’t lying outside anymore, and he found her in the kitchen frying up something in a pan. He put the vial down on the counter next to her.

“You’re my lifesaver.”

She downed the potion in one go.

“That tastes better than some of the stuff I get in the Apothecary in Diagon Alley”, she remarked.

“Don’t disgrace me by comparing my potion to the dishwater they sell in Diagon Alley”, he grumbled.

She turned around and put two plates with scrambled eggs on the table.

“Sit. Eat”, was her simple instruction and he followed it, snorting moodily.

Once the hangover potion’s effect kicked in however, his mood significantly improved.

“I might go and see my parents soon. They’ll be aghast if they find out I’ve had a weekend off and didn’t visit them.”

“If you just stay with me, they won’t find out”, he said before he could think.

_What’s wrong with you? Is there still too much blood in lower regions of your body or why don’t you use your fucking brain, you complete tard._

She smiled at him.

“As tempting as that is…” _Did she really just say that? You lucky bastard._ “… I need them to help me sort out some banking things. My mum needs to sign some papers, so she has full access to my bank account whilst I am busy doing magic tricks.”

Her eyes twinkled in amusement. “I am also going there to make use of their washing machine.”

He couldn’t hide his bewilderment and she laughed. It sounded heavenly.

“Don’t look so stunned. There is nothing better than clothes and linen freshly washed with muggle methods.”

He scowled at her and finished his scrambled eggs.

“I am on duty next weekend”, she said after a while. “I’ve taken a liking to deducting house points. But I am free in two weeks, if you are too? Maybe we could go somewhere.”

He shrugged his shoulders and nodded, and they finished their breakfast in silence. Before they both left, they agreed to meet here again in two weeks at the same time and to decide spontaneously what to do. They left through the front door and Severus watched Hermione waving him goodbye and disappearing in mid-movement. He couldn’t stop a blissful smile sneaking its way onto his face before he apparated to Arraxy.


	11. Chapter 11

I CANT HELP FALLING IN LOVE HAILEY RHEINHART

It was Thursday evening and Hermione was sat in her office correcting the homework she had given her first years on the Levitation charm. Somebody knocked on her door.

“Come in”, she said her eyes still on the parchment in front of her.

“Good evening, Professor Granger.”

Hermione lifted her head and smiled. “Good evening, Professor Longbottom. How may I help you.”

“Myself, Professor Lovegood and Professor Haywood shall be meeting Mr Weasley at Professor Hagrid’s for tea. Would you care to join us?”, Neville asked her speaking in an utterly ridiculous voice.

“How could I possibly decline such an offer”, Hermione laughed and put down her quill. Neville sat down on the chair in front of her desk, swinging his legs on top of it. Hermione knocked him over with a flick of her hand and Neville cried out: “Hey!”

“Nobody puts their shoes on my desk, Professor Longbottom”, she chastised him.

“Blimey, Hermione. Your wandless magic is frightening”, he said, picking himself up from the floor and sitting up straight a moment later.

“How was your weekend?”, he asked. “You seem to leave the castle nearly every other week now.”

Hermione laughed. “That’s not true.”

In reality, it was true. She had been to Grasse two times since her first visit at the beginning of October. She had left on Sunday morning both times though, and visited her parents or Harry and Ginny for the day.

“So, what did you do this weekend?”, Neville asked.

“I’ve been to Milan”, Hermione told him. “I’ve heard of the famous library in their wizarding quarter.” This was true. She had heard about it, from Severus. And they happened to go there together.

“Well, there shan’t be a library on this planet that Hermione Granger would not go to.”

“How right you are”, she replied matter-of-factly. “When are we going for tea?”

“How about now?”

He got up and held out his arm for her to take.

“Brilliant idea.”

She tidied her desk with a flick of her wand and hooked her arm under his. They picked up Luna from the Transfiguration Classroom where she had a chat with Minerva.

Over the past few weeks Hermione had learnt why Luna was such a successful teacher. Most people seemed to forget that Luna was a Ravenclaw. She was highly logical, inquisitive and smart. With her creativeness and free spirit she motivated and taught her students in an incontestable manner. She combined the logical structure of Transfiguration theory with the spirit of imagination. She communicated her subject creatively, inspiring the students to look beyond the visible, which was exactly what you needed to succeed at Transfiguration; visualise the invisible. Hermione had been highly mistaken when she had assumed that Luna wouldn’t be a good teacher and on the odd occasion she even asked her friend for teaching advice.

The three of them made their way to Hagrid’s hut. Ron had already picked up Penny earlier and when they arrived Harry and Ginny were there too.

“Surprise!”, Ginny yelled and held up a glass of fire whiskey. The tip of her nose and her cheeks were bright red. Hermione threw a glance at Harry who shrugged his shoulders innocently.

“And ther’s a glass o’ fir’ whiskey fer ya too, ‘mione”, Hagrid said and pushed a glass into her hand.

They enjoyed having ‘tea’ with Hagrid and ended up sitting around the fireplace on the floor later that evening. Fang was in their middle, relaxing in the heat that came from the fire.

“There’s a reason we’re all here tonight”, Ron said and smiled broadly.

“You’ve finally decided to start your ice cream business?”, Harry asked and they all laughed. It was a wish Ron had been talking about for years, but he had never been completely serious about it.

“No, mate…. But that’s definitely still very high up the priority list.”

He reached for Penny’s hand next to him and they both smiled.

“We’re going to have a baby”, Penny said, delirious with joy.

The cheers that erupted from everyone around the table came close in sound intensity to a Quidditch match won by Gryffindor. Hagrid started crying in joy and Luna stood on the bench to pat his shoulder.

“Good luck, mate”, Harry laughed and wacked Ron on the back. Hermione and Ginny simultaneously hugged Penny.

“I’ve had a chat with Minerva. I’ll remain Head of Hufflepuff, but I won’t be teaching potions from next year anymore”, Penny explained.

“Minerva and Filius thought about creating a part-time position for the administration of the DADA specialised courses. I’ve heard some of us are not very creative with inviting external guest lecturers”, she gave Hermione a wicked grin.

Hermione smiled back, but her head was racing. Penny wouldn’t teach potions from next year anymore. That meant there was going to be an open position.

She looked at Ginny, who immediately knew what she was thinking. They had been talking about it the last time she had visited Grimmauld Place.

When they all left Hagrid’s hut Hermione said to Ginny: “I might come around next Saturday? Maybe you could tell Harry it’s important?”

“You’re going to tell him?”

“Yes, and could you ask Ron to come too? But without Penny maybe”, Hermione said. “You three are my best friends, I trust you unconditionally.”

Ginny nodded and gave her a hug. “See you Saturday then.”

Hermione entered her private chambers that were located on the third floor Charms corridor. They could be accessed either via her office that was opposite the Charms classroom or, with a password, via a staircase that was hidden behind a painting of Picus as a woodpecker on the fourth floor.

Upon entering, there was a large open room with a big, bright stained glass window overlooking the courtyard and facing the Great Hall. The room held her sitting area, a dining space, small kitchenette and working space. A spiral staircase led upstairs into an open loft with handrails that housed her bedroom. She had magically created some flowy curtains that hid the area from viewers below. A bathroom with magic ceiling like the one in the Great Hall could be entered via her bedroom as well as via the living area, and it seemed to be on both levels at the same time.

Hermione kicked her shoes off and sighed. She got herself ready for bed, but her brain would not shut up.

Was this job opening an opportunity for Severus? Would he take it? Would Harry go crazy once he found out Severus was still alive? Would Ron go mad? Would she screw up everything, because she was too optimistic? Would they maybe really send Aurors to France? No, that was silly.

But would Severus never speak to her again for proposing the idea? Would he flee from Arraxy and hide out somewhere else, where she couldn’t find him again? Or would he take up the offer? Would he be happy to return to England? Would Minerva even be willing to hire him? Was there maybe already another person for the job? Was she in a position to simply assume this was a good idea?

_Stop meddling around in other people’s lives._

But he deserved it so much. She could tell every time, how much he missed his home. He never said it, but she just knew. The way he asked her about Hogwarts and generally events that took place in England showed how much he cared. He soaked up the new information she gave him every week, and he’d even asked her to bring the Daily Prophet a couple of times. She couldn’t just be imagining it, or could she?

First she needed to find out what people’s reaction would be to Severus being alive. She had to tell Harry and Ron. Harry would also have an idea about how the Ministry might take the news, if it should ever come to that.

Her thoughts circled around Severus for a long time, and she only fell asleep when Crookshanks crawled into her bed and warmed her feet in the early morning hours.

On Saturday, Hermione apparated straight onto the top doorstep of Grimmauld Place. She knocked on the door, and whilst she waited for someone to open up for her, Ron walked up the path to the house.

“Hi, ‘Mione”, he greeted her. “How are you doing?”

“Great, thanks Ron!” She gave him a quick hug. “I never congratulated you, I was so preoccupied with Penny! I am so happy for the two of you, Ron!”

He grinned at her and she could tell he was definitely on cloud ninety-nine.

Harry opened the door and let them in.

“The kids are with Molly and Arthur”, he said to Hermione. “Ginny said, it’s a serious talk?”

Hermione sighed quietly and they all sat down in the kitchen. They talked about work for a while and drank some hot Butterbeer.

“It’s been going really well for a few years now, we were thinking about expanding internationally. I was talking to Seamus a while ago, he has contacts in Ireland and Roger knows some people in the US”, Ron told them.

“Couldn’t you maybe talk to Clemency as well?”, Harry asked. “Then you’d have a branch in France.”

“Good idea, I’ll tell George about that.”

Ginny looked at Hermione and she coughed lightly.

“About that…”, she said and looked at the boys. “I don’t really know where to start”, she lamented.

“How bad can it be, ‘Mione”, Ron said motivationally.

“You know I spent a lot of time in France”, she started.

“You have a French _beau_ ”, Ron interrupted her grinning.

“Shut up, Ronald”, Ginny snapped, and he ducked his head.

“No, I don’t have a _beau_ ”, Hermione said rolling her eyes. “I met someone, that we all know.”

They all had an expectant expression on their faces.

“I met Professor Snape.”

She looked at them, a little bit frightened about their reactions.

“But Snape is dead”, Ron said calmly but apprehensively.

“Well, I think Mione would know, if she’d have run into a ghost”, Ginny said annoyed.

“He is not dead”, Hermione replied. “He is alive and he lives in France. I’ve been visiting him since February.”

Harry stood up from the table and starting pacing up and down the kitchen. Ron asked: “How is he not dead? I mean…”, he lowered his voice a bit before he continued, “… we saw him.”

Hermione nodded and Ron reclined back on the chair and went quiet. The silence in the room was pressing down on Hermione and she explained: “He doesn’t know how he survives. He woke up in his home, with a house elf by his side that he can’t identify. Once he felt better he fled to France.”

“So you finally asked him about it?”, Ginny said and Hermione nodded.

“You knew about this?”, Harry asked Ginny, speaking for the first time.

“I worked it out”, she replied.

Harry wasn’t angry, but he seemed confused and thoughtful.

“Does he know, you’re telling us?”, Ron asked.

Hermione shook her head.

“Blimey…”, he said quietly. “What is he doing in France?”

“He works for Clemency’s parents. Don’t tell her, that would make things even more complicated.”

“Don’t worry”, Ron said and went silent again.

“He’s been doing a lot of good things there”, Hermione tried to explain. “He’s introduced a wolfsbane potion that is available and affordable for every werewolf. And we’re currently researching a cure together.”

“You’re working together?”, Harry asked and leaned against the counter top.

“Yes, were trying to combine the potion and a charm to -”

“Sorry to interrupt”, Harry cut in. “Right now, I don’t really care about what you’re working on.” He looked apologetically. “But you have known since February that he is alive and you haven’t told us? I even looked up his file for you.”

“Yes, that’s when I first ran into him. I wasn’t absolutely sure then. I only talked to him a day later.”

“That doesn’t explain why you haven’t told us earlier”, Harry replied sounding reproachful.

“I know.” Hermione sighed and rubbed her eyes. “I promised him I wouldn’t tell anybody.”

Harry nodded understandingly, but he didn’t look too happy.

“He is worried, they’ll charge him and lock him up in Azkaban, and he thinks there are still Death Eaters around that would go after him. He considers himself unlucky, to be alive”, she explained.

“I don’t blame him”, Ron said and Hermione threw him an angry glance.

“Don’t get me wrong, but he’s right. Who knows how many Voldemort sympathisers are still out there. They’ll eat him alive for his betrayal.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I never liked the git and he’s probably still as greasy as ever, but even I think he doesn’t deserve that.”

“Thanks, Ron.” Hermione rolled her eyes.

“It’s more likely that his own kind are after him than the ministry”, Harry said.

“He’s not a Death Eater, Harry”, Hermione snapped. “You know that.”

“Yes, sorry”, he replied. “You know what I mean though. I am almost one hundred percent sure, the ministry wouldn’t care much about him anymore. His case has been dealt with. They might not like him, but they can’t reverse the verdict.”

Hermione looked at him hopefully, but she could tell Harry didn’t like it.

“What’s that look”, he asked carefully.

“I am really just guessing here”, she started. “But I believe, Severus misses England and Hogwarts. It’s his home.”

“ _Severus?_ ”, Harry and Ron simultaneously yelled in shock.

“Guys”, Ginny clicked her fingers in front of their faces. “Calm down.”

“But, she’s called him…-“ Ron started.

“Yes, the bat has a name”, Ginny said resolutely. “Get over it.”

Harry and Ron looked at one another. Ginny rolled her eyes. “Worse than little boys.”

“The point is”, Hermione started again, “I think he deserves to have the opportunity of coming back. He might not want it or take it, but everyone should be able to be at home. And you guys know about all he’s done.”

Hermione thought the conversation was going surprisingly well. The only thing they had seemed genuinely upset about what her use of his first name, and she had to smile inwardly. If they would know the things Ginny knew, they’d die of a heart attack.

Harry opened a cupboard and got a bottle of fire whiskey. He offered them some.

“No thanks, I’m on duty tonight”, Hermione said.

“Keep it coming, mate”, Ron replied still looking a bit shook, and took a glass.

Harry sat down at the table and looked at Hermione. “I can talk to Kingsley. I am sure Snape should be able to walk the streets freely. And look as greasy and gruesome as ever, whilst doing so.”

“Thanks, Harry. But please don’t mention anything yet”, Hermine said. Harry looked surprised but agreed.

“I actually had another idea”, Hermione carefully said.

Ginny looked less comfortable now.

“I was thinking, maybe I could ask him if he’d be interested in Penny’s job.”

There was complete silence and two pairs of eyes stared at her in disbelief. Ginny also looked at her slightly worried.

“Think of it”, Hermione tried to explain. “He is possibly the best Potions master in Europe and he has done the job before. Slughorn isn’t getting any younger, and they have been struggling to find a Head of Slytherin for ten years now.”

Ron took a sip of his fire whiskey and said hesitantly: “I see where you are coming from, Hermione.” He sighed and looked at her. “But it’s Snape you’re talking about.”

“So what?”, she replied.

“It’s not just that”, Ginny said now. “It’s a very highly ranked position. There’s a difference between Snape strolling down Diagon Alley as a free man, or Snape taking a position at Hogwarts, teaching the next generation of witches and wizards.”

Hermione looked at her in disbelief and felt some anger rising in her.

“You’re saying he isn’t a suitable teacher?”

“Well, he wasn’t the most pleasant fellow during our time there, was he?”, Ron cut it.

“No, I’m not saying he’s not suitable”, Ginny said, ignoring Ron. “But he also doesn’t have an unsullied reputation.”

“ _He doesn’t have an unsullied reputation_? Is that what you believe?”, Hermione nearly squeaked.

“No, Hermione”, Ginny said firmly. “It’s not what I believe, or what any of us believe. But we are not the only people in wizarding Britain. If he were to teach at Hogwarts, there’d be a lot more parents than me and Harry, or Ron and Penny, who’d have an opinion on Snape. His background might have saved him from persecution, but it doesn’t redeem him from his sometimes questionable character. You know as well as anybody, that people can be horrible and opinionated.”

Ginny was right, and Hermione knew it, but she still felt angry. “He deserves better than that. Any of us would have made questionable choices or developed a certain character, if we’d have had to go through what he had to go through.”

“You’re right, Hermione”, Ginny said. “But most people didn’t go through such things, and therefore can’t understand.”

“Am I completely irrational for thinking it would be good if he were to teach at Hogwarts again?”, Hermione moaned.

“To be honest, yes”, Ron said. “I don’t know how I’d feel about Snape teaching my kids. Not because he’s a Death Eater or anything, just because I never liked him.”

“He’s not a Death Eater!”, Hermione snapped.

“No, I know, but you know what I mean.”

“Yes, Ronald!”, Hermione nearly yelled now. “I know what you mean, and that is exactly the problem. Can you imagine how much Severus hates himself because of it? He thinks he’s no better than Dolohov or the Carrows or any of them.” She was properly furious now. “Everyone still associates the term _Death Eater_ with him and it’s not fair.”

Ron didn’t say any more and Harry and Ginny looked equally uncomfortable. Hermione sighed.

“I’m sorry guys”, she said. “It’s just… it’s so not fair. It makes me angry.”

“Wouldn’t be the first minority you’d fight for”, Ron tried to joke. “Instead of S.P.E.W. we have a society for the welfare of former double agents now.”

“Very funny, Ron”, Hermione said sarcastically, but they soon all started laughing.

Hermione was glad that her friends had taken it so well, and she was happy that they were honest towards her. It didn’t really help her to determine whether she should tell Severus about the open position, but it was not her call to make in the first place. She was glad to know that there most certainly was a possibility for Severus to come back to England and lead an undisturbed life. She’d think about the rest another time.

The next few days flew by in no time. Hermione had just finished her last class of Wednesday and dismissed the group of third year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws, when Harry popped his head into the room.

“Harry! What are you doing here? Come in”, she exclaimed and finished tidying up the mattresses on the floor of the classroom with a flick of her wand.

“Ahhh”, Harry said with a smile on his face. “Body-bind curse?”

“Yes.” She put her wand back into her robes. “They’re doing really well, we’ve only been practicing it for two weeks.”

Harry examined Hermione from head to toe and a smile appeared on his face.

“What is it?”

She asked whilst clearing the blackboards that were behind her desk.

He shrugged his shoulders and looked around.

“I remember the first time I walked into this classroom, and the first spell we learnt. And now”, he mustered her again. “You stand in here, all proper and professional, and teach those kids what we have learnt all those years ago.”

Hermione looked at him warm-heartedly. How often had she thought exactly the same.

“I’ve listened in a bit, whilst you were teaching them”, he confessed. “You’re doing an amazing job.”

“Oh, Harry.”

She walked up to him and gave him a tight hug.

“I should have known you’d be a professor one day”, he said smiling at her. “You were the best teacher I ever had.”

“Don’t be silly”, she chastised him. “You’re not giving your former professors enough credit.”

She let go of him and they sat down on one of the student benches. Hermine could tell that something was on Harry’s mind, but she did not want to push him, so she just waited quietly.

“I think you should tell Snape about Penny’s job”, he finally said.

Hermione was caught by surprise. She didn’t think that was what he had come for.

“Really?”

“Yes”, he reaffirmed. “I thought about what you said, and you’re right. If he wants to come back, he should have the chance to do so. And if he needs a job, he should know there is an open position.”

“Thanks, Harry.”

Hermione couldn’t believe Harry agreed with her.

“Also”, Harry continued, “if he wants to teach, he will have a probation period of six months, like everyone. He won’t be at Hogwarts anymore to be a double agent. He’ll be here to teach, and if he’s not doing well, he will be dismissed, just like anybody else. It is fair and exactly what he deserves, to be treated like everyone else would be.”

Hermione just leaned over to Harry and hugged him. She didn’t know what to say, and there was no need to reply anyway.

“I won’t tell anybody yet. You go, talk to him and see what he says. Once you have an answer, we’ll see.”

“Did you tell Ron and Ginny?”, she asked him.

“Yes, we had a chat and all decided together. Ron kept on mentioning what a greasy git the man is, and he’s got a point there…”

Hermione looked at him disapprovingly and he immediately shut up.

Her eyes softened quickly and she said: “Thanks, Harry.”

“Let’s go and have a chat with Hagrid”, Harry proposed and the both of them made their way out of the castle across the grounds.

_I will come to Arraxy on Saturday. My mum asked me to drop some articles for Clemency and I want to see some of the things she’s been working on._

_I’ll be at the bakery for coffee and breakfast at 10am. I have news for you._

_Hermione_

Hermione ran up to the owlery on Thursday after her office hours to send the letter. She was excited and nearly jumped up the many steps to the top. George seemed to like it much more here than in London, and she didn’t blame him, he was an owl after all. He also liked the nectarines that she brought him from the kitchen, and slowly but steadily they built a better relationship.

“Are you fit enough for another trip to France?”, she asked him and tied the letter to his leg. He hooted in reply and once she had finished he took off. She watched the bird disappear into the darkness and then left the owlery to have a walk around the lake. It was dark, but a rainless evening was rare in late November, and she liked the tranquillity of the lake at night.

What would it be like if Severus were to return to England? Hermione thought about it for a while. She would be able to see him every day, not just the occasional weekend. They could work on their project whenever they wanted, and if she had a new thought she could just go and discuss it with him, rather than having to write a letter. They could sit in their rooms and read books or collect potion ingredients in the Forbidden Forest. They could exchange detention methods, she thought and chuckled quietly. On Hogsmead weekends they could supervise the students and have a hot Butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks.

She could probably learn a lot from him about patrolling the corridors at night, as he certainly knew quite a lot more about little alcoves where students could hide out… Or maybe she and Severus could hide out in there. The alcoves were narrow and dark, and they’d have to stand rather close to one another. Her hands would be resting on his chest, and he could hold her close, by placing his hands around her waist… or in other places. _Circe’s holy loom, what are you thinking about. Pull yourself together._

Hermione felt like she was waking up from a trance and her cheeks blushed bright red. She started walking back into the castle quite briskly, happy that it was dark and nobody would have seen her.

She ran into Luna, who was just coming out of the Transfiguration classroom on the ground floor.

“You look like you had a pleasant evening”, she said in her dreamy voice.

“What?”, Hermione replied, feeling her cheeks flush again. “Oh, no. I’ve just had a brisk walk around the lake. I sometimes feel like I don’t move enough… sitting at the desk all day, correcting essays.”

Luna looked at her thoughtfully. “I should always have a pair of Spectrespecs on me. You look like you have a Wrackspurt infection.”

“A what?”, Hermione asked, which was probably not a good idea.

“Wrackspurts make your brain go all fuzzy. You look like your brain is extremely fuzzy. There might be two. They should go away if you think of some happy things.”

“I think I’m alright”, Hermione said. “Thank you though. I’ll have a cup of tea and think of some nice things.”

Luna smiled at her and they separated on the third floor, where Hermione headed towards her chambers.

She corrected some second year essays and went to bed reasonably early, although she started reading a chapter in a book she had gotten from the library. After a few pages she fell asleep and entered the land of dreams.

_She and Severus were in the potions classroom. For some reason they were discussing Herbology, and Hermione thought she’d find some arithmantic equations to calculate the probability lines of each change to the syllabus. She leaned on one of the work benches and scribbled down some calculations, when she felt Severus’s hand on her back._

_She put down her quill and slowly stood up straight. She wanted to turn around, but both his hands rested on her waist and he held her in place. She could feel him taking a step closer to her and he leaned in to rest his cheek on her head._

_“Hermione”, he whispered her name and it sent a shudder down her spine._

_One of his hands wandered up her body, onto her shoulder and towards her neck. He rubbed his thumb on the back of her neck, making her drop her head to the front. Her hair was tied up in a bun, as usually when she was teaching, and he lowered his head to plant kisses onto the exposed skin. Each touch sent soft electric shocks through her and she sighed deeply._

_His hand wandered down the front of her teaching robes and rested on her lower belly, just at the point where the fabric of her gown split. He came another step closer behind her and she was leaning against him now. She could feel a hard bulge pressing against her back, and she could hear his breath in her ear. Her own breathing got heavier, when his hand wandered further down and stopped between her legs. He kissed the skin behind her ear and started rubbing her through her trousers. She started panting, the sweet pain that was building up in her groin growing stronger and stronger. He increased the intensity and speed of his fingers, and she could feel him rubbing himself on her back._

_“Sev”, she gasped, her pleasure rising to the top. She heard him breathing heavily into her ear, tightening the arm_ _around her waist and cupping her firmly with his other hand._

Hermione woke up just as a wave of pleasure came over her, she moaned and reflexively moved her own hand down between her legs to touch herself.

She was panting, from pleasure or from shock, she couldn’t tell. It was dark and quiet, but she felt like she could still hear her own moan clinging to the walls.

_For God’s sake, what is wrong with you. How are you going to face him on Saturday, you stupid cow. Get up. Get up!_

She jumped out of bed and staggered into her bathroom.

_It’s normal. I’ve had those dreams before. It’s just him now, because I am so invested in this whole thing. No need to worry. Time for a cup of tea._

She went to make herself some tea. It was four in the morning, so she opted for some chamomile, but by the time she finished it, she was wide awake. There was no point going back to bed. She set up some coffee, proper filter coffee, the way she’d had it at Severus’s place, and had a shower. Then she dressed herself, took her cup and left her chambers to go to her office. She’d just start the day early, correct some essays now and enjoy the evening off later.

All day long, she actively refrained from thinking about anything that concerned Severus, and by that night, she had basically forgotten about it and had a dreamless sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

WICKED GAME GRACE CARTER

Severus was already sat at a table in the bakery when Hermione walked in.

“Hi”, she grinned and walked over to him, not even thinking about ordering a coffee for herself. She sat down and took her coat off. It had been windy and wet in the Highlands and she was wearing a warm jumper as well. She was in an incredibly good mood, and seeing Severus made her simply bounce with joy.

“I always forget, that it’s not as cold here, as it is in Scotland. A weather forecast for sunshine all day, one can only have that in France!”

Severus raised his hand to get the waitress to bring another coffee for Hermione.

“I believe they have twenty degrees in Grasse”, he said.

“Ah, heavenly”, Hermione sighed.

Severus’s face remained expressionless and he drank some of his coffee.

“I believe I’ve worked through some of your Arithmancy equations regarding the moon magic as well as some of the Muggle equations”, he said after a while.

“Really? What do you think?”

They talked about their project and soon made their way to the pharmacy, where Severus had his notes. When they entered via the back door, Hermione remembered something.

“Oh, I nearly forgot…”

She opened her bag and her whole arm disappeared in it. A clanking sound conjured a grimace on her face.

“That were the empty vials…. I better sort things out in there later.”

“Why are you carrying around empty vials?”, he asked with a scowl.

“Asks the Potions Master? You should know how useful they are. Ah, there we go.”

She pulled out a metal lunch box and held it towards him.

“Take it”, she encouraged him.

He looked at it warily.

“Go on, it’s not going to give you an electric shock”, she laughed. “I brought you pumpkin pasties.”

She had remembered him mentioning that he liked them and hadn’t had one in more than ten years. He took the box but didn’t look at her.

“I have to admit, I didn’t make them. I got them from the kitchens.”

He was very quiet and she wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but it was a good sign that he didn’t make any snide remarks. She knew he wasn’t very good at saying thank you, or anything else that wasn’t derisive or hateful for that matter.

“Well, you stare at the pasties and think about what you want to do with them, whilst I go and find Clemency.”

She gave him a cheeky smile and walked across the work room to go into the pharmacy.

Clemency was just talking to a customer about some of the tooth paste she’d created. Apparently it could cure holes after brushing teeth only once.

Hermione talked to Jerome for a bit, until Clemency came up to her.

“Can I take some of that tooth paste with me?”, Hermione asked.

“Of course, take as many as you want!” Clemency grabbed a whole bunch and asked Jerome to wrap them up for her.

“My mum asked me to give you these reports.”

Hermione handed them over.

“Excellent. Merlin, your parents are incredible. So easy to work with!”

She put the papers into a folder behind the till.

“I am being told you’re not only inventing new products, but you’ve also mastered the wolfsbane potion.”

“Yes”, Clemency grinned. “I’ve been brewing the whole stock for October and November, and I have made enough for December and January already.”

“Good for you! When are they awarding you the master title?”, Hermione asked.

“End of January.”

They talked for another while, until Clemency had to look after some more customers and Hermione went back into the work room.

She was nervous and didn’t really know how she should bring up the topic. Severus wasn’t in the room when she walked in, but came down the staircase just as Hermione started to look at some of his notes that he left on the work bench.

“I took the pasties upstairs”, he said. “We can have them for lunch later, if you like?”

She smiled at him and nodded once, then she turned her attention back to the papers on the table.

“I didn’t know you were that good at muggle chemistry”, she said, her eyes still fixed on the equations.

“I’m not”, he simply replied, and after a moment it dawned on Hermione.

“Clemency.”

“I have to prepare ingredients for her in return”, he growled.

Hermione laughed. “I can’t believe Professor Snape is being told what to do!”

“I have been offering it”, he snapped, but she still had to laugh.

He walked up to the table and stood next to her. “If you don’t mind, I need to work here now”, he said coolly, towering over her.

Hermione was reminded of her dream and made haste to get some distance between them. She walked onto the other side of the table, hoping he didn’t notice how she had blushed.

She helped him prepare some dittany essence and they started talking.

“How is work going?”, he asked.

“Very well”, Hermine replied. “Although my sixth years are a bit behind. Some of them thought it was clever to whisper the incantations, rather than do them non-verbally.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “The same idiots in every generation.”

Hermione agreed, although she didn’t condone his use of the term ‘idiots’.

“The earlier years are well ahead of the schedule. Most of the third years can all do a full body-binding curse and I’ve started the Alohomora with the first years, that is only on the syllabus for the week before Easter.”

“Are you not teaching them how to make a pineapple dance across the desk?”, Severus mocked her.

“No, I make them use the spell on each other. Much more fun.”

Hermione wasn’t sure if she could believe her eyes, but she thought she saw wicked grin appear on his face. Encouraged by it, she decided to venture into more risky directions now.

“I am spending a surprisingly large amount of time with Hestia on the DADAC syllabus. It is rather difficult to find suitable guest teachers for the practical lessons. But luckily Penny will look after this from next year.”

He didn’t say anything and started powdering a bezoar. Hermione put her knife down and cleaned her hands on a towel.

_Deep breath. You can do this._

“Severus?”, she said timidly and he looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. She took another deep breath, quietly, to try and hide her nervousness. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Hm?”, he grumbled. 

“Would you…”, she started but didn’t know how to phrase it. “Well, there is a job opening at Hogwarts…”

He continued grinding the bezoar, but she could tell he was listening carefully.

“… for potions”, she finished her sentence carefully. She watched him, his demeanour didn’t change much, he kept on working meticulously, but she thought he held the mortar a bit tighter.

“I was wondering if that would be something you’d be interested in”, she finally said.

“No.”

She was a bit taken aback by his prompt answer. “Oh…”

“Even if I was, I don’t think it would be a good idea”, he said coolly.

“I think it would be”, she said.

Severus took a slow deep breath and put the mortar down. She handed him the towel and he looked at her a little bit less hostile now.

“One might think you have completely forgotten your own school days”, he began whilst cleaning his hands. “I don’t think I left a very good impression during my years there. They wouldn’t want to hire me even if I didn’t have the background that I have.”

“They would understand that you’ve only been that nasty because of all the pressure that was put on you”, she tried to explain but he dismissively waved his hand.

“You know as well as I do, that that’s not the case”, he said, now sounding annoyed. “Ask Clemency”, he added with a bitter undertone.

“Clemency considers you an extremely capable and good teacher, in case you didn’t know”, Hermione said trying to catch his eye. “And so do I”, she added firmly.

“Hermione”, he said and pinched his nose. He seemed annoyed, but Hermione knew he was simply deep in thought. She didn’t say anything and let him think for a while.

He looked at her. His eyes appeared cool, but she knew there was an undiscovered depth in them. He was expressing a lot more through his eyes than one might have thought at first.

“I thought of you immediately once Penny said she wouldn’t teach anymore from September”, she tried again.

“That is because you are the only one who knows I am alive”, he said a bit more vigorously. “And even if anybody else knew, they wouldn’t agree with you.”

“Harry agrees with me!”, she replied fiercely. She only noticed a moment later that it had not been the right thing to say.

“What?”, Severus said dangerously quiet. Hermione’s could hear her own heartbeat and she didn’t dare to breath.

“What does Potter agree with you on?”, he said even more quietly, carefully phrasing every word. He leaned onto the workbench with both hands and looked like a wild predator that was about to attack its victim.

“He…he agrees…”, Hermione stammered. “He… agrees that you should be offered the job… and be given it, if you want it.”

She could see the vein on Severus temples pulsating and his hands turning into fists, the knuckles going white.

“So you told Potter about me?”, he asked, his voice darker and louder than before. Hermione subconsciously took a step back, but didn’t say anything.

“Did you tell Potter about me?”, Severus suddenly shouted, slamming his fist onto the table, making the vials clink.

“Yes”, she said nearly inaudible, her voice high in pitch.

Severus swiftly turned around and walked away from her, but Hermione was not less scared. She could see how tense he was, and she could feel the magic bubbling in the room. Just in the moment, where she quietly let out her held breath, he turned around and the cauldron on the work bench flew off and shot right past her head, smashing into the wall.

Hermione’s shoulders tensed in shock, and she had to stop her teeth from chattering.

“Who else knows?”, he yelled at her, his face contorted in rage. Hermione tried to answer, but the words where stock in her throat.

With a couple of long strides, Severus shot over to her and Hermione tried to back away, bumping into a shelf behind her and knocking of some small vials.

“Who else knows?”, he spat into her face. He was close enough for Hermione to feel the heat radiating around him.

“Gin-… Ginny… and Ron”, she struggled to say, as fear held its tight grip around her, suffocating her.

Without warning, Severus pulled out his wand and held it under her chin. Hermione was so scared, she felt like chocking. With one swift movement, Severus dropped his wand to the floor and his hand shot past her head. He grabbed a large jar off the shelf, just to throw it right across the room. He was furious, deadly furious, when he turned away from her.

Hermione had to watch, how he found one thing after the other, that he could throw or break or kick. She stood like frozen, watching him in utter despair, not knowing what she could to make him calm down.

He turned back to her, looking more terrifying than she had ever seen him before.

“I thought, I had been more than clear, when I said, nobody can know about me!”

“I thought this was such an opportunity”, she said desperately. “But I needed to talk to somebody about it, somebody who’d understand”, she tried to explain herself. “I thought, if there were other people than just me…”

“You thought, you thought! When will you ever stop thinking and just do what you’re told!”, Severus cut in, sounding hostile and vicious now. “You can’t refrain from forcing your way on everyone around you, which makes you an insufferable nuisance. And your brain is clearly not as bright as everyone always says, if you can’t follow simple instructions.”

Hermione knew he was trying to hurt her back. She couldn’t find the words to express how she felt. She wanted to curse herself, she wanted to cry, she wanted to tell him that all was going to be fine, that there was no need to be scared.

“I wanted to help…”, she said defencelessly. “Nobody will hurt you…”

“You promised me, Hermione”, he yelled, and the pained and upset sound of his voice was like a knife in Hermione’s heart.

“Severus…”, she said helplessly and tried to walk up to him, but with one swift movement he smashed another cauldron off the table onto the ground. She immediately froze and one glance from him was enough to stop her from saying anything else. He was hurt, she saw it in his eyes, more clearly than she had seen anything else in them ever before.

“You promised me”, he said again, looking at her, then letting his head fall defeatedly. She wanted to tell him how sorry she was, but didn’t have the opportunity, as he stormed towards her, but only picked up his wand and simply disapparated with a small plop.

Hermione stood frozen for a few seconds, staring into nothingness, before someone opened the door from the pharmacy.

“Oh Circe!”

It was Clemency and she was clearly shocked at the sight of the work room.

“Hermione, what happened?”, she asked, once she spotted her standing in the corner.

Hermione looked at Clemency, then she looked around the room.

“I.. I am…”, she stammered. “I am… so sorry.”

She bent down to pick up some of the things that Severus had been throwing around. Her hands were shaking. “I am so, so sorry. I will tidy this up…”

“Hermione, calm down”, Clemency said again and went over to her.

“No, no. I am so sorry. I will clear this up for you. I am sorry..” She could feel tears filling her eyes.

“Maman!”, Clemency yelled into the pharmacy. “Maman!”

Armita hurried into the room but stopped dead in her tracks once she saw the room.

“Good Merlin!”, she gasped and held the door. “What happened in here?”

Hermione frantically tried to pick up all the little shards and plants and beetles.

“Leave it”, Armita said, and with a flick of her wand things started putting themselves back together. Hermione immediately got up and pulled out her wand to help. Concentrating on the charm helped her calm down a bit.

“I am terribly sorry”, she said again once they were done.

“Are you alright Hermione? I don’t believe you did this”, Armita said with an exasperated look on her face. “Where is Septimus. I’ve had enough of this!”

“No, Armita. It’s my fault”, Hermione said quickly. “I…”, she didn’t know how to explain what had happened. “I’ve done something I shouldn’t have done. It’s not his fault.”

“Don’t take the blame for something you haven’t done, Hermione”, Clemency said.

“He can be as moody as he wants, there is no need for such violence!”, Armita was fuming.

“He’s not violent, he’s hurt”, Hermione explained desperately.

“You are hurt!”, Armita said pointing her finger towards her face.

“No, I’m not.… Oh, I’m…” Hermione touched her cheek and could make out a little scratch. “It’s nothing. I must have just banged against a shelf…” Hermione asserted.

Clemency helped her heal the cut with a touch of her wand.

“I promise you, he’s not been violent. It must have been an accident. I didn’t even notice.”

“Enough is enough”, Armita was not having any of it. “And he can see how he’s going to make up for this mess.”

“Please”, Hermione begged them. “Please, if anything is broken beyond repair, send me a letter and I will reimburse you for it. He’s had good reason to get angry.”

Armita shook her head and sighed.

“We’re not going to look for reimbursement. Who cares about a few ingredients.”

Hermione knew that wasn’t true, they were all the kind of people who cared quite a lot about valuable ingredients. But she didn’t say much more.

“There is never a reason to go berserk like a mountain troll”, Clemency said whilst vanishing some liquid on the floor.

Hermione didn’t know what to say anymore. She didn’t want to reveal what their whole fight had been about.

“I’ll better apparate you back home. You’re a mess”, Clemency said to Hermione.

“No, let me help you with this”, Hermione insisted, but Armita pushed them both out of the room.

“It’s fine. I’ll look after it”, she said. “And please send us a letter and come again soon. Don’t let this moron keep you away from us.”

Hermione agreed and convinced Clemency that she was able to apparate by herself.

She landed in front of her parents’ house and walked down the path to knock the door. A moment later her dad opened up. 

“Hermione!”, her dad greeted her. “What a surprise! We weren’t expecting….”

George Granger realised quickly, that his daughter didn’t look happy.

“Oh dear. Your mother is out the back. Come in. I’ll send her in, alright?”

Hermione’s dad was never very good with emotional business and left that part of the parenting to her mother.

She nodded and went in. Jane had heard them and she immediately came into the living room. When her mother looked at her, Hermione burst into tears.

“Oh, my”, Jane Granger said, pain in her heart at her daughter’s sight. “My darling, come here!”

She took of her gardening gloves and hurried towards Hermione. She stumbled into her mother’s embrace and they sat down in the kitchen.

Jane set up some tea. “Who is he?”

“No, it’s not like that…”, Hermione tried to explain, rubbing her nose. She was still in her wizarding robes and looked sorrowfully at the wet sleeve.

“I know a broken heart when I see one”, her mother said quietly.

Hermione gasped for some air, still shaking with tears.

“Talk”, Jane ordered.

“Do you remember that old friend of mine, I met in France last year?”, she began explaining with a thick voice and her mother listened carefully.

She talked about how they had met over the past few months, about his spying during the war and how she had wanted to tell him about the job today. She didn’t mention his name or who exactly he was, just in case.

“And then I had to tell him that I talked to Harry and Ron and Ginny”, she said with a husky voice, “and he just snapped.”

Hermione gasped for some air when another wave of tears came over her.

“I’ve never seen him like this. He went completely berserk”, she sobbed. “I have destroyed everything.”

Jane took her daughter into her arms.

“Oh dear, hush now.”

It took Hermione a while until she stopped shaking completely.

“You might not want to hear that now”, Jane started looking at her daughter lovingly, “but you have to apologise to him. You have promised him not to tell anyone, and you did anyway.”

“But I thought -”

“No”, Jane said strictly. “No buts or anything. Think about how he must feel. From what you have told me, he had people deciding things over his head his whole life. And now you come along and do the same. And additionally, you disregarded his wish for privacy.”

Hermione knew her mother was right.

“I am not saying his reaction was justified, but you need to accept that you made a mistake, honey.”

Hermione thought about it and Severus popped into her head.

Nobody has ever cared for his privacy, because he wasn’t social in the first place. She had always thought, that’s how he was and decided that it gave her a free pass to decide things for him. She never thought about the fact, that he might not actually have had any privacy ever because his life’s purpose had been decided upon by two external entities.

Her mother was right. All he ever had ever done was what two masters made him do. They had used him and he had been working like a machine.

How dreadful they had all been to him. How terrible life must have been for Severus. People deciding over your life without any regard for you as a person. Committing crimes for one crazy man, and not being able to change anything about it because some other megalomaniac made you keep your cover.

And she had never considered it. Maybe Severus could have been a completely different character, had he not been shaped and abused by two madmen.

Hermione felt sick. She felt no better now than either of them, because she had done exactly the same. Maybe in a less extreme capacity, but in the end she had simply made the decision without regarding his wishes.

“Oh, god. Mum, I am a terrible person”, she wailed.

“Now, now. Stop, that is not true”, Jane said. “I know you had good intentions. Just send him a letter and apologise. Don’t force anything. Just think a little bit more about how he might feel.”

Jane patted her daughters head. “Let me know how you’re getting on.”

When she was back at Hogwarts, Hermione sent a letter from the owlery.

_I hope you don’t mind me writing to you. I am so terribly sorry about what happened. I shouldn’t have disregarded your wishes in such a way. I should not have made the decision without consulting you._

_I understand why you reacted the way you did, and I hope you can forgive me._

_Hermione_

The next weekend Hermione decided to talk to Harry. She apparated onto the top step of Grimmauld Place and knocked on the door. Ginny opened up with Lily on her arm.

“Hello Hermione”, she said happily. “Come in.”

“Is Harry around? It’s about Professor Snape”, Hermione explained as they walked into the kitchen.

“Sure, he’s outside with the boys. I’ll send him in.”

Hermione sat down on the table. She looked around the room, and for some reason remembered Sirius sitting at the head of the table when they were staying here more than ten years ago. She wondered if Harry ever thought about it. He surely did.

Severus popped into her mind too, how she had once seen him stand in the doorway. He had come after a Death Eater meeting to report back to the order.

Hermione immediately felt sad again. Why had they all been so terrible to him? It had been obvious all along what he had been doing, and yet everyone always immediately thought the worst of him. It probably meant he had done a good job as a double agent.

She couldn’t think much more about it because Harry came into the kitchen and gave her a tight hug.

“How are you?”, he asked her.

“I’ve messed up, Harry.”

She leaned her face into her hands.

“I’ve mentioned that I told you and Ron and Ginny about him, and he just snapped.”

“Blimey, Mione. Why did you tell him?”, Harry asked blankly.

“He deserves to know. I didn’t mean to do it the way I did”, she explained. “He just wouldn’t listen to anything I said. He was so worried about what people might think, and how nobody would want him around anyway and that I was the only one thinking about him in the first place.”

Harry sighed deeply.

“I can’t imagine such a self-conscious Snape.”

“It isn’t as obvious as I’m making it”, she replied. “I’ve just started to understand him better. He’s covering up a lot by being spiteful and snorty.”

She rubbed her eyes and looked at Harry.

“I’ve just told him that I wasn’t the only one who thought it might be a good idea if he’d come back. And once he found out I had told you…”

She sighed and shook herself at the memory.

“It was awful. He completely cracked up, threw things around. I genuinely thought he might kill me.”

Harry looked at her understandingly. “He never threw things at me… but I can imagine one might fear for one’s life once he loses it. What happened next.”

“He just disapparated.”

Harry looked surprised and Hermione just shrugged her shoulders.

“I’ve destroyed everything.”

“Come on, Mione”, Harry tried to comfort her. “It’s just Snape.”

She looked at him sadly, but he wasn’t Ginny. He didn’t understand nuances of a sad girl’s glance.

“I’ll tell Ginny to come over to you tomorrow”, Harry said, knowing that Hermione always felt better after a chat with his wife.

“Thanks, Harry. But I think I’ll head back to Hogwarts later anyway.”

The back door flung open and little James came running into the kitchen.

“Minnie!”, he rejoiced and ran up to Hermione.

“Hello, young man!” She swung him onto her lap.

“Mummy said you here”, James told her. “Will you play Quidditch with me?”

In that moment they heard another voice yelling: “Boom! Boom!”

“Albus says ‘broom’ now”, Harry informed her and laughed.

The toddler came running into the kitchen, closely followed by Ginny who still had Lily on her arm.

“Sorry guys!”, she apologised to Harry and Hermione.

“No bother”, Hermione replied. She suddenly felt much more upbeat with the babies around.

“Boom! Boom!”, Albus laughed at her and wanted to sit on her lap too.

“Ah, well then”, Hermione said to the kids. “How about I charm a little ball for you to catch on your broom?”

James jumped off her lap and ran back outside.

“Yes, yes, yes!”, he yelled, and Albus tried to quickly run after him with his short legs.

“They absolutely adore you”, Ginny laughed.

“They adore all the magical things that come out of my wonderous handbag”, Hermione explained and they all went outside, where Hermione charmed a tennis ball that she had pulled out of the little beaded bag. They spent a couple of hours in the garden until Lily was put down for her nap and the boys had to have their lunch. Hermione stayed to eat with them and only apparated after she had promised the boys to come soon again with a new surprise.

The third years had revised the levitation charm today and Hermione was tidying up brick stones in her class room when Hestia Jones knocked on the open door.

“Hestia, come in”, Hermione invited her.

“Hello, Hermione”, the elder witch said. She was older than Hermione, she had been in Hufflepuff, a year over Penny. “I thought we could have a drink together and chat about the guest teachers for DADAC next term.”

“That sounds lovely, shall we meet in the staff room?”, Hermione proposed.

“Actually…”, Hestia smiled mischievously and pulled out a bottle of rum from under her robes, “… Penny, Penelope, Neville and Luna are coming too. We were going to have a little _talk under professors_ in my chambers.”

“Goodness, I sometimes wonder if teachers have been such drunkards when we were students…”, Hermione laughed.

“See you after dinner”, Hestia said in a sing-song and left Hermione’s classroom.

Hermione went to her chambers and put more comfortable clothes on under her teaching robes, before she went to have dinner in the Great Hall. She still found it weird, sitting on the Hight Table and looking over all the students. She was usually sat left of the headmistress’s chair, with Neville’s and Professor Slughorn’s seats between them. The latter lately frequently missed meals, so Neville had moved down one seat to chat with her.

Septima Vector joined them and asked Hermione about her recent Arithmancy project.

“I’m not currently working on it, I’m afraid”, she said.

She hadn’t been thinking about the werewolf project since her fall out with Severus.

“Well, once you take it up again, let me know how you’re getting on. You had some really interesting charts going. I miss having colleagues that need my Arithmancy advise on more advanced things that the stuff I have to teach.”

It only dawned upon Hermione then, that Severus had been working with Septima… and suddenly she thought that maybe his pseudonym was not based on the Roman Emperor after all.

“I would have thought a lot of the professors would come to you for arithmantic advise?”, Hermione asked.

“Not really. Arithmancy is not compatible with every subject. It works well for creating charms or analysing curses, as you know yourself. It’s also used for potion experiments, but Penny isn’t focusing too much on new creations and theories, she’s rather practical, as is Horace. Professor Snape was very interested in probability equations for potions. Bless his soul.”

Septima had a bit of a distant look on her face.

“Would he not be able to do Arithmancy himself?”, Hermione asked, knowing full well that he wasn’t.

“No, he had work up to his ears at the best times”, Septima told her. “He wouldn’t have had the time to work on equations for hours. But we’d have an inspiring chat every now and then, when he was working on something particularly tricky. I miss our little conversations.” She sounded nostalgic now, and she just focused on her dinner again. Hermione thought about what she had said, but didn’t want to ask any more about Severus.

“Are you coming, Hermione?”, Neville asked her, wiggling his eyebrows. Hermine grinned at him and got up to follow him.

“I feel like such a rogue, sneaking around and having secret parties”, Neville whispered as they walked up to the third floor where the DADA classroom and Hestia’s chambers where. “And we are supposed to be moral paragons”, he added laughing quietly.

“I don’t know what you mean, Professor Longbottom. We _are_ moral paragons”, Hermione said in her teacher voice.

“You’re absolutely right, Professor Granger.” He held the door to the DADA classroom open, through which they could reach Hestia’s rooms. “After you.”

_We had a rather good time last week. Penny stocked us all with hangover potion, which was just as effective as yours but didn’t taste as nice by far._

_Septima has been talking about you, she misses your conversations._

_I know you might not want to talk to me now, but I hope you are well and you can forgive me at some point. I am really sorry. I hope to talk to you soon again._

_Hermione_

It was one of many letters that Hermione had sent over the past few weeks. She felt like years passed between every letter she sent, and every time George came back without ever having a reply for her. She still hoped Severus would at least read them.

She tried not to think about him too often, and most of the time it worked. She was busy with teaching, correcting homework and planning lessons. The staff actually started planning ahead for visiting DADA teachers for the next term, rather than using it as an excuse to get illicitly drunk on school premises.

But sometimes she had to acknowledge that she missed him. She missed their exchange of letters and she missed seeing him and talking to him on weekends. She could have intellectually stimulating conversation with her fellow professors and friends, but it wasn’t the same. She’d sometimes look at the notebook he had given her for her birthday and think about that night. And when she had one of those days, where she missed him the most, she couldn’t stop herself from sending another letter into the unknown.

On the last Friday of the winter term she walked down the steps of the owlery, after having sent another letter, to get back to her afternoon class. She had a short Friday afternoon, only one double period of Slytherin and Gryffindor Fifth Years. She had been strict enough with assigning extra work for bad behaviour, so there was only a small amount of hostility between the students.

Luckily, the relationship between Gryffindor and Slytherin had gotten better after the war. But sometimes they just behaved like the teenagers that they were. It was probably just the type of character each house attracted, that made it slightly difficult for most them to get along with one another. She wondered if that was the reason for the disagreements between her and Severus, too.

But there were some pairs that worked well together nonetheless, and Hermione made sure to reward good inter-house working. She did her best to encourage them to work together as a group or pair, no matter what house they were from, and overall the climate in the school was very positive. Professor Slughorn had done a great job with Slytherin over the past decade and they were a pleasant and clever bunch of students.

“Make sure to work on your Disillusion Charms over the break, I want to see much improvement from all of you”, she announced at the end of the lesson. “Class dismissed. Enjoy your Christmas, everyone.”

She turned around to walk to her desk when she heard a loud bang and turned around to discipline them. They had been extremely unconcentrated all afternoon and she felt a little bit on edge.

However, to her surprise her student had conjured a vast amount of holly and mistletoe twigs that were forming the words MERRY CHRISTMAS in mid-air. Plenty of dancing Christmas baubles were hopping around the room and green and red sparkles were fighting for majority multiplying around the room.

“Merry Christmas!”, her students yelled.

She couldn’t stop a broad smile lighting up her face.

“Thank you everybody”, she said. “Some excellent charm work. Ten points for each house. And another fifteen points for each house for teamwork.”

They all left in a jubilant mood and Hermione sat down at her desk, marvelling at her students’ work.

She spent the weekend and Monday at Hogwarts with the other professors, sorting out things for the new term. Most of them left the castle over Christmas, Neville and Luna decided to stay as well as Minerva and Filius and a few more.

Hermione left for London on Tuesday. Her parents were in Australia over Christmas. They still had friends there from the time they lived there after Hermione had obliviated them, and preferred the hot temperatures to the cold rain in London.

She arrived at her flat in Earlsfield early enough to still do some food shopping at the Sainsbury’s around the corner. She’d be spending Christmas Eve with the Weasleys and Molly would surely give her plenty of food to take home, but she still liked having her fridge stocked with snacks. Crookshanks stayed with Neville and Luna, so Hermione started her holidays curled up on the sofa, drinking hot tea and reading a book. 


	13. Chapter 13

DEVILS BACKBONE THE CIVIL WARS

“One of you needs to go with Daddy, Mione can’t floo with both of you!”, Ginny explained to James and Albus.

“I go with Daddy then. Albus won’t understand”, James offered, trying to show how grown up he was and taking Harry’s hand.

“You’re such a good older brother”, Hermione said to him, speaking very serious, as if he was an adult.

James was at an age, where he continuously wanted to show, how well he could do things. He loved being praised and he looked very pleased with himself now.

“Mummy and Lily go first and then Minnie and Albus”, the boy instructed them. “Me and Daddy last, because Albus and Lily will be sad if everyone is gone.”

“Good idea, little man”, Harry said.

Ginny stepped into their fireplace and said: “The Burrow!”, closely followed by Hermione and Albus.

When they landed in the Weasley’s living room Albus was all giggles. “Foo! Foo!”

“Oh, look at my darling boy!”, Molly Weasley exclaimed and hurried towards Hermione to take Albus of her. She cuddled him and Hermione smiled at the sight. Mrs Weasley was a living angel. Andromeda Tonks was in the room too and gave Hermione a warm smile.

“Hermione, dear”, Molly said with the toddler on her arm. “How are you, I haven’t seen you in ages. Merlin’s beard, you’re so thin. Go and help yourself to some pastries in the kitchen.”

“Thank you, Molly.”

Hermione went across the living room to join the group of people in the kitchen.

Arthur Weasley was holding Lily, whilst Ginny was chatting with Bill and Fleur, who held their youngest son Louis on her arm. Percy and Audrey were there too.

“Ah, ‘ello ‘ermione!”, Fleur greeted her. “Sat meens little Albus is ‘eere!”, she said to Louis, who was the same age as Harry’s second son. She went over to join Molly and the other little boy in the living room.

“Hello, Hermione!”, Arthur Weasley greeted her, but before anybody could say anything else, the back door was flung open and loud bawling and cheering was drowning out every other noise.

“Help! Help!”, Bill and Fleur’s eldest daughter yelled laughing, and ran around the table in the kitchen to hide. Victoire was an unbelievably pretty child and jumped around like a little fairy.

“Run!” Young Molly and Lucy, Percy’s girls, came in and ran upstairs.

“Quick, hide!”, an older boy yelled, shooting into the room after them. Teddy Lupin took Victoire’s hand and they ran up the stairs out of sight, just as Ron entered the kitchen. His hair had been magically altered to look like a lion’s mane and he also roared like one. Grinning at the group of adults, he started chasing after the kids.

“Is James here?”, another young girl came running into the kitchen, followed by Penny Haywood and George Weasley.

“Go check in the living room, darling. He’s coming with Uncle Harry”, Bill said to his daughter Dominique.

“Hello, Hermione!”, Penny gave her a quick wave, as there was no room to cross the kitchen for a hug.

Dominique ran into the living room and nearly collided with Harry and Charlie Weasley, who came around the corner chatting about work.

Hermione was already overwhelmed by the amount of people and the noise, but she loved it. There was nothing better than Christmas at the Burrow.

She opened up her little handbag and got out some salads and desserts she and Ginny had prepared in the morning. With more than twenty mouths to feed, everyone brought something along. A tip of her wand and the bowls flew onto the kitchen counter where all the other food was.

It was a happy and loud meal. The kids were all eating in the living room, supervised by Molly and Andromeda and the adults ate in the kitchen. For a few years now they only had presents for the children, as there were so many of them each year. However, nobody could stop Molly Weasley from making her signature jumpers, so every adult was handed a small parcel too, to be opened the next day.

“How are your parents doing?”, Arthur asked Hermione. “I heard this French lady is working with them on something?”

“Yes, they’re creating products for dental health. You remember my parents are tooth doctors”, she explained.

“Yes, yes. Dentists, that’s right”, he remembered. “Well, I’d love to see some of their muggle products and compare them to the new magical products, if that’s possible?”, he asked full of hope.

“Certainly!”

Molly’s food was amazing, as every year, and there was an abundance of it. Meat, pies, vegetables, mash, pasties, cakes, trifles, biscuits… It was like a magical land of Cockaigne.

After dinner, James asked Hermione if she had ‘some magic in her bag’. She followed him into the living room, and everyone was getting extremely excited.

“Well, I am not sure if they want to join us, because they might be celebrating Christmas Eve themselves…”, she said to the kids.

But then she flicked her wand and about a dozen little gingerbread men came hopping out of her beaded bag. They were dancing around and each one was singing a different Christmas Carol.

The kids loved it and started running around to catch them. Teddy came over to her and looked excited.

“Will you teach me how to make them dance like this, when I am at Hogwarts next year?”, he asked hopefully.

“It is one of the first charms you will learn!”, she said to him in feigned seriousness. “And if you’re doing well, I’ll teach you how to make them sing too!”

He clapped his hands and jumped back to join Victoire on the sofa.

A little later in the evening they were all sitting in the living room and chatting. Ron and Penny were talking to Harry, Ginny, Bill and Fleur about children and Molly and Andromeda were busy occupying the little ones.

Hermione wondered if she’d ever be blessed with a family like this. She was an only child and so were both her parents. She had liked the idea of being part of a huge Family like the Weasley’s and she wondered if she could have been talking about children with Ron now, instead of Penny.

It was silly really, she didn’t want to be in a relationship with Ron, but she sometimes could feel that she wasn’t really part of this family. They were always more than kind to her, and it was never a question whether she’d come for festivities or a Sunday lunch, but technically she wasn’t one of them.

She got up and walked around the corner into the kitchen to get herself some more butterbeer.

“They adore you”, someone said behind her and she turned around to see Charlie helping himself to some mince pies.

She smiled but didn’t say anything.

“I know what you are thinking”, he said and leaned onto the table. “Don’t.”

“What do you mean?”, Hermione tried to appear unknowing and smiled at him, but she was a terrible liar.

“The look on your face tells me”, he said and pointed a finger at her. “I sometimes feel like it, because I am never here”, he explained. “I am always in Romania, it’s my first Christmas here in how long? Seven years?” He seemed to calculate in his head. “I feel like a complete outsider sometimes.”

Hermione sighed and smiled at him. “Don’t be silly, Charlie. They’re your family.”

“And they’re your family too. Don’t think anything different, not even once.”

“I know”, she said and sighed again.

“I know what you feel like. It’ll always be like this. But personally, I am so happy with my job and everything, I wouldn’t want to sit in a Ministry office somewhere, find a wife, have a family and be off on every wizarding holiday. It’s the price we pay for following our dreams.”

She smiled at him. He was right.

“And they are not seeing you as an outsider, you make yourself feel like this. They love you, believe me”, he said and rubbed her shoulder.

“You’re right”, she sighed and took a mince pie. “Sorry for being such a buzzkill.”

“The buzz is not over yet.”

Charlie grinned at her at nodded towards the living room where everyone was cheering loudly suddenly. She smiled at him and they went back to join the rest of the Weasley clan.

Hermione was staying quite late, everyone with children had left and it was only her, Charlie, George, Ron and Penny, and the ‘Senior Weasleys’ as they were now called mockingly by the whole family.

“I can’t possibly eat all of that!”, Hermione said to Molly who had given her two massive bowls of food, when Hermione had gotten herself ready to leave.

“Are you a witch or what?”, Molly said firmly. “Put a stasis charm onto it!”

“Or use that muggle cooling machine that you have!”, Arthur commented.

Hermione laughed. “Alright, alright. Thank you very much, Molly!”

She left the Burrow and apparated to the park close to her house.

As soon as she turned around the corner onto her street and had gotten closer to her house, she could feel it. There was magic in the air, and it wasn’t hers.

With a swift movement of her hand, she shrank the two bowls and put them into her handbag. She took a careful look around, but couldn’t see anybody, it was too dark. She knew there were some witches and wizards living around here, but that was a few streets away from here.

She pulled out her wand and decided to apparate right onto her doorstep, to be inside her own wards. When she landed, she could feel her wards buzzing behind her. It wasn’t threatening, but it also didn’t disappear. She turned around and pointed her wand across the road.

“Don’t!”, a familiar voice said, and Hermione’s heart skipped a beat.

She walked down the path in front of her house and onto the street, stopping right in the middle of the road.

“Your wards are ridiculous. I can’t even walk past the house on your side of the road”, Severus said coolly. “It is easy for any Death Eater to spot your house and -”

He couldn’t finish his sentence, because Hermione had crossed the distance between them with a few long strides and pulled him into a tight embrace.

“I am so, so sorry, Severus”, she muffled into his coat. He struggled keeping upright, as she had nearly pushed him backwards of the small front garden wall that he had been sitting on. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I thought you would never talk to me again”, she said, still clutching his coat.

“Hermione”, Severus tried to interrupt, but she wasn’t listening.

“I was so worried that you might have fled over all hills and settled somewhere in India or China, and that I would never see you again. I missed you so much.”

“Hermione -”

“I thought I have destroyed everything. I am so sorry, I should have told you, talked to you. I shouldn’t have -”

She was stopped by him putting his hand on her mouth. She looked up at him, her brown eyes widened in surprise.

“Will you shut up?”, he said callously, but his face was telling a different story.

Hermione looked at him, into his deep, black eyes. She lost herself for a moment, and it took a while before she realized that they stood very closely together, embracing one another. She could feel his heat, hear his steady breath and smell him.

She had never realised that he had a very specific scent, only now that she hadn’t smelt it in a while, she noticed that she had been missing it. He smelt of herbs mainly, was it sage? Pine or dittany? She could also smell his skin. His hand was still on her mouth and his face was so close, she thought a stray strand of his hair was tickling her forehead. A pleasant sensation rose up in her, just under her chest and made its way to her groin. She immediately blushed and pulled back.

“I’m sorry”, she mumbled, lowering her glance. She couldn’t see, how the heat in Severus gaze slowly dwindled, and how he immediately straightened his back in defence.

She looked back at him.

“Why… how are you here?”, she asked, and he looked slightly uncomfortable. “How… good Merlin, quick, let’s go inside”, she said, turning around and beckoning him follow her. She hoped he didn’t see how flushed her cheeks were. 

They walked upstairs and Hermione went into the kitchen. Severus stood in the doorway and watched her.

“Just sit down in the living room”, she nodded past him toward the end of the tiny hallway. “I’ll just quickly make us some tea. Put your coat over the bannister and leave your shoes on the staircase. I’m a bit allergic to shoes in my flat. I have carpet everywhere”, she bossed him around, to cover up her nervousness.

He did as he was told, and she watched him leave. His tall, dark figure seemed oddly out of place in the poky flat. Once he was out of view, she took a deep breath.

_Would you pull yourself together? This is Severus Snape. He’s not impressed with you throwing yourself at him. He’s probably going to tell you to get over your Gryffindor sentimentalities and use that pea-sized brain of yours._

She walked over into the living room and handed him a cup of tea before sitting down on the other sofa in the room.

“How did you find my house?”, she asked him, trying to sound casual.

“Clemency.”

She eyes him suspiciously. “She wouldn’t have told you.”

“She didn’t.”

She looked at him in shock. “You used Legilimens on her?”

He just returned her glace coolly. “She didn’t even notice.”

“That is not the point”, she said firmly. “It’s not right.”

“I wanted to speak to you”, he said matter-of-factly, but quietly. There was no point trying to argue with him.

She sighed and smiled at him tenderly. “Go ahead.”

However, he didn’t speak for a while. She knew he was eloquent, and could always find the right words, but she also knew that it was easier for him to be snide and vicious, rather than open and friendly. She gave him all the time he needed.

“I had a conversation with Guillaume”, he started. “I told him about my past.”

Hermione didn’t reply to that and just waited for him to continue.

“He said, he’d been suspecting something like that from the beginning.”

He looked at his cup of tea and was silent for a while.

“I have told him about your offer. He said, I can also still work for him remotely, if I want to rebuild my life in England.”

Hermione took a breath to express her happiness, but stopped herself, as she knew that he hadn’t finished yet.

“If you believe that I can be a free man in England, I think I would like to try that.”

The sound of those words from his mouth filled Hermione’s hear with indescribable joy.

“Oh, Sev!” She got up and sat down next to him. “I don’t just believe it. I know it!”

He didn’t look at her, but faced the window, gazing out into the darkness.

“I think, I would also like to try and apply for the potions job at Hogwarts, if that is still an option.”

“Of course, it is!”, Hermione said. “I mean… it hasn’t really been an option yet, but that was what I wanted to get your approval for in the first place”, she explained quietly.

He lowered his head and looked at his teacup again. “I didn’t mean to scare you or be ungrateful that day.”

“I know, I know”, she said shaking her head. “Let’s forget about it.”

He nodded and they sat in silence for a while, both drinking their tea.

“You said Minerva is the current headmistress?”, Severus asked.

“Yes”, Hermione confirmed.

“Does she know about me?”

Hermione shook her head. “No, I only told my best friends.”

Severus stretched and put his cup on the coffee table. Hermione couldn’t refrain from eying his backside, but immediately chastised herself inwardly.

“I doubt she’d invite me around for an interview”, he said.

“Well”, Hermione said, “I did think about this a little bit…”

“Of course, you did”, he said, and she thought she saw a smirk on his face.

She explained to him, how they had been looking for a Head of Slytherin for over a decade now.

“The amount of Slytherin students has decreased massively after the war, and although their numbers are slowly rising again, they are still the minority at Hogwarts”, she explained. “They are well integrated, Professor Slughorn has been a remarkable Head of House. But there is nobody that seems to be willing to work in a prominent position like that, openly supporting the reformed ministry.”

Severus looked questioningly and Hermione started to explain: “Kingsley has actively overrun pro-pureblood laws and rid the ministry of all corrupt activities. He works closely with Minerva and Filius. Hogwarts has remained independent of the ministry, but they do co-operate. Any Slytherin who would be head of house would actively support the reformed society. Many people consider it the same as renouncing the pureblood ways.”

“What utter nonsense”, Severus said.

“I know”, she replied. “It doesn’t change the fact, that there is not many Slytherins working for the ministry in general, and nobody suitable has applied at Hogwarts since the war.”

“So, you are basically saying, Minerva is desperate. And hopefully desperate enough to hire an ex-Death Eater.”

“Stop it, Severus”, she said fiercely. “But yes, I think she might be initially only considering you, because she is desperate…”

“Brilliant, I don’t need that”, he grunted.

“… BUT”, she added talking over him, “she will soon realise that you are the perfect person to do the job.”

She looked at him hopefully. “As soon as you start teaching again, everyone will be able to see that, Severus. You are an excellent teacher and a proud Slytherin, any doubt will dissolve into nothingness.”

She reclined back on the sofa and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “And there will be a probation period. If you decide to prove me wrong and waste your energy on bullying Gryffindors, you’ll simply be dismissed after six months.”

He looked at her with a scowl. “A probation period?”

“Fair dos. You’re the same as every other British wizard.”

She noticed the frown disappearing off his face.

“Fine”, he finally said. “How will you tell Minerva about your proposition?”

Hermione shrugged her shoulders. “I’ll just tell her the truth. There is no need to hide anything.”

They sat silently together for a while, until Hermione got up and took their cups. “More tea?”

“I should probably get going”, Severus said and got up himself.

“What? Where to?”

“Back to Arraxy.”

Hermione shook her head. “It’s late. Stay here.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea”, Severus tried to explain but Hermione wouldn’t hear it.

“Don’t be silly. I insist.”

“It’s Christmas, you’ll be busy with…”

“Yes, it’s Christmas!”, Hermione repeated. “And I am all by myself. I’d like to spend it with a friend, if you can bear it.”

She smiled at him and she could swear she saw a smile tucking on Severus lips, as he sat back down.

She went to get more tea and when she walked back into the living room, they could hear the church bells ring twelve midnight. She sank onto the sofa next to him again.

“Merry Christmas.”

He took the cup. “Merry Christmas.”

When Hermione came downstairs the next morning, Severus was already in the kitchen. She had told him that she wouldn’t be getting up before nine, making sure he had enough time to sort himself out in the morning.

She made them some tea and watched him reading a charms magazine she had subscribed to. They published her articles, and she noticed that he was reading one of them.

“I like your article on the Sonorus charm”, he said.

“Thanks.”

“Have you ever thought of the connection between anthropology and charms again?”, he asked her.

“I have”, she said, but didn’t elaborate further. Instead she hesitantly said: “I had an idea for today. I wanted to go somewhere.”

“I shall be leaving soon”, he replied stiffly.

“No. I mean with you.”

He raised an eyebrow at her and took a sip of his tea. She smiled timidly at him.

“Trust me? I want to make up for… you know, our little disagreement.”

“We said, we’d forget about it.”

“I know”, she answered immediately. “It’s just… well, I had the idea last night, and thought you might like it.”

He looked at her without expression. Merlin, how much she hated that look. But he nodded eventually.

“Great, let me pack some food”, she cheered.

“I hope we’re not going on safari.”

She started to like his typical sneer and just laughed. Flicking her wand once, her bag started packing itself with some food.

“Transform that coat into something warmer”, she ordered, pointing at it on the bannister, as she ran upstairs to grab her own coat.

They left the house and walked towards the little park that Hermione used to apparate. As she disappeared between the trees, Severus got a little bit confused but found her soon again between the bushes.

“So, we are indeed going on safari.”

She laughed quietly and stretched her hand out to him, which made him look at her sceptically.

“We can’t disapprate in the middle of the street, can we? Come on.”

His face was icy, and Hermione knew he was feeling insecure, but she appreciated that he took her hand nonetheless and they vanished with a small plop.

They landed on top of a hill, it was very windy and cold, but with a flick of her wand Hermione created a protective shield and the weather didn’t affect them too much anymore. Severus stood next to her, staring into the distance.

She hoped she hadn’t been too pushy again, by apparating him here. They stood on top of a hill in the highlands where they had a good view of Hogwarts. It was snowing lightly, and the castle towered majestically in the distance, it’s shadow reflecting in the Black Lake.

“I hope you don’t mind”, she said quietly.

He didn’t say anything but shook his head and kept on looking at the castle. He probably needed a moment and she walked a few steps away to a large nearby rock. She transformed it slightly so she could get the food out and place it there. She warmed up the spot, before she walked back up to him.

They stood next to one another for a while, looking at the castle in the distance and enjoying the silence.

“You will be able to come back, I promise you”, Hermione said quietly.

To her utter surprise, Severus put an arm around her and pulled her close to his side. He rested his cheek on top of her head and squeezed her arm.

“Don’t promise me things, you can’t control.”

“I will take control if I have to.”

He didn’t say any more and just continued to hold her.

A while later they ate their breakfast, sitting on the ground next to the transformed rock and started talking about Hermione’s anthropological discovery.

“I’ve been trying to determine how the use of charms influences human behaviour. Obviously, the use of magic creates a separation between wizards and muggles.”

“Yes, I remember”, he said.

She looked at him surprised.

“We talked about it when we first met”, he reminded her.

“Oh, yes”, she remembered. “Well, then you remember the dilemma I had with defining the specific role of charms.”

He nodded.

“Well, the whole point is, that charms are such a substantial part of magical activity. It is one of the main components of magic. Trying to supress one part of your magical ability is impossible, as magic is a holistic concept. Therefore, I can’t do the practical research, but I also don’t need to anymore, because it is evident, that charms are an indigenous ability. There is no point trying to separate it from other magical concepts.”

“Interesting”, he said. “I didn’t think, that would be your result.”

“Why not?”

“I would have considered you the person to keep on looking for leads and ideas.”

“Charms is first and foremost a practical field. Sometimes it is more important to see the bigger picture, eliminate the theories and focus on what is right in front of you.”

“I do not yet agree with you”, he said. “I shall think about this myself first.”

She smiled at him. “I wouldn’t expect anything less of you. Let me know if you make a new discovery.”

A little bit later they had packed up and stood on a slope, enjoying the view.

“Thank you”, Severus said quietly.

Then he looked at her and she could see how much it actually meant. She wasn’t sure if she had ever heard him thank anybody for anything, but his face told her told her more than if he had said thank you a thousand times. His eyes were dark and deep, but warm and full of hope. She was sure she had never seen them look like this.

She smiled and took his hand into hers, squeezing it softly, before apparating them both back to London.

They started talking about some of the changes that had happened at Hogwarts; mainly the new staff and the new DADA syllabus, and without thinking about it much, Severus stayed another night.

They morning of Boxing Day found them sitting in the kitchen eating cornflakes. Hermione was reading a charms journal and Severus was skimming through some old issues of the Daily Prophet.

“I can’t believe that old bint is still writing her dim-witted excuses of articles”, he said, and Hermione immediately knew who he was talking about and laughed quietly, swallowing a mouth full of her breakfast.

“I’ve considered putting her in a jar again for some time now…”, she mused.

“What?”, Severus asked confused and his expression changed to worried, when he saw the evil grin appear on Hermione’s face.

“I once held her captive in a jar for a whole year”, she explained as if it was the most normal thing.

“How on earth…?” Severus didn’t understand. 

“She’s an unregistered Animagus. A disgusting little beetle, fittingly.”

“And you held her captive in a jar for a year?”, he asked with a scowl on his face.

“Yup”, she said casually, returning to her journal knowing full well that it wasn’t a casual thing to mention. But she enjoyed his bewilderment.

“You scare me, Miss Granger”, he said. “Beating up Slytherins, cursing fellow students, stripping wizards of their magic, holding witches captive…”

“These are completely unrelated things”, she argued until she noticed that he was making fun of her.

“Hang on”, she said. “How do you know about me punching Draco?”

“He tried to rat you out by coming to me and telling me you tried to hex him. One of his moron bodyguards thought it was a clever thing to mention that he’s been beaten up by you.”

Hermione laughed. “I keep on reminding Draco of that myself every time I see him.”

“Are you in contact?”, Severus asked surprised.

Hermione shook her head. “Not really. He is a healer now at St Mungo’s. When I did my first master project on memory charms, I occasionally did some field work there whilst Draco was training. We had lunch together a couple of times. We’re on good terms, but not friends.”

“Hm.” He just nodded once.

“Which exact instance of cursing fellow students were you talking about?”, she wanted to know.

“You did it multiple times?”, he asked pretending to be shocked.

“Depends on what you are talking about. I won’t spill all my secrets…”

“I could have brewed a potion that would have vanished the big SNEAK on Miss Edgecomb’s face”, he said. “But it was a marvellous piece of art. I nearly felt like awarding you a house point or two.”

Hermione laughed. “Blimey, Professor. I didn’t think you’d gloat that much over it. Please let me know what potion would have cured her and I shall improve my charm work.”

A twitch of his lips nearly betrayed his stoic demeanour and she got up to put her bowl in the sink.

“I usually see the Potter’s on Boxing Day. I have presents for the kids”, she told him, hoping he wouldn’t mind being left alone for a while.

“They have children?”, he asked surprised.

“Three.”

He raised his brows in surprise. “Well, I should get back to Arraxy anyway.”

It didn’t even cross her mind that he could simply go home instead of waiting here until she was back.

“Oh”, she exclaimed. “Will you come back?”

He looked at her, his face blank. “If you want me to.”

“Yes!”, Hermione replied immediately. “I mean… yes. I actually have this new theory that I wanted to try out. I had hoped you could help me…”

She left the kitchen and beckoned him to follow her. She went into her little office, where Severus also had slept the last two nights and to her surprise the room smelt of him. She immediately blushed and tried to hide it by rummaging through some of the paper stacks on her desk.

“I wanted to try out a manifold charm on a cauldron. Basically, I’ve been thinking…”, she pulled out a notebook from under a folder, “… ah here it is. Now, I’ve been thinking, if one magically combines pewter, copper and brass into one cauldron…”

“The magical trace would have a fatal impact on the potion”, he replied.

“Well, I was hoping to experiment with untraceable magic.”

He looked at her with a scowl.

“You? The charms you have on this building can be felt from London Tower. There’s nothing untraceable there.”

“Don’t be such a…”, she started but didn’t have the courage to call him any name. “You only notice them, because you know about them.”

He snorted inelegantly and she gave him a stern look. He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms.

“I shall be returning tomorrow. You are going to provide the cauldrons. I will not waste any of mine to be subject of your silly wand waving experiments.”

That seemed to satisfy her, as she smiled at him when saying: “I will check the attic at Grimmauld Place for old cauldrons. Harry won’t mind.”

He looked querulous at her proposition. “Grimmauld Place? They’re going to be soaked in black magic!”

She walked past him back into the kitchen and looked at him over her shoulder, saying cheerfully: “Well, how convenient you decided to help me. That is your area of expertise after all, isn’t it?”


	14. Chapter 14

MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE ADELE

“What are you so chuffed about?”

“Let me come in and I’ll tell you all about it!”

Hermione followed Ginny upstairs into the drawing room where Harry was with the kids.

“Minnie!”, James cheered and came to hug her. “Minnie, you have to see my new broom! Santa brought it for me!”

“Boom! Boom!”, little Albus joined in and ran up to her with his stubby, short legs. Hermione bent down to them and ruffled their heads.

“Not inside, honey”, Ginny reminded James and wiggled her finger at him.

“I won’t _use_ it, Mummy”, James explained to Ginny as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I just want to _show_ it to Minnie!”

Ginny sighed with pursed lips but gave in. “Go on then. Get it.”

James cheered and ran upstairs into his room. Harry bent down to catch Albus before he could follow his older brother up the stairs.

“Albus, show Mione what Santa got you for Christmas!”, Harry said to the boy and steered him towards the Christmas tree.

Albus toddled around and picked up a few things before he ran towards Hermione, who had to crouch down and look at his presents.

“Ca! Ca!”, he said and showed her two small toy cars.

“Wow!”, she exclaimed and took one of them. “Show me how they work!”

Albus put them on the ground and the cars started racing around by magic, making engine noises and squeaky breaking sounds.

“Ca!”, Albus said once more and grinned at Hermione before James hurried back in.

He showed off his tiny broom proudly and a moment later Hermione pulled out the presents she’d got them for Christmas.

“I found these under my Christmas tree yesterday. I think Santa must have left them for you!”

She had charmed a quaffle for James that he could chase on his broom and a magic racing track for Albus’s cars. She had obviously talked to Harry and Ginny about what she could get them. For Lily, she charmed some flowers. They would spin in a circle and play magical lullabies that sent her to sleep.

“That is more a present for us than for Lily”, Harry laughed.

“What did you get from Santa?”, James asked her.

Hermione smiled.

“He made sure a friend of mine found his way back home”, she explained cryptically.

James just nodded and the two boys started playing with their toys. Harry and Ginny had clearly understood the reference and couldn’t wait for Hermione to tell them the whole story.

“What? He slept over at your place?”, Harry said exasperatedly.

“Shhhhh!”, said Ginny and jabbed him in the ribs.

Hermione gave them the full account, leaving out the inappropriate thoughts she had had every now and then, and then looked at Harry.

“I think it is time to prepare the wizarding world for the return of Severus Snape”, she said smiling. “But I don’t know what the best approach would be.”

“Do you think he would still want to life here, even if Minerva refuses to offer him the job?”, Ginny asked.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. My gut feeling says yes, but I wouldn’t want to make a decision on it.”

“Well”, said Harry. “How about you talk to Minerva first. Maybe just you, I can join you if you would like but I think, she might feel like we try to outnumber her. And if she agrees we include Kingsley.”

“A hundred wizards couldn’t outnumber Minerva McGonagall”, Ginny remarked.

Hermione thought about it for a moment and agreed.

“Yes, I think I will talk to her. I also think you should meet with him, Harry.”

Harry had recently been made Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, so luckily, he would be able to sort everything out legally. If Harry and Severus could work together directly, it would make things much easier.

He sighed but nodded slowly.

“I was thinking that. Even if it is just to agree upon a strategy.”

“Strategy?”, Hermione asked. “You make it sound like an Auror assignment.”

Harry laughed.

“Well, it is kind of. People don’t often come back from the dead.”

They had a very enjoyable Boxing Day. Hermione went into the garden with James and Albus, whilst Ginny was putting Lily down for her nap.

She remembered to look for old cauldrons in the attic and was lucky. She found four old ones, but also two rather nice brass ones and a well-kept copper one. They had lunch together and once Lily was up again, they got ready to floo to Shell Cottage for tea with Bill and Fleur and their children. Percy and Audrey and their kids were there too.

It was a tradition they had started a few years ago, as Fleur had created a magical safe area on the beach where they could leave the children running around by themselves. The rest of the Weasley clan arrived for dinner, where they had cold meats from the days before. Hermione decided to leave early that evening, as she wanted to start examining the cauldrons she had found.

“You can’t even stop working at Christmas”, Ron reproached her jokingly.

“It’s not work!”, she insisted. “It’s research. I do it for fun!”

“That’s even worse”, Harry said, and they broke out in laughter.

“You may laugh now, but the children will all use the cauldron I will invent once they’re at Hogwarts!”, Hermione said jestingly.

“Well, you better hurree up”, Fleur tried not to crack up. “Teddee is starteeng in September!”

It was late in the morning and Severus lifted his hand to ring on Hermione’s door, but to his surprise it just unlocked itself. The second door into her flat did the same and he shut it behind him, then bent down to take his shoes off. It was really narrow, because the staircase that led up into the first floor was part of Hermione’s flat and could only be accessed once one had entered through the second door.

He now stood in the tiny square between the door and the staircase and tried to lift his leg onto the step to untie his shoe.

“Sev?”, he heard her voice coming from the kitchen. He could see the kitchen doorframe from where he stood looking upstairs, but he couldn’t see her.

“Yes, sorry. The door just opened…-”

“Great, that’s perfect. Come up!”

Did she sound annoyed? Was she annoyed with him? He instinctively straightened his back before he walked up the stairs.

When he saw the kitchen, he nearly wanted to break out into barking laughter. It was a mess. And she was a mess too.

The room had clearly been repurposed into something that looked like a crazy lady’s magical amusement park.

A ridiculous number of cauldrons where crammed onto the kitchen counter, the windowsill, the floor and basically every free spot that there was. Many of them had unidentifiable solutions bubble in them and some had molten. It was smoky and fairly dark because she had closed the blinds, but a few colourful sparks where flying around.

Hermione was bent over her kitchen table where two cauldrons where slowly merging into one another. She was wearing a tank top and red Christmas pyjama bottoms that were tucked into her socks. Her hair was tied up in a massive bun on top of her head, that reminded him oddly of a bird’s nest, and her wand was stuck in it.

She was chewing her bottom lip whilst carefully reading a passage in a book and holding one hand over the two melting cauldrons. The dark circles under her eyes told him she hadn’t slept, or possibly got up very early. Her face was bright red from the heat, and she sniffed her nose.

She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his entire life. He couldn’t stop staring at her, how she moved, how she furrowed her eyebrows, how she tilted her head to rub her cheek on her naked shoulder. His eyes wandered over her and he noticed some scars that he hadn’t seen before, one that wasn’t fully visible across her chest and one on her forearm.

He wondered for a moment if she had hurt herself whilst experimenting, but they looked like old scars, which didn’t make him feel much better. He also saw a small one on her neck.

Who had hurt her? He felt an anger rising up in him. Who had caused her pain? He wanted to comfort her, caress her injuries. He wanted to touch her hot skin, run his fingers up her arms and over her neck. He wanted to untie her hair and comb through with his fingers. He wanted to see what it looked like spread on a pillow when he laid her down on a bed…

“For fuck’s sake!”, she cursed and slammed her hands on the table. It ripped him out of his trance.

“Tut-tut”, he said condescendingly, trying to cover up that his thoughts had wandered in inappropriate areas. “Watch your choice of vocabulary.”

“Oh, shut it”, she moaned, bending over and burying her head in her hands. “Those were my last cauldrons.”

“Are there no more at Grimmauld Place?”, he asked looking at all the wrecked ones in the room.

“No, I already multiplied these. I only had seven to start with.”

She took a block of melted copper off one chair and sat down, placing the misfortunate creation in her lap and looking at it sadly.

“I told you they’d be soaked with ancient magic”, he said, not knowing what to say that could comfort her.

“No, they were not”, she snapped. “You don’t honestly think Harry would keep dark objects in the house where he raises his children.”

Severus didn’t reply and just looked coolly at her. How should he know what Saint Potter decided to do?

Hermione got up and pushed some of the cauldrons back and forth on the counter, trying to reach a cup that stood next to a jug with coffee in it.

“Great”, she yelled furiously and dropped the full cup into one of the empty cauldrons. “That’s cold too.”

“You’re a witch, just heat it up.”

“Thanks for reminding me”, she spat at him. “Argh, I just go and get washed up and dressed. I look terrible.”

“No, you don’t…”, he wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, but stopped himself. “You look like always.”

She aggressively pushed the chair under the table.

“ _Thank you_ for the compliment.”

Then she stormed past him and stomped upstairs.

Severus didn’t really know what to do. He could barely cope with his own moods; how should he cope with hers?

He took a heavy breath and started tidying the kitchen by shrinking all the abused cauldrons and collecting them in one unshrunk one. Then he set up some fresh coffee and noticed that there were a number of half-finished cups standing around. That just proved his earlier suspicion of her not having slept. He opened the blinds and let some fresh air in, then he toasted bread and found eggs in the fridge.

Just as Hermione crept back into the kitchen, he placed the cup and plate onto the table.

“Sit. Eat.”

She looked at him with her fawn eyes and he nearly smiled at her, but instead he just raised an eyebrow.

They sat in silence for a while, Severus reading a muggle newspaper and Hermione eating her breakfast, until she said: “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to be so aggressive. It just drives me mad when… I don’t know, when nothing works. I try and try but nothing changes and…. it’s just… I don’t have any words…”

“I know”, he said, eyeing her over the newspaper. “I get it too.”

“I am sorry, I didn’t …”

He got up and put the paper on the table.

“Let’s go for a walk.”

“What?”, she asked bewildered.

“It helps. Get up.”

He didn’t give her any chance to argue and just pulled out the chair she was sitting on. He put his coat on and went downstairs to get his shoes whilst she got her own jacket. They left the house and as soon they were outside the wards, he stretched an arm out towards her.

“We can’t apparate in the middle of the street!”, she said.

“Do you honestly think, any muggle would believe their eyes if they saw us disappear into thin air”, he snarled.

“Well, no. But -”

She couldn’t finish her sentence, because he pulled her into side-along apparition with him. When they landed in a field, she needed a second to recollect herself, because she hadn’t been expecting the move. She ripped her arm free and glared at him.

“Don’t ever do that again!”, she snapped.

“Or?”, he drawled.

He was expecting her non-verbal attack and blocked it non-verbally in return.

“Nice try”, he smirked at her. “Come.”

Then he walked away from her.

“Where are we?”

“Just behind Petersham Nurseries.”

“ _Where?_ ”, she asked again and caught up to him.

“Richmond Park is just two minutes away.”

They came to a carpark and then to the street, which they crossed to get into the park.

“We’ll go up there”, Severus said and pointed up a hill.

They silently walked together, enjoying each other’s company and the fresh air.

“Can I ask you a question?”, she said after a while.

“Can you please just ask and not always ask before asking?”, he answered sounding annoyed.

“Would you mind meeting up with Harry?”

There was silence. Only when they were halfway up the hill he replied: “Why?”

“I will sort out your interview, but he will sort out legalities and talk to the ministry. I don’t have the connections.”

“Why does he need to talk to the ministry?”

“Because you’re considered dead”, she said bluntly.

He snorted, looking onto the ground.

“I can book a table somewhere, or you can meet him in a park or anywhere on neutral ground. I’ll sort it out.”

“It’s fine”, he replied, the usual annoyance in is voice. “I am not going to try and kill him.”

“I just thought you might not feel comfortable at Grimmauld Place”, she said quietly.

“I won’t.”

She didn’t say anymore, and he wondered how he could explain what he thought.

“I don’t like Potter, not for the reason everyone thinks, I don’t care much about his parents.”

He could tell she wanted to say something, but she was clever enough not to.

“He is just no my cup of tea, to put it nicely. He is lazy and relies on good luck or your brains.”

“That’s not true”, she tried to defend him.

“Yes, it is. Anyway”, he continued before she could say anything else. “I might not like him, but I thank him for what he has done. He has cleared my name and he is willing to help me out. Considering the past, that is more than what I could expect from him. I highly appreciate it, and I will tell him as much. And I don’t mind doing it in his own four walls. It’s the most practical thing to do.”

She looked at him again, with these loving, warm eyes and he wanted to drown in her. He quickly looked away and they walked the rest of the way in silence. When they reached the top of the hill, he led her to a viewing point with a telescope.

“Turn it in this direction”, he instructed and moved it for her. “Now look and tell me what you can see.”

She did as told and asked surprised: “Is that Saint Paul’s Cathedral?”

“It is.”

They walked a little bit further to a small botanic garden. Severus used to come here and chop off some plants from time to time for potions.

“You mean, you came to steal plants”, Hermione corrected him and laughed.

“I never claimed to be faultless.”

They took the train and Tube back home and picked up some food at the shop to make for dinner. They had been outside nearly all day and were both starving by the time they arrived back at Hermione’s flat.

She prepared the vegetables and turned around to Severus.

“Can you keep an eye on this?”, she asked, stirring the food in the pan. “I might go and call Harry to ask him when you can meet.”

“Sure”, Severus replied. “Hermione?”

“Hm?”

“You are coming too, right?”

She didn’t smile or frown or anything, but answered calmly, as if it was the most normal question she had ever been asked. “Of course.”

She left the kitchen and for some reason he thought to himself, that she must be an incredible teacher. He never felt uncomfortable around her, even when he thought he asked the most stupid questions. She had such a kind, reassuring nature it was like a balm for his soul. Her unconditional kindness radiated around her and everything she did. It was the most reliable and steady thing he had ever experienced.

When he heard her speak, he tried to listen in, but couldn’t understand much.

As they started eating, Hermione wanted him to look at some of her notes from earlier.

“I’m not the one with a mastery in Charms”, he said.

“But you know your way around a cauldron. Now look, I had two cauldrons, one made of copper and one of brass. I tried merging them, considering that brass is made up of copper and zinc…”

They discussed the topic for a while, not coming to a definite conclusion but left with a few new ideas. They migrated to the living room after a while and Hermione stretched out on her sofa, a book in her hand and a cup of tea next to her. He started reading a book of hers too and noticed two bookstore bags sat behind her sofa.

“How long have they been sitting there?”, he asked nodding towards them.

“Wha-… oh, those.” She looked embarrassed. “A while…”

“Why do you buy books that you don’t read?”, he asked without understanding.

“I do read them”, she said and put her book down to bull the bags out from behind the sofa. “See, these are hardcover books that were on sale. I already have them as paperbacks.”

She took a book out of the bag and looked at it in a way, that Severus wished she’d look at him.

“Look at that”, she said. “That wasn’t even on sale, but I just couldn’t help it.”

“That’s ridiculous”, he said.

“Some people are weak for chocolate, some people are weak for books”, she said. “I am of the latter sort. And the former one actually.”

Then she put it down next to her on the sofa, touching it gently as if it was her child and reclined back, returning to the book she’d just read.

It was only seven in the evening, when he looked up from what he was reading, because he heard her snore quietly. One hand was still holding the book that was resting on her tummy, the other one was hanging off the sofa. Her bushy hair was everywhere, but he thought it was beautiful and all he wanted to do was touch it. Her mouth was slightly open, enhancing the soft lips. He imagined what they’d feel like under his fingers… or maybe on his own mouth.

_You fucking creep._

He should have got up and left the room, but he didn’t. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed looking at her, seeing her chest rise and fall steadily in unison with a strand of hair moving back and forth in front of her face as she was breathing.

He could never have her, but that didn’t bother him too much. He would never want to risk the friendship they had in pursuit of something more. He would do everything to keep hold of what they shared, but he wouldn’t attach himself too much. He had done that once with Lily and it hadn’t been a very healthy relationship.

_This is also not a healthy relationship, you idiot. You’re weak for her._

Yes, he was weak for her, but not to the point of despair as it had been in the past. He was able to live without Hermione; he didn’t need her to live a happy life. It took him ten years, but he came to the point where he needed nobody else to be a whole human being.

But by Merlin’s beard, he wanted her. He enjoyed her company; she was like a solid rock and a feather in the wind both at once. He wanted to share his happiness with her, he wanted to tell her about his thoughts, he wanted to share interests with her.

He loved seeing her happy, he loved being the one that made her happy. He wanted to return all her kindness a hundred times. He wanted the whole world’s admiration and love to be only hers.

He was such a happy bastard that evening; sitting in _her_ flat, reading _her_ book, drinking _her_ tea and staring at her whenever it pleased him, which was most of the time. And he didn’t feel bad about it a single moment.

Later that night he stretched out on his sofa too. He could have just gone to the room next door, where he had slept two nights before, but he liked it just here. He looked over at her one more time, before closing his eyes, smiling like the lovestruck bastard that he was and eventually falling asleep.

He woke up, the sun shining onto his face from the window above his head.

_Hold on a moment. If the sun stands that high, it must already be…_

He jolted up and looked around. Hermione was nowhere to be seen, but he could hear the clinking of dishes and some music from the kitchen.

How had he not noticed when she had got up? He never slept that fast, his instincts should still be there. His body was trained to wake up at the slightest noise. He needed it, to stay alive. How should he look after her if he didn’t wake up in time? What if they’d been attacked? Was he just not fit enough anymore to look after someone? He wasn’t. He was simply not good enough to be with her.

He got up immediately and went to put on his coat in the hallway. To his annoyance Hermione’s head popped out of the kitchen and she smiled at him.

“Good morning”, she said cheery, but the smile faded from her lips when she saw him. “Where are you going?”

“Home!”, he barked. What a stupid question.

Hermione dropped some cutlers. She didn’t need to come out of the kitchen to join him as the flat was so small anyway.

“Why?”, she asked but he didn’t reply to her. He just made his way downstairs.

“Sev…”, he heard her say. Could she please stop calling him that? It made him weak.

He slipped into his shoes and wanted to open the door, but he was stopped by a body binding curse. It made him even angrier.

_Too slow and too inattentive. Old man._

“Severus Snape!”, she shouted at him. He heard how the door locked itself and the body binding curse was removed.

“I’m sorry”, she said tenderly. “I shouldn’t have put that…-”

“Let me out”, he said in a quiet but piercing tone.

He was fuming. She had caught him by surprise, and he did not like it at all.

“Not until you give me a good reason”, she said calmly, walking down the staircase to talk to him. It was Severus’s turn to strike.

Without further warning he leapt at her and pulled her down the staircase to where he stood, having a firm grip around her arms. In the small square where they were standing, she was inevitably trapped between the wall and him.

“ _A good reason_? I will lower myself to your intellectual level and give you a good reason”, he snarled.

“How about: because I could crush you, right here, right now. And I wouldn’t even need a single spark of magic to do so.”

He demonstratively pushed her against the wall. He didn’t hurt her, he never would, but he wanted to frighten her, which wasn’t any more noble.

“You wouldn’t do that”, she said calmly, but he could make out a slight shaking in her voice. She was hiding her fear well.

He stepped closer, if that was even possible, towering over her, his jaw clenched, his eyes cold and hostile.

“Try me”, he said in such a dark, quiet tone, and he could feel the shudder running through her.

“I am”, she breathed.

A moment later he saw a fierceness rising in her eyes.

“Do it then”, she said. “Crush me. I have no doubt you could do it with only two fingers. But I know you won’t.”

She raised her chin and looked him in the eye, resolute, yet calm and… loving?

“I know your moods as well as you know mine by now”, she said. “You are in a mood, and I won’t let you leave until you’re back to normal. You might kill somebody’s cat and I don’t want to be responsible for that.”

“The people that will be after me, won’t just kill somebody’s cat!”, he yelled being extremely annoyed by her ridiculous behaviour. “They will be after me, and they will make short process of you whilst I lie sleeping on your damn sofa!”

He nearly screamed and was sure that he must have spat on her face in the process.

“There won’t be anybody after you! You stupid flap-dragon”, she yelled back.

“You don’t know these people!”

“Oh, do I not? Have I not fought them?”, she shouted at him. “Let them come! It wouldn’t be the first time I have to deal with them. Let them come here and try to hurt you. And when I am done kicking their ill-bred butts, I’ll make pies out of them and serve them to the next bunch of beef-witted ghouls that turn up!”

Her voice nearly cracked, and her face was red with anger. She looked at him, a fire in her eyes, that he had never seen before. It didn’t surprise him much longer that nobody dared to challenge her. She was a force to be reckoned with, even without her wand.

He wanted to kiss her in that moment. Kiss her lips and crush her out of sheer want, whilst simultaneously melting away in her arms. But he had to control himself.

“I am your friend, Sev”, she said, and he swallowed hard. “Now, you can either get upstairs and eat your breakfast, or leave. It’s up to you. Sorry for locking you in.”

He heard the door unlocking itself and just looked at her coolly. He tried to compose himself and started by letting her arms go.

“Thanks”, she said stiffly and made her way back upstairs.

He waited for a moment, taking a few deep breaths. He had made a fool of himself, but he didn’t know what else to do. He was afraid, for her. She turned the music up and he heard her busying herself. He slowly took his shoes off and walked back upstairs.

Standing in the small hallway, leaning against the kitchen doorframe, he watched her. She seemed upset, she was throwing things into the sink and he thought he saw her shoulders trembling. When she turned around and noticed him, he could see her eyes were red. She quickly rubbed them with her hands and smiled at him.

“Si… Sit down”, she instructed him, her voice breaking. It broke him inside.

She cried, because he had been a twat. Her sad smile wrecked his heart. Her tears equalled a lifetime of punishment and misery and he hated himself in that moment. He wanted to apologise, he wanted her to know that he was worried.

Rubbing his beard with one hand, he looked at her and said: “Every friend I ever had, got murdered.”

She looked at him even more sadly, and he wanted to strangle himself.

“Stop dwelling on the past, Sev”, she said, sounding desperate and caring at once. “We’re living in different times now. The people who would want to harm you, could never get to you.”

“I don’t care about me”, he moaned.

They were silent for a while and the radio played some music quietly in the background.

“Don’t ever try to push me away”, she said to him. He didn’t even try to find a reply, and she continued: “I am intelligent enough to know that I don’t deserve to be pushed away, but I am stupid enough to let you do it. And I will let you do it again, and again, until I am broken. So, please”, she nearly begged him, “don’t do it.”

He had the decency to look to the ground. Hermione put filled plates and two cups of coffee on the table.

“Eat with me.”

Severus helped her wash the dishes after breakfast, or rather early lunch and the mood significantly improved.

“Do you still want to go to Grimmauld Place?”, she asked him, drying two forks with a tea towel.

“Yes”, he replied. “If you still want me to go.”

“I do of course, silly”, she smiled. “But please do go and take a shower, so they won’t have a reason to call you greasy.”

“Thanks for that”, he grumbled. “I would have showered, if I hadn’t…”

“I know”, she said, saving him from getting into too much detail.

She pointed her wand at the door behind her, and the shower turned itself on. He knew by now that the water needed a while to get hot. He didn’t mind the cold water, but when he had stayed before, he had heard her turn on the water upstairs quite a while before he had made out her steps across the room in the morning. His bathroom ( _Your bathroom? Are you a complete retard?_ ) was located behind the kitchen, stupidly enough, but he knew that it had to do with muggle plumbing, his parents’ house had been the same. Although much less nice than hers.

“I will get ready upstairs”, she said and left the kitchen. “Your toothbrush is still there, and I gave you a fresh towel.”

_You’re a bloody lucky bastard._


	15. Chapter 15

BREATHLESS NICK CAVE

Severus and Hermione landed on the top step of Grimmauld Place. She held his hand and when he tried to let go of her, she squeezed it slightly. The simple gesture doubled his self-confidence and before she could even raise her hand, he knocked on the door himself.

Hermione tightened her grip around his fingers once more but let go of him as soon as the door opened. Harry greeted her with a smile and then looked at Severus.

“Snape.”

“Potter.”

The two men considered one another for a moment, and then Harry said: “Good to see you.” He offered Severus his hand and he took it.

Harry had a surprisingly kind look in his eyes and invited them both in. Severus made Hermione go first and followed her down the corridor.

“Just go into the kitchen”, Potter said from behind him.

Grimmauld Place looked nothing like Severus remembered it. The corridor was bright and welcoming, coats where hanging along the wall and shoes were lined up on the floor. He looked up the staircase, noticing that the dark wood had gone, and the handrail and wall panelling were now made of a light wood, possibly birch. It seemed like there was sunlight coming from upstairs and he wondered how much they had changed the upper floors.

“I am surprised you got rid of Walburga Black”, he said.

“There is nothing Hermione can’t do”, Harry answered, and Severus nodded understandingly.

When he entered the kitchen behind Hermione, he couldn’t believe how inviting it looked. There was no resemblance to what Severus knew. It was also very bright, as they had expanded the room with a conservatory. A cooking island took up most of one side of the room and the familiar old, large wooden table stood in the conservatory, surrounded by random chairs. The only other thing he recognised was the fireplace at the left upon entering the room.

“Just sit down…”, Hermione said quietly to Harry. “I’ll set up tea.”

Severus followed Potter to the dining table and felt oddly at easy sitting down at one table together. He looked out into the garden and saw a swing, a slide and multiple small brooms lying around. A collection of wellies was lined up just outside the back door.

“Hermione told me you have a family now”, he said to Harry.

Harry smiled and nodded. “Three kids and a lovely but scary wife.”

“I remember Miss Weasley”, Severus said. “Boys? Girls?”

“Two boys and the youngest is a girl.”

They sat in silence and it wasn’t uncomfortable, but they were both clearly relieved when Hermione joined them and started talking.

“Right, let’s start, shall we?”, she said and pulled out a notebook and one of those clicking muggle pens that annoyed Severus so much.

“Harry was thinking that I should talk to Minerva, before we inform anybody at the ministry. However, I think there are two main things to think about. Firstly, we need to establish whether you want to pursue a life in England independent of Minerva’s verdict. Secondly - and this is where the two of you will be talking to one another -”, she said, pointing at them both with her pen, “we need to define what Harry can do in either case at the ministry.”

There was something about Hermione, that made both men love her equally in this moment. She had the ability to just cut to the chase and get things done efficiently and effectively. 

Severus noticed that Harry looked cautiously at Hermione, either to determine whether she had finished speaking, or because he was afraid of interrupting her. Severus liked her approach. His brain worked similarly to hers, and he was relieved that he could simply switch on the analytical part of his mind to get through this conversation.

“If it is possible, I would like to be able to walk down the street as a free man, have a residence and be able to come and go as I please, impartial of Minerva’s decision”, he said.

“All of these things are possible at this point”, Harry explained. “You might be a dead man, but you are a free dead man. I don’t know if Hermione mentioned it, but you have been cleared of all charges. Wizarding law does not differentiate between dead and alive oddly enough and the verdict is irreversible. You can come and go as you please, you can walk up and down Diagon Alley all day and eat an ice cream at Florean Fortescue's if you wish to do so. Although that might freak out some people…”

Harry looked a bit uneasy himself at the mental image of Severus eating ice cream; his face was as easily deciphered as Hermione’s.

“Taking up residence is theoretically no problem”, Harry continued, but sounded a bit worried. “I am afraid we will need to open up a new vault at Gringotts for you. After your presumed death, your Gringotts vault has been closed. I take the blame entirely”, he said sincerely. “I’ve recommended to use your fortune to rebuild the potions lab at Hogwarts after the war.”

“Oh, goodness. I completely forgot to tell you”, Hermione exclaimed, raising both her hands to her face.”

“You will of course be reimbursed”, Harry said immediately, sounding rather worried.

Severus just shook his head. “No need, Potter. It was a surprisingly intelligent thing to do.”

Harry looked clearly relieved and an excited smile appeared on Hermione’s face.

“The new potions lab is extraordinary. You will absolutely love it!”, she said.

He just raised an eyebrow at her. She seemed to be so sure he was going to Hogwarts, he didn’t want to damp her spirits, although he wasn’t that convinced himself.

Harry turned his attention to Severus.

“I would recommend that as soon as Hermione has talked to Minerva, we get started on setting you up again, there is quite a lot to do. If you should get that job at Hogwarts, you’ll need a residence in England and a vault. Am I right is assuming that there is no family line that would still own a vault?”

Severus nodded. “That is correct.”

“I might need to talk to someone then about how to set it up. It might be possible to handle it like a new vault for a muggle-born citizen, but I might be wrong. One never knows what those goblins want. If you agree, I will talk to Bill Weasley on your behalf once you have officially returned. He will know how to deal with the bank.”

Severus nodded again.

“Harry?”

They all turned their head when they heard Ginny’s voice from upstairs.

“I’ll go”, Hermione said and immediately jumped up. “I’m coming upstairs, Gin!”

“Minnie!”, a young boy cheered, just before Hermione closed the door behind her.

Harry subconsciously smiled and Severus felt a weird sensation at this simple gesture. It must have been his son, and Severus felt like he experienced a tiny fraction of what it must feel like to hear your child’s voice just by looking at Potter’s face. And ridiculously enough he felt happy for the man. And the boy.

“What would you like me to tell Kingsley?”, Harry asked.

“I assume it is not an option to simply inform him of my return”, Severus said coolly.

“Technically, it is. But I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“And why is that?”, he sneered but didn’t really mean it.

“The publicity around your return will inevitably be massive and I hope you agree that Kingsley would better be informed by a reliable source before reading the crap the Prophet will most certainly publish”, Potter explained. “He will want to know why and how you are back. I am friends with him, and we work closely together. I can and will not deny him an answer.”

Severus face was expressionless as he was thinking about Harry’s words.

“I can just tell him, what I know from Hermione. You don’t know how you survived, you woke up in your house and decided to go undercover abroad, because you were concerned about the wars outcome and your position in it”, Harry proposed.

“You can tell him I survived because I have been taking a snake venom antidote for months”, Severus explained.

Harry nodded. “If you agree, I will make sure your return is not made public until we have Minerva’s decision. If she gives you the job it’s better to have the gossip about your return and appointment at once and be done with it, rather than providing Skeeter with two headlines to write about.”

“That sounds sensible”, Severus agreed. “I appreciate your help.”

“Consider it a favour returned.”

They sat at the table in silence for a few moments before Harry got up. “I’ll get Hermione.”

“Potter?”

He turned around, but Severus didn’t speak for a while, thinking about how he could say what he wanted to say.

“Thank you for not letting me die alone.”

Harry was obviously surprised at this statement and looked at Severus seriously for a moment, before answering: “Thank you for not letting me die at all.”

“You didn’t know that then”, Severus said brusquely.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“It does”, he insisted. “Suck up your Gryffindor honour and accept a well-earned thank you.”

Harry contemplated Severus for a while but nodded eventually.

“Anytime.”

Harry accompanied Hermione and Severus to the front door when they left. Before Harry closed the door, Severus said: “Age doesn’t become you, Potter. I think you left some of your arrogance behind.”

Harry looked at him coolly for a second before answering: “You used to be a better bully, Snape.”

As soon as the door closed behind them, Hermione started pestering him.

“What was that about?”, she asked stunned.

Severus walked down the steps onto the street, feigning complete ignorance.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Hermione huffed incredulously and they walked down the street towards the Tube station in silent togetherness. 

“Actually, I have an idea”, she said when they arrived. “Let’s not take the Tube here. I hope you don’t mind walking a bit further.”

“Not at all, _Minnie_.” Severus drawled.

She laughed at him, and it sounded like golden bells ringing.

“James calls me that”, she explained. “They all usually call me Mione, but he can’t say that.”

“James?”

“Harry’s eldest boy.”

“How imaginative”, he sneered. “I guess I don’t even want to know the other children’s names.”

“Their second child is called Albus, and the youngest is a girl called Lily.”

He snorted inelegantly. “I presume Miss Weasley – excuse me”, he corrected himself, “- Mrs Potter had no say in the choice of names.”

“Actually, she did propose two of the three names”, Hermione explained. “But let’s talk about this another time.”

They had talked the whole time, and Severus was too busy listening to Hermione and watching her every move, to register where they had gone to.

“King’s Cross?”, he asked surprised as they walked around the corner.

She just shrugged her shoulders. “It’s much more convenient to get the Tube from here to go home”, she explained casually.

He looked as composed as ever when they went into the station, but inwardly he was excited like a little eleven-year-old boy.

How did she do it? He had been walking the streets of London with her, thinking he was the happiest man alive and she just came up with something to exceed again.

They went onto the Victoria line southwards. It was rather busy, and they stood close together holding onto the same handrail.

He watched her, how she tightened her grip around the handrail, how she readjusted the handle of her bag on her shoulder, how she eyed the people around her. She caught him staring at her and just smiled in return.

He had been questioning his luck so much over the past days, had been wondering when the blow would come that would cause him to lose her. But at the moment he didn’t want to think about it. He just wanted to enjoy her. Her company, her presence, her appearance, just her.

When they stopped at Oxford Circus, he remembered something. “Let’s get off here”, he said and jumped of the Tube.

Caught by surprise, Hermione nearly didn’t manage to get off in time.

“We’re miles from where we want to be”, she explained, trying to keep up with him in the crowd.

“I know”, he simply replied.

He didn’t see how she smiled, being happy about how carefree he was.

They walked down Oxford Street, it was busy, and she hooked her arm into his to make sure she wouldn’t lose him. The simple gesture nearly made his heat explode and he felt like the proudest and luckiest man alive. He instinctively walked with his back straighter, his head held higher and he couldn’t stop a twitching in the corner of his mouth that nearly made him smile like an idiot.

They took the corner at Tottenham Court Road onto Charing Cross Road and Hermione thought for a moment he wanted to go to Diagon Alley. However, they continued on to the Seven Dials roundabout. He opened up the door to a coffee shop to let her in first. It was extremely busy, and it took a while before they were served.

“Two black coffees, one with two sugars, take-away please”, he ordered and paid for them, completely ignoring Hermione who insisted on getting her own.

He shoved the cup of coffee into her hand and said: “I know how you like your coffee, so just shut up and drink it please.”

“I have a reusable cup, I don’t like plastic cups”, she complained as they left the shop.

“They’re paper cups.”

“That doesn’t matter”, she persisted.

“Fine, order your own coffee the next time”, he growled.

“Thank you anyway”, she said sheepishly.

They didn’t say anymore, but naturally the tension dissolved. How could he possibly be in a bad mood, when he had just ticked off an item of his bucket list: having a cup of coffee with Hermione from his favourite coffeeshop in Covent Garden.

Severus blamed the difficulty of apparition between England and France for the fact that he stayed another two days at Hermione’s flat. They were sat on each of their respective sofas in the living room reading, when he asked her: “What are your plans for New Year?”

“Nothing, really”, she said. 

“I don’t believe you.”

“I thought we could get a take-away and watch the fireworks from upstairs. I have a really good view of London from my bedroom window.”

“So, you are telling me that for the last ten years you have been watching the fireworks from your bedroom window all by yourself”, he sneered. “If that is so, I feel incredibly sorry for you.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny.” She put her book down and pursed her lips.

“What do you usually do?”, he asked her.

“Well, I usually celebrate with my friends, but nothing’s come together this year”, she explained. “Harry and Ginny decided to stay at home with the kids. They invited me, but I think I’d rather stay here with you, if you want to.”

“You should go and celebrate with them”, he said.

“No”, she sighed. “The kids don’t make it to midnight yet. They’re a married couple and they haven’t had some time alone for a long time”, she picked her book back up. “I believe they probably have better things to do, than entertain me all evening.”

Severus thought about her comment just a tiny bit too much, imagining what he would want to do with her on New Year’s Eve, if they were a couple.

“Fine, but I’ll warn you”, he said quietly, to hide how thick his voice had become after those stray thoughts. “I haven’t been making it to midnight either for the past four years.”

“Don’t worry”, she said casually. “I’ll make sure you will.”

His imagination sparked at her comment. Pictures of her lying next to him and of his fingers wandering across her body flashed in front of his inner eye. He had to pull up all his occlumency shields to maintain a blank facial expression. Fixing his gaze on his book, he never saw the curious heat in Hermione’s eyes, as she looked at him over the rim of her own book.

Severus had convinced Hermione to cook together rather than get a take-away, so New Year’s Eve found them arguing harmlessly in the kitchen.

“Well, all you’ve ever done is brainlessly follow instructions in your potion books instead of trying to get an understanding of what you’re doing”, he snapped at her.

“ _Brainlessly follow_ … _?_ ”, she was so outraged she couldn’t even finfish her sentence. “You go on and do it then!”, she ordered, arms akimbo.

“I’m just saying, if this were a potion, you couldn’t just half the amount of ingredients for half the amount of potion.”

“Well, the last time I checked it wasn’t a potion. Let me check again”, she said saucily and lifted the lid of the pot to look into it. “Oh, surprise! It’s a f-…reaking curry!”

He crossed his arms across his chest and raised his eyebrows.

“You curse like a twelve-year old”, he sneered.

“I try not to curse at all”, she responded sniffly.

“Liar!”

She crossed her arms too. “Excuse-moi?”

“I heard you curse mightily”, he said a wicked grin appearing on his lips.

“And when would that have been?”, she asked, instinctively raising her nose in defence.

“When you violated all those innocent cauldrons.”

She opened her mouth but didn’t know what to say.

“You’re gaping like a fish”, he jibed at her.

She gasped quietly, and some horribly rude words were on the tip of her tongue but saying them out loud would have defiled her current efforts.

“Say it”, he teased her, the sardonic grin on his face growing broader and broader.

“Oh, just get out”, she snapped and turned her attention to the curry.

“My, my”, he teased her mercilessly. “I can hear those naughty words so loudly in your head.”

She stared at him with her eyes wide open. “You wouldn’t…”

“I don’t even need to”, he drawled. “Your thoughts are written out on your face.”

She just turned away and ignored him.

“Proper Miss Know-it-all minding her P’s and Q’s.”

“Will you just get out now, you…”, she growled at him but couldn’t stop her lips from twitching into a smile, which only motivated him more.

“Ah!”, he exclaimed, pointing at her mouth. “I saw that lip trembling. I think it wants to say something!”

“Just leave me alone now!”, she said and couldn’t quite hide a laugh.

“Say. It.”

She crossed her arms and leaned against the counter. “Fuck you.”

His face went blank. “Merlin, you’re no fun. That was too easy”, he said sounding bored.

“Get out, you… stupid… maddening… evil… man!”

She slapped her tea towel at him with every single word and he backed off, laughing heartily.

She started at him, mesmerised by the sound of his rich, genuine and beautiful laugh. He didn’t notice as he simply turned around and fled into the living room. She stood in the doorway staring after him, the sound still ringing in her ears. A warm feeling crept into the pit of her stomach. Not once had she heard him laugh and all she wanted to do now, was to make sure he would laugh like that every day for the rest of his life.

They ate in the kitchen and Hermione forced Severus to tell her after nearly every second bite that the food was delicious, extraordinary, scrumptious and mouth-watering despite being made precisely as stated in her cooking book.

“What did you do to get rid of Walburga Black’s portrait?”, he asked her as they were washing up.

“Oh, it worked very much like the theory about charms and curses I told you about”, she said. “Everybody had always approached it like a charm that needed a counter charm. However, it was structured more like a curse. It was rather easy once I had worked it out.”

“Didn’t you say charms are structured similarly to curses?”, he asked. “When they approached the Homorphus charm like a transfiguration, you claimed it needed to be treated as a charm because its needs to work as a counter curse.”

“Yes”, she said. “That’s right. The thing with the portrait was, that she’s kind of done it the other way around. She’s applied a curse, that was structured like a charm, probably because she was so good at black magic. So, I had to find a counter curse, structured like a charm. With the Homorphus charm it’s the other way around and - …”

She stopped talking mid-sentence and stared at him. “You’re brilliant...”

She dropped the plate she was holding into the sink and stormed out of the kitchen. Severus looked after her with a raised eyebrow and simply flicked his wand to finish the washing up before following her.

When he walked down the hall, she just came out of the guestroom-office with a bunch of papers and books and went into the living room. She spread out all the notes around her on the sofa.

“I have been working on the Homorphus charm trying to make it a charm with the algorithm of a counter curse. But werewolfery is a curse”, she mumbled. “How stupid I am. And I have known it this whole time.”

She looked at Severus. “When I worked on the portrait, I discovered that curses and charms are very much alike, practically the same. However, when creating a new charm, its effectivity depends on the basic structure you build it on. I don’t need a charm structured like a counter curse. I need to create a counter curse structured like a charm.”

Hermione could see that Severus understood what she was saying, but he couldn’t really give much input. It was not his mastery, and this was a rather advanced project.

She started going through her notes, scratching out things, adding things, magically drawing up new arithmantic equations and recalculating wand movements. She read through a book about incantations, when her eyelids grew heavy and at half past eleven, she dozed off.

Hermione woke up and the first thing her eyes focused on was Severus’s profile in the moonlight. He was lying on the other sofa, one arm resting on his tummy and one arm tucked under his head. He looked peaceful and the outline of his face reminded her of a Roman statue. His hair looked a little bit wild, as his bun had become loose whilst he had been sleeping.

She wanted to touch him, run her finger over the bridge of his nose and down his neck. She wondered if he wore a glamour charm, as she never saw any scars where Nagini had bitten him. She looked at his hand on his tummy, rising and falling steadily with his breath. He had large, elegant hands and she wondered what they felt like. She wanted to take them into her hands and kiss them, place them on her skin and kiss his lips.

Suddenly she jolted up and gasped. She had missed midnight.

Severus immediately jumped off the sofa and cast an intense Protego charm around them. His eyes pierced through the darkness and found hers.

“I fell asleep!”, she wailed.

He looked at her in disbelief and fell back onto the sofa.

“You can’t be serious”, he moaned.

“It’s bad luck sleeping into the New Year!”

“Are you kidding?”, he growled. “I remember you ran out of Professor Trelawney’s classroom because you considered her soothsaying and omen-predicting as humbug.”

“That’s completely different!”, she explained. “This is muggle psychology. Your whole year will be like you started it.”

“Well, I started my year perfectly decent”, he sighed, lying back down. “I was reading your doctoral thesis that I found over there”, he pointed at her bookshelf, “and I was trying to finish one sentence in between each of your snores. At midnight I wished you a Happy New Year and then I made myself a cup of tea.”

He put his arm back under his head and closed his eyes. “Please go back to sleep.”


	16. Chapter 16

9 CRIMES – DAMIEN RICE

Minerva reclined in her chair, covering her mouth with one hand. Hermione didn’t say anything, as she couldn’t determine what mood Minerva was in. She didn’t seem upset or surprised, but she also didn’t appear very relaxed.

“You know, Hermione”, she started, looking into the distance.

“I have always wondered why there was no portrait of Severus after his death. I have thought, it might have been because he hadn’t had one made, although Albus hadn’t either.”

She looked at Hermione now. “I have thought about it a lot over the last years.”

“Really?”, Hermione asked surprised.

Minerva was still focusing on something in the distance, but Hermione didn’t want to turn to see what it was.

“Yes, you see, Severus and I… I wouldn’t stay we were the classic idea of friends, but we were more than good colleagues. I enjoyed working with him, I trusted Albus’s verdict and I worried for him when he was hurt. But when…”, she paused for a moment and looked at Professor Dumbledore’s portrait. “… when _it_ happened, I was crushed. It took months before I could start thinking straight again, I was filled with hatred.” She looked gloomily into the distance. “Yes, I hated him. He had taken my best friend from me.”

There was a long silence between them. Hermione hadn’t known that Minerva and Professor Dumbledore had been that close, but her eyes were still full of pain.

“The year before the final battle was hardest on me. I had started to question Albus, and I had to realise that I didn’t know as much as I thought I would. It was devastating. And then I had also started to question Severus during his time as headmaster.”

She twirled her wand in her hands. “You might remember, that the castle never accepted Dolores Umbridge as its headmistress, but that wasn’t the case for Severus.”

She stood up and went to one of the many bookshelves that lined the office walls. She came back with a large tome and placed it onto the desk in front of Hermione.

“You can borrow it, if you like”, she said sitting back down. “At first, I thought the castle abided to Severus, because Albus had passed, which wasn’t the case for Dolores. This was my belief throughout his whole year as headmaster, and I am not ashamed to say that I made him feel my rancour. He had a job to do, which I technically knew, but I had a job as well.”

Hermione didn’t experience the last year at the castle, but she knew what the headmistress was talking about.

“However,”, Minerva nodded towards the book, “upon becoming headmistress myself, I acquired a few privileges. The book explains some of the old magic that is placed upon the castle and its current head. I have worked out, that it does not matter if the previous head is still alive or dead or has been removed by force. The castle choses its own headmaster or headmistress, a little bit like the wand chooses a wizard or witch.”

She looked at her wand and smiled at Hermione. “Hogwarts has accepted Severus as its headmaster, and it made perfect sense to me once I had read the book, because I knew about Severus’s real intentions at that point. The castle obviously knew as well, but much earlier than any of us. However, I still couldn’t get my head around why there was none of the usual traces left.”

Hermione didn’t understand and Minerva explained: “Every headmaster leaves some trace at the school. Not visibly or perceptible by everyone, but as the headmistress I know about them, I can feel and perceive them at a different level.”

She inclined her head and smiled at Hermione. “I won’t explain, as it is a rather special privilege and ancient magic, not meant for anyone else to know but me, at this point in time.”

Hermione nodded understandingly. “Of course.”

“Anyway, there is no trace of Severus here, if anything, there is a lack of something.” Minerva looked thoughtfully around the room. “And for some reason, I have felt an ineffable sensation throughout my whole tenure, that suddenly makes sense.”

Hermione didn’t understand what Minerva was talking about but refrained from asking.

“Whenever I thought about Severus case, it was as if I was missing something, as if I was physically lacking something. It is a most extraordinary sensation, and I believe it is the castle communicating with me.” She looked at Hermione seriously now.

“When you mentioned tonight, that Severus was alive, and as we’ve continued to speak about him and his potential appointment, it was as if the castle’s soul cried out in longing.”

Hermione’s mind was racing to connect the single bits of information. 

“Hogwarts has been missing Professor Severus Snape?”, she asked solemnly.

Minerva nodded appreciatively. Hermione she somehow understood what the headmistress was saying, but she also didn’t understand anything at all.

“You have to realise, Hermione”, Minerva explained. “I do not appoint professors at Hogwarts, neither does the ministry. All I can do, is offer potential candidates, but the castle will decide in the end, whether it accepts a teacher or not. And I will know.”

“I didn’t know that”, Hermione said, and Minerva laughed quietly.

“Of course, you didn’t. That is, to my complacency, privileged knowledge reserved only for the head of the castle”, she smiled. “I have my reasons to share it with you.”

She inclined her head and her eyes twinkled. Hermione was oddly reminded of Professor Dumbledore and wondered frivolously if that twinkling came with the position.

Minerva got up from her chair and walked to the window behind her desk, beckoning Hermione to join her.

“I do have a question, Hermione”, the elder witch said overlooking the Black Lake outside. “Why do you think Severus trusts you so much?”

Hermione was surprised at that statement and had to think about it for a while.

“I don’t think he trusts me very much at all”, she answered thoughtfully, following Minerva’s gaze over the lake.

The headmistress looked at her, asking her wordlessly and Hermione continued: “I think, or I like to think that he feels physically and emotionally safe in my presence. But I have a feeling, that there is a lot to know about him, his mind and his soul. I sometimes feel like I get a glance at what is actually going on inside him, and it is frightening at the very least. I am not sure if he could actually ever trust anybody.”

She looked at Minerva sadly. “I wish he could, and I hope he will someday, but I don’t blame him for not being able to do so. I can feel indescribable depths in his character and a darkness in his soul. Not an evil darkness, but a sad darkness. And it puts everything I have ever felt to shame.”

The two women stood silently next to one another and looked out of the window, each occupied with their own thoughts.

“I believe the castle is expecting its potions master”, Minerva said after a while returning to her desk. “I will speak to Potter tomorrow and arrange a meeting with Kingsley once I am given the green light. Shall I send Severus a letter, or will you let him know that I expect him for a chat, Saturday in three weeks?”

That would be the first Saturday after the students had gone home for the Easter holidays.

“I will pass on the message”, Hermione said and had to restrain herself from bursting out jubilantly. “Thank you, Minerva!”

Hermione left the headmistress’s office and as soon as she shut the door Minerva gave all of the portraits a stern glance.

“I expect that this information stays within these walls, headmasters and mistresses. If I find you gossiping, I shall set each and every one of you on fire.”

The portraits murmured and grumbled at one another, but a fierce look from Minerva shut them all up.

“I am surprised to hear he is alive”, said Albus Dumbledore’s portrait thoughtfully with a piercing look in his painted eyes.

“You off all people…”, Minerva said, surprisingly cool and hostile. “As if you’d care. You’ve done enough.”

“Are you behind this curious survival?”, the portrait said with a mysterious glint in its eyes.

“I am not”, she replied. “And it is none of your business, Albus. If I want your input, I will ask you for it. I will not tolerate your shrewd meddling.”

Hermione had butterflies in her stomach and a broad grin on her face, as she left the office and ran down the staircase.

“Hermione!”, Luna’s dreamy voice echoed through the corridor. She was talking to Hestia Jones and Hermione went to join them.

“I am so happy for you”, Luna said, although Hermione hadn’t mentioned a word, and she and Hestia looked slightly confused but didn’t question Luna.

“We were just thinking that we should visit Hagrid for a drink tonight”, Hestia explained to Hermione. “Will you join us?”

“Definitely. I just have to quickly write a letter and take it up to the owlery first”, she said. “I will see you at Hagrid’s.”

_Severus,_

_I will be in London next weekend. Would you like to come over on Saturday? I’ve got news._

_Hermione_

_Hermione,_

_I am afraid I already have plans for this weekend. Maybe you are free the week after?_

_Severus_

She tried not to be disappointed. Whenever Hermione had had a weekend off over the past months, they had spent it together. Mostly, Severus would only come to London for a day to work on their wolfsbane project, or she would go to Arraxy for a day or two to catch up with Clemency, study potions with Severus or have a cup of coffee on his balcony.

When she read his reply, she felt robbed of something. She enjoyed their time together, and she really wanted to tell him about Minerva’s decision in person. And she admitted to herself, that she just wanted to be with him. Even if they sat in silence for the whole weekend, she’d enjoy it. She wanted to see him, hear his voice, be in his presence.

_You fancy him._

She knew it, and she had known it for a while. She did in fact fancy him, possibly a little bit too much for her own good. He was subject of her daydreams and of her nightdreams. Whenever she walked down a corridor in the castle between lessons, she imagined what it would be like to have him walk next to her as a colleague. Whenever she took patrols at night, she thought about what it would be like to hold his hand in the dark, kiss him in the security of an alcove, or return to her rooms with him waiting there.

It was silly, because she knew she couldn’t act upon it. She feared it would destroy the valuable bond they shared. It wasn’t fragile per se, they would argue and make up again, agree to disagree, or sometimes disagree about disagreeing. But it was a stable friendship, and she didn’t want to risk it.

Nonetheless, it had become increasingly difficult to focus when he was with her, which was atypical of her. And she knew that he had noticed and grown distant in an instant. She was lucky, that he didn’t suspect anything, or she was sure he would immediately take to his heels.

She sighed and put his letter into the drawer of her desk, getting ready to meet her sixth year DADAC class outside for a co-lesson with Hestia. They had decided to simulate a field experience, and have the students duel in a designated part of the Forbidden Forest, that had been designed after the war, for teaching purposes.

“We want you to work in pairs, Gryffindor Ravenclaw and Slytherin Hufflepuff”, Hermione instructed her students as they all tried to stand in a sunny spot between the trees.

“One of you will provide protective shields, whilst the other will attack. After one hour you swap roles. No curses, no harmful jinxes or hexes. Non-verbal magic.”

At her last instruction she heard a few of her students moan. It was nearly April and many of them still couldn’t perform non-verbal spells. It was frustrating.

“You need to practice”, Hestia said firmly. “For every verbal spell, you’ll be deducted one house point.”

More moans.

“For every successful non-verbal spell, you will be awarded one house point”, Hermione added. “Get started.”

They formed pairs and scattered between the trees, a few moments later they could see the first spells.

“I like working with you”, Hestia said and smiled at Hermione. “We seem to have a very identical approach.”

“Likewise.”

Then they went to watch their students.

On her weekend off Hermione decided to go to London anyway, even if Severus wasn’t around. She’d meet him the week after, which still left him enough time to prepare for his meeting with Minerva.

On Friday evening she made sure to get all her work done, and on Saturday afternoon she apparated to Grimmauld Place, her bag full of Honeydukes sweets and some Weasley joke items to surprise James, who had had his fifth birthday during the week.

She knocked and Ginny opened up, but to Hermione’s surprise she looked rather shocked to see her.

“Mione!”, Ginny exclaimed, holding Lily in her arm. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I surprise James. Is it a problem?”, she asked. “I can just go and see mum and dad and come by another time.”

“Oh, ehm. Well, no. Come in”, Ginny said and let Hermione in. “I just didn’t think you’d be off this weekend, because…”

Ginny couldn’t finish her sentence, because James came running down the stairs.

“Minnie! Minnie you here!”, he cheered and Hermione’s heart burst.

“Aw, come here, young man!” She bent down and picked up James. “Oh, Merlin! You’re so much bigger now! I soon won’t be able to pick you up anymore!”

James kissed her cheek. “I am five now.”

“I know!”

“James! James!” Albus came sliding down the staircase on his bum, and Hermione looked at James in astonishment, sitting down next to the younger child on the staircase.

“Your little brother can say your name?”

James nodded proudly. “I taught him.”

They all stood in the corridor, when the kitchen door opened, and Bill Weasley came out.

“Hello, Hermione!”, he said.

“Hi, Bill! Good to -” She stopped in the middle of her sentence.

Still holding James on her arm, sitting on the bottom step, she looked past Bill into Severus’s eyes. For a change, she could clearly see surprise in his face.

She quickly recollected herself. “Sorry, Bill. Good to see you.”

She looked at Ginny, who shrugged her shoulders.

“Mione?”, she heard Harry’s voice from the kitchen. “Come in!”

“James, why don’t you take my handbag”, Hermione said to her godchild. “I think there is something in there for your birthday. I bet your mummy will help you find it.”

She gave James her bag and looked at Ginny questioningly.

“I didn’t know he was coming. Harry just came home with Bill and him in tow”, Ginny explained. “I’ll be flooing to mum’s now with the kids. I’ll leave your bag in the living room. Just come over if you need to talk.”

“Thanks, Gin.”

Bill had followed their conversation and joined Ginny upstairs to help her floo.

Hermione went into the kitchen.

“Hi, Harry”, she said, but immediately focused her attention on Severus. “What are you doing here? I thought you were busy this weekend.”

“This is my business”, he replied shortly.

“Ah”, she replied, still confused. “Why did you not tell me you’d be here?”

He raised her eyebrow at her. “Do I need to inform you about everything I intend on doing?”

She tried to hide her disappointment and hurt at his reply, by getting herself a cup of tea.

“I won’t keep him any longer, we’re done I think”, Harry tried to resolve the tension in the room.

Hermione quickly turned on her no-nonsense brain.

“Actually”, she said in a feigned good mood, “it’s great you’re both here. I have excellent news!”

She had intended on telling Severus when they were alone, and she had imagined a whole lot of other things they could have done after she had conveyed the good news. However, she thought analytically, and decided it was very practical that they were both here now. They could immediately decide on their next move. Harry knew already of course but had been instructed not to tell Severus.

She walked over to the table, sitting down next to Harry, opposite Severus.

“I spoke to Minerva, and she would like to see you Saturday in two weeks’ time.” She tried to smile at Severus, who had an expressionless face, but she knew his eyes well enough by now to spot the surprise, followed by hopeful excitement.

“You’re doing well today, Snape”, Harry said laughing. “That’s the second bit of excellent news!”

Hermione looked at them both questioningly, but Severus just threw a stern glance into Harry’s direction, who knew immediately that it was time to shut up, if he didn’t want to be severely cursed or killed.

She was confused by Severus’s odd behaviour.

“Well”, Harry addressed Severus. “I will head to the ministry and see if Kingsley is around, just as we discussed.”

They got up and Harry accompanied them to the door. Hermione went to get her handbag and to her surprise the two men shook hands as she came back downstairs.

“Thank you, Potter.”

“Anytime”, replied Harry, then he turned to Hermione.

“Minerva has spoken to me. Do you know if she has set a date yet to meet with Kingsley?”

“No”, she said. “I can ask her and tell her to send you a letter.”

Harry shook his head. “It’s fine. I’ll speak with Kingsley and write her.”

They left Grimmauld Place and as soon as they stepped onto the street the house disappeared.

Severus and Hermione stood in awkward silence on the street. Hermione started the conversation, aloof and focussed on simply delivering information.

“Like I mentioned earlier, Minerva would like speak to you on Saturday in a fortnight. Most of the students will have left and you can simply apparate to the main gates. She will send someone to pick you at four o’clock.”

That someone would have been her, but she didn’t want to think of that now. She was still hurt from his snide remark earlier and she knew it was stupid, but she was also hurt that he didn’t tell her he’d be with Harry.

“Would you like to go for a coffee?”, he asked her.

“No, thank you”, she said a bit more ungraciously than intended. “I am afraid I am busy this weekend.” She straightened her back. “If that is all, I shall see you in two weeks’ time.”

“I had something to talk about with Potter”, he tried to explain. “I wanted to tell you another time, when…”

“No need”, she said coolly. “As you said earlier, you don’t need to inform me about everything you’re doing.”

Repeating his words made her even more angry. She knew it wasn’t a big deal, but she could feel her throat getting tighter.

“Good luck with your interview.”

Severus silently panicked, but Hermione didn’t notice, being too preoccupied with keeping her own calm and not burst into tears.

“You will be there too, right?”, he sputtered.

“I am a teacher and I am on duty over Easter break. I will be at Hogwarts.”

“I mean at the interview, you’ll be there as well, won’t you?”

“It is not my interview, is it? And you seem to be getting on just fine by yourself”, she snapped. “If the headmistress wants me to join you, I shall be there.”

Severus went unusually quiet and nodded.

Without further fuss she turned around and apparated to the first place she could think of.

She walked down the street towards her parents’ house. She had been so happy a few days ago, and there was no need to be upset now, but for some reason she hadn’t taken his comment as lightly as she usually would have done.

She felt betrayed, because she did everything she could, to help him and she wanted to share every little success with him. He simply stated the cold truth, that he didn’t intend on sharing everything he did with her.

She also felt jealous. Poor Harry had no fault, but she was jealous that Severus decided to share something with him instead of her.

She walked around to the back of the house, hoping her parents would be in the garden or at least the back door would be open.

Her dad was watering the plants and her mother was crawling around the flower beds.

“Hello, darling!”

George waved at her, but he quickly noticed that Hermione wasn’t in the best mood.

Jane turned around and Hermione was glad that her mother seemed to have an inbuilt antenna for her daughter’s emotional state. 

“Oh, dear”, she sighed. “I bet it’s the French friend again. Time for a drink.”

She got up and beckoned Hermione inside.

“What has he done this time?”, Jane asked whilst pouring gin into two glasses with ice.

“I am being silly, really”, Hermione said, still trying not to cry again over him.

He mother looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she was immediately reminded of Severus.

“Well”, she sighed, her breath shaking slightly. “Over Christmas he basically agreed to take the job I was telling you about the other day.”

“That’s good news!”, Jane exclaimed and added lemonade and a mint leaf to each of their glasses.

“Yes”, Hermione replied. “I’ve talked to Minerva last week…”

Hermione told her mother about the chat with the headmistress and the letters between her and Severus. Then she explained what had happened at Harry’s today.

“And then he basically just said ‘you don’t need to know about everything I do’”, she imitated his voice ridiculously and wiped a few tears off her face.

“Well”, Jane started carefully. “Have you thought about what these past few months must have been like for him?”

“What do you mean?”

“It seems to me, that this friend of yours is a private and independent person. He clearly got along all by himself in France for ten years. Suddenly you are around, doing him one favour after the other. He might feel like he’s a burden to you.”

“But he isn’t. He knows that!”, Hermione argued.

“Well, maybe he knows that. But he might also feel the need to sort out things by himself, just to prove something to himself.”

Hermione understood what her mother was saying. She hadn’t thought about it like that.

“Think about the time you tried to build a life here, going to university and everything”, Jane smiled at her.

“I remember you were constantly thinking you’re a burden to me and your father, asking all the things that you felt like you should know. And we are your parents.” Her mother looked at her meaningfully. “Imagine what he feels like.”

Hermione sighed and covered her face in her hands. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Don’t say that, honey”, Jane patted her shoulder. “Just explain yourself to him and apologise.”

“He won’t want to talk to me”, Hermione wailed. “I’ve been terrible.”

“Now, now”, Jane said firmly. “You had your reasons too, and if he’s sensible he will understand, just like you understood.”

They went back outside into the garden, where Hermione’s dad looked positively grumpy and ready to murder someone. Luckily that was resolved quickly, and they spent the rest of the day together. They ordered pizza for dinner and Hermione left for Hogwarts later that evening.

“Just remember, running away never does any good. Listen and talk everything through, that’s the foundation for any good relationship. But also stand your ground, if you have to”, her mother told her before Hermione apparated back to Scotland.

_Severus,_

_I hope you are well. I want to apologise for my terrible behaviour the other day. I shouldn’t have been so unreasonable and I shouldn’t have left on a sudden._

_I can understand if you might not want to talk, but I hope to apologise in person soon._

_I would love to hear from you._

_Hermione_

She had sent the letter the day she had gotten back from her parents. It was the Thursday before his interview now, and he hadn’t replied yet.

Hermione was working on some essays when someone knocked on her door. Thursday evening were her office hours, and to her delight students did make use of them. Most of the time they didn’t have problems, but Hermione’s office had become a bit of a port of call, especially for the younger girls and their girl-problems. Slytherin and Gryffindor students did both have a male Head of House and there were just certain things a young girl did not want to talk about with a man.

“Come in”, Hermione said.

A fifth year Slytherin girl entered the room.

“Good evening, Miss Mark”, Hermione greeted her and indicated she should sit down. “What can I do for you?”

“Good evening, professor”, the girl said. She was of the quiet sort, a hard worker, but average grades. “I was hoping you could help me with some class work.”

“Tell me, and I shall see what I can do.”

Hermione put away her essays and gave the girl her full attention.

“I really struggle with the Silencing Charm”, she began to explain. “I am afraid that I might not pass my charms O.W.L.s in the summer. I really need an O or E, I would like to become a healer.”

“Miss Marks, I have noticed that you’ve been struggling in class for a while”, Hermione said carefully.

“Yes, professor.”

“Is there a reason?”

The girl looked at her hands in her lap. “I think I am just too stupid.”

“I can assure you that that is not the case”, Hermione said firmly but friendly. “I have seen your spell work. You work hard, and it pays off.”

“I have to study and practise a lot for charms”, the girl explained. “My classmates seem to be naturally good at it. I put so much work into it, but come out with lower grades than them.”

Hermione understood the girls worries.

“I have a few students in sixth and seventh year who are giving tuition in their spare time. If you are interested, I can arrange something for you”, Hermione proposed.

“Yes, please”, the girl agreed immediately.

Hermione got a piece of parchment and started writing something down.

“I’ll also give you a list of books that you can borrow from the library. There are quite a lot, but you only need to read one or two chapters in them. I want you to study twenty minutes of theory every day. If you like you can recap each topic you have studied in a short essay, no more than ten inches. I will correct them for you.”

Hermione handed her the parchment. “I will arrange tuition for you, two hours a week from after Easter should do.”

“Thank you very much, professor.”

“Let me know, how you are getting on every week after class”, Hermione ordered.

“I will. Thank you, Professor Granger.”

Miss Marks left her office looking much relieved and Hermione really hoped that the girl would catch up and get her O.W.L..

She left her office to go to the Ravenclaw tower and find Penelope Clearwater. They arranged that one of the seventh year Ravenclaw students, who signed up to give tuition, would tutor Miss Marks. It was a new concept that Hermione had introduced. She knew it from her muggle university, where students would support each other.

She returned to her chambers that night, worrying over several things. Sitting on her sofa, she thought about her students being behind. It made her feel like she was letting them down. She was a failure and had no business teaching at a prestigious place like Hogwarts. She worried that Severus might not turn up on Saturday, or never turn up again at all.

She was overthinking it all and it made her cry. She felt like a first year girl again, trying so hard all the time, but nothing worked out for her.

She felt a small relief when Crookshanks came down from her bedroom and curled up next to her.

“Maybe I should have just stayed at Oxford”, she whispered to him, her throat all chocked up from crying. Crooks rubbed his face on her leg, as if he was trying to say ‘tomorrow is a new day’ and she ruffled his fur, falling asleep a while later.


	17. Chapter 17

WINGS ACCOUSTIC - BIRDY

Severus stood outside the back door of the pharmacy. It was half past three. Was it too early to leave yet? Minerva wanted to see him at four o’clock. It was a fifteen minute walk from the bottom gate to the headmaster’s office, Severus remembered, and felt bile rising up. He had walked from the gate to Dumbledore’s office on many occasions, late at night after he had been to meetings with the Dark Lord.

Severus shook off the memory. He checked the time again, it was twenty-five minutes to four. He took a deep breath. Merlin, he hoped Hermione would pick him up. He took one step and disapparated.

Once he landed, he saw her immediately. She walked down the path, the late afternoon sun following her, and he fought to keep a passive face. She wore the same robes he had seen her in at Grimmauld Place, they were obviously her teaching robes. He found them oddly appealing. The way they framed her figure, her legs in those skinny trousers underneath, her long pale neck being half visible under the stand-up collar.

“Hi”, Hermione said with a timid smile.

“Hello.”

_Calm down._

“I am glad you came.”

He didn’t know what to reply and Hermione lifted the wards to let him in. His heart pounded inside his chest and he felt sick. He had dreamed of this moment for so long. He clenched his jaw together to keep his face straight, or he would start crying like a little boy. Walking through the gate, he looked up at the castle. The overwhelming sensation of coming home threated to knock him out, but there were more sinister memories that caused his rapid heartbeat. He wore his usual black frock and for some reason he wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. It was as if he had never left, and yet it was a completely new experience.

Naturally, his expression didn’t give away any of the tumult inside him. His face was blank and his back rigid.

“Sev…”, he heard her say carefully.

“I got your letter.”

He didn’t know what else to reply, but it had been on his mind all week.

“I am sorry”, she said. “I have been a complete idiot.”

“No, you haven’t”, he looked at her. “Would you mind if I stayed on after my meeting with the headmistress?”

Hermione’s shoulder slacked in relief. “No, not at all. Please do.”

He turned, looking back up to the castle.

“I’ve wanted this for so long”, he said quietly. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

“Let’s not talk about it now”, Hermione said and smiled at him. To his surprise she hooked her arm around his. “I think the castle is waiting for you.”

He didn’t know what to make of this statement, and he thought about it whilst they walked up the path. She let go of his arm once they got closer to the castle, and he immediately felt nervous again.

There was the occasional whisper as they passed some of the students that remained at the castle over the holidays, but because such a long time had passed, there was nobody that knew Professor Snape.

“Everybody has of course heard of you. Your detentions are still legendary”, she jested as they walked across the courtyard.

He appreciated her try to cheer him up but it didn’t really work. He wasn’t in a bad mood per se, but he was nervous and that made him uncomfortable, and therefore positively terrifying to the people around him. He was glad that she didn’t seem to mind that.

They arrived in front of the gargoyle that guarded the headmistress’s office.

“I think she wants to speak to you alone”, Hermione said and Severus nodded.

His heart ached, when she boldly took his hand and squeezed it. A calmness filled him and he felt like he could take on the world. He wanted her to be there too, but he also knew it was best to talk to Minerva alone. He tightened his fingers around hers thankfully.

“Caramel Fudge”, Hermione said and the gargoyle jumped. She turned to Severus. “My office is on the third floor in the west corridor, opposite the main Charms classroom.”

He nodded again and stepped onto the staircase to be carried up to Minerva’s office.

The painfully familiar door seemed like an unsurpassable hurdle, and he stood in front of it for what felt like an eternity. He didn’t dare to raise his hand and knock. He didn’t want to go into this office. Only bad things happened in there. He knew that Minerva was aware of him standing here, as he had had the same privilege for a year.

He took a deep breath and straightened his back, then he knocked twice.

The door opened for him and he clenched his jaw before he entered the room. Minerva stood behind her desk, hands folded loosely in front of her signature robes, and she looked mightier than Merlin himself. The afternoon sun sent its light through the window behind her, putting her and the whole room into a warm yellow light.

He had always held deep respect for Minerva McGonagall, her skills were beyond measure and she was a fair and just leader. He believed with all his heart that she was the best head that Hogwarts had had in many decades, if not even centuries.

“I thought you’d never knock”, she said calmly. “Please sit down, Severus.”

He inclined his head in reply and did as he was told. He was aware of the portraits watching him, but he didn’t want to look. He had deliberately avoided to look into the direction of Albus Dumbledore’s portrait and didn’t plan to do so throughput the whole meeting either.

“I believe you still drink Darjeeling?”, she asked.

“It was, and will probably always be, one of the few things we agree on”, he said coolly and a cup of tea appeared in front of him.

“The past ten years have been rather dull, not having anyone to argue”, Minerva said, eyeing him. There was something in her eyes, that he couldn’t determine. Was it kindness? Happiness? Why would she look at him like that?

He immediately pulled up his occlumency walls to cope with the discovery.

“That doesn’t surprise me”, he said bluntly. “Half of the staff are your former students, they wouldn’t dare. The other half are wise enough to know they don’t stand a chance, once you get started.”

“I see you are well informed”, she said. “I do have to collaborate with more people than just my staff though.”

He didn’t reply to that and just inclined his head in acknowledgement.

“Everyone I work with thinks in very similar ways to me. We’ve all come out the same end”, she said, looking at Severus carefully.

He didn’t reply, because he knew what she was trying to say, but he wanted her to actually say it.

“You’ve always looked at things from many different angles. Angles that nobody else can see, because we have never been exposed to it.”

“You are lucky that you haven’t been exposed to it”, he said soberly.

“Lucky, yes”, she replied. “But nonetheless deprived. It forces us into tunnel vision.”

They sat in silence for a long time. Severus was surprised how quickly she had come to the point, he hadn’t even been here five minutes.

He started to think about all the things that had happened it this office, beginning with the incident in his fifth year when he was practically told by the headmaster, that his life mattered less than that of a certain Gryffindor. He thought about all the times he had been sitting in exactly the chair he was sat in now, reporting to Dumbledore after Death Eater meetings, on occasion so severely hurt that he would have died, hadn’t Poppy Pomfrey looked after him. He thought about the time Dumbledore had ordered him to kill him. He thought about the time, when he found out that Harry Potter had to die.

He thought about the dreadful year when he was headmaster. He had sat where Minerva now sat. He had been emotionally so detached from his life and body that he had often started to hurt himself, right in that chair, just to make sure he was still alive.

He had been as cold on the inside as he had been on the outside and he had been entirely sure that his soul had left his body. The warmth had only come back in recent years, and for a moment he thought he was a lucky bastard to be sitting here, feeling that warmth, being able to think and having the freedom to decide on his own future.

Minerva’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “I will not apologise to you for what I did during your time as headmaster”, she said seriously. “But still, I am sorry for what I have done.”

He appreciated the move, he knew an apology and saying sorry weren’t the same thing and he knew that he deserved neither. Yet she offered it to him. 

“I would like your input and support at Hogwarts and if you wish to work here with me, I will gladly offer you the position”, she added.

Severus didn’t answer, but the expression in his face said everything. He nodded, and nothing more needed to be said.

They did however have a long conversation afterwards. Minerva wanted to know about his life in France and how he had got there. They talked about some of their shared experiences as heads of the castle, and both their relationships with Albus Dumbledore. Said man’s portrait tried to talk, but one sharp comment of Minerva silenced it. Severus appreciated the move.

There were painful things to talk about, but for some reason he felt like Minerva was one of the few people that deserved to know. They got along surprisingly well, Severus didn’t feel the need to defend himself or be snarky. That in itself was a rarity, but for some reason he thought they were kinder to one another than they had been in the past.

They shared the struggles they had during and after the war and Minerva wanted to know how he and Hermione had met again.

“It surprises me that you get along so well”, Minerva said. “I’ve always seen her as a young version of myself.”

“She’s less bitter than you”, he sneered.

“You better leave before I take back my offer”, she said waspishly and got up.

He turned to leave and lowered his head to hide a mischievous grin.

“Severus?”

He looked at her innocently, but her eyes weren’t as stern or fierce as he had expected.

“Welcome home.”

A genuine smile appeared on his face and he didn’t want to hide it.

When Severus had left, Minerva sank bank into her chair and started thinking. She had never been on friendly terms with Severus, yet she couldn’t help but feel a desperate need to get to know him. After meeting him, she understood what Hermione meant when she had said that sad, painful depths were hidden under this man’s cold exterior. But she did also notice that something incredibly positive radiated around him that hadn’t been there in the past.

Severus stood in the doorway of the Charms classroom watching Hermione. It was half past nine and he had been afraid that she might not have waited for him when he had knocked on her office door. No one had replied, but then he had heard her from the opposite classroom. Somehow she had managed to put on some music on her laptop, and she was lazily swaying around the room whilst some tables and chairs were rearranging themselves in the classroom. A few yellow birds were flying around. She looked lovely and he couldn’t take his eyes of her.

He walked quietly into the room up to her desk, behind which she stood, changing some of the colours on the stained glass window.

“I didn’t know you could make these work here”, he said and pointed at the laptop.

She swirled around and some of the yellow birds tweeted.

“I have a mastery in Charms”, she simply said smiling at him, and without further warning she pulled him into a hug. Only when he found himself holding her in his arms, he noticed how much he had needed it.

The birds in the air reacted to her happy outburst of magic and circled around them. She tried to pull back from him and made them disappear with a wave of her hand.

“How did it go?”, she asked.

“We had a lot to talk about”, he said, his arms still slung around Hermione. “I don’t really want to get into it now.”

She understood and they remained silent for some time, enjoying each other’s company. And Severus very much enjoyed the physical contact too. He hadn’t consciously held on to her, but rather out of a subconscious need. He did realise their position eventually and slowly dropped his arms.

“I’ll be accepting the post from September”, he said looking down at her.

“I know”, she smiled and he frowned. “Minerva explained something to me a while ago…”, Hermione started to explain. “… sometimes things just work out, because they were always meant to be.”

She shrugged her shoulders.

“Hermione…” The tone in Severus voice was completely new, and he felt her eyes on him. “I want to talk to you.”

“Let’s go over into my rooms, I’ll make us tea and we have all the time in the world.”

“It’s late”, Severus remarked.

He didn’t want to be a burden and he enjoyed her company too much. An invitation to her room sounded thrilling, but he didn’t want to do anything stupid that could destroy it all.

“I’m off tonight and tomorrow”, she simply replied, and grabbed the laptop. Then she left the classroom and made her way across the corridor.

They settled down on Hermione’s sofas and started talking.

“I didn’t know there were chambers on the Charms corridor. Did they add them after the war?”, Severus asked.

“Yes”, Hermione replied. “Filius had always occupied the Head of Ravenclaw chambers. The west wing had been completely destroyed, and when rebuilding it, we added quite a few new bits including these chambers.”

“I’ll get my old chambers back”, he said. “Nobody has stayed in them.”

“I am sure you could get new ones.”

“I don’t want new ones, I like my old ones.”

“The rooms in the dungeons?”, she asked disbelievingly.

He nodded.

“They’re nicer than you would think. You can see them, if you like, once I’m back.”

“I’d love to.”

“Listen, Hermione…”, he started, but didn’t continue.

He had thought about this conversation for two weeks, but still didn’t know how to make up for his terrible mistake.

“I want to apologise for not telling you about my plans”, he started carefully.

“Don’t. You don’t have to, I completely understand…”

“Let me finish please”, he said quietly and she stopped speaking.

He took a deep breath.

“I went to Potter because he had offered to speak to Bill Weasley about my Gringotts vault. Something came up, and I really needed the vault, so I asked Potter to help me out. I wanted to surprise you, so I did it behind your back. I should have talked to you about it, I owe you so much.”

_What did you just say? Have you lost your mind? Severus Snape owes nobody anything._

“You owe me nothing, don’t be silly”, she interrupted him, as if she had heard his demons. He simply ignored her.

“I found a house to buy. It’s a muggle place. Bill helped me transfer my money from Arraxy to Gringotts and he sorted out the transfer to my muggle account as well, so I bought it.”

“Oh Merlin, Sev”, Hermione gasped. “That is incredible! How.. I mean, when… I mean… Gosh, Severus!”

“I can’t go there yet. It belonged to an elderly couple. They will move out into a nursing home within the next few weeks, I said I only needed it by July”, he explained. “I just bought it. I wanted to show you that I am serious about coming back to England, even if I hadn’t gotten the job. But because I can only go there in July, I wanted to keep it a secret until then…”

_Since when are you so talkative, you bloody wimp? What has gotten into you?_

But he was on autopilot. He needed her to know. He looked at her and thought about how to explain his motivation. He still had vivid images in his head, of his planned surprise. They had involved her under him, in his bed. It had obviously just been a fantasy, and he wanted to slap himself for thinking about it now.

_Sick fantasies, that’s what they are._

“I had planned to renovate it and then invite you during the summer. To pay you back for the time in Grasse…”, he said quietly and looked into his cup of tea.

“Gods, Sev!” Hermione buried her face in her hands. “I am so incredibly sorry. I’ve been such a jealous, petty goat!”

“No, don’t”, he said softly and Hermione looked up at him. “I’d still like to surprise you, if you agree to act surprised.”

The corner of his mouth twitched a bit. She had been jealous. He didn’t know what exactly had made her jealous, but for some twisted reason he liked it.

She eyed him, and the adoration in her eyes made his heart ache. Everything about her evoked a tenderness inside him that he had never experienced before.

He wanted to kiss her in that moment, but he was frozen. Her gaze wandered and met his. He sank into her eyes, the soft warmth swallowed him and he never wanted to emerge again. He let Hermione lose herself in the dark depth of his eyes, where heat, and hope, and fear waited for her.

In that moment, both their longings met and without any physical touch, they slipped into an intimacy that neither had expected.

_What is wrong with you? Get out! Out of here, you twat. Out!_

“It’s late”, Severus croaked, and slightly coughed to cover up the shakiness of his voice. Hermione swallowed hard.

“I should go”, he said brusquely and got up. He tried to look at her blankly, but his eyes betrayed him.

“Thank you for tea. I’ll find my way to the gate.”

He put the cup down and made his way to the door. Hermione got up to follow him.

“Write me?”

He nodded. “I’ll be around a lot the next weeks, I suspect.”

His eyes wandered to hers one last time, before he hastily left her rooms and made his way across the castle grounds to the entrance gate.

His thoughts were racing. What had just happened? Did he imagine it? Was it possible, that he wasn’t as lonely and isolated as he thought? Did she think of him in the same way he thought of her?

It couldn’t be possible. The cool air helped him get level-headed. It was late and he had had an extraordinary day. He looked at Hogwarts one last time and left the grounds to disapparate.

Over a thousand miles away, he landed in Arraxy and entered the pharmacy via the back door. It was late at night and nobody was around. He went into his flat and sat down at his small table, thinking about the day.

Although there was a lot to think about, his mind kept on wandering to Hermione. He tried to push her memory away, repeating parts of his conversation with Minerva in his head. Although she had been aware of his history, he had felt like he owed her an explanation for many of the things he had done, or not done.

However, even these serious thoughts couldn’t stop Hermione’s face from appearing in front of his inner eye. He remembered how she had walked down the path towards the gate, in her teaching robes. He remembered the look on her tender face when she saw him, the way she had put up her hair, those loose curls that tickled her cheeks, and how she had pushed them behind her ear.

He remembered her in her classroom. How she had flicked her wand and danced discreetly to the music, the yellow birds flying around the room and chairs rearranging themselves around her. He remembered what it had felt like to hold her, how natural it had been, how much he had longed to be held like this in her arms.

He remembered her curious, warm eyes fixed on him. He had seen the fondness in her gaze, he had felt the longing that had radiated around her. He had felt their magic prickling in the air.

Her fawn eyes had been filled with an unknown heat that had captured him, had entered into his soul and filled his body with a yearning far beyond physical desire.

However, he could not deny his bodily passion as he sat there thinking about her. He could feel the pleasant pain rising in his groin and her memory made it even more unbearable.

He got up and went into the bathroom, turning on the shower and waiting for the room to go completely foggy. Taking all his clothes off he stepped into the shower.

He had never been the man to give in to his desires, but tonight he didn’t want to deny himself the pleasure.

_He closed his eyes and the hot water was running down his back. Then he tenderly started stroking himself between his legs, it didn’t need much as he was so aroused to start with. His fingers closed around his shaft and he started to slowly move his hand up and down._

_Remembering her sitting next to him on the sofa, her legs tucked under her, he sighed quietly at the image. The way she had looked at him all those times over the past months made him ache with want for her._

_His fingers closed tighter and he started moving his hand quicker. He leaned his back against the cold wall and started to move his hips. The water was running down his body and he imagined what it would feel like if her fingers would touch him, if her hands would please him._

_His breath came heavily and he started panting. Moving his hand quicker, he didn’t follow any rhythm anymore and his hips were thrusting hard against his own hand. He moaned loudly, as his fingers squeezed tightly around his penis and he came into his own hand, pumping his shaft firmly and clenching his jaw in pleasure._

He needed a few minutes to calm down. He was leaning against the wall and his body was oddly relaxed. He hadn’t masturbated in a long time and it had nearly been painful. He washed himself, his mind racing.

_You fucking, brainless moron._

This was stupid, he should have just gone to a brothel. Having pleased himself to the memory of Hermione would make it impossible for him to interact with her. He had masturbated and had sex in brothels before, but never with another woman on his mind.

But now? It hadn’t just been the physical pleasure this time. He wanted to be one with her, in body, and soul, and magic. He longed after her as a person, as a whole. He wanted to make love to her mind and to her spirit, as well as to her soft flesh.

He went to bed but didn’t sleep for a long time. He thought about her, how he would like to bury his fingers in her warm flesh, hear her say his name, kiss her tender skin. He thought about how caring and soft he wanted to be with her, as well as just grabbing her ruthlessly and thrusting into her without sense.

He didn’t feel bad about touching himself again later that night.

The Easter Holidays passed quickly and Hermione found herself in a rather stressful routine during the next few weeks.

Fifth year students were increasingly visiting her during her office hours to ask for extra tuition before their O.W.L. exams and Hermione tried to convey to the other years that they needed to stay on top of the curriculum so they wouldn’t fall behind next year.

“Five points from Gryffindor for not doing your homework, Miss Wood. This question would have easily been answered, had you read the assigned chapter”, Hermione said and the girl had the decency to look ashamed.

“I have noticed that the majority of you doesn’t deem it necessary to read the assigned chapters for each week”, she said to her third year Charms class.

“I know it’s summer and we all want to enjoy the sun outside, but if I find you unprepared again next week, I will assign essays instead of reading. I will not grade your end of year exams lightly, neither will the external examiner.”

She continued the lesson and to her delight she could see that at least they had practiced their summoning and banishing charms.

She didn’t see much of Severus, but she tried to not worry about it. They had written letters and they had met twice in London for a day, once to just have lunch in a muggle café and once at Harry’s to talk through some more technicalities. There was no awkwardness between them, but an odd tension that didn’t want to resolve. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it also didn’t let her go.

Severus had agreed with them, when Hermione, Harry, Ron and Ginny had proposed to inform the Weasley’s about his return. Ron had met him for the first time last week, and to everyone’s surprise there had been no casualties. Ron had managed to be his usual, relaxed self, and Severus had hated it. Everything was fine.

She had noticed that he wasn’t happy about the Weasley family knowing of his return at this stage, but he knew it was better than leaving it up to Rita Skeeter to spread the word.

To Hermione’s astonishment Severus got along with Harry, Ron and Ginny as well as one could have hoped for, but he obviously didn’t admit it.

“How grand it must be to strut around the ministry and have the Minister of Magic fulfil your every wish”, he sneered as they left the Potter’s house and went to get some coffee before Hermione had to apparate back to Hogwarts.

“How grand it must be to be as conceited as you are”, she jibed at him. “Come off it, he’s having the Minister of Magic fulfil _your_ wishes! You might want to think about your hate-talk.”

He snorted into his coffee.

Hermione knew he only made the snide remark, because he felt like a burden. She had talked to Harry and Ron about it too, trying to explain as much of Severus’s psych as she knew. Which wasn’t much, but it helped ignore his often disdainful behaviour. Although Ginny had told her that Harry gave out about Severus just as much as the other way around.

“When are you done at Hogwarts?”, he asked her.

“The students are leaving at the end of this week”, she said. “The staff will sort out their things over the weekend and then we have a meeting on Monday. I will be down here again on Tuesday.”

He nodded and she thought that he probably knew the end of year routine better than her.

“Minerva will announce your appointment on Monday”, she added.

He just nodded again, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Probably so everyone has a month to digest the news and prepare themselves, before you can scare the bejesus out of them at the end of August”, she joked.

“The what?”

“Never mind.”

He seemed like he wanted to say something and Hermione stopped in her tracks to look at him. “Yes?”

“Can I pick you up on Friday?”

“For the surprise?”, she said cheekily. “Sure.”

She saw a small smile tuck on his lips, and they parted to apparate to each of their respective destinations.

“The secured floo passage from Penny’s office to her house in Hogsmeade will remain, so she will be able to receive messages, just as she does at the moment. She is a valuable member of staff and it is in my interest and in the interest of the school to keep her as Head of Hufflepuff.”

Penny, who was heavily pregnant by now, sat in her chair and smiled at the headmistress.

“Thank you, Minerva”, she said. “I am looking forward to my new position.”

There was a bit of chatting between the staff members whilst Minerva sorted out her notes. Everyone was eager for the expected news and Hermione caught Minerva’s eye before she continued her agenda.

“I appointed Professor Severus Snape as the new Potions Master”, she said matter-of-factly, openly looking into the round to catch their reaction. “He will also be taking over Horace as the Head of Slytherin.”

The silence in the room was suffocating. Hermione studied the faces around her. Filius’s expression was blank and she wondered if Minerva had informed him prior to this meeting. Neville looked sick, and Penny looked shocked. Luna had a curious, thoughtful expression painted on her face.

Hermione jumped inwardly, when surprisingly, Hagrid started speaking.

“Does someone care ta explane, hea’mistress?”

Hermione coughed quietly to grab everyone’s attention, but only Luna and Hestia looked at her.

“Professor Snape survived the war and has spent the last ten years abroad”, she started speaking and more heads turned into her direction. “I have met him some time ago and convinced him to return to England.”

_What a blatant lie._

“Why do we only find out after ten years that he is alive?”, Hestia asked.

“He didn’t want anybody to know”, Hermione said.

“How did he survive?”, Septima Vector asked quietly and Hermione remembered that they had worked together regularly.

“He had been taking an antidote to snake venom over months, and has built up an immunity.”

“How did the ministry not find him?”, Penelope Clearwater asked.

“He was working as a spy”, Luna said to everyone’s surprise. “If anybody can hide, then it’s him.”

Hermione appreciated her friend’s sound mind.

“But there was a memorial”, Neville said.

“Without a body”, Hermione explained, starting to feel sensitive. “Nobody bothered looking for him”, she said icily. They all went quiet, because they knew it was true.

After the meeting there was a lot of talk in the corridor. Neville and Luna walked up to her.

“I knew something has been positively occupying your mind”, Luna said to her. “I just didn’t know it would be this kind of positive”, she smiled looking at Neville dreamily.

“I am not sure how happy I am about this”, Neville said, the terrors of his past flaring up in his eyes. “You have a lot of explaining to do, Mione!”

“I will”, she sighed. “But let’s catch up over the summer, alright?”

She lowered her voice. “I don’t want everyone here to eavesdrop and carry away half-truths.”

“They’ll do that anyway”, Luna said lightly.

“Write us a letter and come up to stay with us, alright?”, Neville said to her.

They had bought a house in Wales and Hermione had often visited them, when she was still doing her studies.

“I think she will be rather busy this summer”, Luna said. “Let’s leave. Hermione really wants to go.”

They walked down to the main gate, and Hermione kept on thinking about Luna’s comment. She hoped she’d be busy this summer, and she had a vivid imagination about what ‘busy’ would look and feel like.


	18. Chapter 18

ZOMBIE – THE CRANBERRIES

Hermione spent nearly all off her first few days off with her parents. She joined her mother doing the yoga class, and they had breakfast in her parent’s garden afterwards. George and Jane had already been to France in June, and the Nancy’s were going to visit them at the end of August. On Thursday evening she told her mother that she wouldn’t be coming the next morning, because she was going to meet Severus.

“Severus? Is that his name?”, Jane asked curiously, and Hermione just nodded. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know, not much.”

Hermione shrugged her shoulders innocently. “He’s bought a house now. I’ll have a look at it and he’ll probably need some advice, he’s bought it from a muggle couple.”

“Oh, nice”, her dad chipped in. “Where’s he bought it?” He was always interested in the property marked.

“I don’t know, we haven’t talked much recently.”

“I thought the Weasley’s live in a magic house. Why did he not get one of those?”, he asked.

“The muggle market is bigger, I suppose. And you can easily apply some magic to a non-magic house.”

She loved her parents, but at the moment they were too curious for Hermione’s taste.

“I’ll come around again next week to drop off Crooks”, she said and got up to leave. “Oh, and thanks again for making the hut for George, Daddy.” She gave her dad a kiss on the cheek.

George Granger had built a hide-out for George the Mighty in the Granger’s garden, and the owl had already spent the last few days in there.

Hermione took the train home and as she entered her house, she found a letter addressed to her.

_I will be coming around ten tomorrow. I wanted to get something in London and was hoping you’d join me._

_Let me know if this doesn’t suit._

_Severus_

She was a little bit late reading it, but she didn’t mind it at all anyway. On the contrary, her spirits lifted immediately, and she raced up the staircase to get rid of her excess energy.

She got up early the next morning and went downstairs to set up some coffee before going back up to have a shower. For some inexplicable reason she took a long time to get ready. No, in was a very explicable reason. She wanted to look nice, smell nice and feel nice.

She looked after her hair, using her usual grapefruit and mint shampoo, she put on a face mask and once she was out of the shower, she even painted her toenails. It felt good and she did it for herself. At Hogwarts, there was never an opportunity to put much effort into her appearance. She wore her hair in a bun, and Crookshanks was the only living creature that would ever see her toenails.

She decided to wear a flowy, flowery skirt and a simple tank top. Fishing her sandals out of her wardrobe, she went back downstairs to have her breakfast.

She opened all the windows to let fresh air in and from where she stood in her living room, she could see Severus appear in the street. She waited for him to come upstairs before she chastised him.

“You should really use the apparition spot in the park I showed you.” She pointed her finger into his chest. “I saw you appear in the middle of the street!”

“Good morning to you too”, he sneered.

“Severus!”

“Alright, I will.”

She smiled triumphantly and beckoned him into the kitchen.

“Help yourself to some coffee. What do you need to get?”

“I want to get some seeds and plant younglings in the Apothecary in Diagon Alley”, he replied pouring himself some coffee.

Hermione was a bit surprised. She hadn’t expected him to want to go to Diagon Alley.

“Oh, alright.”

“You don’t need to come if you don’t want to”, he said coolly.

She looked at him and noticed his tense shoulders and how he avoided her eyes. He was nervous, or uncomfortable.

“Of course, I want to come. Drink up and let’s go.”

She sat down and put her sandals on. She was glad he had asked her to accompany him. It made her happy, to know that she could provide him with comfort when he was nervous about something.

“Ready?”

He nodded and they left the house together. They took the train into London and he asked her about her last two weeks. She told him about the good exam results her students had achieved and about the meeting when Minerva had announced his re-appointment.

“They were shocked, but nobody argued against you”, she said happily.

“That is because they wouldn’t question Minerva, and if not that, they’re afraid of me.”

“I don’t agree”, she said grinning. “But that doesn’t matter. You’re coming to Hogwarts, that’s all that matters. I am not going to argue with you about the details. At least not now, I’ll keep that for a day when I am moody, so I can have a proper go at you.”

She smiled cheekily and continued telling him about the few days with her parents.

“So, you haven’t looked at your research a single time?”, he asked.

Her eyes widened. She hadn’t, and she had also not thought about it at all.

“No…”

“I haven’t either. Looks like we need to dedicate some time to catch up on it.”

They arrived at Charing Cross road and headed towards the Leaky Cauldron. Hermione noticed that Severus was extremely quiet, his hands were folded behind his back and he looked utterly terrifying. She hooked her arm into his.

“They probably won’t even recognise you without your frock on, and all that hair on your face and head”, she said lightly.

He just huffed quietly.

He wore his dark green shirt again. Hermione could feel his warm skin through the fabric, and it made her blush. She looked at his exposed forearm and noticed that the Dark Mark was missing but recognised the shimmering of a glamour charm he must have used to cover it up. She decided not to mention is, as he was tense enough as it was at the moment.

They entered the Leaky Cauldron and made it to the back without anybody paying attention them.

“I told you”, she said and grinned up to him as he tapped the brick wall. “You’ll have to shave that thing off your face if you want anybody to recognise you.”

“Another good reason to keep it”, he grumbled.

“I like it”, she murmured but wasn’t sure if he had heard it over the sound of brick stones moving.

Diagon Alley wasn’t usually busy during the first week of the holidays, but Hermione could feel some people were eyeing them. They walked down the road and she soon realised that she had been too enthusiastic about his anonymity. The Daily Prophet had an old photo of Severus on its front page.

She saw and felt Severus’s mood darken and wanted to squeeze his hand, but she knew better.

However, with him looking so unlike himself, the few people that were around didn’t actually dare to say anything and simply eyed them curiously.

“Why do you need plant younglings. Is there a garden with your new place?”, she tried to engage him.

“Yes.”

His short answer told her he didn’t want to speak so she resolved to quietly accompany him, which she didn’t mind.

They went to Gringotts first, and none of the goblins cared very much about Severus. They asked him for his keys and came back with the amount of Galleons he had asked for. When they entered the apothecary, things got a bit more complicated.

They wandered through the shelves and he collected a few things, when one of Hermione’s students, a boy from Slytherin, walked up to her and greeted her.

“Hello Mr Finley, good to see you”, she said, noticing Severus disappearing between shelves behind her.

“Professor Granger, may I ask a question?”, the young boy said, and she inclined her head, indicating that she was listening.

“That man you’re with today, is it true he will be teaching at Hogwarts from next year?”

“Who has been saying so, Mr Finley?”

“No one in particular, ma’am. Me and some friends noticed him when we stayed at Hogwarts over the Easter break. Some students have been talking about it and it’s said that he will be teaching Potions again. Then I saw the Daily Prophet earlier and thought it looked much like him.”

Hermione had to think a moment about what to answer, but to her complete astonishment Severus came back and talked to her. She wondered if he tried to stop the conversation from going any further.

“Hermione, would you help me out over here with some of the seeds?”

“Sure, give me one minute”, she said.

“Excuse me, Sir!”, the young Mr Finley said to Severus and Hermione prayed for the boy. He obviously hadn’t heard enough about the new teacher.

“Yes?”, Severus drawled in his most Professor-Snape-like tone and Hermione instinctively ducked her head. She thought he looked more terrorizing than ever, but the boy bravely continued to speak.

“I have just asked Professor Granger about you, but maybe I can just ask you directly instead.”

Severus cocked an eyebrow, so high it might as well have vanished in his hairline.

“Will you be teaching Potions at Hogwarts from next year?”, the boy asked confidently.

“That is correct”, Severus replied coolly, and Hermione’s mouth nearly fell open.

“I am looking forward to it, Potions is my best subject.”

“Your name?”, Severus asked.

“Andrew Finley.”

“Your house?”

“Slytherin, sir.”

Hermione saw a cold pain appearing in Severus’s eyes, but it didn’t show on his face. His face was a mask, and only Hermione knew that it was covering up intense feelings.

“Year?”

“Fifth year from September, Sir.”

“I’m looking forward to teaching you, Mr Finley.”

“Thank you, Sir.” The boy smiled and looked at Hermione. “See you in September, Professor.”

She smiled at the boy and he left. They heard him pay at the till and leave the shop.

Hermione looked at Severus whose face had gone to stone.

“What is it?”, she asked quietly trying to catch his eye.

“Do you know the boys background?”, he replied, not looking at her.

“He lives with his grandparents, I believe”, she said confused.

“Let’s go”, he grumbled and went to the till with his things.

The cashier seemed extremely puzzled and couldn’t stop looking at Severus and then at Hermione and back to Severus again, but he didn’t say a word.

They left the shop and without prior warning Severus took her hand and disapparated.

To her surprise they landed on her street.

“I think you shouldn’t come with me today. I’ll write to you.”

She immediately grabbed his hand and she could feel a slight pull, indicating she had literally just stopped him from apparating.

“Talk to me”, she said softly. She knew something was wrong. “Come in and talk to me, and then we can decide whether I’ll come with you or not.”

“I can’t, Hermione…”

He sounded tormented and it hurt her heart.

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

She tightened her grip around his hand when she noticed he tried to leave.

“But please come inside with me, I’ve been waiting to see you for so long”, she said quietly looking at him.

It seemed to work, she could immediately see his eyes softening, but they weren’t happy. She could see pain, a lot of pain.

“Please, come.”

She pulled him by the hand he followed without saying anything. They went inside and she sent him to the living room, setting up some tea in the kitchen to give him a moment alone. When she joined him, the sight of him caused her heart to cry out in agony.

He sat on the sofa, his head buried in both hands, looking utterly defeated. She had never seen him like this.

She put the cups onto the coffee table and sat down next to him.

“I don’t think I can do it”, he whispered, and she felt tears welling up in her eyes at the tone.

She had never heard him like that. Without thinking she leaned against him and wanted to wrap her arms around him, but he jumped up.

“Don’t!”, he barked at her and she instinctively lifted her hands in submission.

“I’m sorry, I won’t…”

“You have no idea what I can do to you”, he spat, and Hermione was overthrown with the sudden reaction.

“Don’t start this again, Sev”, she pleaded and when she saw him straighten his back, she added: “And don’t run now. I will lock you in again.”

She looked at him softly but was resolute.

“Hermione…”

She fixed her gaze on him and waited until he had sat down again. He raised his head and looked at her sadly.

“I don’t think I can teach at Hogwarts.”

She didn’t reply. She knew, either he had a sensible reason that she could not argue with, or he was insecure and hurt for some reason, which meant he just needed to talk it all out, before she could reason with him.

“I killed the boy’s mother”, he suddenly said without any expression and Hermione stared at him in shock, which was the wrong thing to do. He immediately tensed up and got up again.

“I shouldn’t be here”, he sputtered.

She was quicker than him and took two quick steps to position herself in front of the door so he couldn’t leave.

“Yes, you should be here. I want you to be here.”

“I can’t Hermione, I…” He looked at her in pain. “I don’t deserve this”, he wailed in agony.

Hermione didn’t know what to do. He was in pain, emotional and psychological pain, but he didn’t want her to touch him. She wanted to comfort him, but she just did not know what to do.

“Talk.”

“You don’t want to know…”

“Don’t tell me, what I want and don’t want. Talk.”

“I killed her”, he spat.

“How?”

His nostrils flared. “Don’t make me tell you.”

“How did you kill her?”, she asked again calmly.

He walked up to her, dangerously slowly, and bent over her.

“I tortured her with the Cruciatus curse. She was begging for death for at least the last three hours of it”, he spat at her. “She was pulling her hair, so I made her cut of her own fingers, one after the other, and eat them. When she had lost too much blood to continue the game, I slit her throat and left her to bleed out. In front of her husband’s eyes.”

Hermione felt sick. She knew Severus had to do things beyond her imagination, but this was something that she couldn't ignore. However, if she gave in to her initial urge, he'd run. One part of her was so shocked at the gruesome revelation that all she wanted to do was cry out in horror, but the other part still wanted Severus to calm down, it wanted to show that she had his back, no matter what. She had to use all the self-control she could bring up to keep standing straight and talk calmly. She would not lose her mind now. From the look in his eyes, she could tell that he hurt a million times more than her, and she would first make sure that he was alright. Once that was settled she could think about the rest. 

“Why did you do it?”

“Her husband disobeyed the Dark Lord’s orders.”

She knew what this meant, but she wanted him to say it, so she repeated: “Why did you do it?”

He looked her in the eyes, then he looked away.

“Answer me.”

“To punish her husband.”

“No, Severus”, she said fiercely. “Why did _you_ torture and kill her?”

She could see him looking into the distance.

“Because the Dark Lord told me to do so.”

She didn’t say anything and let him think for a moment.

“That doesn’t change the fact that I committed gruesome murder”, he barked. “And it wasn’t the only time I did so.”

“What would have happened if you hadn’t done what Voldemort ordered you to do?”

“He would have killed me. Which would have been better.”

“Who would have won the war, had you been killed that night?”

All of a sudden, he smashed his fist against the wall next to her.

“Don’t play with me!”

“I am not playing”, she said sternly. “You are being unjust to yourself, Severus.”

“If I were just to myself, I’d have committed suicide thirty years ago”, he spat.

“Stop it”, she yelled at him. “Stop! Stop! Stop!”

She punched him in the chest with each word. He didn’t expect her outburst and took a step back.

“You can’t change the past Severus! And you don’t need to!”, she shouted. “You did what you had to do. We all did what we had to do.”

She walked up to him and didn’t notice how he backed off from her still in shock over her temper.

“Yes, you deceived, tortured and murdered people. But had you not done what you did, this world wouldn’t be as it is today. You can either dwell on your past and think about all the things you could have done differently, or you can accept that what you did contributed to a world where everyone is safe and free to be themselves.”

She was panting and she looked at him desperately.

“Everyone could have always done things differently. We will never know if that would have been for the better or for the worse. But the world as it is now is a wonderful place, for you and for me and for everyone.”

She pleaded him to be reasonable with her eyes.

“I cannot ask you to accept and forget about all the horrible things you had to do. I know your soul is hurt, Severus. I know how dark your nights are, I have seen and heard you in your sleep. But I ask you to acknowledge that everything you did helped us form a better world.”

He was speechless, and when she walked up to him, he didn’t stop her from leaning against him and wrapping her arms around his torso.

“You make it sound like everything I did was a good thing”, he whispered into her hair.

“That’s because you are a good person”, she said quietly.

Hermione enjoyed the embrace. It was intimate and she enjoyed intimacy with him. Not the physical kind, but the emotional one. She realised that he needed it and she wondered if he had ever had it. She wondered, if anyone had ever told him that he wasn’t an evil person and that his life mattered.

Unfortunately, the moment was broken by a weird noise coming from Severus’s Apothecary parcel and a second later it burst open and hundreds of small orange seeds starting bobbing around the living room.

“I believe they need planting”, she laughed and let go of him, drawing out her wand and saying: “ _Immobilo!_ ” With another flick of her wand the frozen seeds wandered back into the parcel and it wrapped itself up.

“I haven’t heard you use a spell in… well, since half-way through your sixth year”, he remarked, and she smiled at him.

“I believe in saying the incantations every now and then, to keep their sound fresh in the mind. It makes wandless and non-verbal magic much easier.”

“Every now and then being once a year?”, he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Or every other year”, she replied nonchalantly.

Simply to show off, she clicked her fingers and their teacups made their way into the kitchen. She picked up his parcel and turned towards him.

“Can I have my surprise now?”

He laughed quietly, lowering his eyes, and she adored it.

They apparated from Hermione’s spot in the park and landed on a grassy lane in a field. It was a hilly region and Hermione looked around to orientate herself.

“This way.”

Severus pulled her by the hand down the hill but let go of her soon after.

They walked for only a few steps, when she started to make out a small estate at the bottom off the hill, nestled in a small valley. A smile crossed her face. For some reason she hadn’t imagined him getting a place like this.

They came closer and she could see that it was one main building, small and quaint, made of stone with green shutters on each window. There was an outhouse and a small annex, and the buildings were surrounded by gardens with trees, and a fence defining the property’s borders.

“It looks so lovely”, she said and meant it. It looked like a small bit of paradise.

He opened the front gate for her and let her in.

“I am done inside, I wanted to start the garden today”, he explained. “If you feel like it.”

She walked onto the lawn and turned back to him.

“I would love that.”

“I’ll show you around inside first.”

There was a table and a bench in front of the house and upon entering, there were two rooms on the ground floor. To the left was a small kitchen, dining room and sitting room combination, that seemed a bit crammed, but when Hermione discovered the room to the right, she knew why.

It was larger, and Severus had turned it into a Potions lab.

“It’s not ready yet.”

“It’s amazing”, she said walking into the room and looking around.

It was lacking a few things, but Hermione could already imagine what it would be like once it was done. It had a massive worktable in the middle, a smaller one under the window and the walls were lined with shelves, that still needed filling.

They went to explore the rest of the house. There was a toilet under the staircase and upstairs was a large bedroom, a small study and a bathroom.

“I want to plant some rarer shadow plants in the outhouse, and I thought the annex could be used for some more practical research experiments. Do you want to have a look at it?”

“You bet I do!”

They went back outside, and Severus showed Hermione the annex. A bit later they started working in the garden together.

“Alright”, Hermione said drawing her wand. “What exactly do you want?”

“I was thinking here…”, he gestured in one direction, “… could be our apothecary garden. If we create maybe six lines of plant beds that should be sufficient.”

Hermione had noticed how he had described it as _their_ apothecary garden and couldn’t stop the butterflies in her stomach. She tried not to interpret too much into it, but it was hard not to let her thoughts wander into certain directions.

“I’d like to keep the fruit trees over there”, he said pointing at four trees at the end of the garden. “And I thought it would be nice to grow more things there, maybe a small vegetable garden.”

Hermione watched him walk down to the trees and indicating the space and size of the vegetable beds. She was so happy, for him and for herself. Just seeing him here, how motivated he was, how relaxed and calm and happy. He deserved it so much, and she wanted to see him like this for the rest of his life.

“And I think there should be a few normal flowers around as well, to keep the bees away from the potion ingredients.”

“Alright then”, she said happily. “Let’s get started.”

They decided to only work on the apothecary garden that day, as they didn’t have any vegetable seeds, but Hermione dug up a square patch where the vegetable garden would be in the end. Then they created six long beds where they started to plant the seeds he had bought earlier.

“Why are you wearing a glamour charm over your scars?”, Severus asked her, and she looked at him in surprise.

“I saw them the day you experimented with the cauldrons”, he explained, not looking at her but focusing on placing the seeds in little holes in the ground.

“I don’t know. I just don’t like being reminded of it” she said. “I suppose it’s the same reason why you cover up your forearm”, she added quietly.

“Not quite”, he answered.

“I can understand that you don’t want anybody to see the mark”, she said.

“It’s not there anymore.”

She raised her eyebrows in question.

“I cut it off”, he said quietly, not looking away from his seeds.

“You did what?”, she whispered in shock.

“I didn’t like being reminded of it”, he copied her statement from earlier, trying to sound casual.

Hermione sat back on the ground looking at him in disbelief.

“Merlin, Sev…”

“Don’t”, he growled. “It wasn’t as bad as you think.”

“You just cut out a whole chunk of your arm?”

“I just wanted to get rid of it.”

She said nothing and just watched him for a while.

“When did you do it?”

“Before I fled to France.”

“Did they look after the wound for you?”, she asked.

“Yes, but it’s full of dark magic. It never healed properly.”

“Can I see it?”

“Don’t be ridiculous”, he snapped.

“I’m serious.” She looked at him sternly. “Maybe we can work out something to help it heal.”

He frowned at her and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

“It doesn’t hurt me”, he said and got up. “I’ll get us a drink.” 

He went inside and Hermione continued to put seeds into the soil. She would talk to him again about it, but for now she wanted to enjoy the time with Severus. It was a nice and warm day and she thought it had been stupid of her to dress up, now that she was sitting in the garden, digging in dirt and smearing it all over herself. But it didn’t matter much, she enjoyed it and she liked spending her time with him.

She didn’t notice that he had come back outside and was watching her from where he stood, leaning against table in front of the house.

“Come!”, he called her and poured some water into a glass.

She jumped up and walked over to him, her naked feet enjoying the soft grass. She took a big gulp and smiled at him, sniffed and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Thank you!”, she said putting the glass back down.

“Are you hungry?”, he asked.

“Yeah, I am actually!”

Hermione hadn’t noticed it before, but they had spent a long time digging up the garden and she could really do with some food.

Severus walked back inside and beckoned her to follow him. She stirred around his kitchen for a while and they threw together a cheeseboard with bread. Hermione cut some fruit and Severus made a salad. When they were sitting outside and enjoying their late lunch, Hermione remembered something.

“I’ve got something for you.”

Severus looked at her with furrowed brows, but she ignored it. She knew he was just making a face to cover up what he was actually thinking. Although she would have liked it if he didn’t do it, she knew it was a habit that he would probably never stop.

She picked up her bag, pulled out two small pieces of paper and put them on the table in front of him.

“BBC Proms season tickets”, she said smiling. “Only for the first half of the season, because we go back to Hogwarts then anyway.”

He looked at the tickets, then at her, and then back again.

“They’re expensive”, he said flatly.

“My parents gave them to me.”

“Both?”

“No.” She smiled sheepishly. “They gave me one months ago and I went to get another one. You mentioned you’ve been a regular.”

He threw her a short glance.

“That wouldn’t have been necessary.”

“I know”, she replied casually. “But I want to go there with you. We have all summer to kill.”

She secretly hoped there’d be different things she could to do with him, but she didn’t dare follow that train of thought for now.

“Why don’t you take one of your friends?”

“Because I want to go with you, not one of my friends”, she said. “If you don’t want to come, I’ll just sell them.”

“No need.”

He shook his head and gave her one of those rare smiles. Hermione beamed with joy and helped herself to some melon.

“I have the programme here too. Let’s see what’s on.”

They looked through the booklet together.

“Let’s start with this one tomorrow.” Severus pointed onto the page.

“A Mahler Symphony? They’re incredibly long, aren’t they?” Hermione furrowed her eyebrows.

“Of course, they are”, he said. “They have to be.”

“And why is that? Other symphonies aren’t that long”, she said.

“Mahler’s musical language needs much more room than others. His broad, melodic development and the principle of contrasting sections simply need more time than the exposition of a theme and the condensation of compact motifs.”

There he was, Professor Severus Snape, who could have probably lectured on a music degree if he had wanted to, Hermione thought.

She looked at his stern face and had to laugh, which simply provoked Severus to roll his eyes.

“Right, Music Master Snape”, she said smiling at him. “Pick me up tomorrow?”

“Four o’clock.”

She smiled and got up.

“I should go home and check on Crooks”, she said. “I have to drop him off at my parents’ house. My flat is not really a place for him.”

“You can bring him here if you like”, Severus said casually.

If he had told Hermione that she had won a million Galleons, she wouldn’t have looked happier.

“Are you sure?”

A big smile appeared on her face and even if he hadn’t wanted her to bring the Kneazle, this smile would have convinced him.

He just looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“I wouldn’t suggest it if it were a problem, would I?”, he said in his usual annoyed tone.

“No, you wouldn’t”, she said with a tender smile on his face. “Thank you. I think he’ll love it here.”

Severus accompanied her across the field to the apparition point.

“See you tomorrow.”

Hermione wanted to hug him but resorted to showing him her affection with a genuine smile.

“See you tomorrow.”


	19. Chapter 19

SYMPHONY ZARA LARSON ACCOUSTIC

_Hermione Granger has a date with Severus Snape._

She didn’t know why she was thinking this. They had done things together before and he had even stayed overnight in her flat.

But for some reason Hermione romanticised the hours before the coming event.

“It can only be special, if you make it special”, she said to Crookshanks.

Severus would be coming in an hour and Hermione was dressing up semi-casual for the concert. A flowy summer dress and a warm cardigan for later that night would do.

_But I look nice enough to be a head turner._

After quick consideration she decided to take out her espadrille heels.

_Might as well._

She looked in the mirror and was happy with what she saw. For the remaining twenty minutes she was wandering up and down her flat until she felt Severus’s presence crossing the magical borders.   
She was in her bedroom, so she grabbed her shoes, bag and cardigan and ran downstairs to meet him.

“Hermione?”

“I’m coming!”

She headed to the lower set of stairs and saw him wait on the ground floor. She smiled at him and sat down to put her shoes on.

He looked as stunning as always, she thought.

_When did you start thinking he looked stunning?_

His ensemble was dark as usual. He wore the green shirt she knew well already and smart trousers. She wondered if she would ever wear his green shirt. Only his green shirt.

She immediately blushed at the thought and lowered her gaze.

“Ready?”, she asked and jumped up to cover up her nervousness.

They left the house and decided to take the train and Tube to get into London. Hermione thought she could feel Severus eying her and it made her chuckle. Did he like what he saw?

“What are you laughing about?”, he sneered.

“Nothing in particular.”

She threw him a sweet smile and hooked her arm into his.

They sat next to one another on the Tube and Hermione couldn’t take her eyes of Severus.

“What are you looking at?”

He sounded terribly grumpy and his face was dark.

“You’re a dashing fellow”, she said, sounding plummy.

“Don’t be ridiculous”, he snapped quietly.

She sighed.

“ _Thank you, Hermione. You look pretty yourself tonight_ ”, she said imitating his dark growl.

“Pretty is the last thing you should want to be called”, he grumbled. “It’s the least you can be and nothing you should aspire.”

She turned slightly in her seat to face him. His eyes were wandering around the tube carriage.

“I know that”, she said. “I aspire to be a lot of things, and I would never limit myself to looks. You should know that about me.”

He looked at her for a moment, then his eyes started watching their fellow passengers again.

“I do know that”, he said. “They don’t.”

He nodded towards the people surrounding them.

“All they think is that you’re _pretty_ ”, he sneered venomously.

“How do you know what they…. Sev, you can’t just enter people’s minds!”, she said under her breath and looked at him disapprovingly.

“I don’t need to, it’s written all over their bawdy, hoggish faces”, he snapped and threw a deadly glance towards the pool of people.

Hermione watched Severus cross his arms in front of his chest. His face was expressionless and cold, but she could see it in his eyes. He was sulking.

“Are you jealous?”, she asked quietly, but with a smile on her lips.

“Of what?”, he asked snorting. “Their artless manners or their disconcerting brain-power?”

She had to supress a smirk. He was _actually_ jealous.

She had a quick look around, then she focused her attention back on him. Plucking up all her courage, she leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder. It felt amazing, as if she had always been meant to do it.

“Well, luckily enough I didn’t think about these hoggish and artless guys when I was getting ready earlier.”

She could feel him getting stiff beside her, but after a moment he relaxed and uncrossed his arms. He didn’t say anything for a while and she thought she felt him rest his head against hers quickly, before they arrived at their stop.

As they squeezed towards the exit, he said closely behind her: “You do look lovely.”

A grin spread all over Hermione’s face and she was glad he couldn’t see her, because she felt her cheeks blush.

They arrived at the Royal Albert Hall and quite a few people were there already.

“Oh dear”, Hermione sighed. “I had nearly forgotten the joy of queuing for the proms. I hope you don’t mind being on your feet all evening?”

With the cheaper tickets they had to stand in the middle of the ground floor, rather than take seats in the stalls or boxes.

“I come here for the music and I am used to standing long periods of time”, Severus said.

“I suppose you could stand through four of these concerts when brewing some potions”, Hermione said. She took out a bottle of water and had a sip, then she handed it to Severus.

“I am looking forward to this”, she added. “I have never been to a Mahler Symphony.”

“You either love it, or you hate it. I would recommend the former”, Severus said casually and handed her the bottle back.

“How did you get into this kind of music?”, Hermione asked.

“Lucius Malfoy”, he replied.

Hermione raised her eyebrows and looked at him sceptically.

“I would sometimes be invited to Malfoy Manor. Unnecessary gatherings of pretentious pure-blood witches and wizards”, he said, fixing his gaze on the queue on front of them.

“I remember a Wagner opera being played in the background one evening and I asked Lucius about it. He would never admit it, but he had a liking for Muggle classical music.”

“Were you friends with them?”, Hermione asked.

“No.”

“Why were you helping Draco then with… well, you know… why were you helping him?”

There was no accusation in her tone, only curiosity.

“For Narcissa’s sake”, Severus replied.

Hermione was surprised that he sounded so relaxed. He didn’t seem to mind talking about the topic. She did however suddenly realise, that he had nonverbally put the Muffilato spell around them.

“She is a decent and just person, the only one in between a bunch of racist lunatics. She often talked to me. She knew that I…”, he took a slow breath, clearly thinking about how to phrase it. “She knew that I was capable of doing certain things…” _Murder for example._ “… I told you before, that I had to prove my loyalty to the Dark Lord on several occasions. He didn’t care about the murder in itself. He wasn’t a blood thirsty master, but he liked emotional manipulation. He played mind games and making me commit gruesome murder in front of everyone… he knew me well enough to know what it did. And it made him think that I was committed.”

He paused for a moment. Hermione noticed a glint in his eye, that betrayed his bewilderment. She herself couldn’t quite understand how he had suddenly started talking about what he had done for Voldemort, but it seemed as if this was something that had been on his mind for a long time. She wondered if their argument from yesterday had something to do with it.

“I have never willingly been gruesome and in Narcissa’s eyes, that made me the perfect chaperone for Draco”, he finally came back to the topic. “Lucius would have never been able to fulfil the deed for his son. But she knew I’d do it without fuss. That was all she wanted.”

Hermione looked at him sorrowfully. So, he had not only been used my two megalomaniacs, but also by the people around him who had thought him useful. Even someone as Narcissa.

“She would never say it out loud, but she hated all of them. Her devotion and love for her husband were her downfall”, Severus concluded.

Hermione knew that Narcissa had done all she did to make sure her family would survive, and she couldn’t blame her. But hearing now that even she had used Severus… used him to commit murder, because he allegedly could simply do it….

Hermione clenched her jaw to supress her anger. Why had everyone used him for their own enjoyment or ease of mind? Why had no one ever thought about _him_?

She looked at him sadly, trying to convey her thoughts. To her complete astonishment, he lifted his hand and straightened the creases on her forehead with his finger. She looked at him befuddled and he immediately pulled his hand back. She wanted to kick herself for her damned facial expressions.

“Don’t think about it now”, he said soberly. “Or ever, for that matter. I shouldn’t even have started the topic.”

“No”, she said quickly. “I mean… I don’t mind. I like to hear about…” She didn’t know what to say without sounding utterly stupid. “I mean… it’s important for me to know about your past. I…”

Hermione sighed. She felt like an idiot not finding the right words. He gave her a smile and she immediately got weak knees.

“It’s fine. Let’s not talk about it.”

She knew he was right, there was no point in dwelling on things that had long passed.

They were let into the concert hall shortly after and got a spot in the centre of the arena.

“The Malfoys are doing fairly well now”, she said. She thought that maybe Severus might want to know.

He looked at her surprised.

“Draco told me, and Andromeda mentioned it too”, she said. “At first, Lucius Malfoy was imprisoned in Azkaban and Narcissa was put under house arrest.”

Severus nodded in understanding.

“Mr Malfoy was released prematurely based good conduct and the fact that he did not share the pro pure-blood beliefs”, Hermione said.

“What utter nonsense”, Severus barked so loud that some of the people around them looked at him. “He is the paragon of the Dark Lords regime.”

Hermione furrowed her brows.

“I believe you, but he seemed to be genuine. Everybody deserves another chance, even Malfoy.”

Severus just snorted and focused his terrifying glance on a man that wanted to stand in front of Hermione. The poor fellow moved away immediately.

“He did agree with Draco to sell Malfoy Manor”, she continued. “They were given a small house by the ministry where they could keep an eye on them. Draco said they still had most of their fortune, but simply wanted to get rid of the past.”

Severus frowned at her, and she just shrugged her shoulders.

“The Malfoys are not a prominent family anymore. Draco has carried a lot of the burden and I think his parents appreciate it. Andromeda sees Narcissa occasionally, and she speaks very highly of her.”

“It’s Lucius whom I mistrust.”

“I try to believe that everyone can change onto the right path”, she said sincerely.

“That is very good, but thoughtless of you”, he replied.

More people came into the arena and space became limited around them. Severus placed his arm around Hermione’s shoulders and looked around, making sure she had enough room to move.

She enjoyed the physical touch and wasn’t hiding it. She stood close to him and let him subconsciously mark his territory. She wanted everyone to know that she was here with him, and more importantly, she wanted _him_ to know that she was here with him.

They soon talked about other things, as the arena filled around them.

“I need to get some cauldrons for the potions lab”, Severus said, and Hermione knew he was asking her indirectly to come to Diagon Alley with him.

“Flourish and Blotts stock a new collection on Charms in three volumes. I wanted to have a look at it. I planned to go next Saturday if you want to go together”, she said.

“That sounds agreeable”, he replied. “Who are the Charms books by?”

“Rob Dooby. An American Charms Master. I have read articles by him before, he’s quite good.”

Hermione put her bag on the floor, tucking it between her feet. 

“I am looking for a new collection that I could use for teaching. The ones we currently have are good, but I always find I have to change a lot of things.”

“Why don’t you write your own?”, Severus said and crossed his arms behind his back turning to face the stage.

She laughed, but then she saw that he was serious.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You’ve mastered your subject, you’re meticulous and you know exactly how to teach charms successfully. You’re a researcher. I think you’d be better off writing your own series of books than trying to find something suitable.”

She didn’t reply to that, because the orchestra started tuning their instruments. However, he had set a spark in her mind.

Severus faced the stage and Hermione was a bit jealous that he was tall enough to see over the top of people’s heads. When the conductor walked onto the stage, he put his arm around her again to move her.

“Come over here”, he said and positioned her right in front of him.

She could see better from there and was very aware of his presence behind her. She could feel his radiance and heat and wished for nothing more than to touch him. A while later she got completely soaked into the music however, and she really enjoyed it.

The immense density of the sound set something on fire inside of her that she had never felt burning before. She lost herself, it was as if the music were architectural structures around her. She was walking through this vast cathedral, and as she entered the building, she really began to understand the beauty of this composition.

They stood close together and Hermione leaned back against Severus, closing her eyes and enjoying the sounds around her. His heartbeat seemed louder than any of the percussion in the orchestra; his fingers hesitantly but softly touching her arm were more intense than the bowing of the strings; his chin resting on top of her head a while later, was not restricting her but rather giving her the feeling of heaven opening up above, and with the final resolution of the music, she felt as if she had seen a glimpse of eternity that night.

The audience broke into thunderous applause around them. Hermione opened her eyes and joined in. A broad smile adorned her face and she turned around to look at Severus.

She met his dark eyes, and out of nowhere and without knowing how it happened, he placed his hands around her face and kissed her.

His soft lips were resting on hers for only a second, and before she noticed it had happened, he pulled back and dropped his hands.

The people around them were still clapping and cheering, but she couldn’t hear any of it. She looked at him, her mouth still in a surprised oh-shape and her hands still frozen in the movement of a clap. He looked shocked himself, his dark eyes portraying a multitude of emotions and thoughts.

She saw confusion, heat, fear and longing all at once. Just as he stiffened his back and was about to turn away, she started to speak.

“Do it again.”

It was a whisper, words barely formed by her lips, and she wasn’t sure if he had heard it, so she took his hands and lifted them up to her face again. The heat in his eyes took over and he lowered his head once more to kiss her.

This time he placed his mouth very carefully onto hers, timidly increasing the contact. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, and he deepened the kiss, softly sucking on her lower lip.

When people started to move around them to leave the building, they broke their kiss.

“We should leave”, he said with a husky voice.

The longing and tenderness in his eyes made Hermione’s heart miss a beat. She could tell he felt awkward and didn’t know what to do, so she took his hand.

They left the concert hall and walked towards the tube station with the mass of people. Severus didn’t say a word for the whole time, but she suspected he was thinking. She kept her fingers tightly entwined with his to show him that there was no reason to question what had happened.

She was happy, jubilantly happy, and she wanted him to know, but she also knew he was very quickly overthinking everything. Holding his hand and walking close to him seemed the best way to show him how content she was without overwhelming him.

They got onto the Tube and had to stand. Hermione made sure to stay close to him and the sheer number of passengers made it easy to discreetly press her body against his. Severus didn’t look at her when he spoke.

“I should have asked you for your permission. I am sorry.”

Hermione was baffled by his comment and didn’t know what to reply for a moment. She watched the passengers and only when she felt his eyes on her she turned to face him.

“Maybe you should have”, she said smiling. “But I don’t mind at all that you didn’t.”

She lowered her fingers on the handrail that they were holding onto and softly caressed his hand under hers. She saw a smile tucking on the corners of his mouth and he didn’t look away. He didn’t say much however, and a while later they got off the train and headed towards Hermione’s flat.

Hermione got nervous. What was he thinking about? Why did he not speak? She knew he was quiet on the best of days, but now it nearly drove her mad.

When they took the corner onto Hermione’s street, she reached for his hand and stopped in her tracks, making him stop with her. She was afraid he wouldn’t say a word and leave without giving her the opportunity to tell him how she felt.

He raised his eyebrows.

“I like that”, she said and squeezed his fingers between hers. “I’ve been wondering what it would feel like for quite a while.”

He looked at her with furrowed brows and she lifted her hand to soften the crease on his forehead with her index finger, the same way he had done it to her earlier that evening.

“I can’t tell you how long I’ve been thinking about this”, she said absentmindedly. “Because I can’t remember when I started hoping. It just happened.”

She had started to play with his hair and had pushed it behind his ear. He took her hand into his and moved it away from his face, placing a soft kiss on her knuckles. The expression in his eyes said more than a thousand words, but before Hermione could voice the longing inside her, he turned to walk towards her home.

Did he regret the kiss? Did he regret the evening? Would he snap and leave her? Would he leave England?

_Calm down, you headless chicken._

Severus still held her hand tightly, which gave Hermione some reassurance. She could feel how tense he was, telling her that he was either in deep thought or restraining himself. She didn’t want to push him, but she did not want him to leave either. She wanted to kiss him once more, twice more, again and again. Her lips still burnt from the sensation and her stomach tightened in desire and longing.

They reached Hermione’s house and stood in front of the door.

“I really enjoyed tonight”, she said looking at him, but he was avoiding her eyes.

She stepped closer to him and took both his hands.

“Sev, look at me.”

Their glances met and she raised her own hands and brought them up to his face.

“I would like it if you kissed me again.”

She could see something flickering in his eyes. He lowered his head very slowly, constantly checking her face for any clues, but when she simply closed her eyes and pulled his face closer, his lips finally found hers.

His hands wandered down her arms and body to her back and rested on her shoulder blades, pulling her closer to him and she sighed quietly into his touch.

The noise seemed to encourage him or rather break through his barriers, and he deepened the kiss. One of her hands wandered to his shoulder and got a grip on his shirt. She tried to access his mouth by letting her tongue wander over his lips.

She heard him take a sharp breath through his nose, but he didn’t pull back. His hand found its way to her neck, burying his fingers in her hair at the bottom of her head. He opened his mouth and started exploring hers with the tip of his tongue.

Hermione thought her heart would burst out of her chest. It was racing, beating like jungle drums. His taste was divine and his touch titillating. He was so soft to her, so careful and tender. She felt like melting into him. She never wanted it to stop, but when she had to pull back to catch some air, he straightened himself and looked down at her.

It had not been a stormy kiss, but she was panting, and her breath was shaky. In the dim light of the streetlamps she could see him breathing heavily too.

“I…”, he tried to start, but she put her finger onto his mouth.

“Shh.”

He went silent immediately, his dark eyes boring holes into her. She touched his cheek, stroking the skin with her thumb.

“What a lovely date”, she said smiling at him, looking from his lips to his eyes. She felt a pleasant fluttering feeling just under her sternum.

He kissed her again, less hesitantly and a tad more forcefully, but still tenderly. Slowly, he steered her against the front door. She surrendered, leaning back against the door and pulling him closer. He held her, one hand around her waist and one hand around her neck. As he pushed himself slightly against her, a stroke of heat filled her stomach.

His tongue entered her mouth and he only stopped to kiss her cheeks or her chin, soon wandering down her neck and placing kisses behind her ear.

She could hear his shaky breath and moaned quietly when he sucked the spot behind her ear. He stopped and took a small step back.

“Don’t go…”, she breathed, reaching out to him.

“I… I should stop”, he croaked, looking at the door behind her.

Hermione nearly wanted to ask him why, but she saw the unspoken hunger and want in his eyes. It sent hot sparks into her groin and she nearly moaned again. She stepped away from the door closer to him.

“I wouldn’t mind you not stopping”, she said quietly, carefully placing her hand onto his chest.

Severus didn’t move, but she saw the heat rising in his eyes. She took his hand into hers and pushed the door open to enter the house, but he was reluctant.

“Hermione…”, he sighed and as he turned towards her, he had a strange expression on his face.

She didn’t try to push him any further, afraid he might snap, and they could lose this precious moment. She still held his hand and took a step closer to him again, not saying anything but just examining his face.

“Hermione, I… don’t want to lose what we have”, he said hesitantly.

She suddenly understood and couldn’t help but look longingly at him.

“Sev, how often do you think I have been thinking the same during the past months.” She closed the gap between them.

“How often do you think _I_ wanted to do _this_.” Burying her fingers in his neck, she pulled him down to place a soft kiss on his lips.

“I thought I was going mad, being in your presence but thinking you might not want me like this”, she sighed, their faces still close together. “And I never dared, because I thought it could destroy our…”

“I don’t want to lose control over this tonight”, he interrupted her quietly, his voice thick with desire.

She could tell that it cost him all his willpower to stop himself, and it drove her mad. She had wanted him. She didn’t want him to stop now.

“I wouldn’t mind”, she breathed against his thumb as he traced her lips with it.

“But I would”, he said looking at her. “I don’t want you to regret anything.”

“How could I possibly regret any of this?”, she said sounding nearly desperate.

He lowered his eyes.

“Sev, you know me well enough”, she said. “I wouldn’t do anything I am not sure about.”

“I know, I know”, he said softly and caressed her cheek. “But please give me the opportunity to be the gentleman you deserve and not take advantage of your willingness. Not tonight.”

“You _are_ the gentleman I deserve.”

“No man in this universe would be worthy of you, Hermione.”

He pushed some hair out of her face and took her hand into his to kiss it softly.

“I had a wonderful evening with the most inspiring and beautiful woman”, he said against her knuckles. “Now let me drop you off at home and wait down here on the pavement until I see your lights switching off, before I disapparate and contemplate what a lucky bastard I am.”

She laughed quietly and looked at him. There was no way to change Severus Snape’s decision once he had set his mind on something, but she had heard the promise in his words. _Not tonight._ The echo of a thousand loving nights lay in these words.

“Alright.”

“Come and see me tomorrow”, he said.

“I’d love that.”

“Don’t forget to bring your cat.”

She chuckled and looked at him tenderly.

“I won’t. See you tomorrow.”

He gave her a soft, long kiss onto the forehead.

“Goodnight.”

She smiled at him and went inside.


	20. Chapter 20

DON’T LET ME GO – RAIGN

The next morning Hermione was up early and decided to see her parents for breakfast before she would apparate to Severus’s house.

“How lovely to see you, darling. Come in”, Jane said and beckoned Hermione into their house.

She eyed her daughter curiously and a sly smile appeared on her face.

“How are things going with your French beau?”

“Mum, he’s not even French!”

Jane’s smile transformed into a broad grin.

“That means it’s going well. Tell me all about it!”

They sat down in the kitchen where Hermione’s dad drank his tea and she started telling them about their evening together.

“He dropped me off at home and you know…”, she looked at her mother meaningfully. “I’ll go and see him after this. He offered that I could leave Crooks with him.”

Hermione helped herself to some fruit that her mother had served.

“He sounds like a decent chap”, her dad commented, and Hermione smiled sheepishly.

Soon her expression became a little bit more thoughtful and Jane only needed to throw her husband a couple of glances to tell him that it was time for him to leave.

“I’ll head into the surgery for some office work”, he said, took his cup of tea and left.

Hermione looked at her mother with a worried expression on her face.

“Mum, I think I ought to tell you something about Severus.”

Jane just gave her an encouraging look. She took a deep breath and folded her hands on the table.

“His full name is Severus Snape.”

She could see that it slowly dawned upon her mother and continued speaking before she would lose her courage.

“He used to teach at Hogwarts before. He was my potions teacher.”

Jane’s face went blank and Hermione could literally hear her mother’s thoughts racing. She didn’t say anything else and waited for her to speak.

“He is the spy you’ve been talking about years ago?”

“Yes.”

Jane took a deep breath and nodded.

“Is he much older than you?”, she added after a while.

Hermione hadn’t thought about this.

“I think it might be something like twenty years”, she said. “But compared to how long witches and wizards live, that is not really an issue.”

Jane just nodded again.

They talked a while about how Hermione had exactly met him again and how they’d become friends.

“You’re a bright woman”, her mother said eventually. “You will know if he’s good for you or not.”

Hermione smiled at her mum. Then Jane got up and walked outside into the garden.

“Come!”, she called her daughter.

Hermine joined her mother outside and was surprised when she handed her a pot with a plant.

“You said he wants a vegetable garden”, Jane explained brusquely. “Here is a tomato plant, with compliments from your mother.”

Hermione laughed and took the plant.

“Thanks, mum."

An hour later, she walked down the hill to Severus’s house with Crookshanks on her arm.

“Look at that Crooks”, she said to the Kneazle. “I think you might like it here, won’t you?”

Crookshanks continued purring, hanging lazily in Hermione’s arms.

Severus was looking after the apothecary garden when Hermione spotted him. She entered the garden through the low gate and let Crookshanks down to discover the new surroundings.

“I didn’t think you’d be that keen on gardening”, Hermione said as she went over to him.

He looked up at her and to Hermione’s surprise an adorable smile adorned his lips. She wanted to kiss him already.

“It’s not gardening it’s -”

“Nurturing!”, Hermione finished his sentence smiling at him. “Neville says so too.”

Severus snorted loudly and furrowed his brows.

“Please don’t compare me to that oaf.”

“Neville is a talented wizard and an extremely skilled herbologist”, Hermione returned.

Severus got up and cleaned his hands.

“All I have ever seen him do was of poorest quality”, he said.

“You haven’t seen him in more than ten years”, she reminded him. “I have, and I tell you that your opinion is outdated.”

“It might be, but I don’t take other people’s word. I base my opinion on personal interaction. Therefore, I currently think of him as the oaf he used to be until I experience otherwise. Which I highly doubt”, he sneered.

Hermione shook her head. How did this happen? She came here full of joy and anticipation and now she had to defend her friends in front of him. It made her sad.

“Why do you always have to be so hostile?”

He crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at her coolly. 

“Neville is my friend and I would appreciate if you wouldn’t talk ill of him”, she said.

“It’s not my fault that all your friends are dim-wits.”

“You know what?”, she looked at him bewildered. “I think I better go home again.”

“What?”, he said a bit louder that she expected. “No, don’t!”

He went up to her and touched her arms.

“You can write me when you’ve decided to stop being abusive towards my friends”, she said calmly and turned around to find Crookshanks.

“I didn’t mean it like that”, he said quietly, following her through the garden.

She turned around and looked at him, calm but resolute.

“Yes, Severus. You did mean it like that, and I am not accepting it.”

“I just don’t understand why they are your friends”, he said gruffly. “You’ve got such a huge and interesting mind and they’re so…”

Hermione could tell he didn’t want to finish his sentence so he wouldn’t upset her again.

“You’re just so different to them”, he said finally.

She crossed her arms.

“I am no different at all actually”, she said. “Don’t try to make me feel better by discrediting my friends.”

He looked at her. His face was blank only his eyes spoke if his inner torment. Hermione could tell he didn’t know what to do. She sighed and walked up to the bench in front of the house and sat down.

“My friends all have what they want from live. They are as successful on their path, as I am on mine, if not even more successful”, she started to say.

“And anyway, there is more to friendships than similar brain activity or what you might call it. Or is that the only thing you like about me?”

She looked at him questioningly.

“No.” He shook his head. “No, there are a lot of things I like about you.”

“See.” She smiled at him. “I have my friends, because we share the same values, they are kind, and interesting and honest. And sometimes they’re stupid or reckless and need my help or help from each other, but that is exactly what friends are for. We complement each other. They all have so many different traits that I like about each of them, and the fact that some of them are not as interested in academics as I am doesn’t change the way I feel about them.”

He said nothing but just looked at her. She knew that was a good sign, he was thinking about what she said.

“And for your information…” She got up and grinned at him. “Neville is the best academic friend I have. He is incredibly intelligent, and you would do well to talk to him about those half-dead plant younglings of yours.”

She nodded towards the apothecary garden.

“They’re not half dead!”, he growled.

She laughed and got up to stand in front of him.

She looked at him a little bit nervously and reached for his face. He immediately leaned in and with his kiss he let her forget all the worries she might have had.

Hermione lost herself in the sensation. The warm sun was tickling her cheeks and she could smell that Severus was slightly sweaty from working in the garden. He smelt of herbs and something that was distinctively himself and it sent warm jolts down her back.

She leaned carefully back to rest against the table and he tenderly let his fingers wander up and down her arms.

When they stopped kissing, she smiled at him.

“I have something for you.”

She opened her bottomless handbag and pulled out a pot with a plant in it.

“A tomato plant. With compliments from my mother.”

She put it onto the table and then she pulled out a number of small containers.

“And several different vegetable seeds. She labelled them.”

They spent the afternoon digging around the soil in the vegetable patch. It was sunny and warm and Hermione kissed Severus every time she felt like it, which was rather often, and they nearly ended up on top of one another on the grass.

Crookshanks walked by once they had started planting seeds again, and Hermione was surprised to see how smitten Severus was with the Kneazle.

“I think we should have bacon for dinner”, he said, lovingly tickling Crooks behind his ears. “Does he like bacon?”

“I don’t know”, Hermione laughed. “He gets normal cat food or whatever he catches himself.”

“Merlin, you poor, deprived creature”, Severus murmured to Crooks, who rubbed his head against Severus’s hand.

Hermione was so endeared with the picture she stopped her gardening and watched them for a while. When Severus noticed her watching him, he stopped and got up.

“Are you thirsty?”

“I would like it if you kissed me again”, she said without thinking.

He pulled her up by the hand but didn’t kiss her.

“I’d like you to drink something first.”

He walked towards the house and she waited for him to bring some water outside. After she demonstratively drank a whole glass, she stepped closer to him and pulled him down to her. His hot lips met hers, cold from the fresh water. It was an oddly pleasant sensation and Hermione sighed into their kiss.

Without prior warning, Severus picked her up and sat her onto the table. He buried one hand in the hair at the back of her neck and with the other one he pulled her closer, passionately deepening their kiss.

Hermione spread her legs so he could stand between them and wrapped her arms around his neck. He sucked softly on her lower lip and the tip of his tongue requested entry to her mouth.

He kissed her passionately for the first time, and a pleasant aching rose in Hermione’s groin. His lips found their way across her jawbone and onto her neck. Hermione’s head fell backwards, and she moaned in pleasure.

He pulled back slowly and looked at her hungrily. Hermione’s eyes found his and she sank into their depths, not seeing anything else. His eyes were filled with a heat she had never seen before.

“Don’t stop now”, she said with a husky voice.

He pulled her close to his chest, his arm tightly wrapped around her body, and he moved them into the house. She was so busy getting a hold on him, she didn’t realise he lifted her slightly to get them both upstairs. Taking his face between her hands and kissing him ardently, she slung her legs around his waist. He tumbled at the sudden movement as they were already halfway up the stairs. To keep balance, he pushed her against the wall, his body pressing against her and nearly robbing her of all air.

“Sorry”, he mumbled into their kiss, and as she slightly pushed her hips against him, he moaned quietly. Hermione nearly came, just at the pleasant sound out if his throat.

He held her tight and went all the way upstairs, before he put her down and pushed her into the bedroom. She noticed how he looked at her for a moment, but Hermione wouldn’t allow him the pleasure and grabbed his shirt at the chest to pull him with her towards the bed.

She groaned in protest, as she lowered herself onto the bed and he didn’t follow her immediately, but then she noticed he had taken his shoes off first. She kicked off her flats to and lied down on the bed.

Her head was placed between two pillows and she saw him coming closer, crawling over her. The sun was shining through the window, it illuminated his pale face, and to her surprise his dark eyes were filled with a warmth, instead of the previous heat. He looked at her, as if she was the most precious jewel in the whole world, as if she was the only star to be seen in a cloudy night sky.

He brought his hand up to her cheek, caressing it and pushing stray strands of hair out of her face. He kissed her softly but pulled back again to look at her face. Hermione covered his hand on her face with hers, closed her eyes and enjoyed the soft touch.

When she realised that the arm he was leaning on started to tremble slightly, she pushed him over and turned around so they faced each other.

She let her fingers wander over his neck, feeling a prickling sensation where he had put a glamour over his scars. He flinched under her touch and moved away slightly.

“Do they still hurt?”

“No”, he replied.

She realised quickly that he didn’t want her to see the scars.

“Don’t hide from me, Sev”, she said. “I’ve been there with you and I am with you now.”

He didn’t reply, but his eyes went soft and he took her hand to kiss her fingertips.

“Did they heal well enough?”, she asked quietly.

He nodded.

“Yes”, he said, his voice thick. “Still not very nice to look at however.”

“Everything about you is nice to look at”, she said and pushed some hair behind his ear.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

He lowered his face. She could tell he felt insecure and wanted to let him know that there was no reason for it.

“I’m not”, she breathed and kissed the bridge of his nose and his pronounced cheekbones on either side. Her hands wandered to the buttons of his shirt, fumbling two of them open to touch his warm skin under it. Dark black hair was covering his chest sparsely and she let her fingers run through it.

He joined her in discovering one another’s bodies, running his hands over her sides down to her hip and back.

Only after some time she noticed her dirty hands. She had completely forgotten that she was covered in soil and probably reeked of sweat.

“Ugh!”, she exclaimed and showed him her hands.

He laughed quietly and kissed her knuckles.

“Mine don’t look much better.”

She looked down and noticed they had dirtied the sheets under them.

“Oh, gods”, she exclaimed. “I am sorry, let me…”

She fumbled for her wand in her skirt, but he stopped her hand and moved it up next to her head, pushing her over and cowering over her.

He placed soft kisses along the inside of her arm. She moaned quietly and he kissed her fiercely onto her mouth, trailing his lips across her face to the spot behind her ear and wandering down her neck painfully slowly.

He started to move his hips slightly and she could feel his erection against her thigh. A deep sigh escaped her mouth and she tried to move her own nether regions closer to his. She started breathing heavily as he worked his way over her chest, sucking softly at the skin above breasts, but stopping just at the seam of her top.

“I’ll sort out the mess and make us some food, you can take a shower if you like”, he breathed against her hot skin.

“I don’t think I’m hungry”, she said breathlessly.

He placed a trail of kisses up along the other side of her neck, stopping next to her ear, and whispered: “You will be, and I won’t let you go once I get started with you.”

With that said, he moved off her abruptly, got up and left the room.

Hermione was left alone with her besotted mind and she could hear how the blood rushing in her ears slowly calmed down. A love-drunken smile appeared on her face and she touched her neck where just a moments ago his lips had kissed her.

Severus Snape’s lips.

How in Merlin’s four-hundred years did she end up in one bed with Severus Snape? She knew how it had happened on her end, but how was it possible that he had wanted it too?

She thought about the moment when he had kissed her at the concert last night and a wave of tenderness swept over her. How careful he had been, and how soft.

Then she thought about all the other kisses they had shared since then. His heated passion when he had dropped her off at home, and all the kissed they had indulged in this afternoon. He had had such wild force in his eyes, but his actions and movements were so soft and careful.

_And he hasn’t even started yet._

The memory of his low, rumbling voice made her hot and she closed her eyes for a moment.

_Get your lazy arse up, or he won’t have a chance to get started, you gormless goat._

She quickly got up and made her way to his bathroom. Closing the door behind her, she looked at the key in the lock for a moment. She didn’t think he’d try to get in, but she left it unlocked anyway.

 _Just in case_ , she thought cheekily.

There were two jars with different liquids in the shower and she wondered if he had made them himself. They smelt like Severus, herby and fresh, and she immediately felt the heat between her legs again. She would have probably touched herself, had the object of her desire not been only a small distance away.

She cleaned herself quickly but thoroughly before getting out of the shower and wrapping herself in a towel. Her clothes were still mucky.

She carefully opened the bathroom door.

“Severus?”, she called.

“Yes?” His voice came from the bedroom, he had come upstairs again.

She crossed the small distance and peeked her head into the room. He was just putting fresh linen on the bed. Was it the sexiest thing she had ever seen? Definitely.

“My clothes are still dirty and…-”

“And you only like them from a muggle washing machine”, he finished her sentence. “I remember.”

Then he looked at her and she could have sworn she saw his eyes widen.

“Would you mind if I borrowed some clothes?”, she asked grinning sheepishly.

“Sure…”, he said befuddled.

He was very obviously checking her out, but before Hermione could act upon it, he dropped the linen and opened a drawer, pulling out a dark grey shirt and some shorts.

“I didn’t think you had any shorts”, she teased him, taking the clothes. “Thanks.”

She wanted to turn around and go back, but he stopped her softly. To her satisfaction, the heat in his eyes was back, when he slowly pushed her wet hair of her shoulder and placed a kiss on her moist skin.

“Get dressed in here”, he said, and she looked at him in surprise. Did he want her to get dressed in front of him?

“It’s my turn”, he said, placing another kiss behind her ear and going into the bathroom.

Her eyes followed him, and in her mind, she was following him too. She sighed quietly when he closed the door and decided to put his clothes on before her fantasy would driver her completely bonkers.

With a quick wave of her hand the bedlinen put itself on and she made her way downstairs, so she couldn’t be tempted to do something silly.

She went outside, where Severus had put food onto the table. Bread and cheese, and she could also smell bacon. When she had a look in the kitchen, she saw Crookshanks enjoying a few slices of it under the kitchen table and it made her feel completely love-struck again. She went back outside and stretched out on the bench, dropping her hair over the armrest to let the sun dry it.

He came downstairs so quietly, she started in surprise when his fingers started combing through her curls.

“Move over”, he said.

They sat next to one another, enjoying their small meal.

“Where are we actually?”, Hermione asked. “Geographically”, she specified.

“North York Moors, York is about an hour south.”

“I really like it”, she said, gazing over the garden and the hills. “How did you find it?”

“Estate agent.”

She looked at him with raised eyebrows. “You went to see an estate agent?”

He scowled at her. “So what?”

She laughed, resting her head on his shoulder and putting a hand on his arm.

“Nothing, I just can’t imagine you brooding grump walking into an estate agency. You could have used my laptop.”

He snorted, leaning back and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “It was much easier than your useless laptop.”

It was her turn to snort.

“Don’t do that, it doesn’t become you”, he sneered.

“Is that so?”, she laughed and leaned back to have a better look at him.

He looked absolutely stunning in the late afternoon sun. His hair was still wet, and he had left it open, but tucked behind his ears. It was longer than she remembered and had a slight wave to it that she hadn’t noticed before because he had always tied it up.

“Does it lower my attractiveness to you to such a level that you couldn’t possibly continue where you have left off?”, she said matter-of-factly, although in reality she felt nervous asking him.

He looked at her, and she got immediately lost in the depths of his intense gaze. His whole presence was all-encompassing, she could smell him, fresh and clean but still distinctly him. The warm light made her vision hazy and she thought she was half in a dream.

“Nothing could make me not want you”, he said seriously.

She leaned in, kissing his cheek above the freshly shaven beard line, and boldly whispered in his ear: “Prove it.”

Severus looked into her eyes, a soft caramel brown in the warm sunlight. Her curly hair was as wild as the mind it was framing, and as golden as the soul it was representing.

“Prove it”, she whispered into his ear and he didn’t need to be told twice.

He got up, pulled her with him and slung his arm around her body. She was lean and felt fragile in his grip. He could feel her soft, warm skin through the thin shirt that she was wearing.

_She is wearing your shirt._

He lowered his head to kiss her soft, sweet lips. How could anybody on this earth deserve to kiss her lips? How did he deserve it? Did he deserve it?

He didn’t want to think about it now. He had her in his arms, her mind, her soul and her body willing to be with him, pressing against him as one being and touching his spirit as well as his bodily flesh.

He wanted to feel all of her, he wanted to drown in her with every inch of his body. He moved them back inside the house, lifting her up as they approached the staircase. His hands shamelessly moved under her bottom, grabbing her tight, and she wrapped her legs around his waist like she had done earlier. He didn’t put her down at the top of the stairs and went straight to the bedroom with her.

It was lovely, the window was open, and a soft breeze was blowing through the room. The sun tinted everything in a warm orange light and when he put her down on the bed, he genuinely thought he was dreaming or in heaven.

The way she lay under him, like he had imagined so often, but now she was a million times more beautiful. Her cheeks were rosy, and her eyes sparkled in heated anticipation. He couldn’t stop the aroused growl that escaped his mouth when he lowered himself over her to kiss her.

Her hands pulled him down by his shirt and she moaned into their kiss. He wanted to touch her but didn’t know where to start. He wanted her to like it, but he never had to please a woman before. All his sexual encounters were for his own physical needs, but with her it was different. He couldn’t care less about his own needs, he wanted her to be happy. He wanted to see her look at him in pleasure, and he just realised that he didn’t know how to do it.

He slowly pulled back, looking at the otherworldly creature under him. How could he possibly be the man to cause her pleasure. He shouldn’t be that man. He was nowhere near good enough for her.

She was everything to him, a constant steadiness, the calm when he was upset, the reason when his mind was lost. What was he to her? He had done terrible things in his life, there wasn’t an ounce of kindness or goodness in him. He had made her cry and he had scared her to death. What could he possibly have done to deserve her?

“What is it?”, she said, her lips swollen from all the kisses.

He just shook his head, still questioning himself.

“Severus”, she said calmly. “Don’t even think about it.”

She knew what he was thinking and took his face into her hands. “Don’t think of it for a moment.”

Her voice was so soft, an angle could have only dreamed of it. Maybe she wasn’t even real? No human being could harvest so much benevolence and grace. No human could possibly radiate so much love and spiritedness.

“Touch me”, she said, taking his hand and placing it on her breast. He could feel her hard nipple through the shirt, and it sent a heatwave through him.

“How…”, he asked, his voice think with desire. “What do you like?”

He felt like a stupid schoolboy, having to ask her that.

“I like everything you could possibly do to me”, she whispered. “Start with kissing me… everywhere you like.”

He took a deep breath, it was shaky, but she had this way about her, that he immediately stopped feeling stupid.

He started by taking one of her hands off his face and kissing the palm of it. He slowly made his way down her lower arm, taking in her scent and enjoying the feeling of her soft skin on his lips.

When the sleeve of her shirt was in the way, he moved to her mouth, kissing her deeply, exploring her tongue, tasting her. Her mouth alone was an explosion, sweet like sugar and hot like fire. He kissed her neck and earlobe. She sighed deeply, and he took it as a good sign, kissing her again and carefully sucking the soft skin of her chest. He wanted to take her shirt off but wasn’t sure if she’d be comfortable with it.

He kept on kissing the exposed skin around her throat and moved his hand along her body, tenderly pushing up the shirt and carefully exploring the naked skin of her tummy. It was divine. How could skin be so divine?

His lips found hers again, and his fingers moved up to explore her ribcage. She started winding under him and pressing her hips upwards against his leg.

Without thinking further about it, his hand moved under her back, pulling her up to sit. She automatically raised her arms and he slowly pulled the shirt over her head. He got a glimpse at her breasts, but as soon as the shirt was removed, her hair fell back down and covered her up.

She sat in front of him, curious heat in her eyes and her lips slightly parted. She looked like a goddess. The sun shone sideways onto her, setting her hair on fire. Her lips were red and plumb, her skin smooth like porcelain.

She slowly lifted her arm and ran an index finger over his shirt, the prickling magic opening one button after the other.

He was nervous. She would be disgusted at his body. It was covered in deep and ugly scars. She would not want to touch him any longer.

A glint of fear appeared in his eyes.

“Take it off”, she breathed and slowly pushed the fabric down his arms.

As she looked at his body, he could see how her eyes fixed on a long, pale scar across his abdomen. He lowered his head in shame and his breath was shaking.

“Sev”, she whispered and lifted his chin.

She kissed his lips softly and let her fingertips run over his tummy, caressing the many scars and tenderly massaging the big red one.

“How did it happen?”, she asked him.

“Curse”, he answered curtly.

She carefully lowered her head and kissed his bare chest. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. As her head wandered lower, placing soft kisses around his nipples and on some of the bigger scars, he interrupted her.

“Hermione…”

“Shh”, she hushed against the skin of his upper tummy, but he pulled her up, stopping her from kissing the scarred skin.

“I would have covered it…”, he murmured. “You don’t need to see that.”

“Shh, Sev”, she said tenderly. “Don’t think like that. You’re wonderful as you are.”

She raised her hand, kissing her own fingertips and then tranced them along the scarred tissue. She finally let them rest on his chest.

They stared at one another for a moment, until he pushed her hair behind her shoulders, to see her breasts. He let his hand run down slowly until he could touch her hard nipple with his thumb.

He pushed her back onto the pillows, following her every move and leaning onto his elbows on either side of her. Then he started kissing her again, sucking each inch of her skin until he arrived at her breasts. She was breathing heavily, and he lifted his head to look at her face. Her eyes were closed, one hand over her head, clutching a pillow, the other hand had its fingers buried into his shoulders. Her face was relaxed, and pleasure was tickling her features. She looked divine, inside and outside. He was helpless before her.

He cupped her small, soft breast with his hand and closed his lips around her hard nipple. She moaned in pleasure. He started teasing her with the tip of his tongue and she wound herself under him.

Her movements were rubbing his cock and he tried to ignore the electric jolts that sent through him. He placed kisses down her chest and sucked the soft skin of her tummy, arriving at the waistband of his shorts on her. When he lifted his head to look at her, she immediately lifted her hips as well. He wanted to undress her completely, but he didn’t dare.

He looked up into her face and he nearly wanted to rush back up to kiss it. But she let her head fall back down into the pillows and brought her arms down to push the shorts over her hips herself. He helped her pull them down and she kicked them off with her feet.

He leaned over her looking at the centre of her womanhood. It looked so beautiful and sweet. His hand rested on her thigh and he gently caressed her skin. It was so soft and beautiful; he couldn’t get enough of it. He looked back at her face and was rewarded with a passionate look.

“Touch me”, she said, spreading her legs slightly.

He moved back up to place a hot kiss on her mouth first, not stopping whilst he moved his hand closer to her centre. He felt her panting under him, and her hips were moving to meet his touch. He finally placed his palm on her pubic mound and rested his finger over her entrance. She was already dripping wet for him, and it made his cock twitch in desire.

She sighed quietly, trying to rub herself on his fingers. When he carefully slid one finger down, she moaned into their kiss, tightening her grip on his shoulder.

She was warm and wet, and he spread her juice, rubbing his finger between her lips and parting them. He started to slowly move his fingers in and out of her, massaging her clit with the palm of his hand.

She broke their kiss, turning her head to take short irregular breaths. He watched her face and thought it must have been the most beautiful thing he would ever see in his entire life. Her eyes were half closed in pleasure, she tried to look at him, but her lids seemed heavy with arousal. Her mouth was slightly open to breath and her cheeks were flushed.

He could feel her dig her fingers deeper into his shoulder and he pressed his own erection against her thigh.

She placed her other hand onto his neck and moved his head closer to her. Her eyes opened a little bit wider, looking straight into his and her breathing became irregular.

“Kiss me”, she whispered, and he immediately took possession of her mouth.

Just as he properly deepened the kiss, he felt her walls tighten around him and she moaned into his mouth, softly biting his lower lip. He had to concentrate to not come right there into his own trousers, whilst she was breaking lose around his fingers.

Her hips bucketed slightly against his hand and she pressed her body against his as her pleasure washed over her, one contraction after the other. Her arm held him tight and her mouth was pressed hardly against his. She stopped breathing for a moment and he could feel her spasm for one last time, before she slowly went slack next to him.

Her head sank into the pillow next to him and she opened her eyes lazily. And when he thought, there couldn’t be anything in this universe that could make him happier than this sight, she smiled at him, pushing some hair out of his face and fondling him at the back of his neck.

He slowly moved his hand up from between her legs and lazily started stroking up and down her godly body. 

She gave him a few soft kisses. Her hands moved down his side and she tucked her fingers into his waistband, pulling on it.

He wanted to take them off, he wanted her to touch him, he wanted to enter her, but he was afraid he wouldn’t last two seconds. He was so aroused that he could have come right there at the sight of her.

“I…”, he coughed slightly, his voice had gone. “Are you… I am not sure…”

“Shhh!”, she hushed him, placing a finger on his lips. Then she sat up slightly, pushed him over and used both her hands to move his trousers down.

He didn’t want to stop her and lifted his hips to make it easier for her. Watching her closely, he could see a sea of emotion in her eyes as she was faced with his manhood. She bit her lip and slowly started stroking his thigh. Her fingers caressed another deep scar that once used to be a cut. Her soft touch made him forget all about it though, and he felt as if her hands were the healing ointment he had needed for decades. When she arrived at his penis, she started massaging the tip of it and he took in a sharp breath.

“Don’t…”, he panted. She looked at him in surprise. “Come here.”

She crawled up to him and lowered her face to kiss him.

“Are you alright?”, she asked quietly, stroking his beardy cheek.

“Very much”, he croaked looking at her.

It was an unbelievable sight he was exposed to. The way she looked at him, as if he was the only thing she desired in this world. She made him feel so incredibly special and wanted, and he would have murdered for this any day.

She lay down beside him, pulling him on top of her and their hot skins touched. He couldn’t hide his trembling breath, as he looked into her fawn eyes.

She moved her hand down between them, and he saw her put it on her stomach. She mumbled something quietly and he felt warm magic spread between them.

“Is that…”

She didn’t let him finish but kissed him and hummed in confirmation. She wrapped her arms around him, one resting on his shoulders. Then she looked him in the eye, and he felt her other hand reaching for his hard penis and guiding it toward her entrance.

He touched her softly with his tip, and she gasped silently under him, not losing their eye contact. He put his hands around her face and then slowly entered her.

It was the most indescribable feeling he had ever experienced in his life. There were simply no words for it. A rumbling growl coming from deep within his chest escaped his mouth in pleasure. She was hot and tight, and her eyes were filled with so much warmth for him, he never wanted to stop looking at her. Once he had fully sunken into her, he stopped moving for a moment, taking in the feeling, and she closed his eyes under him and took a deep breath.

He started kissing her mouth and neck, whilst slowly moving his penis in and out of her. Every time he re-entered the hot paradise, it was as if a universe was exploding inside of him, filling his body and mind with everything he could have ever wished for.

His movements started to get quicker, and he immediately stopped himself. He was deep inside her and stayed still for a few moments. She started moving her hips under him and he clenched his jaw, trying not to spill himself into her immediately.

“Stop it…”, he gasped. “Hold on for a moment.”

She stopped moving immediately, and brought her hands up to his back, stroking him softly.

“Are you ok?”, she whispered.

He had his eyes tight shut.

“Yes…”, he said with a wheezy voice. “I’m…” He looked at her and immediately had the urge to kiss her again.

“I don’t want it to end yet”, he explained.

“We have all the time in the world”, she breathed into his ear. “Come now.”

He let lose a moan, that could have also been a grunt and buried his face in her hair.

“Come”, she whispered again, kissing his neck. Then she started moving her hips and tightening her walls around his cock.

“Hermione…”, he panted. He wrapped one arm under her body and pulled her very tight to him, whilst he thrust into her uncontrollably. He held her head with his other hand and buried his face in her neck.

Only then he realised, that she was coming again. She dug her fingers into his back, a deep moan escaping her, turning into uncontrolled, high-pitched sighing.

Just as she bucketed her hips against him, he thrust into her one last time, as deep as he could, and let lose a growl. Her walls clenched tightly around him, squeezing his cock as he spilled himself into her.

They stayed in their position for quite a while, their breaths and heartbeats slowly calming down. He wanted to move off her, but she stopped him.

“Stay”, she whispered into his ear and he just moved to lie half on top of her, his arm still wrapped around her tightly. She was tiny under him.

His head was lying on top of her hair, his face buried in her golden locks. It was pure bliss and he tightened his embrace. She turned her face and kissed the bottom of his chin, which was the only thing she could reach, then her fingers started stroking his back softly.

He had no concept of how long they were lying like this, but at some point, her hand stopped moving. He noticed her deep, regular breathing and slowly moved off her, so he could pull a blanket over them.

He moved back very close to her, taking her into his arms and holding her tight. His cheek rested on the top of her head, and he closed his eyes as well, hoping he would never have to let go of her.

When Hermione woke up it was dark and the air was cold, but she was wrapped up warm. She tried to move a bit and noticed that she was held in a tight embrace. As she became more aware of her body, she realised that she and Severus were entangled under a blanket. Their warm bodies were comfortably pressed against one another, and her head rested against his chest. She took a deep breath, enjoying his scent and the warmth of his skin. She moved slightly and noticed that she needed to pee. She was also a little bit sore between her legs. She smiled, remembering their afternoon and evening. She hadn’t had sex in a long time, and as far as it concerned her, it had been her best experience so far. Her body had initially struggled with the size of his shaft, but she had quickly got used to it, although now her muscles seemed to protest.

She tried to lift her head to look at him, but he was lying on her hair and she couldn’t really move. Stirring a little bit more, but careful not to wake him, she pulled her hair out from under him and tried to slip out of his embrace to go to the bathroom. She smiled when he started growling quietly and pulled her back into his embrace.

“Where do you think you’re going?”, he murmured.

“Nature calls”, she said quietly, kissing his chest.

He grunted and tightened his arms once more around her, kissing her on the head. Then he let her go.

She shivered as she left the bed and quickly spurted into the bathroom. She relieved herself and also washed off some of the stickiness between her legs. A quick tempus charm told her it was only eleven o’clock at night. When she came back into the bedroom she tapped over to the window and closed it.

“I hope you don’t mind”, she said quietly.

“Not at all.”

She turned and saw him lying on the bed in the moonlight. He looked extremely attractive to her. His lean frame was only partly covered by the blanket, the pale skin of his back illuminated by the moon. She could make out many irregularities in his skin, and a pain and sorrow hit her, that nearly filled her eyes with tears. What had they done to him?

He had his face turned to her, his dark hair framing it and complementing his eyes.

“What is it?”, he asked quietly.

“Your scars…”, she answered shaking her head violently. “I cannot bear the thought of how much pain you have been through.”

“Not much”, he answered casually.

“Don’t lie, Sev”, she whispered.

“You’re so incredibly beautiful. Come here”, he said to her and she felt her cheeks blush.

She only noticed now that she stood naked in the room, with the moonlight shining onto one side of her body. She walked back to the bed and slid in beside him.

“I am not lying”, he said as he wrapped his arms around her. “At some point, I have learnt to detach myself from my body. It’s hard to explain.”

She didn’t answer, but slowly breathed in his scent.

“Occlumency helps a lot. You just sink into a deep lake, and physical pain becomes irrelevant. They can do to you whatever they want, but they can’t get to your mind.”

She couldn’t believe what she had heard. It was a testimony of his strength; to defy nature, to have your mind and body under such supernatural control.

“But they must have hurt days and weeks afterwards”, she replied.

“I am a Potions Master. Don’t you think I have my medications sorted out beforehand? Let’s not talk about it.”

She didn’t reply to that, because she didn’t believe him. She knew that he had gone through incredible pain, everything in his demeanour gave it away.

She sighed quietly and kissed his chest, resting her lips on each spot just for a moment longer than usual. After a while, she was sucking carefully on his nipples.

She could immediately feel his erection and laughed quietly, pressing her thigh against it.

It felt incredible. No dark thought could outweigh the feeling of being the object of his desire. And she felt incredible about making him so soft and wild at the same time. She would have never imagined Severus to be the lover he was, and she genuinely thought there was no one else out there like him. He made her feel attractive and wanted, and completely against his usual nature, he didn’t refrain from showing her how mad he was for her.

She adored him like this, without any of his shields or coping mechanisms. He had appeared free, that was the only word that could describe it. He had given and shown her pleasure, his face had portrayed everything, and she wanted more of it. And he had held her in a way she never wanted to miss again. He had held her as if he was holding onto dear life. She felt safe next to him, she felt wanted and needed and it filled her with such passion and endearment, she thought it was all she would ever need in life. It felt like his presence and his way of wanting her complemented her existence in an incomparable and indispensable capacity.

Her hands were stroking his chest and tummy and she felt how he took a deep breath. He came close to kiss her softly and caress her body with his tender hands. She felt his erection getting harder against her leg and it immediately made her wet.

She pushed him onto his back and moved on top of him, sitting on his tummy. She could feel his cock twitch against her backside and lowered her head to kiss his mouth. Her hair fell down and she pushed onto one side, so that she could still see his face in the dim moonlight.

His dark eyes were boring into hers, and she felt like he saw to the bottom of her soul. She bent back down and kissed his throat carefully, aware of his discomfort around the spot where Nagini had bitten him. Then she wandered across his collarbone and down to his nipples and licked them. She heard him sigh deeply.

His hands wandered from her knees up along her thighs to her arse, where he slightly squeezed her, before they wandered further up her hips and waist and started caressing her up and down her torso.

She let her lips trail kisses back up to his mouth and she slid her body further down towards his groin. Then she stopped kissing him and sat up straighter, before lifting her hips and hovering right over his erected penis, his wet tip touching her lips. She looked him in the eyes and found an expectant heat.

He moaned deeply as she lowered herself slowly onto him, taking in his full length. She took both his hands and placed them onto her hips.

“Help me”, she said quietly, and he moved his hands onto her backside.

She started moving up and down, letting his penis slide in and out of her, finding a slow, comfortable rhythms with the help of his hands. Her arms where holding her up, placed left and right of his head. He cupped one of her breasts and stretched his neck to suck her nipple.

She felt his cock swell inside her and the pleasant feeling in her groin rose. She lowered her head to kiss his lips.

“This is so good”, she sighed into his ear, and her movements became more erratic. She heard his breath become irregular and he started moving his hips up towards her. His fingers sunk into the soft flesh of her arse and he dug his feet into the bed for more leverage.

Hermione sat up straight and sunk completely onto him again, moaning loudly as he pressed his hips upwards, his cock filling her nearly too much at this angle. She took one of his hands and brought it to her clit and he started massaging it with his thumb.

She moved in slow circular motions and he held her down strongly with his hands.

A low rumbling escaped his mouth.

“Hermione…”, he said with a thick voice. “I… I can’t much longer… I’m…”

She pressed herself down on him, leaning over him and moving backwards and forwards a bit faster. The friction between his body and her clit was enough to get her to the top of her pleasure.

“Hermione…”, he moaned loudly, and she felt him move jerkily under her.

“I’m coming…”, she sighed quietly and threw her head back.

Without warning he sat up and pushed her hard down onto his cock, taking her nipple into his mouth and moaning against her skin.

At the new angle the wave of pleasure came over with a force that she didn’t expect, and she groaned loudly, clutching his shoulder and digging her nails into his skin.

“Sev…”, she moaned at a high pitch, burying her face in his shoulder.

They fell backwards into the pillows, pulling her with him and he thrust up into her several times, as they moaned in unison. Her orgasm was nearly painful, her walls tightening around his throbbing shaft, as he came in her.

She thought she would blackout, the blood in her ears rushed so loudly, she couldn’t hear any of their cries, nor could she focus on anything but the explosion of feelings and sensations in her body and mind.

She relaxed on top of him, her breath still quick and her heart still pounding. She didn’t take notice of anything for a while, her mind was in a state of haziness and her body weak but satisfied sprawled out over Severus.

Only when the storm inside her had calmed down did she notice his fingers drawing patterns on her back. His limp penis dropped out if her vagina and she moved lazily off his body, one leg remaining across his tummy and one arm across his chest. She nestled her head on his shoulder and sighed deeply in utter content.

They were lying next to one another quietly for a long time. Severus had pulled up the blanket and was softly stroking up and down her arm. A storm was approaching outside, they could hear the thunder in the distance and far away lightning was illuminating their relaxed faces.

“What is on your mind?”, he asked her quietly after a while.

“Nothing in particular”, she said. “I was just thinking, that I never want this moment to end.”

He didn’t say anything but wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, placing a kiss on top of her head. Hermione was seeking Severus’s mouth in the dark and they slowly and deeply kissed.

The wind was howling, as the storm reached their house. Raindrops were lashing against the window, the thunder rolled and the lightning stroke. The night was furious around them, but nothing could unsettle the two lovers as they claimed each other’s lips, creating a deep bond that finally silenced the yearning of their souls. 


	21. Chapter 21

SHADOW BIRDY

Severus carefully pulled his arm out from under Hermione.

She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. The air around her was like the breath of spring, her soft skin glowing in the early morning light.

He sat next to her on the bed, reluctant to leave her side. If he left, he might not have the chance to come back. What if she woke up and decided it had all been a terrible idea? She would get up and leave him and that would be it. He should stay here and enjoy the last moments he had with her.

He sighed quietly and tenderly stroke her head. It was a surprisingly lovely morning after the rainy night. The sun was shining into the room onto Hermione’s back and her beautiful hair was shimmering in the warm summer light. Her eyes were shut and her mouth slightly open. She had rolled onto her tummy as he had moved away from her and the blanket only covered the bottom half of her body.

He felt an urge rising, to hold her close and never let her go. He wanted her to stay with him until the world came to an end. A fervent desire had taken over him last night and it simply wouldn’t leave him anymore. She was everything.

Or rather, everything was her. She was the constant in his life, and there was nothing in this world that he could compare her to. The stars _nearly_ shone like her eyes, the moon _nearly_ copied her calm nature, the sun was _nearly_ as bright as her spirited mind. She was the optimum of everything in Severus’s world.

But who was he? He was nothing compared to her.

He got up and went to the bathroom to put on trousers, before he made his way downstairs to set up coffee.

He would destroy her. It was in his nature. She was the beauty of the earth and he was a bitter force that ruthlessly brought everything to nought. Even now, when he wasn’t close to her, he felt a violent desire to own her.

His soul had been like a dry patch of earth, thirsting for rain, and she had given it to him. She was rain and fire at once. She stilled his thirst and she burnt his heart with desire. Her whispers were like the wind in his sails, and her steady breath under him like a safe haven during a storm. Her touch was the sword he could fight the world with, and her words were the shield that protected him from eternal destruction.

The hot water was dripping through the filter and he made his way back upstairs. He didn’t trust his own eyes as he looked at her in his bed. He wanted the image to be burnt into the inside of his skull, so he could see it whenever he liked.

How could he possibly ever let her go?

Hermione took a deep breath and sighed. Her eyes were closed, and a smile appeared on her lips and it made his heart burst.

“Coffee?”, she murmured and stretched out across the bed.

He didn’t say anything and simply stayed where he was, leaning against the doorframe.

She opened her eyes lazily and looked at him. A softness radiated around her, that he had always known was there, but only actively noticed now. 

“Come here”, she said quietly and stretched out one arm.

He walked over to her and sat down on the edge of the bed. Her soft fingers started caressing his bare back.

“What is on your mind?”, she asked.

He looked at her over his shoulder. He didn’t know how to put his thoughts into words. How could he ever find the words for how he was feeling and thinking about her? How could he tell her, that he was wondering when she would leave him? And how he could possibly cope with the emptiness that would leave behind.

She seemed to notice where his mind had wandered off to, because her eyes filled with tenderness and she sat up to kiss his bare shoulder blade.

“I can tell you what is on _my_ mind”, she whispered into his ear, her chin resting on his shoulder.

“I can hardly believe I’ve survived so long without nights like the last. And I can hardly imagine a better way to wake up in the morning, than I did just now.”

She kissed his neck and he turned his face to find her lips. After a moment she broke the kiss and sighed quietly into his ear.

“I am afraid I have to go now and drink some of this coffee. The scent gives me nearly as much pleasure as you do.”

They spent the morning drinking coffee in the sun and having a shower, before looking after their new apothecary and vegetable gardens.

At some point in the afternoon Hermione gasped and looked at Severus.

“A thought…”, she said. “I have a thought.”

She jumped up and ran into the house. A moment later she came back out and sat down on the table where she unpacked her beaded little handbag and pulled out papers and a pen.

Severus walked over to her and only quickly checked what she was writing about. When he realised, she was working on arithmantic equations, he resolved to go inside and prepare food.

The next couple of weeks passed in a similar fashion. They would go to concerts and they went to two art exhibitions that Hermione wanted to see. Whenever they felt like it, they hunted down a book shop or a café to spend their afternoon in, but most of the time they enjoyed the summer in Severus’s garden.

They slept with one another whenever it pleased them, which could be multiple times a day or on the odd occasion not at all. They made love everywhere; in Severus’s house, in Hermione’s flat or in Severus’s garden.

One weekend they apparated to France so Severus could sort out some things with Guillaume. At first, he didn’t want Hermione to come.

“I don’t care what people say!”, she said to him, angry like a small child.

“You should”, he said coolly.

“Stop it, Sev!”

They stood in his potions lab and he was sorting some things that they had bought in Diagon Alley earlier that day.

“One might think you haven’t read the headlines recently”, he snarked.

The Daily Prophet had written about Severus Snape’s return, excessively. And they hadn’t been very kind.

Hermione hopped onto the worktop in the middle of the room and watched him. He looked tense and had his back turned to her.

“If you come to Arraxy and the Nancy’s find out about us, especially Clemency, the whole wizarding world will know soon”, he added a little bit less hostile, but still coolly.

“They’re not that kind of people”, Hermine argued.

“And how would you know?”, he snarled. “The more people that know about it, the more likely it is that word spreads. It’s a basic logical concept. Once word gets too far, people will start questioning my appointment at Hogwarts. They will think I got the job because I sleep with you.”

“So what?”, she snapped. “Let them think what they want.”

Severus sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“You know yourself that it’s not that easy”, she said. “Hogwarts is the only magic educational institution on these islands. If people start questioning the appointment of professors…”

“People believe what they want to believe”, she said.

“We have agreed to keep it down for now. You have said yourself that your friends would probably not be taking it so well and…-”

“No, Severus”, she snapped. “ _You_ said my friends won’t be taking it well!”

“Hermione…” His voice was softer now and he walked up to her.

“Are you ashamed of me?”, she asked him bluntly.

Severus stopped in his tracks and looked at her shocked.

“I’m sorry”, she said quietly. “Forget I said that.”

“I would never be…-”

“It’s ok, Sev. I shouldn’t have asked that. I know we’ve only been seeing gone another for… I mean we’ve been like this only for a few…-”

She couldn’t finish her sentence because Severus kissed her fiercely on the mouth. His hands held her face and after a moment Hermione sank into the kiss.

“I will never be ashamed of you. Not in a thousand years. And it doesn’t matter how long we have been together. Do you understand me?”

He looked at her sternly and she nodded.

He kissed her again, softer and a bit longer before he let her go and turned back to his shelves. A smile spread on Hermione’s face.

_He thinks you are together._

“What if I stay in Grasse and you visit me there?”, she said quietly after a while, trying again to convince him.

He didn’t say anything for a while and Hermione got up to wrap her arms around him from behind.

“I can just take all my research papers and work on them. I’ll buy fresh food on the market and you join me in the evening when you’re done.”

And that was how Severus ended up sitting in the swimming pool of the Granger’s holiday home with Hermione slowly riding on top of him, kissing her and making love to her on a hot summer night at the beginning of August.

Later, when he was lying on a lounger on the patio, staring into the star-studded sky, with Hermione steadily breathing next to him, her warm breasts poking into his chest, he couldn’t stop a quiet, love drunken chuckle to overcome him. 

Just over a year ago he had first felt the desire to be with her, right here.

On a rainy day about a week before they had to go back to Hogwarts, Severus and Hermione were sat in Severus’s kitchen. Although it was not particularly cold in the house, she wore one of Severus’s thicker jumpers to keep herself warm.

“If you would wear trousers and socks, you wouldn’t need a jumper”, he said gruffly.

“If I wore trousers and socks, I’d be too hot”, she said, casually turning a page of the local Muggle newspaper. After some more ridiculous headlines they had started to use the Daily Prophet as kindling for the stove.

“Impertinent wench”, he snarled.

She just chuckled and payed him no more attention.

“When are you going to the Weasley girl?”, he asked.

He had been in a funny mood all day, because Hermione had told him the day before that Ginerva Weasely had been informed about their relationship. It didn’t bother him per se, but it made him feel uneasy. One witch now knew… how long would it take until all of Britain knew?

Additionally, what would her friends say? They’d mock her mercilessly, question her sanity at best, and at worst, and much more likely, they’d cut her off completely. Who would understand her decision to be with him? He didn’t, and despite Hermione’s reaffirmations, he didn’t think that Miss Weasley did.

He could understand that it was important for Hermione to have someone to talk to, but it bothered him. He didn’t want her to lose her friends because of him. Also, he trusted nobody, and it would only take so long until the drama would begin. And by Merlin, how much he hated drama.

Although, he sometimes couldn’t help but create exactly that by himself. Like now. He had been moody and grumpy, and he made a fully-fledged Shakespearian play out of it. He knew she was always gone too long when she was with any of her friends, and he hated it.

She had been to Wales to see the Longbottoms and she had been to the Potters quite regularly. He didn’t want to stop her from going of course, but he hated the feeling when he waited for her, the longing growing stronger every second. It was excruciating and the fact that he contradicted himself in his thoughts, made it even worse.

He would never let her know of course. He was possessive to an extreme and he didn’t like it himself. He knew that he wasn’t the only person in her life. Maybe that was the problem;

she was the only person in his, and he didn’t even want anyone else.

_Like you stated so nicely yourself: the perfect plot for a drama. Idiot._

“It’s nice that you stopped calling them the Potter-rabble, but you could still try and just call her Ginny. Or Mrs Potter if you must”, she ripped him out of his thought.

He frowned at her and she took a sip of her coffee and bit of her toast. She was beautiful, but he was grouchy.

“May I have an answer to my question?”, he drawled.

“Perhaps I leave now. Penny and Ron will be there too. They had their daughter a week ago, did I tell you? I can’t wait to congratulate them. I ought to get them something.”

“Didn’t you make that charmed sleeping-blanket for the child?”, he asked.

“Well, yes. But I want to get something else additionally.”

She grinned, gave Severus a quick peck on the mouth and got up to leave the kitchen.

“Not. So. Quick.” His voice had fully gone back into Professor-Snape-mode.

Hermione sheepishly returned and looked at him worriedly from where she stood in the doorway.

He got up. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he looked down his hooked, Roman nose, eying her sternly.

“Don’t think you get away with that”, he said gravely. “Kiss me properly.”

Hemione’s shoulders had gone rigid in apprehending danger, but now her frame relaxed in happy relief and she returned to him laughing. For some sick reason he liked it, that he could still frighten her with just the tone of his voice.

“Come down here then”, she said with her arms wrapped around his torso and her chin lifted high. He was too tall for her to reach his mouth.

Hermione kissed him so passionately, it stood in no comparison to her earlier peck. As soon as it had set fire to his longing heart, she pulled back and smirked at him.   
“I go and see the Potter-rabble now.”

Then she bounced up the staircase, dancing like the fairest spirit in the universe. Severus’s eyes followed her, and he wondered if that was part of the mystery behind her. She could calm the most violent storms inside him, whilst also being a fervent vehemence when his mind and soul lay in stillness. 

He wasn’t left with much more time to think about it because she returned, dressed in her own clothes.

“I might sort myself out at home”, she said stroking her hands over the cardigan that she had transformed out of her blouse.

“You can bring things here if you like”, he said calculatedly, trying to hide how afraid he was, that she could reject his offer.

“I’d like that very much”, she said with a smile.

He accompanied her up the hill to the apparition point. It was drizzling a little bit and although Hermione had cast a charm to shield them from the wet, the humidity made her hair curl wildly around her face. He softly pushed a few strands behind her ear.

“Don’t be too long”, he said.

“How could I not?”, she asked looking at him. “Every minute will be too long.”

There was the echo of a thousand promises in her words, and he kissed her dearly before she turned to disapparate.

Severus kept himself busy all day. He cut some plants in the garden and dealt with them in the Potions lab, chopping them up to dry or store them away in labelled containers. He also apparated to Scarborough and bought some food to keep them going until they left for Hogwarts.

He started working on a new potion and he only noticed how much time had passed when he got hungry and made himself some dinner around seven o’clock. Hermione had left shortly after breakfast, and although he realised that she had been gone for a while he didn’t want to drive himself mad over it.

He was restless and his thoughts were hunting him. When she wasn’t around, it seemed like his brain seemed to fog up with evil and torturous thoughts. He kept on rubbing his Dark Mark subconsciously. Even after more than ten years, his mind still expected the stinging pain when it thought of the past.

He was longing for Hermione. He felt safe with her, and easy. His demons couldn’t do anything to him when she was around, because as soon as they surfaced, she was there, and she handled them as tenderly and as kindly as everything else. It was as if even his darkest memories lay still before her, as if they had just waited for her to quieten their rage.

The house felt lifeless and simultaneously quite uneasy without her, and he was on edge, but she would surely return soon.

However, at eleven at night Hermione still hadn’t come home and she had been away for over twelve hours at that stage. Maybe she was just at her flat or with her parents.

_She might be at her actual home, you idiot. Do you really think she’d called your house her home? Pathetic._

Severus was pacing through all the rooms in the house, trying to calm his unsettled mind, but nothing would give his thoughts any rest. 

What if something had happened to her? What if she had taken the Tube to get from one place to the other and somebody had laid a hand on her? What if some sick Death Eater had spotted and taken her?

Severus shook himself. These thoughts wouldn’t help. She had been perfectly fine for ten years without anybody doing her any harm, there was no need to worry.

But during those ten years he hadn’t been here. Although he had not started at Hogwarts yet, word had spread. The Prophet had written about him and Hermione being spotted in Diagon Alley only last week. England knew Severus Snape was back, and therefore former Death Eaters, who were still holding on to their beliefs in the shadows, knew he was back. If anyone gave more thought to their outing and had realised that he had spent so much time with Hermione, she was an easy target.

It was half past one at night when Severus decided to apparate to Grimmauld Place.

He went outside and hurried up the hill. His hands were shaking, so he formed fists and clenched his jaw. When he had nearly reached the apparition point, he heard a quiet plop and saw Hermione appear in the darkness.

“Oh, hello!”, she beamed and bounced towards him. “You didn’t need to pick me up!”

She wanted to hug him, but his back went rigid in an instant.

“Where were you?”, he snapped.

“With Harry and Ginny and the babies, like I told you.”

She sounded warily now and looked at him with furrowed brows. She walked past him towards the house.

“All day and all night long?”, he bellowed and followed her.

“Yes”, she acknowledged calmly.

“And you couldn’t have sent a Patronus or owl to let me know you’d be out until…” He cast a quick tempus charm. “… nearly two in the morning?”

“One doesn’t just send a Patronus for trivial messages. And how should I have sent it anyway, if you don’t want my friends to know about us. They would have wondered whom I would possibly have to inform about my belated return.”

Hermione bent slightly to open the gate and then entered the garden. He could feel that she was completely unbothered by his temper and it made him even angrier.

“ _Trivial messages_?”, he snapped.

“Yes”, she said and opened the door into the house. “Nobody was is in immediate danger and you knew where I was.”

She kicked off her shoes and went into the kitchen to boil the kettle. Leaning onto the counter she looked at him with her head slightly tilted. The sight of her right there made him immediately calm down. 

How did she do it? He had been anxious all day and upset all evening, and here she stood looking at him with these tranquil, brown eyes and a warmth filled him, that he could not find without her. He felt safe, knowing she was here with him. She was safe, and that was all that mattered.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“I was worried.”

“I know”, she said more apprehensively. “I will try to let you know the next time.”

He lifted his head and met her eyes. She was looking at him like a scared doe, waiting for his bark. He wanted to kick himself in the arse for being such a spiteful creature, that she justifiably only expected him to lash out at her. He needed to be better than that, for her.

The urge to hold her overwhelmed him and he went up to her, framing the fairy face with his rough hands. He kissed her forehead softly and let his lips rest there for a moment.

“I’m glad you came back.”

Hermione sank against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. He rested his chin on her head.

“I always will.”

He didn’t believe her, but he didn’t say it. He knew that the day would come when she would stop being with him and all he could hope for was that the pain wouldn’t strangle him, that she would still be teaching at Hogwarts so he could at least relish in her sight. It would kill him every day, but he’d rather die a hundred deaths than never lay his eyes on her again.

“What are you thinking?”, she asked him.

He just shook his head.

Just the thought of not holding her like this one day made his heart grow anxious and cold.

“Don’t think of it, Sev.” Her hands reached up to his face and her eyes said more than a thousand words. “Kiss me.”

How did she always know what was going on in his mind? She instinctively was the cure to all his ailments. Her words were running over his scarred heart like a healing ointment, her touch was the remedy for his demolished soul and her presence the dope for his dulled spirit.

He kissed her fervently at first and lovingly after a moment, stroking her hair and caressing her cheek with his thumb.

“Would you like something to eat?”, he asked.

“No, it’s late”, she said smiling at him.

“Nonsense.”

He turned away and began to get things out of the fridge. Hermione had recommended getting one.

“I will not let you sleep before sunrise and I hope to keep you in bed until after noon. You need food now.”

She chuckled and came to hug him from behind whilst he started to prepare a pancake mix.

“You’re every woman’s dream”, she muttered into his back.

He just wanted to be hers. What did he care about any other woman but her?

She had chastised him for saying she was not like her friends, but he had meant it. She was not like anyone he knew. She didn’t understand that he wasn’t comparing her to anyone or anything. It was a fruitless endeavour, because there was nothing to compare her to.

She set herself apart from the world around her. Her sheer existence, her mind and her soul were on another level, that not even she did realise. And he thought he could possibly only see a glimpse of the world that lay behind these fawn eyes.

It was her level of understanding. She understood the world and she understood people, but people didn’t understand her. And she had become used to being the person that wasn’t understood.

He didn’t think that he did understand her level of consciousness, but he knew that it was different. She truly cared, unlike most people. Most people cared because it made them feel smug about themselves to do something good. But she truly believed in caring for others and for the world, and she fought for what she believed in.

She felt all the facets of human emotions, hers and those of the people around her. She knew what was going on inside of him, even when he didn’t know it himself, and he suddenly realised that he did not know at all what was going on inside of her.

He watched her eat and wondered about it for some time, until he decided that there was only one way to find out.

“What do you dream about?”

She looked at him surprised, her mouth full of food and her eyebrows raised. She swallowed and shook her head, smiling at him.

“You wouldn’t want to know.”

He just continued to look at her, knowing she’d soon speak again.

“I prefer to dream with my eyes open”, she said. “It gives my mind room to think.”

Did she not want to tell him? Did she not trust him with that information? He didn’t blame her.

“My dreams are rarely of any meaning”, she said thoughtfully. “I believe in living my dreams; doing what I love; things that make my heart smile and each breath worthwhile. You would not believe how empty dreams become when you live your life to the fullest.”

She looked at him with a glint in her eyes.

“I only dreamed of you, when I couldn’t live my dream.”

“And are you now?”, he asked quietly. “Living your dream?”

“I am.”

“How can you know?”

“I simply do it. That’s how dreams work.”

He looked at her concentratedly. He couldn’t work her out and it was frustrating but stimulating at once. He was mad for her. Her expressing that he was her dream was driving him into passionate longing, but her complete ignorance for the fact that there were unattainable things in live left him baffled.

“Surely you must believe that there is something beyond you, an existence or hope.”

“And why would I need to believe that?”, she asked.

“What use would human creation be if we were only contained here, in this world, in these bodies, without any hope or dreams that we could aim for? Only in our dreams we can be truly free.”

She looked at him thoughtfully.

“Don’t you think it is the fact that we’re doomed, that maybe nothing is beyond our existence, that makes life so romantic and exciting? Tell me”, she said. “Where would you rather be than here, in this world and in these bodies? Where would you be freer than you are right now, right here.”

He didn’t need to think. She was right. His onyx eyes fixed on hers and he tried to soak her in, her mind, her presence.

He couldn’t let go of his iron belief. He did have the notion, that there was something else, something _beyond the veil_ like she said, beyond their sole existence. But he also felt that he was suddenly filled with life and strength and passion, and that he couldn’t imagine anything better, anything beyond this.

Had she made his dreams reality for him? Yes, she had. She had projected her way of living onto him and it only struck him now.

But he wasn’t free at all; he was hers. Not because she demanded him to be so, but because he couldn’t help it.

Did he want to change that? Did he want to know what it would feel like to be free of her? Would there be any other place in this universe or beyond it?

There was nowhere else he wanted to be, and nobody else he wanted to be. For once in his life, he was happy to be Severus Snape and to be living this bastard’s dream. Nothing could fulfil him more at this very moment in time than his own life. Heaven would look pale beside his world, and the gods would bow before him for creating a place that was more glorious than their own kingdom.

Of course, he hadn’t created anything, he was in the same world that he had been in for over forty years, he was the same person, and yet, everything was entirely different.

He couldn’t wait to explore this realm of hope and love and life.

“Let me love you”, he said to her, his black eyes overflowing with tenderness.

Hermione looked at him silently only for a moment before she got up and walked over to stand in front of him. She stretched out her hand, he took it and together they made their way upstairs.

Severus closed the door behind him and was surprised by himself for a moment. He never closed his bedroom door. But tonight, he couldn’t care less about what was happing outside of this room. The world could come to an end around them, he would not notice. The fires of hell could be burning down the earth, he would gladly burn with it, if it gave him only one moment longer with her. The stairway to heaven could be opening up in front of him, he would not take it.

She noticed that he had stopped in his tracks and stepped closer to him, lifting up her cardigan.

“Don’t”, he whispered and held her by her wrists.

He kissed the inside of her lower arms and palms.

“Let me...”

He took the cardigan by the seam and pulled it over her head. She wore only a lace bralette underneath. It ignited a flame right under his sternum.

“You are…” His voice was thick with endearment. “… the most beautiful… creation.”

She laughed quietly and kissed him, but he felt like he needed to tell her so much. He broke the kiss and looked at her, but he did not know the words to express himself.

Instead she took his face into her hands.

“You don’t need to say anything. Your expression is quite readable tonight.”

She smiled this breath-taking smile of hers, and he knew that it was the last thing he would want to see on his deathbed.

“I can see it right there”, she said and looked him deep in the eye.

He kissed her and his hands wandered down the side of her body. The delicate curve of her waist made him shiver and he carefully pushed her towards the bed.

_He kneeled down before her to open her jeans and pull them down, then he took off his own clothes. He saw the blue shimmer of magic as she put her hand on her belly._

_Severus flicked his wand to lighten up the room a tiny bit._

_“I’d like to see your face very clearly tonight”, he said as she lowered herself onto the pillows. He slid in beside her and pushed some hair out of her face._

_“You are the strangest experience”, he said quietly, taking in her face. “You scare me.”_

_“Why?”, she asked._

_“Because I would like to tell you things, that I can’t even tell myself.”_

_He kissed her shoulder and his mouth wandered down to her chest. He opened the bralette at her back and pulled it off._

_“I do not dare to imagine being without you ever again”, he murmured against her breast. “I am aching for your presence when you are not with me.”_

_He softly caressed her nipple with his finger, before he started to suck on it. Then he moved his mouth to the middle of her chest and licked her skin, slowly heading down towards her bellybutton. He lifted his head and looked at her face. She was beautiful, not only for her appearance but for her calm depths, her radiant anima, her kind nature and the way she impacted him._

_“I would rather die than never look into your eyes again.”_

_He kissed her lower abdomen and hooked his fingers into the seam of her knickers to pull them down._

_“I adore you”, he whispered against her belly. He heard her sigh and felt how her back arched under him. He moved his face closer to her womanhood and breathed against her pubic mound._

_“I exist solely to adore your very being.”_

_He had never kissed her between her legs before and didn’t quite know what to do. He started to kiss her mound and when she started to twist under him, he placed his lips over her clit and sucked softly._

_A loud moan escaped her, and he immediately intensified his sucking. He couldn’t taste much from where he had his tongue, but she smelt incredibly nice and womanly, and he wanted more. When she started to move her hips under him, he grabbed her with both hands and held her still so he could reach her properly._

_He moved back to look at her wet opening, she was dripping with her own juice and his salvia, and she was twitching with arousal. He licked her with his tongue all the way from her entrance to her clit. She tasted divine, milky and salty and most female. He had never tasted anything like it, and he wanted to drown himself in her._

_She groaned and her hand clutched his head, wordlessly begging for more. He closed his lips around the bundle of nerves again, circling his tongue around it and sucking harder on her. He stretched his tongue and dived it into her wet hole. Her legs twitched next to his head and he brought one hand to her centre._

_He stopped licking her for a moment and stuck a finger into her. The expression on her face sent hot jolts into his own groin and his erection grew painfully hard._

_He moved a second finger inside of her and spread her entrance apart. He curled his middle finger upwards and was rewarded with a deep moan from her._

_“Sev…”_

_Lowering his mouth onto her clit again, he sucked it whilst rubbing the sensitive spot inside her._

_He took one finger out of her. It was covered in her arousal._

_“Don’t get scared”, he said softly, and before she could ask, he entered the finger carefully into her anus._

_She gasped at a high pitch and looked down at him in shock. Her walls tightened around him._

_“Tell me if you don’t like it”, he said, whilst slowly and softly moving the fingertip. “Relax.”_

_To his surprise she immediately did and sank back down into the pillows._

_“Go on”, she breathed nervously._

_He licked her again and moved his fingers rhythmically inside her. Hermione moaned deeply and when his free hand wandered up to hold her waist, she started moving her hips against him._

_When she started panting, his tongue increased speed. He ate her and she died under him._

_Her juices ran out of her and he caught them in his mouth._

_“Severus! Sev…”_

_He had never heard her cry his name before like this and it made him burst with love._

_He pulled back his hand and moved up to her, covering her mouth with his. He entered her still clenching vagina in a smooth movement and she cried into his mouth. He would come any moment, so he held onto the headboard with both hands and moved in and out of her rhythmically._

_“Severus…”, she panted. “Severus… look at me.”_

_His hands still holding onto the headboard he lowered his head between his arms and looked down at her._

_Her eyes were filled with ardent love and he could see the heat welling up in her. He didn’t think it was possible that soon, but without further warning she came again, more violently it seemed, although she did not close her eyes. He thought he saw the universe in her gaze when her mouth opened in a silent cry. He wanted to look at her and hold her, as he came, but it was such a force, he thought he might crush her in his hands._

_He buried his face in the pillow next to her head, stifling a cry as his legs and hips started to twitch uncontrollably. One hand still held on the headboard, but the other arm found her, and he clutched onto her desperately. He bit into the pillow and he felt her nails dig into his back. It was painful, but extremely erotic at the same time. Still biting the pillow, he cried out her name through his clenched teeth._

_He jerked off into her, she was still wringing herself under him, their pubic bones painfully rubbing against each other, as he was deep in her._

_“Sev”, she said, after a while as he was already going limp inside of her but still moved his hips slowly on top of her._

_He looked at her and her eyes were filled with tears. He immediately went rigid and wanted to leave her in shock, but she quickly wrapped her arm around his neck._

_“Shhh”, she hushed, put a finger on his mouth and smiled. “I do never want to be without you again”, she whispered._

_Then she kissed him softly, stroke his head and moved her hips under him, until a while later he was hard again and they loved each other once more._


	22. Chapter 22

DREAMS THE CRANBERRIES 

“I can’t believe you didn’t come more often this summer”, Jane Granger ranted whilst chopping up a cucumber.

“I have been here every week”, Hermione replied, keeping her eyes on the lettuce she was washing in the sink.

“That is at least more often than you’ve been visiting us.” Ginny, who was snacking on some tomatoes she had chopped up, looked at Hermione sternly.

The Grangers decided to have a small barbecue before Hermione had to leave for Hogwarts the next day and they had invited Ginny around too. The three women were preparing salads, whilst Hermione’s dad looked after the grill.

“You have no right to complain”, Jane said jokingly to Ginny. “You didn’t come for our yoga classes either.”

She waved her knife at the redheaded witch. “I’ll get you sooner or later.”

“Well, I’ve had better things to do than yoga classes”, Hermione chuckled with a coquette smile on her face. “I dare say I’ve probably been more active than ever.”

“Hermione!”, her mother chastised, but the look on her face was giving away how curious she was in reality.

Hermione winked at Ginny, who had finally been fully informed about Severus on the condition that she wouldn’t say a word to anybody.

“Don’t you wink at me”, Ginny exclaimed. “I don’t want to know about Snape’s love life.”

She made a disgusted face.

“But you like to know about mine”, Hermione giggled.

For some reason Hermione had just known that Ginny would be ok with the fact the she and Severus were a thing, but she did understand that some details freaked Ginny out a bit.

Nevertheless, it felt good to have a friend to talk to, and Hermione was sure that neither Harry nor Ron would have been as accepting as Ginny.

Ginny had been rather speechless and taken aback at first, but she had quickly understood why and how Severus and Hermione got on so well. Naturally, they were not talking about Hermione’s sex life as much as they would have done had it been somebody else, she’d been dating, but Hermione was positive that Ginny would want to know sooner or later.

However, she could already imagine the drama and arguments she’d have with Harry and Ron about how she could possibly date Severus Snape, the bat from the dungeons, the greasy git that had made their schooldays a horror.

Despite her previous wish to share the relationship with her friends, she had come to agree with Severus. It was better and safer for everyone, that they kept it down for now. Severus could settle into his new life in England without any additional headlines or arguments with Harry, Ron, the Weasleys in general, Minerva… well, many people. It made Hermione sad to realise that possibly everyone would give her reasons why she shouldn’t be with him.

Therefore, it only made sense to keep it between them for now. They could grow into their life at Hogwarts and explore their relationship in peace without all of wizarding Britain gawping at them. Once they had established their new life together and Severus wasn’t on the front page of the prophet anymore, they could see how things were going and start to be more public with one another. At least outside of Hogwarts.

“And I’m telling you, I’ve never had it any better”, Hermione said to her friend and a love-drunken smile appeared on her face, as she thought of their passionate nights… and afternoons… and mornings.

Ginny laughed.

“Ok, I’ll just imagine some handsome French guy with you, and I might be able to survive.”

“Gin!”, Hermione sighed. “No French guy could ever live up to Severus. It’s everything about _him_ that makes it so… erotic.”

Her mother and Ginny howled in unison.

“Please!”, Jane exclaimed. “As you mother I really don’t want to know!”

“I wasn’t going to say anything!”

They all stood next to one another chopping their vegetables and hiding their grins.

“So, he is _erotic_ then, is he?”, her mother said coyly after a moment and they all broke into barking laughter.

“How is Hogwarts going to work out with you two?”, Ginny asked.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders.

“Well, like I’ve told you. We’re keeping it down for now, for obvious reasons. I am not sure what the school’s policy on staff relationships is.”

Hermione was a little bit worried about that. She had no clue how Minerva would react if she would find out, and it could potentially be difficult to hide their relationship at Hogwarts. She wanted to see him and be with him, share her chambers with him and discuss their work in his Potions lab. For now, she was telling herself that there wouldn’t be a problem, that officially they were friends and colleagues. Staff members could work together at any time, it had always been like that, and Hermione would take advantage of that custom.

“Oh, goodness. I can tell you already, that we’re going to see nothing of her this year”, Jane said to Ginny. “They’ll be hiding in his little cottage every weekend when they’re off duty.”

“Don’t worry, mum”, Hermione said casually. “He doesn’t have a washing machine. I’ll still bring my linens.”

After dinner, Hermione left her keys with her parents. The Nancys would come at the end of August to see the Grangers for a week and they could stay at her house. She had already sent most of her things to Hogwarts and would go back to Severus’s place tonight before they would leave together in the morning.

Hermione and Ginny apparated to Grimmauld Place together. She wanted to pick up a few books from the old Black Library and take them to Hogwarts for some research. They had kept most of the ancient tomes, and had stored them in the attic because Harry and Ginny knew Hermione would use them from time to time.

The babies were already in bed and Harry just quickly greeted her, before she and Ginny went upstairs to get the books.

“Do you want to keep it a secret forever?”, Ginny asked her, whilst they were still in the room under the roof.

Hermione sighed.

“No.”

Ginny raised her eyebrows questioningly.

“I don’t want to expose him to all the drama that would come with an official relationship just yet. Neither do I want it, for that matter. He needs to settle down and you know… We’ve not been… like this for very long, Gin”, Hermione explained. “Who knows if it even works out.”

“You’ve been seeing him for one and a half years now, Mione.”

“Not like _this_ , though. He is… well, it is very strange with him.”

Ginny rolled her eyes.

“What did you expect? It’s Snape.”

Hemione chuckled and shook her head.

“No, Gin. That’s not what I mean.”

“Well, go on then. What’s the problem?”

“There is no problem.”

Hermione examined the books on her arm and sighed. She looked back at Ginny and sat down on a little foot stool. Her best friend joined her sitting in front of her on the floor.

“He is the loveliest person, Gin. He is attentive and passionate and tender. But he is also very sensitive. He constantly doubts himself.”

“Well, I don’t want to imply anything, but I can’t imagine he had a lot of girlfriends in the past…”

“No, Gin. Well, yes, that as well. But he doesn’t doubt his abilities as a lover or partner. He doubts his own self-worth. I look at him and I see it in his eyes far more often than I would want to.”

Hermione lowered her gaze sadly.

“And that is not even the thing that worries me most.”

Ginny took her hand and rubbed it softly.

“What’s that then?”

“I sometimes think, he is… I don’t know how to say it without doing him wrong”, Hermione sighed. “I sometimes wonder, if he is more damaged than he realises himself. There seems to be a part of him, that is completely shut off, so shut off that not even he himself remembers it is there. He seems to hide away memories, things he can’t cope with.”

Ginny shook her head in a lack of understanding.

“He had to do horrible, horrible things during the war, Ginny. Worse than Harry or anybody knows…”, Hermione whispered. “I know next to nothing about them. The things we thought we knew… they’re nothing compared to what was really going on on the other side. He never talks of it, he only ever mentioned it once or twice and he immediately tries to dismiss it. I haven’t even got a glimpse of what he has been through. I can only guess it from this pain in him that I seem to have a presentiment about. I wonder if he uses his occlumency to hide it all behind massive walls, I know there are terrible things inside his mind, but he never talks about it. I think he doesn’t even actively think about it. I can just feel it, I know there are… terrible, terrible memories.”

“How do you… I mean, what makes you believe this?”, Ginny asked.

Hermione sighed quietly and shut her eyes.

“Please promise me, you will _never_ tell anyone about this.”

Ginny nodded. “You know I would never do that.”

“He has told me _once_ about what he had to do for Voldemort. But…” Hermione swallowed hard she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. It made her extremely emotional to think about Severus’s experience of the war.

“There is so much more. He must have suffered years and years, doing what he was forced to do. He has these habits, or you might even call them ticks…”, Hermione said and took a deep breath, wiping her tears away. “It’s nothing very obvious. He rubs his forearm subconsciously; he cannot close room doors... sometimes it’s just hunches I get. I feel something so deeply sad and destroyed in him, and he has somehow learnt to hide it so well, well enough that he himself can’t access it anymore. It feels like there is a cold stone in his heart, placed there and groomed by people who have used and shamelessly exploited him. It might sound silly, but it is as if something in him is crying out for me, telling me to see how hurt he is because he can’t realise it himself. And he is clingy, Gin.”

Hermione sighed.

“It’s not bad, not at all, but I can tell. He has been so starved of love and care and attentiveness, that he is desperate for it. As weird as it sounds, but I think he cannot stand to be alone. But at the same time, he thinks he is not worthy of anything or anyone, because he has done all these dreadful things in his life. He is anxious when I am not around, I can feel it when I return to him. I wonder if he uses the time to think about all the bad things from his past, and he can only stop thinking about them when I am with him. He beats himself up over the past, Gin. He cannot forgive himself.”

“Does he not realise that his work was essential for the formation of the world we live in now?”, Ginny asked.

“I have told him that over and over again, and I think he can understand it. But I wonder if…”, Hermione took a deep shaky breath again.

“I wonder if they have destroyed him so much, Ginny, so much that he can’t ever see himself in a good light again. And I think he only barely starts living now. I am so happy, when he lives, Gin. All Severus did was to exist. I see him now, blooming, growing to love life more every day. I live to empower him, I can only be happy, when I see him happy. But he thinks so lowly of himself and there is an endless amount of pain in him. It hurts me. It hurts so much.”

Ginny had lowered her head whilst listening to her friends and she stroke Hermione’s hands softly.

“What if that is part of what attracts you to him?”, she said carefully.

“What do you mean?”

“Like you just said, you live to empower him”, Ginny explained. “Personally, I am not sure how healthy it is, to say you live to do something for someone, but I know you. You’ve always cared more about others than about yourself. It’s what defines you. Don’t shake your head, it’s true.”

Hermione felt uncomfortable, hearing how Ginny described her so fundamentally.

“You care for him, and he responds to it”, the redheaded witch continued. “Everyone would say, he is an unsolvable riddle, but you try anyway, just like you have always done. I never thought I’d say this, but maybe Snape compliments you on a very natural basis. Maybe he does do you good. You clearly do him good.”

Hermione thought about this for a while. It made sense, but it still didn’t make her happy.

“Why does it hurt so much then, that he can’t love himself?”, she asked sadly.

“Because you don’t just care for him, but also about him. You only need to be careful, that it doesn’t become toxic”, Ginny said softly. “To me it looks a little bit as if the two of you are co-dependent. He reminds me of Harry.”

Hermione furrowed her eyebrows.

“Really?”

“Yes”, Ginny nodded. “You know Harry’s tempers. He still has them, although not as extremely anymore, as you know yourself. Still, he sometimes cannot control his emotions and I am the only one that can calm him down. And to be honest, it feels good. It feels very good to be needed. I often wonder how healthy that is, but why should you leave someone alone with their problems? Why should Harry have to deal with his temper alone, when it does do me no harm to be there for him. Why should Snape deal with his anxiety alone, when you can help him?”

“I don’t know if he would ever let me help him”, Hermione said.

“He does already”, Ginny ensured her. “It might not be obvious but think about it. I suspect he only needs more time to tackle his bigger burdens.”

Ginny got up and shrunk Hermione’s books.

“The Snape you tell me about is nothing like I remember him, and nothing like the man Harry told me about. He seems to be comfortable around you and if I am not completely clueless, I’d say he trusts you. Use that golden patience of yours and give him some time. There are things I found out about Harry only after years. He’s been so abused during his childhood, and he hasn’t even been aware of it himself. I imagine it might be similar with Snape. Be there for him, and you’ll see it’ll work out. But don’t beat yourself up over it. If he doesn’t want to share something, that is fine too. They have their reasons. And sometimes the things, they don’t tell you, are the things that they convey to you in another way.”

Ginny handed Hermione her miniature books and they left the attic.

“I am so glad you’re my best friend, Gin.”

They hugged one another for a long moment, before Hermione left Grimmauld Place and apparated to North Yorkshire.

The next morning, she was woken by Severus kissing her shoulder from behind her. She moaned and turned around to him, feeling his morning erection on her thigh.

“I don’t want this summer to be over”, she murmured into his chest and wrapped her arms around him. “Why don’t we just stay here for the rest of our lives?”

He kissed the tip of her nose and her forehead.

“Because you wouldn’t last another week. You’ve been itching to get back to school”, he chuckled against her head.

“I know”, Hermione moaned and turned onto her back, staring at the ceiling.

“What are you worrying about?”, he asked softly, running his finger through her hair and watching her.

“This.”

She turned her face towards him, looking sad.

“I like being with you so much. Discussing things with you, watching you brew potions or arguing with you over the last chapter you read”, she said. “I enjoy cooking with you, I like how you make me coffee in the morning. It’s like heaven on earth. I don’t want to miss it ever again. I don’t want to wake up without you by my side. I don’t want you to be in the dungeons and I am on the third floor.”

He kissed her slowly and lovingly onto her mouth and played with her hair.

“It will be fine”, he said. “You will be in your usual routine again, and you will drown in work. You might be happy about not having to see me all the time.”

“Severus stop it”, she said fiercely and stopped his hands in their movement. “I always want to see you.”

He sighed and kissed her again.

“I am just saying that you will have all your friends to talk to as well, and you will be busy, and you might just fall into your bed at night and sleep.”

“But I want to fall into bed at night and sleep next to you”, she replied. “Even if we’re both exhausted and tired and moody, I still want to be with you.”

She turned onto her side and propped her head up on her arm.

“People always think I have my life all sorted and organised, but in reality, it is such a mess. Things change all the time and you know that yourself. Just think about everything that changed within the last year.”

She caressed his cheek with her hand.

“And you… suddenly you have been there in my life, and you have been with me since. You and you amazing mind; challenging me, understanding me, being kind and caring towards me.”

“I feel like I have done none of these things”, he said, lowering his head.

“If I tell you, that you did, you can’t decide that you didn’t.”

She tried to catch his eyes, softly lifting his head with her fingers.

“I have always lived a happy and slightly crazy life. First, I encounter magic, then all the insane stuff during my teens. And believe me, the ten years after that have not been boring either. I have family and friends that I love, I try to live all my dreams and enjoy life to the fullest. Always. People have made me happy before, but now…”

She paused for a moment to take in his face.

“Now I feel it even more, because it all comes from you. I need you to be with me, I need to make sure you are as happy as I am. Once were at Hogwarts… I cannot possibly accept that I might not be able to touch you for days, that I might not be able to talk privately to you, that I might not…-”

He interrupted her, by kissing her passionately. She sighed into their kiss, and he pulled her on top of him.

“There will be a way”, he said, softly touching her face with his fingertips. “I know where you are and you know where I am, and we’ll be discreet. I just don’t want you to get into trouble because of it. If they decide to dismiss me, let them do so. But you… You love your job. I know you do. I don’t want you to lose it.”

“We’ll be discreet”, she reassured him. “And I won’t get into trouble. Nobody will find out, and if they do… well let them find out.”

Then she smiled cheekily at him.

“They’re not going to sack you, because there is no one who could replace you. And they can’t sack me then either. Same dos for all.”

“Hermione…” He looked at her hopelessly.

“Don’t worry, Sev”, she said and kissed him. “And now sleep with me, who knows when I will have the pleasure again.”

She didn’t give him any chance to argue, because she lowered herself onto him in one swift movement and they loved each other passionately, with the early morning sun watching over them, illuminating their naked skins.

A couple of hours later they walked up the hill to the apparition point. They looked down at the cottage and Hermione wrapped her arm around Severus’s body.

“I can’t wait to come back”, she said.

“Me neither”, he said thoughtfully. “I never liked my old house.”

Hermione bent down to pick up Crookshanks and then eyed Severus. The way he looked at his house, how relaxed he was and how warm his eyes were. He was so attractive. The pale skin and the dark hair were in such harmony with his strong facial features. His cheeks were sharp, his jaw angular and his long Roman nose perfectly underlined the interesting and charismatic face. He wore his teaching robes, but with his tied-up hair and the beard, that he didn’t want to get rid of, he looked nothing like the Professor Snape she remembered. And yet, he looked exactly the same, she simply saw him through new eyes.

“I can’t remember the last time you wore that frock”, she said and smiled at him. “It’s oddly attractive.”

“Believe it or not, but I thought the same about your teaching robes when I first saw you in them.”

“Really?”

Hermione frowned at him and the corner of his mouth twitched slightly.

“Yes, and it’s even more attractive now that I know what lies underneath.”

She fondled Crookshanks behind his ears and smiled at him.

“Then promise me you’ll take them off me tonight.”

He looked at her with hot eyes but didn’t say anymore, and they apparated to Hogwarts.

Hermione immediately dropped her furry companion, because he always got rather angry when they apparated.

Severus appeared out of thin air right next to her and she instantly felt how he tensed up. She reached for his hand and they entered through the gates together. It felt like the start of something new.

“Isn’t it beautiful?”, she said looking up at the castle.

He didn’t reply, but she hadn’t expected an answer. She slightly squeezed his hand before she let go of him and they walked up the path. As they got closer to Hagrid’s hut, she could feel the air around him freeze.

He was extremely nervous, she could tell, although he didn’t show it. It was as if his feelings were radiating at a frequency that only she noticed.

They went further along the path that passed Hagrid’s hut and Hermione could make out Hagrid’s, Hestia’s and Arimanius’s voices. She also could guess that Penelope Clearwater, Septima Vector and Filius were around. It seemed like a little pre-staff-meeting meeting.

She wanted him to feel safe, so she reached carefully for his hand once more, before they would be in sight of the others. He had them crossed behind his back, and she noticed that he was rubbing his forearm discreetly. He didn’t return her gesture, but as she stroke his fingers softly, she thought he relaxed a tiny bit. He also stopped rubbing himself and folded his hands.

They walked up the path and were now in the other staff members’ view.

“Mione!”, Hagrid’s rumbling voice called her.

“Hello Hagrid”, she replied and made her way towards the gamekeeper’s hut.

When she realised that Severus wasn’t following her, she turned around to him and beckoned him to join her. His face was unreadable, but she smiled at him. She wouldn’t let him stand alone, even if nobody was to know about their connection, everyone could most certainly know that they were friends.

“Professur Snape”, Hagrid greeted Severus. “Glad ta see ya.”

Severus inclined his head.

“Good to see you too, Hagrid.”

Hermione was happy that Hagrid was genuine towards Severus, because she quickly realised that the rest of the group was rather quiet.

“How was your summer, Hermione?”, Hestia asked, completely ignoring Severus.

“It was incredibly lovely”, she replied overly enthusiastic. “How was yours?”

They all had some small talk, but it was an undeniably tense situation. She talked to Filius for a while about the new trilogy on Charms she had bought, and she realised that nobody did as much as look at Severus.

“Shall we head up to the castle?”, she said and smiled openly at him. 

He nodded once, his face expressionless and his back rigid.

“Ey, Mione”, Hagrid said to her and took a step closer to them. “Do come down fa some drinks soon, will ya?”

“Absolutely”, she replied smiling at Hagrid.

“And you, too, Sir”, the half giant said to Severus. “Have a lot o’ catchin’ up ta to. I heard ya’ve been to the French Alps.”

Severus nodded once more and Hermione was thrilled to see, how Severus unfolded his arms.

“They’ve some funny creatures livin’ over ther’, I tell ya, Mione. I bet Professur Snape knows a lo’ about ’em.”

Hermione smiled at Severus and then at Hagrid.

“Well, I can’t wait to hear all about it.”

None of the others said a word. They looked like statues, eying Severus warily, but Hermione didn’t mind and they both left to walk up to the castle. She was so happy about Hagrid being civil with Severus, that nothing could have dulled her mood.

“You remember when I told you, that you are the kindest person I know?”, Severus said once they had nearly reached the castle. “I think I have to take that back.”

Hermione smiled at him, knowing that it was not an insult at all. Hagrid was the most genuine and kind person in the whole universe.

“I gladly give way to Hagrid”, she laughed.

They entered the courtyard and Hermione pointed out the windows of the west-wing that were her chambers. As they crossed the yard and walked towards the main door, she could feel Severus tensing up again. He needed to know that he was not alone. She was there for him and she would fight the whole world twice to defend him.

She wanted to say something, but she simply didn’t have the words.

“You know they’ll come around, right? Our colleagues.”

He snorted and looked at her coolly.

“They’ve never liked me.”

“That’s not true. Septima has told me about you working together and Hagrid was positi…-” She couldn’t finish her sentence because he interrupted her brutally.

“Just… let it be”, he snapped.

She looked at him sadly, but he didn’t look back at her.

“Well, the staff meets at four o’clock and dinner is at six. I suggest we unpack and then I would rather like it, if you picked me up and showed me your rooms, like you promised”, she said happily. She knew he was only vicious because he was uneasy.

“That sounds agreeable”, he replied. “I’ll be with you in an hour.”

When Severus picked her up at said time, he was even more tense. As they walked down the corridors, she saw how his gaze was fixed on his path, he didn’t look at the castle walls, he didn’t look out the window or let his eyes wander in any other way. He was rubbing his thumb on his forearm behind his back.

Whenever she came back to Hogwarts, she couldn’t get enough of it. She felt like in paradise, she enjoyed the views and her surroundings. There was only one time in her life, when she had behaved the way Severus did now, and that was shortly after the war, when terrible memories had still clung to the surrounding walls, torturing her relentlessly.

“Hogwarts is the most peaceful and wonderful place now”, she said quietly. “I believe that the past terrors in these walls, old and new ones, help give it this peace, paradoxically.”

She looked at him carefully as they waited for one of the staircases to turn towards them. His face was expressionless, and she felt the urge to hold his hand, but knew better than to give in to her desire.

“The castle stands strong, despite all the terrible things that have taken place here”, she continued, looking at the moving staircases. “It didn’t need to recover, because it has never been destroyed. The walls might have been torn down and the roofs burnt. But the _castle_ remained. And it is protecting its inhabitants as it has done for over a thousand years, never accepting anyone that means harm, and giving a safe home to all of us.”

He was the reason to their success and Hogwarts had known it. As the staircase moved into place before them, she felt a wave of magical integrity that she couldn’t explain.

“You belong here, Sev. I know it.”

He looked at her, his arms folded behind his back and his shoulders rigid.

“I believe you”, he said calmly. “But that doesn’t erase the memories.”

He sounded final, but Hermione would not accept it.

“For every bad memory, there are one hundred good memories edged into these walls”, she said as they walked down the staircase onto the ground floor side by side.

“Not for me”, he said coolly.

“You can make some good memories now to balance out the bad ones.”

“It would take two eternities of good memories to make up for it”, he snorted.

They walked down the familiar way into the dungeons. It was colder down here, just as Hermione remembered. It wasn’t dark in the dungeons, but the only light came from the torches on the wall, bathing the corridor in a flickering, greenish, dim light. She had never liked it during her schooldays, but for some reason she found it oddly calming now.

“Sev…”

He didn’t say anything or look at her, but she knew he was listening. Her heart started fluttering, and in that moment, she realised that his happiness and joy was all that mattered to her, he was all she wanted and needed. She didn’t care about his past or what he had done, nor what the future might hold for them.

With a mind like his by her side, how could the future be anything else than golden? With a heart like his, how could she care about his dark secrets? He had the power to move her, to inspire her, and to encourage her to be the best version of herself. What did she care about his insecurities or doubts? She would cherish them, her soul would caress his with patience and tenderness, until it would glow with his inherent beauty again.

“I love you.”

It was quiet. They didn’t say anything, and they didn’t think anything. A calmness spread between them, that silenced their surroundings. Peace filled the spatial gap between them and wrapped them in its safe arms.

There was nothing dramatic or overly romantic about the situation, she had simply felt the need to say it. He turned to look at her, and his eyes were as soft and deep as she would always remember them. But she could also see the ever-present fear lurking in their depths. She would find it and love it, just as she loved everything about him.

“I love you, too”, he said, warm and quiet.

Hermione smiled at him and his eyes smiled, too.

She took his hand and he quickly flinched, looking around.

Hermione raised her hand to turn his face back to look at her. They were alone down here and they both knew it. She pulled his head down for a kiss.

Her fingers rubbed his neck and Severus relaxed into her touch. She kissed him softly, not demanding anything. She carefully tasted his lips and enjoyed the warmth of his skin against hers. When she pulled back slowly, his eyes were shut and he didn’t lift his head immediately, leaving it in the position he had kissed her in.

“Would that count for an eternity of memories?”, she asked him, looking at his dark lashes against the pale skin.

He opened his eyes and looked at her tenderly.

“Maybe”, he answered, and a smile slowly appeared on his face.

Hermione raised an eyebrow at him.

“Maybe?”

“I think I might need some more of that”, he said and kissed her again, smiling against her lips.

Hermione could feel how the heat rose in both of them, as he discovered her mouth, and pulled back slowly, to collect herself.

“I think you need to show me your rooms now before somebody catches us here”, she chuckled. “And then we have to attend a staff meeting, my dear colleague.”

Severus’s rooms were mesmerising. All Hermione had thought about was to enjoy Severus behind closed doors, but as soon as they entered his chambers, these thoughts were pushed aside.

They entered the rooms through his office, which was rather empty and needed stocking with ingredients to be anything like the office he used to have. A narrow dark corridor led to a heavy wooden door, and behind it was a wonderful large room that looked out onto the Black Lake.

“It feels like we’re swimming on it”, Hermione exclaimed and walked towards the window. The room was clothed in predominately dark colours, but it was welcoming and cosy. The sunlight reflected on the water and through the window, and the light beams connected everything. Every little object and every corner of the room seemed illuminated and linked to one another by rays of sunshine. It was magical, purely magical, showing the onlooker how everything in the world was connected by light.

Hermione glanced around in awe and Severus walked up to her, hugging her from behind.

“It doesn’t always look like this, only when the sun stands high during summer”, he explained.

His bedroom was a separate chamber. It had no windows at all, but it wasn’t gloomy. It had dark stone walls and the low bed was covered in dark green an beige fabrics. There was a warm light coming from an unidentifiable source.

“You have to tell me about this charm”, she said turning around to him. “I like the light it produces. You’ve used it in your house too.”

“It’s embarrassingly simple”, he commented and beckoned her to follow him to the bathroom.

It was small and the walls there were dark too, but Hermione was completely overwhelmed when she entered it. One wall seemed to be of glass, or something less than glass. They were under water and the sun shimmered into the room through the Black Lake. Looking out into the clear water she could see all sorts of plants swaying silently. It was most peaceful. 

There was a bathtub that also worked as a shower and a golden framed mirror over the sink, that luckily didn’t talk.

“No wonder you didn’t want any other rooms”, she said to him.

“They’re not quite the same as they were”, he replied. “Minerva has outdone herself.”

Hermione furrowed her brows.

“I don’t think the dungeons have been affected by the battle. Your rooms should have still been intact.”

“Yes”, he returned. “They are the same in their structure.”

His face turned expressionless and cold. Hermione knew he was thinking about something.

“In fact, I basically found everything the way I have left it. Just nicer.”

She took a step closer to him, reaching for his hand. She didn’t say anything and hoped he would continue speaking, which he did.

“The stone floor here”, he nodded towards the bathroom floor, “was stained with blood. I sometimes came back bleeding heavily, or was covered in somebody else’s blood. Often I would take a bath to ease the pain after suffering the Cruciatus. I never bothered removing the stains.”

His gaze was empty, fixed on something far away in his mind. He sighed deeply and walked back into the living room. Hermione followed him, trying to hide the pain in her eyes. She had no idea how little she had known about his past. Why did he have to suffer the Cruciatus? Why had he been injured so badly?

“The chair there”, he pointed at a desk between multiple bookshelves. “It is in the exact same position as I left it, but my Death Eater robes were taken off it.”

Hermione swallowed hard.

“The parchment I had written on is still there, but it’s stacked nicely and the jar with ink has been closed. I left it open, I remember.”

She was speechless. It had been more than ten years and yet he seemed to remember every single detail.

“The green cover on the sofa is new. The old one was grey and that was stained, too. And the cushions are new, I never had any.”

He smiled slightly.

“She also returned the books I had taken to the headmaster’s office”, he pointed at a stack of books on the coffee table. “Good for her, that she didn’t try and put them back onto the shelves. She knows I am quite pedantic about that.”

“I never thought you would admit to being pedantic”, Hermione said laughing softly.

He raised an eyebrow at her.

“I do not consider it a flaw that needs to be concealed.”

She could tell he was more relaxed now than he had been earlier and went to wrap her arms around him.

“Nothing about you needs to be concealed”, she said, looking up at his face.

“I do not agree.”

“We won’t argue about that now”, she said lightly.

He turned his head and looked towards the bedroom. They could see a part of the bedframe and one bedside table.

“The bed is different, I only had a small single bed. It’s bigger now and the mattress is surprisingly comfortable. She has also removed the empty potion vials from the drawers”, he said quietly, then he looked across the room again.

“I had expected to find the room in the poor state I left it in, when Minerva told me nobody had been in. And I had expected to feel angry about anybody looking through my things. But I have to admit, I am rather thankful for her efforts. I will have to tell her, unfortunately.”

His last words where drenched in fake resentment. To anybody else it would have sounded very typical Professor-Snape, but Hermione had to laugh at it.

“I am sure you will survive”, she mocked him.

He chuckled and kissed her on the head. They rested in the position and he breathed in the scent of her hair. Sighing deeply he pulled back only after a few moments.

“My rooms have always been my safe-place”, he said quietly. “I have been in pain and devastated in here, but I always knew, once I arrived here, I was safe. I could recover, at least as much as was possible at the time.”

He looked down at Hermione.

“It is only half past twelve”, he said. “The meeting is at four. I would really like to make more good memories with you in here before the year starts.”

Hermione smiled and kissed him and they wandered off into the dark bedroom.

It was soft and slow and they confessed their love to one another many times. The bedlinen under Hermione’s skin was warm and Severus lips wandering across her tummy tickled her slightly. His touch sent electric jolts though her body and she sighed deeply at every movement of his hands over her body.

“I am so happy, Severus”, she whispered quietly into his ear, as he had worked his way across her breasts onto her neck.

“Good”, he breathed into his hear. “I want to make you happy.” He kissed the soft skin of her neck. “Every minute of every day. It shall be my greatest ambition for as long as I am alive.”

He moved slowly, holding her face between her hands and whispering words of love.

“I adore you, Hermione.”

He kissed her and pressed his body against hers. Hermione sank her nails into his shoulders and curved her spine.

“I love everything about you, with everything I am”, he murmured, his forehead resting against hers.

He slowed down even more in his movements and Hermione looked at his face. His eyes were of the darkest onyx with pain resting in their depths, but they also were warm, and full of love and unspoken hope.

She suddenly remembered, what she had once said to him that he should not push her away, because she would let him do it again and again until she would break. And she remembered, how her mother had told her to make sure she would not be hurt in this relationship.

But in that very moment, Hermione realised that it was not her who was vulnerable in their relationship. It was him.

He was trembling with love and need for her, he was feeding and thriving on the attention and tenderness she gave him. She knew if she would take it away from him, he’d collapse and his heart and soul would return to the perpetual darkness that lingered in his mind. He breathed the love she gave and he nourished himself on her.

And yet, it didn’t weaken her. If anything, with every ounce of herself she gave, it seemed to multiply manifold. For every drop of her he sucked in, she received an ocean full of his love and it made her grow within herself.

“I’m yours”, she whispered, kissing the corner of his mouth.

She never wanted him to stop loving her, or her soul would never find peace again. She was his, irreversibly, and she would love him as long as time, even after death, if there was in fact anything beyond the veil. If this love were taken from her, she would rage. Death himself would tremble before her at her wrath.

“Forever”, she added resolutely, as his gaze bored into hers.

He lowered his head and buried it in her neck. Holding her tight in his arms, he started moving rhythmically, and they resumed consuming one another ardently.

They confessed their love over and over again, and as they came closer to the end they drowned in each other’s eyes. Severus whispered her name, and it was heartrending as they both climaxed.

They lay in each other’s arms for the rest of the afternoon. Neither of them wanted to leave his chambers, and if they had been able to stop time right then for the rest of eternity, they would have done exactly that.

However, business called, and soon they both got ready to find out what this year would hold for them.


	23. Chapter 23

URLICHT – GUSTAV MAHLER SYMPHONY 2 – voice and piano

Hermione walked to the window in Severus’s living room and looked out onto the lake. It was a sunny day, but not much light entered the room.

“It is very different to your house”, she said whilst tying up her hair.

Severus shrugged his shoulders. He hadn’t thought about it very much, but she was right.

“I was much younger when I first moved into these rooms. They haven’t changed much since.”

“You could change them now?”, she said.

He shook his head.

“No, I like them as they are. Come this way.”

He walked to the corner of the living room, where a wooden door was hidden between two bookshelves. He opened it and beckoned Hermione to walk through. It was a narrow and dark corridor, with a few steps leading upwards and a few leading down.

“I am glad they left in this passage way. Professor Dumbledore added it when I was first spying for him.”

He didn’t want to think about his former master and quickly instructed her to walk upstairs.

“What’s down there?”, she asked, whilst taking the first few steps.

“My private lab.”

She turned around and he nearly ran onto her. She stood higher than him, but their eyes were on the same level.

“You have a private Potions lab and you’re not showing me it?” She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“Later.”

He gave her a kiss, glad that he didn’t have to bend down and strain his neck for once. Not that he would have ever complained about it. He’d break his neck and more, for a single kiss from her.

“I also want to have a proper look at the new Potions classroom and take stock, maybe you’d like to join me?”

“I am sure Penny has a stocklist that she will give you”, she said.

“It was already in the classroom. I still like to have a look myself. Who knows what Miss Haywood and plummy, old Slughorn have made up.”

She leaned in, giving him a peck and smiling against his lips.

“You know, if you’re nice to them, they might leave you all the ingredients I brought over from France.”

He snorted.

“Don’t you think I stocked myself well enough? Get outside now!”

He chased her up the stairs, before opening another door so they could step out onto the grounds.

“How convenient that passage is”, she commented.

“It was then…”, he replied thoughtfully. “And now, too. You can use it, if you like. Instead of the office door.”

“How do we get to the main entrance?”

He nodded towards the water.

“We walk around the Black Lake. There is no direct way.”

“That’s at least a one hour walk”, she said pouting her lips, but they began walking.

He raised an eyebrow at her.

“I don’t want to walk for one hour each time before I can come to your rooms.”

“You can’t constantly be wandering around the dungeons”, he replied.

“I am a professor”, she snapped. “I can wander the dungeons and every other corridor at any time I like.”

She opened the top buttons of her teaching robes. It was a very warm afternoon, but luckily he was used to his black ensemble and didn’t need to unbutton his frock.

“Besides”, she added. “I have good reason to be looking for you regularly. It is well known that some of the Slytherin girls come to me for advice.”

“Really? For what?”, he asked with his brows furrowed.

“Lady chats”, she said casually.

He nodded once and fixed his gaze back onto their path. It was probably a good thing that they came to her for those conversations.

“There are more female teachers than just you”, he said.

She understood the question, but simply shrugged her shoulders.

“You know yourself how it is. Some people have better chemistry than others, and if you are a young girl… well, you don’t want to talk about it to a teacher just because she is the only female teacher. There are some girls I never see, I suppose they go to Madam Pomfrey or talk to another staff member. But for some reason Slytherin girls seem to come to me. Some boys too. But not very often, mainly for academic reasons.”

He eyed her thoughtfully.

She was trustworthy and understanding, one couldn’t deny that at all. And something about her presence was extremely comfortable, he had known that for a long time. Nobody else he knew had that quality, and he wondered if the Slytherin students had spotted it too.

Maybe it was her no-nonsense attitude. She wasn’t overly fussy or emotional. She was level-headed and logical, yet understanding, soft and supporting. She didn’t push people, and she always knew exactly how far she could go. She was safety, comfort and reason, as well as inspiration, motivation and passion, all in one.

He couldn’t stop looking at her. She was a miracle, otherworldly and special, in every way. He would probably never work her out. And for some reason that didn’t even bother him. He should have been worried, nervous, on edge… but he knew there was no need to know her every thought and motivation, because she wouldn’t use it against him. It was a refreshing realisation.

“We’ll find a way to see each other”, he said. “We also have our research to work on.”

“Oh, Merlin, yes!”, she exclaimed. “We should really do some work on that again. But whenever we start working….”, she sighed and then laughed. “… well, you would know best what happens instead.”

She looked at him with fiery eyes, sparkling in the summer sun.

“I will make us a research plan. Dedicated library hours, potion lab hours and office hours. We have to get back on track”, she said enthusiastically, yet slightly militarily, counting the points on her fingers.

The corners of his lips twitched slightly at her excitement and bossy nature.

They walked around the lake and as they reached Hagrid’s hut, the half-giant joined them on their way up to the castle.

“Beautiful summer, innit?”, Hagrid beamed. “Dead right ye’re for havin’ a walk in this weather! Ye’ll sure soon be sittin’ in them dark classrooms again, not gettin’ any sun. Ya gotta bit of colour in France, aye, professur?”

Hagrid slapped Severus on the back and he nearly tripped. He saw how Hermione had to hold back a laugh and the look on his face darkened immediately.

“Suits ya, sir”, Hagrid added, completely oblivious to Severus’s testiness.

They reached the courtyard and entered the castle. To Severus’s annoyance Longbottom was coming down the Transfiguration corridor into the entrance hall, accompanied by Miss Lovegood. The look on the boy’s face was priceless, but he very quickly composed himself.

“Hi, Hermione!”, he said, trying to sound casual but nervously throwing a quick glance at Severus.

It was tempting to bark at Longbottom, to say something cruel about his inability to grow balls, but he restrained himself.

_Not necessary. She won’t be impressed if you eat Longbottom alive._

“Welcome back, Professor Snape”, Miss Lovegood addressed him. “What do you think of the new Potions Classroom?”

Severus had to hide his positive bewilderment at her talking to him.

“It is acceptable”, he said courtly. “It is very sensible to supply the students with high quality cauldrons and utensils, although the previous care for the valuable items leaves much to be desired. It’s hard to believe that a Potions Mastery had been given to a person that works so carelessly. A lot of the cauldrons need cleaning and lacquering and the stirring rods might as well be replaced.”

Hermione turned around and shot him a reprimanding look.

“Well, that gives you a good basis to rebuilt your legendary detention-scheme”, Longbottom said coolly.

Severus had to admit he was taken by surprise. He didn’t expect a comment like this from ball-less Longbottom and he was mildly impressed. On the other hand he hated being reminded of his past in any capacity.

“Indeed”, he drawled. “It is just a shame that I cannot give them out to you anymore, _Professor_ Longbottom.”

The younger man swallowed visibly and Severus couldn’t supress a gleeful smirk.

“I never had a detention”, Miss Lovegood said dreamily. “But I wouldn’t mind spending some extra time in the Potions classroom. I believe that soon there might be a lot of libspats in the dungeons. Let’s go.”

The strange woman hooked her hand around Longbottom’s arm and led the way up the staircase.

_One colleague is a brainless moron and the other one a delirious lunatic. What a great prospect._

They arrived at the staff room early, which made it easier for Severus to settle in. He didn’t want to have more than a dozen pairs of eyes massacring him.

“Severus”, Minerva greeted him.

She was sat at the long table talking to Filius, who eyed him warily, and Septima Vector, who looked as if she had seen a ghost. Hermione greeted the headmistress and then left them to sit with her friends.

The headmistress got up and walked over to him. He subconsciously rubbed his forearm with his thumb.

By Merlin, how much had he dreaded to face them all. The last time he had seen them all together like this… standing up against him, fighting him… he didn’t want to think about it. He clenched his teeth and swallowed, before Minerva joined him where he stood, a good bit away from the table. He didn’t want to be close to them. In fact, he was afraid to be too close to anybody. They hated him, and they were right to do so.

The headmistress was a tall woman, only a little bit smaller than Severus himself. She didn’t wear her usual pointed hat, but had her hair in her signature tight bun. Severus noticed, that her hair was still jet-black. He couldn’t spot a single grey strand, and he was a bit jealous.

_No need to be vain, there can’t be much done with your looks, mate._

“Good to see you. I assume everything in your chambers is to your liking, or I would have heard by now?”, she older witch said.

“You exceeded my expectations”, he said inclining his head.

“Excellent”, she returned.

Minerva sounded just as reasonable as he remembered her. He could feel a smile tucking on his lip, but he quickly banished the notion.

“You would traditionally take Horace’s seat”, she nodded towards a chair close to the top of the table where her own seat was. “But I guess you prefer your old sulking-corner?”

She raised her eyebrows at him in question.

He used to sit in a battered old armchair, hiding behind a book, when he had been attending staff meetings during his first tenure. He looked at the corner where it stood untouched. Only the accompanying table was new. He didn’t want to sit there. It sent a cold shudder down his back when he thought of it.

“I think I’d like to be a little bit more involved this time round”, he said after quick consideration. “I wouldn’t mind a seat at the table.”

“You still surprise me in my old age”, Minerva chuckled.

Minerva was surprisingly upbeat and he tried to be civil, but he was tense. He even noticed it himself. He couldn’t unclench his jaw, his back and shoulders were rigid and his demeanour cold as ice. He would have not admitted it in Merlin’s four-hundred-forty years, but he was afraid. Of them, of himself, of his memories and the year to come. 

He ended up sitting three chairs away from the headmistress with Filius and Penelope Clearwater between them. Miss Lovegood sat opposite of him and between Longbottom and Hermione. Her dreamy eyes were looking at him strangely, and his dark glares didn’t do anything to unsettle her calm nature. She was the weirdest person he had ever met, and for some inexplicable reason he didn’t even want to snap at her. She seemed to be in a different zone, and he wished he could join her wherever she was in her head.

A while later Miss Haywood took her seat to Minerva’s left and Hestia Jones hesitated only for a moment, before sitting down next to him.

“Professor”, she greeted him coolly.

He inclined his head in reply, and he noticed Hermione’s nervous glance. She seemed to be more on edge than him, but only visibly. He looked as cool and controlled as ever, with a sea of fear and shame inside of him, whereas Hermione looked as worried as she actually was. Typical Gryffindor.

He furrowed his brows at her and was rewarded with a bright smile that tried to hide her concern. To his discomfort he realised that their interaction had been closely watched by the people around them, and he immediately resolved to fix his eyes on Minerva with a cold expression on his face.

There were a few new staff members that he didn’t know. A middle aged man named Arimanius Murphy, was teaching muggle studies and running a school newspaper. He remembered that the man was a squib and that Hermione seemed to like him. Severus eyed him carefully and quickly decided that he would hate the man and make his life miserable whenever he was given the opportunity.

 _You could just ignore him, that would probably go down better with Hermione_.

No, he would tantalise this man. He hated him already, with his friendly attitude and sickening smile.

Another man and a woman sat at the end of the table, and he guessed that they were the new flying instructor and classics teacher that Hermione had told him about.

The meeting itself was rather uneventful. Timetables and the list of new students were handed out, which he simply put into his pocket. Misses Haywood and Jones shortly introduced the role of the DADA administrator, which had been given to Miss Haywood.

Poppy Pomfrey announced that the Hogwarts Hospital and St Mungo’s would start cooperating from this year, and healer trainees would be working at the school for three months during their apprenticeship. This was news to most of the staff members.

Of course, no other than Draco Malfoy would be supervising the scheme, and Severus could feel heat creeping up his neck at the news. It wasn’t Draco’s fault, but Severus associated him with people that he would much rather forget about.

Severus was very close to snapping as it was, and he noticed a slight pain in his jaw from clenching it so hard. But what bothered him even more were the glances he received, even from the people he didn’t know. There was mistrust, contempt, nosiness and pure ignorance. He felt like a monkey in the zoo, or rather a vicious predator that needed to be watched warily.

He should have expected it; he had indeed expected it, but it still made him feel even more uncomfortable, which was never a good thing. The old staff members had all reason to hate him, and the new ones had clearly already formed an opinion.

He didn’t want to be here. The castle, yes. It had been his safe place ever since he had first come here until… the Dark Lord had raided it to the ground. He flinched inwardly at the thought. But what was even worse, was the fact that he couldn’t stand the people. Not because of their characters, but because of everything they reminded him off. It was too much, and he sank even deeper into his old defensive mechanisms. All his occlumency shields were up, his demeanour was cold, his gaze brutal. He didn’t notice that he had subconsciously started scratching at the frock fabric on his forearm.

They finished the meeting shortly before six and dinner appeared on small tables across the staff room. Everybody got up to help themselves to food and people started chatting about their summers.

Severus didn’t feel like eating at all, he’d much rather be in his rooms and read a book or talk with Hermione. He searched the room and spotted her chatting with Miss Haywood, Longbottom and Hestia Jones. She was enjoying herself and it was the only thing that comforted him. He nearly had to smile at the sight. However, the dark thoughts were predominant and kept control over his face. He picked up a glass of water and moved to a corner from where he could see her.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

He had seen Septima Vector coming, but was still surprised that she actually talked to him. He nodded once in reply, and returned to scanning the room, trying not to look into Hermione’s direction to obviously.

“Are you working on any projects at the moment?”, she asked him casually.

“No. I try to settle in first.”

Septima nodded and took a sip of her drink. He wasn’t bothered by her, but watched her warily from the corner of his eye.

“Believe it or not, you fit in nicely here”, she suddenly said. “I remember, the first time you arrived. I thought you’d never settle in, but then you became part of the inventory for how long? Nearly twenty years?”

She looked at him thoughtfully.

“I never got used to your black silhouette not being around. It just didn’t agree with me. It’s good to have you back. Everything is just as it should be again.”

Aurora Sinistra called her, and she smiled at Severus.

“Let me know, if you want me to do some equations for you.” Then she left him to his thoughts.

What an odd woman. Severus’s face gave nothing away, but he was extremely confused. His head was full of dreadful memories and fears, but luckily this short conversation had given him food for thought.

He had always been on good terms with Septima. She was one of those few people that had completely ignored the paradox around him and had simply enjoyed their cooperation. Not everyone did know, but Septima had a very similar humour to him and they both hated dunderheads. Luckily for her, she didn’t have to teach them because no dunderhead willingly chose Arithmancy as their elective subject.

She had always been friendly and kind to him, but not in a suspicious manner and Severus had never felt uncomfortable in her presence. Maybe that was the reason why he didn’t snap at her mentioning his past. She was indeed a tolerable person and had he not been so broken throughout all his life, he would have called her a friend.

_She thinks you fit in. She thinks it’s good you’re back._

But he had betrayed them all, including her. And he didn’t dare to hope that anyone would forgive him. He couldn’t forgive himself. He had betrayed them all, and yet Septima had simply walked up to him and talked to him.

He stood in the corner watching his colleagues. Hermione was still with her friends and Hagrid had joined them. Septima and Aurora were talking to Filius and Miss Clearwater, and Sybill Trelawney, the old crackpot, was listening in, pretending to know what they were talking about.

Minerva was talking to Miss Lovegood and the lady, that taught classics. He wondered if she was any good at Alchemy. It overlapped partly with potions and he was rather sceptical of her skillset, considering that she also taught Ancient Runes and Latin, both of which were separate master subjects.

He briefly considered joining them to question her, but it wasn’t worth the effort. He simply was not a very sociable person, and trying to interact with people, when he actually didn’t want to interact with anyone, would just end in a disaster. Maybe he would get to talk to her on another occasion.

And all of the staff members very obviously eyed him suspiciously the whole time. He nearly wanted to laugh at how badly they covered up their nosiness, pretending to be in deep conversation but clearly having an ear and eye focused on him.

He let his eyes wander through the room. Everyone had someone to talk to, and he stood there all by himself. His spy senses hadn’t left him and he could tell by the sheer atmosphere in the room, that none of them were as easy around him as they pretended to be.

It didn’t bother him, but he felt incredibly uneasy, unsafe and out of place, despite Septima’s affirmations. Of course, he could have just left the room but he didn’t want to leave without Hermione.

_You are such a pathetic wimp._

He needed to get a grip on himself. It wouldn’t do him any good if he couldn’t even spend an hour without longing for her presence. Soon there would be many days on which he couldn’t be with her. They weren’t alone anymore and she wouldn’t be there for him anymore when his demons haunted him.

When Hermione walked up to him, he thought that she didn’t seem to be as desperate to be with him as he was to be with her. And it made him panic. He’d be alone.

“They were planning to have a drink at Hagrid’s.”

She gestured towards her group of friends. They all looked positively terrified and ready to attack Severus if he only did so much as move.

“Ronald and George will be there too”, she added.

“Good for them”, he drawled, throwing a condescending glance at them.

Hermione furrowed her eyebrows at him.

“Are you alright?”

_What a stupid question._

Severus rarely lost his control, but when he felt uneasy or was afraid, he would lose control over his own thoughts and emotions.

He knew she wanted to be with her friends and it bothered him. He would have never told her of course, let alone stopped her from spending time with them, but he couldn’t change the fact that he felt possessive of her. He wanted to fold her up and put her in his chest pocket to keep.

He sighed inwardly and folded his hands behind his back, immediately rubbing his forearm to sooth his temper.

“Yes, I am alright”, he said curtly. Then he gave her a soft glance, much to her obvious surprise. She didn’t need to know about his inner torment. “You should join them.”

“I had different plans for tonight”, she said.

The sun could have not been as fiery as her eyes and it took all his willpower to stop himself from kissing her senselessly right there.

“Don’t look at me like that”, he snarled quietly through clenched teeth, fixing his eyes on a portrait on the wall.

She would be his end. It wasn’t a question about whether he could hide his feelings for her. He had hidden his feelings all of his life. No, that wasn’t the problem. The question was, how long was he _willing_ to hide them.

The day would come when he wanted the world to know that he was hers. That he had taken that place in her life and that he wasn’t going to share it.

But what would happen?

Despite what he said to Hermione, he didn’t actually care about their opinion. However, the fact that she had for some inexplicable reason decided to be with him would ruin her reputation. The papers would slaughter her, her friends would judge her, Dark Lord-worshippers would hunt her down with him, and that was what frightened him the most. They would come for her and take her form him.

He would have to leave her to ensure she didn’t have to withstand all these burdens. The mere thought of that provoked a rage in him, that he scarcely knew about himself. He could never leave her, she was his drug, his addiction. Yes, to fold her up and put her in his pocket, that would be the only bearable solution. 

“It would be too much to ask if you’d like to come too, I suppose?”, she said casually after a while.

“I’ve got correspondence to attend to. I shall see you in the morning to look through the stocked ingredients.”

“Stay up and wait for me, will you? I won’t be too long.”

Her fawn eyes looked so kind and innocent, and yet he detected the sparkling heat in their depths. He imperceptibly took a long breath to calm his nerves.

“You can’t be seen coming to my chambers”, he said coolly.

“I won’t be…-”, she tried to say but he cut her off.

“ _Miss_ Granger”, he hissed at her audibly. “I will not discuss this topic with you. Good evening.”

With that said, he turned on his heel and left the staff room.

It pained him.

The amount of fear, worries and insecurity in him was simply unbearable.

All the eyes that had looked at him, telling the stories of what they had seen. How he had betrayed them. How he had fought against them.

And everything that worried him about _her_. He had sworn to himself that he would never _need_ anybody again, that nobody other than himself deserved to have power over him. But maybe that was the problem. Hermione didn’t want to have power over him. He had freely and willingly decided to give it to her, and with it, he put his whole life into her hands.

And it was good.

It was the most exhilarating feeling he had ever encountered. To simply know, to simply trust, to simply be himself and be loved for it. To have someone that didn’t use you.

But it made him greedy. He wanted her all for himself, every single minute of the day.

He slammed the door to his chambers behind him and as soon as the noise hit his ears he felt terrible. He kicked his shoes off and sank onto the sofa, looking out the window onto the Black Lake.

He had lashed out at her for no reason. He was frightened, and on edge, and she had to feel it. He was greedy and jealous, and she had to pay for it. He wanted her to come to his rooms, but now she wouldn’t.

By Merlin, he was worried. What would happen if the world found out about their liaison? What would happen if students started spotting her hanging around in the dungeons? Minerva would not be impressed. People might think she was biased in hiring him, because he was with Hermione.

Maybe she had been? He didn’t know what Hermione had said to Minerva. He had just taken it as it was served to him.

Why did she hire him? He was a murderer and a war criminal. And even with the verdict of acquittal in his case, above all he was a terrible teacher. He had seen their looks. He had felt their contempt.

He rubbed his forearm. He shouldn’t think about these things, it drove him mad.

He was a master in overthinking, and it didn’t justify his behaviour towards her. He couldn’t be without her. He had to go and apologise, but she would be at Hagrid’s now. He decided to go and look for her in her rooms later this evening. For now he would attend to the correspondence he had talked about earlier.

He got up and walked over to his desk, where he took out some parchment and started writing a letter to Draco Malfoy.

It wasn’t easy. He didn’t have much to say to Draco, as they have never been very close, but they had been close enough for Severus to be interested in the boy’s welfare. Draco had very much reminded him of himself. Thrown into a society, exposed to radical beliefs and doomed to make all the wrong decisions.

The real difficulty lay in the phrasing of the letter. He was concerned that it might get into the wrong hands.

Hermione had told him that the Malfoys had redeemed themselves, but Severus couldn’t trust anybody that was even remotely connected to the Dark Lord. He knew the network and he was almost certain that pro-pureblood families had no troubles at all to maintain their underground connections.

It gave him a headache. The boy was probably the most innocent of all the Death Eaters he had ever known. He hadn’t even really been a Death Eater, he had been the Dark Lords puppet and Severus had felt sorry for the boy.

Severus had to convince himself that writing to Draco wasn’t a problem. All of wizarding England knew already that he was back, it had been the front page of the Daily Prophet all summer long. Writing to a boy he actually cared about a little, wouldn’t reveal anything that hadn’t been in the gossip sheets yet. Additionally, once the students returned to Hogwarts they would write their parents, who knew Severus, and who hated him.

There was no way that he could escape once all hell broke loose. Many of the parents were his former students and he hadn’t left the best impression on any of them.

And once more, depressing thoughts entered his mind. Who would want their children to be taught by someone like him?

He sighed and put down his quill. There was no point trying to write this letter tonight. His thoughts were torturing him.

He took out the list of students that he had received during the meeting. He hadn’t given it any thought earlier, but it might give him an idea of what was to come. How many names would he recognise?

It was a short list, much shorter than any list he had seen during his first tenure.

Alcott didn’t ring a bell, neither did Blackwater. Burns must be Hufflepuff, he vaguely remembered the name. His stomach turned around at Ivy Finley.

He remembered his encounter with Andrew Finley during the summer. He had forgotten that there was a younger girl, too.

He didn’t want to give into the pain tonight, but focusing on the list of names again made it even worse.

_Edward Lupin._

The name burned itself into Severus’s skull. Remus’s picture flared up in front of his inner eye and he couldn’t stop tears from filling his eyes.

He had never liked the man for obvious reasons, but with time he had accepted that it wouldn’t do any good to dwell on the past. He knew he only disliked the man out of habit. Remus had never done anything to him and Severus tried to at least show his appreciation of that by making the wolfsbane potion for the him. It wasn’t as if he had cared very much about Remus Lupin having a family, but now he cried over his fate.

He had known the man, it had been a family, and it had been destroyed. Because of the Dark Lord, because of Death Eaters, because of people like Severus.

Severus scanned the whole list and realised, that there wasn’t a single muggleborn student. Usually, they indicated them clearly to make sure teachers were aware of the fact that those students might need extra support. He wondered if they had simply resolved to not indicate blood status any longer.

Or maybe it was still the aftermath of the war. The current year were students that had been born during the Dark Lords reign.

Severus felt like choking at the memory. Had they all been killed? Had they actually managed to wipe out a whole generation of muggleborn witches and wizards? He knew that many children had been murdered. Mercilessly and gruesomely.

He put down the list and closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths and scratching his forearm.

Parents and their children had been killed in his presence and he had done nothing to stop the madness. He had emotionlessly followed orders, forsaking his humanity and morals, if he had ever had such.

The pictures flooded his mind suddenly and without warning. They tortured him, and long gone sounds echoed in his head. Mothers weeping over their babies’ dead bodies in their arms; fathers begging to be killed whilst kneeling in their families’ blood.

His mind was too loud and he could do nothing to shut it up. How long had he ignored his silenced his demons, and now he couldn’t stop them from resurging. He felt like ten years of ignorance were suddenly breaking upon him. 

When it happened he nearly indulged in it. He felt like he deserved it. His memories where the punishment for all that he had done.

Hermione could say whatever she wanted, but he knew the darkness was in him. It had always been there. It had driven him towards the Dark Lord as a young man, and it had been irreversibly burnt into his flesh and soul when he had accepted the Dark Mark. He felt it burning in his veins, like black acid killing everything inside him.

Severus scratched himself violently and wept quietly when he slowly rolled up the sleeve of his shirt and removed the glamour he had put over his forearm.

It was an awful sight. A large chuck of flesh was missing and the scarred tissue was grained with black magic. His whole body was filled with it.

He didn’t want it, he had no more room in his body for it. He had touched the divine purity of life with these tainted fingertips, and he fell into a frenzy at the thought of how he had besmirched the white innocence of love with his darkness.

A loud, bitter sob escaped his mouth. He needed to get rid of it. He needed to get it out of his body and life.

He opened the drawer of his desk and took out a knife. He had remembered it was there, as if it had been yesterday that he had put it there. 

Severus entered a trance that he hadn’t been in for many years. His demons danced in the flickering fire of his memories, and his body was trembling in desperation as he started cutting black patches of flesh out of his arm.

_Oftentimes people will hurt themselves and you might not even notice that someone close to you suffers and feels like self-harm is the only way to cope._

_Sometimes you will find out about it and you will think: What? You/He/She/They? They don’t seem like the person to hurt themselves. That came out of nowhere. They can’t possibly have a reason to do it._

_Please, if someone suffers so much, that they think self-harm is the only thing that helps, you are not the person to decide whether their actions are justified or not. People go through things that we cannot even imagine. Some people will go through the same thing but it affects each person differently._

_Please, please, please. If you know someone who hurts themselves, or if you suspect it, don’t make them feel like their pain and actions are unjustified or an inconvenience. YOU are not in the position to decide that for them._

_You are however in a position to listen, be thoughtful and attentive. They might not talk about their experiences and feelings. That is why it is so important to be informed about this topic. It is rarely obvious!_

_I wanted to show with this chapter, that self-harm is a coping mechanism, and people often state that they know when to stop, BUT cutting can cause severe injury or death. By helping someone address their self-harm problems, you might be the person to open up a door to resolve issues that reach far deeper than what is visible._

_Acknowledge the person’s pain, talk about it, tell someone if you suspect it, be kind and helpful._

_Please. It is so important._


	24. Chapter 24

UNCONDITIONLLY – BETH

Hermione had really enjoyed the evening. She had been annoyed with Severus after he had left the staff room, but the company of her friends had taken her mind of it.

Ron and Penny had left early to pick up their daughter from Penny’s parents, but George had stayed on and she always enjoyed the witty banter with him. Hagrid hadn’t seen the older Weasley boy in ages and listening to the two of them arguing over the quality of different firewhiskey brands was a delight.

“What are you up to tomorrow?”, Neville asked her as they walked back up to the castle in darkness.

“I agreed to help Severus sort out the Potions lab”, she said.

She didn’t know if that was happening after his mood earlier that evening, but she would still go and check on him.

“Would you please stop calling him that!”, Neville wailed.

“It’s his name”, Luna commented lightly. “And they like one another.”

“That is a mystery to me anyway”, Neville exclaimed.

Hermione felt blood rushing into her cheeks. Sometimes she wished Luna wasn’t as perceptive as she was.

“Anyway…”, she said quickly, before they could go further down the road of who liked whom and why. “I don’t know how long that will take, but I am sure I’ll be free at some point. Do you have plans?”

“Oh, no. Not particularly. I am growing this massive Wiggentree. It takes up a lot of room and I was wondering if there was the possibility of an Extension Charm in one of the greenhouses. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow. Any time before the start of term suits, if you’d like to have a look at it.”

“Sure, an extension can be arranged quickly. I’ll meet you at the greenhouses tomorrow after dinner.”

They reached the castle and Hermione went for her own rooms. She wanted to see if Severus was still cranky, but she’d make sure not to taunt his temper again. She would wait until the castle had completely quieted down before she went into the dungeons.

Flinging herself onto the sofa, she wondered if she should maybe just stay in her rooms tonight. She knew that she had been careless in the way she had acted, but it didn’t justify his harsh reaction. On the other hand, she knew that that’s how he coped when he felt uneasy. She just didn’t understand what made him feel that way.

In her eyes his worries were slightly irrational, and she wondered if he just used them as an excuse not to be public with her. Yes, there was the chance of gossip and bad tongues, but that would calm down. When Luna had got the transfiguration post, people had talked about her and had made up stories about how she had only been accepted because she was Neville’s partner. It was natural: if there was nothing to talk about, people simply made something up, so they could talk.

_You’re doing him injustice. He wouldn’t deny you._

She knew he was truly worried. But whatever she said couldn’t change his mind and it frustrated her. She felt like shouting out her feelings into the world. Of course, she wasn’t going to do that, she knew better than that. But if she was completely honest with herself, she also didn’t want to deny it if anyone would find out about them.

Either way, she didn’t believe that they had to hide every interaction between them. Everyone knew Hermione had visited him in France and that they got along well. She didn’t want to have to think about it all the time. 

There was no problem about discretion. As much fantasies as she had had about them kissing in hidden alcoves or doing _other things_ on potion workbenches, she wouldn’t be that indiscreet. They were both professionals, and it didn’t agree with her pedagogical and moral ethos to behave in such a manner. They wouldn’t display their feelings here at Hogwarts in front of everyone, it was neither of their characters to do so and there was generally no need for it.

But in the end, she knew that he was right. She shouldn’t be seen wandering around the dungeons late at night without any official reason to be there. When she thought about it logically, she realised once more that Severus only meant well.

And she was behaving like a love-drunken, sulky teenager that wasn’t allowed to have a sleepover with her boyfriend.

She sighed heavily and flicked her wand to boil some water for tea. She had been careless, speaking to him in such a private manner in front of other people. She was sure nobody had heard their exchange, but she had acted wrongly. And she had been annoyed with him for no justifiable reason.

She hated being wrong. It made her bitchy and sulky, but he deserved an apology. Crookshanks jumped onto her lap and rubbed his head against her arm.

“What do you think, Crooks?”, she asked the Kneazle and fondled him behind his ears. “Shall I go and apologise, but risk being told of for running around the dungeons, or shall I wait until tomorrow and risk him being even moodier by then? There is just no way to know, is there?”

The cat jumped of her lap and left her chambers. Hermione laughed quietly and got up to pour herself some tea.

Around eleven o’clock she decided to leave her rooms and make her way into the dungeons. She put on her teaching robes, just in case someone saw her. She would simply pretend to return something to Severus’s office.

It was cold down there and when she reached his office door, she was surprised that there weren’t any wards stopping her from entering. She could feel that there was magic in place and she wondered if he had deliberately made sure that she could enter.

_Oh, gods. You’re such a goat, Hermione._

He wanted her to be able to come. Of course, he did. He had said so on several occasions, and although he repeatedly reminded her about not being seen in the dungeons, he had never actually said, that she shouldn’t come.

_You stupid, stupid goat._

She entered his office. She hadn’t even reached the door to his chambers yet, when she heard someone bitterly crying.

All blood left her face at the sound. It was Severus.

She had never heard anything like it. It was a quiet, petrifying sound, but it echoed off the walls around her. Her throat was getting tight and she could barely swallow.

What had happened?

She knew he had experienced things beyond her imagination but hearing a sound such as he was making now made her realise how little she actually knew. She knew nothing of his pain.

Standing in front of the door, she didn’t know what to do. She felt the desperate need to comfort him, hold him in her arms and rock him like a child, but would he accept it? If she entered his rooms now, would he shut down or snap? Did he want her to be with him in such a private moment?

_He loves you._

But he was unpredictable, especially when he was vulnerable.

_You love him._

She had to be with him. If she didn’t at least try to comfort him, she’d never forgive herself. Even if he ended up chucking her out of his rooms, she had to try and be with him first.

The crying had quieted down. Did he realise she was there?

Her hand was shaking when she softly knocked on the door, she felt as if all his pain had taken over her as well.

No answer.

“Severus?”, she called his name. She wanted him to know that she was here before she entered his rooms.

She heard a couple of chocked, quiet sobs. It pierced her heart and she could feel how her jaw started chattering.

She quietly and slowly opened the door. It was dark in his rooms. The only light came from the moon shining through the large window in the living room. Severus sat huddled up in a chair at his desk. She couldn’t see much in the moonlight, but his head was hanging down and he had gone silent.

She walked slowly towards him, not being sure what to do. It was the most haunting thing she had ever seen in her life. It went through her body into her bones and her heart ached more that she would have ever thought possible. If she couldn’t stand his agony, how should he?

“Sev?”, she said quietly.

He started crying again. Hermione thought she would never survive the pain this sound inflicted in her. It was like acid running through her veins, entering her heart and burning it.

She could see him rubbing his arm violently and utmost fear began to choke her. Was it his Dark Mark? What had happened?

“Make it go away!”, he sobbed. His begging tone was unbearable. “Please…”, he wept. “Make it go way.”

She had been frozen at the sight and sound of him, but now she rushed over to where she sat and knelt down in front of him.

“Sev…” She took his hands. Why was he wet?

Then she could smell it. It was blood.

“Severus, what happened?”, she asked him quietly, trying to keep her voice calm. She was shaking but it wouldn’t help anyone if she lost her composure.

He didn’t answer but dropped his head and sobbed heartbreakingly. She flicked her wand to lighten up the room. What she saw sent jolts of fear and agony through her.

“Merlin, Sev…”

She chocked on her own words because of the tears that were welling up in her eyes. He was covered in blood, in his own fresh blood, and he kept on scratching a big open wound on his arm.

“Take it out!”, he wailed. “Take it out. Make it go away!”

She took his face into her hands, accidentally smearing some blood over his cheeks.

“Shh”, she tried to calm him down, her breath shaking. “Shhh, I’m here.”

He just cried ever more bitterly. Hermione started panicking. What had happened?

_Calm down. Reason. Calm down. What needs doing?_

She took a deep breath, the metallic smell of blood making her slightly sick. Blood. He needed blood.

“Where can I find blood replenisher, Severus?”

He started rocking in his chair, sobbing and violently scratching his arm.

“Shhhh”, she tried to comfort him again, taking his hand into hers to stop him from rubbing his fingers down onto his bone. She had never seen the scar but could guess from his current state that it had been pretty gruesome to start with.

“Sev, we need a blood replenisher. Where can I find it?”

There was no way she could get the information out if him. He was trance-like, begging her over and over to _make it go away_ and rocking himself back and forth, his voice going hoarse.

She pulled herself together and got up. She ruthlessly rummaged through all the drawers of his desk but couldn’t find anything. Next, she ran into the bedroom, going through the things in his bedside table and the cupboard, but nothing was there either.

When she returned to the living room, he had started to massacre his arm again. She only then spotted the small, bloody knife under his chair. He must have dropped it. It sent cold shudders down her spine. What had triggered him to do this to himself?

She knew she could check for potions in his lab, but she didn’t want to leave him alone and she also didn’t know her way around it. She hadn’t been there yet.

“I need help…”, she breathed, looking around the room desperately, as if a guardian angel would pop up out of nowhere. Then she had an idea.

“Winky?”, she called hesitantly. She didn’t know if the elf was still around, because she did religiously avoid calling for house elves.

Heavenly relief rushed over her when Winky appeared with a quiet plop.

“Winky is here to…”, the small elf said, but as she saw Snape, her eyes got bigger than tennis balls. “Master is hurt!”

“Winky”, Hermione said resolutely. “I need blood replenisher and essence of dittany. As quickly as possible.” She didn’t usually talk to elves in that tone, but she didn’t have time to argue with an elf that was upset over formalities.

Winky nodded quickly, her large ears flapping wildly, and a second later she disappeared. Hermione hurried back to Severus, kicking the knife from under the chair out of their reach, and kneeling down in front of him to hold his hands. She quickly scanned the surroundings. There were empty parchments and a quill on the desk beside him. The ink bottle was still open, and he hadn’t written a word. Next to the empty parchment was another piece of paper and she recognised the list of first year students.

“Please make it go away”, Severus croaked quietly through his dying sobs.

Hermine nodded violently. “Yes, we make it go away”, she reassured him, squeezing his hand and tracing her wand over his forearm to temporarily stop the bleeding.

She noticed that she was kneeling in some of his blood and wondered how long he had sat here like this. She wanted to beat herself for not coming here earlier because of the petty pride she had indulged in. What had cause him to do this?

“Tell me what to do”, she said quietly and slowly brought his hand to her mouth to softly kiss his knuckles.

“I can’t do… anything”, he wept and coughed. “Everyone… is dead.”

She caressed his cheek, wiping away his tears, but more of them were already running down his long nose.

Winky reappeared with a quiet pop and toddled over to them, handing Hermione two vials.

“Winky got blood and dittany, Missy. Winky wants to do more.”

“Thank you”, Hermione replied and uncorked the vials. “Can you please go into Professor Snape’s bedroom and get his dressing gown. Bring it to me and then prepare his bed so I can levitate him there.”

Winky immediately did as told. Hermione dripped the essence of dittany onto Severus’s arm and watched his skin reappear.

“All these children… I killed them all… and their mums and daddys…”

The words were barely understandable through all his tears. She knew that no matter what she said it wouldn’t help him in his current state. But she wanted to comfort him in some way.

“Not everyone is dead”, she said calmly, although she was trying hard not to shake, whilst dripping more dittany onto his arm. “All my friends are alive and that makes me very happy. All the teachers are alive; Minerva, Filius, Poppy, Hagrid…”

Winky came back to them, Severus’s dressing gown completely hiding her.

“Thank you very much for your help, Winky”, Hermione said.

“Winky’s honour, Missy.” The elf bowed down so far that her nose touched the floor. “Winky always needs to make sure Master Snape survives. It has been Winky’s work for many years. Please Missy, tell Winky to do more.”

Hermione wasn’t concentrated enough to think much about the elf’s comment.

“Will you please bring a hot drink as well as some cool water. And then it would be great if you can watch the dungeons and my own chambers for people and tell me if someone is looking for me or Severus.”

The house elf nodded and disappeared.

Hermione took a good look at Severus’s arm. The scarred skin was veined with black lines. She stroked it softly, but Severus whimpered at the touch.

“It doesn’t go away”, he croaked in agony.

“We’ll make it go away”, she reassured him once more. “Come on, let me help you up…”

“No”, he bellowed. “No…” He shook his head and sobbed dryly. “No help… help them… dead… I did… all dead…”

“Shh”, she tried to calm him down again.

With a flick of her wand she changed him into his dressing gown. Then she took his hands and quite forcefully pulled him up.

“Come, we go to bed”, she said.

As he was lying down, she propped up his pillow and sat down next to him

“Drink…”, she instructed him and pressed the vial with blood replenisher against his lips. The hot drinks she had asked Winky for were on the bedside table and she made Severus take a sip of the tea too.

He swallowed it without further complaint but wept quietly as he lied down. Hermione took off her robes and shoes and slid into the bed next to him.

“Come here”, she whispered and pulled him into her hug.

He accepted her tenderness, as if he was starved to death and it was his food. He clung onto her, wrapping his arm around her torso and burying his face in her chest. Hermione held his head with one hand and slowly stroke his back with the other. It was dark and cold, and Hermione wondered for a short moment if she could feel his thoughts.

“It hurts…”, he sobbed into her skin.

“What hurts?”, she asked him. She hoped that talking would help him. It did most of the time, but not always. It was worth the risk however, and he accepted it.

“I can see them and hear them. They’re in pain and I did nothing.”

His breath was heavy, and his fingers were digging into her side.

“It would have never happened if I wasn’t evil…”

“You’re not evil”, she tried to console him.

“I am evil, and my darkness drove me into this. It’s branded onto my body and into my soul… This mark… it’s my evil… I can’t get it away. It destroys everything… Everyone is dead… I am not even a person. I have never… I don’t even know what I believe in… I did things… there cannot be anything good… Ten years. I am still alive… everyone I have is dead… I kill people… Lily dead… Albus and Charity… mummy… people I don’t even know the names of. Children, babies… Mothers and fathers… I am a lie… I live their lives…”

He kept on going for a long time and Hermione didn’t stop him. She rocked him in her arms and listened carefully to what he said.

He had finally broken down under the weight of his past. From what he said she determined that he had bottled up all his thoughts and memories over more than three decades. And now they had crushed him. This iron man had melted under the heat of his past.

Hermione felt guilty. She had made him come here. She had been so obsessed with the idea of him being in England, that she had made him come. And now it had crushed him.

Of course, these surroundings would bring back his worst memories. She had done this to him. He had been happy in France and she had taken the happiness from him.

When he had stopped speaking for a while, she kissed his forehead.

“You’re a good person, Severus”, she whispered against his sweaty face. “We are all a mix of good and evil and we indulge in both, all of us do. But you have a good soul and a good heart, and you’ve been using it for so long now. Don’t let the past hunt you down. There is no redemption for evil deeds, but there is hope. And with every day that we defy evil and do good, we give so much hope and love to the world. You have done amazing things for this world. You are my hope and love, you give so much of it, Sev. More than any evil deed could have ever been. I love you, and life loves you, and there is hope for everyone.”

He didn’t reply but took a couple of deep, shaky breaths. She rocked him, caressed him, kissed his head and whispered words of love.

“What if the children know that I killed their parents?”, he breathed pained.

Hermione didn’t know what to say to that. There was nothing to say to that, and it was then that she fully realised where his agony came from. He had to live with these thoughts, and there was nothing anyone could do.

One cannot ever justify murder. One can only try to live with the burden. He was not only pained by the past, but also but also by his present. It was a wicked net woven inside of his head, past memories that fed present agony. The act of murder had pained him in the past and the guilt pained him ever since and for the rest of his live.

“You are the strongest person I know”, she said. “You will teach a new generation how to be strong and righteous. You will help many, many young children to become good and great people.”

He sobbed another time, quietly and without any strength.

“I love you.” She whispered it to him, over and over again, until he fell asleep.

The next few days were tough on Hermione.

She wanted to know how Severus felt, but he was more solitary than ever. He did not dismiss her, neither was he hostile or grumpy, but he was quiet.

They had started to work on the wolfsbane project again, so she spent a lot of her time in the dungeons. Their research had attracted quite some attention with the staff at Hogwarts, so nobody was suspicious about Hermione being the second dungeon bat. They worked together in harmony, they read books in the evening and Hermione stayed in Severus’s chambers every night without any further discussion.

Occasionally, Hermione tried to dive into some research about his Dark Mark, but whenever he spotted her doing it, he came up with something else to make her stop. It drove her mad, and she resolved to work on it independently at a later stage, when they had fully entered the school term.

Severus showed her his love every day. They did not sleep with one another, but he showed her with small gestures how devoted he was. He combed her hair, he made her fresh tea when her cup had gone cold, and he let her wear his warm jumper when she shivered in his Potions lab. 

Hermione watched him fondle and talk to Crookshanks every morning when he woke up and the cat was lying across their feet, and she held Severus in her arms every night when he curled up beside her, resting his head against her chest and listening to her heartbeat.

But he was quiet. His mind was loud, she could literally hear the buzzing of his thoughts when they were in one room, but he did not talk about much.

She did understand his silence, but it was tough on her. Her natural instinct was to want to know. She wanted to know what was going on inside him. For once in her life she was absolutely clueless what was going on.

He seemed worried, yet not upset. He seemed thoughtful, yet determined. He was a closed book to her, yet she could feel how much he needed her to be by his side.

Hermione went along with it, she did not question him, she did not push him. She cradled him, the small boy Severus, that had had to learn and accept the injustice of the world too early in his life and had just got on with it.

What he really needed was therapy, Hermione thought. But even the idea of that was unimaginable. A muggle therapist couldn’t help much, as they would have to be obliviated after every session, making progress impossible. And wizarding therapists were not a thing.

Why were there no magic therapists?

She had done the harm to him, she needed to be the one to help him. And she would do everything in her mortal power to help him cope with his demons.

It was the Saturday before the students would arrive at Hogwarts and last year Hermione, her friends and even some of the other staff members gathered at Hagrid’s for the last legal round of drinks before the start of term.

However, this year Hermione didn’t feel like going. She did want to have a good time with her friends, but the last time she had done that, she had returned to the scenario that now caused her nightmares.

She had watched Severus over the past couple of weeks, and it hurt her very being. When they walked down the corridors, she saw the ever-present pain in his eyes, but much more than before. When they joined the other staff members in the Great Hall for meals, she watched him getting rigid and cold. His jaw was constantly clenched, and the deep crease between his eyebrows, that she hadn’t even noticed vanishing, was back and even more present than before.

He suffered.

And she felt guilty about it.

She had made Severus leave his wonderful life in France behind and come to England. She had turned up and decided that he needed to be back, and now that he was back, he suffered. Guilt ate her from the inside out and when they were reading through some articles in the early afternoon of that day, she had to say something to him.

“If you would rather be back in France, I can understand that.”

Severus lifted his head and looked at her confused. She bit her lip and lowered her head.

“I am sorry for making you come here”, she said.

Severus closed his article and leaned forward onto his arms.

“Are you mental?” His soft voice stood in stark contrast with his words.

“I am not blind, Severus”, she said sadly. “I caused you pain.”

“And when would that have been?”, he asked her, laughing softly. “Please enlighten me.”

“By making you come here and…”, Hermione glanced over at his desk. “That night…”

Severus sighed heavily.

“Hermione…”

He looked at her sternly, his black eyes fiercely boring into her brown counterparts.

“Out of all the things that happened in my life, you are the most precious thing. You did never cause me pain, not one time.”

“But I made you leave everything behind and…-”

“And I am grateful for that. Hermione, listen…” He turned slightly in his chair to fully face her. “I am finally a free man.”

“You were free in France…”, she returned sadly.

“No, I wasn’t. Maybe in their legal system, but not here and not mentally.”

She took a heavy breath. “You didn’t seem very… mentally free… the other night.”

Hermione noticed how he studied her calculatedly.

“I wasn’t”, he said after a while.

He looked at her with an expression she hadn’t seen before, and she didn’t understand what he was trying to say. It seemed like a mixture between regret and happiness, pain and gratitude, hate and love.

But before she could further analyse it, his face had the typical teacher-expression on it again, and for a moment Hermione was thrown back in time, thinking he’d chastise her. When he spoke, she realised that he very carefully chose his words and that they didn’t come easy.

“I was not free then, and maybe I shall never be. They are heavy, Hermione, the memories. I never dared fully discovering it. I blocked it all out, to survive. What happened that night… I didn’t have any control over it. Yes, being here might have triggered it, but you know what else I have here?” He looked at her, seemingly expressionless, but he had that warmth in his eyes that was nearly undetectable if one didn’t know it could be there.

“You. You are here for me, and…”, he searched for words. “… it is all I need. You were there with me, and it was good. I didn’t feel alone. I felt alone all my life and I never could nor wanted to share the burden. I do still not want to share it. I do not want to weigh you down with it. But you were there, I did not feel forsaken, when in the past I have always been alone with the pain and the shame and the guilt…”

Hermione smiled at him sadly.

“You wouldn’t have felt this way had you not been here…-”

“Hermione!”, he cut her off resolutely. “ _I_ wanted to be back here in this castle, in these rooms, in this part of the world for such a long time. I will not discredit the trust and work you put into this, by fleeing back to France after a tiny, self-pitying incident.”

She looked at him taken aback.

“ _A tiny… self-pitying_ …?”

Was that really what he thought?

“Sev…”, she said breathily. “That’s not what it was. I don’t want you to go through hell just because you think I would take offense at you changing your mind. For Merlin’s sake…”

She leaned back and looked at him with bog eyes.

“Severus, I… gods… Sev, if you don’t want to stay here… that is completely understandable and…”

“Stop it, Hermione!”, he suddenly barked, and she flinched and went quiet. “I want to be here, with you!”

He looked at her sternly, but the heat in his eyes betrayed his innermost thoughts.

“I love you and I need you. I could not bear life without you. Yes, I am here because of you. Yes, you made me come here. Yes, I had no choice in this.”

Hermione swallowed hard.

“Because I love you, and I decided that I would rather face the ghosts of my past than risk not being with you. I need you Hermione, I love you, you captivate me, and I am at your full mercy.”

She had never heard him like this, carried away by his feelings. It was an elementary force, the love of Severus Snape. His words and the essence of his being caused the air around them to grow thick with heat. His mental and spiritual presence eclipsed the rest of the world, and Hermione was captivated by only the little glimpse of the sheer power he emanated. She could feel her throat go dry and tight.

“You made it possible for me to overcome every hurdle, every burden and every pain that stopped me from doing so. You help me, you are the love and reason behind all of my being.”

He took a deep breath, looking at his desk.

“I faced my demons, and where everyone else, including myself, had fought them, denied them existence and judged them, you caressed them, loved them and accepted them as if they were angels from above. Merlin, Hermione…”

He rubbed his eyes with his hands.

“You are the world to me. No, the world is nothing compared to you. If the world were to burn in the fires of hell, I would still be looking for you.”

He looked at her desperately.

“Please, never ever make such a statement again. I would never want to be anywhere else than here with you.”

Hermione tried to supress it, but a loud sob escaped her and she started crying. She did neither know nor care if it was happiness, worry or love that caused her outbreak. Maybe it was a confluence of it all. Severus got up and pulled her into a loving embrace.

“Now, pull yourself together and stop that nonsense”, he said softly. “You have to finish these calculations for me, before we go to Hagrid’s.”

“Wh-… what? You w-want to go?”, she asked disbelievingly with still a slight tremor in her voice.

“Only for one drink”, he said. “Or they might get notions about me being socially active.”

She laughed quietly, wiping the tears of her face.

“What a vulgar suggestion.”

Although they had a very enjoyable time at Hagrid’s, Hermione was thinking about Severus’s words for the remainder of the evening.

She knew Severus well by now, and he might have been mysterious and unreadable for everyone else, but it wasn’t difficult to grasp for Hermione that he had second thoughts about being at Hogwarts.

As vehement as he had been in his statement, Hermione had a funny feeling about it. Would he settle in? Would he be able to get over his past? Did he only want to stay, because he thought it was the only way of being with her?

She felt like she needed to talk about it to him again but knew immediately that he would simply not have it.

How should she proceed? Should she proceed at all? Would she just mess up things again?

But she thought it concerned her as much as him.

For now, she decided to watch how things would unfold.


	25. Chapter 25

RUNNING WITH THE WOLVES - AURORA

Severus was in a terrible mood when he walked into the Great Hall on the first of September. Hermione had been given the task of receiving the first years in the courtyard and she had left a few moments ago.

He was nervous. After dinner he would have to go to the Slytherin common room and introduce himself to the house. And there would be no Hermione to hold his hand. As ridiculous as it sounded, it was true. He had never had anyone holding his hand, and he had never thought that he would have needed it, but when she did he felt as if he couldn’t only take on the world, but conquer it in its entirety.

However, Slytherins were not the world. Slytherins were their own breed, and Severus of all people knew that best. They would know who he was and they would have an opinion on it. There was not much that he could do about it. Additionally, one of his prefects was Andrew Finley. Two more of them were students with ex-Death-Eater parents, one of them a girl named Norma Avery. He didn’t know her.

He walked up to the staff table and even the prospect of sitting next to Longbottom felt more tolerable than having to face his house later. Although, as soon as he saw the boy he felt like vomiting. Hermione would sit on his other side, but that didn’t really improve his mood at the moment.

“Snape.”

“Longbottom.”

The way they greeted one another spoke volumes. The staff was overall not hosting a lot of enthusiasm about Severus’s presence. He probably hadn’t done much to improve this by hiding in his potions lab for the past two weeks.

“You don’t always need to send Hermione to me if you want something from the greenhouses”, Longbottom suddenly addressed him. “You can just get it yourself.”

Severus gave him a sneery glance.

“I assure you, it is with deepest regret that I have to deny that gracious offer of yours”, he drawled. “But I simply cannot stand to interact with you, not even for ingredients.”

Longbottom looked positively terrified and it pleased Severus. Some things never changed.

“Well…”, the younger man said, coughing slightly and trying to hide his nervousness. “I can only return that statement.” He got bright red, clearly surprised at his own boldness. “But the greenhouses are open and I trust in your ability to handle the plants with the necessary care. If you need something, go and help yourself to it.”

Severus raised an eyebrow, looking condescending and cold, but was actually quite taken by the boy’s offer. No herbology professor had ever offered him free reign in the greenhouses.

“Thank you”, he said brusquely, and it was blatantly obvious that he was not used to saying these words at all. Why it was Longbottom of all people who made him utter them was a mystery to himself.

The Great Hall slowly started to fill with students and Severus straightened in his seat. He carefully watched everything that was happening and nearly felt as tense as he did when the war was still raging. There was no need to be thas strained, and he knew it, but the feeling wouldn’t leave him.

The Slytherin table was sparsely populated, but that didn’t surprise him. Hermione had told him that their numbers had decreased drastically. However, what did surprise him was the fact that his students seemed to interact with students of other houses without any rivalry or nastiness between them.

Hermione had mentioned that old Slughorn had done a good job, but Severus was still impressed. There had never been harmony between the houses when he had been here. Of course, he hadn’t done very much to promote interhouse-friendships when he was Head of Slytherin. That would have probably cost him his head. But even when he was a student himself, a Slytherin had rarely been seen together with anybody from another house. He had talked to Lily, but he had been bullied mercilessly for it. By both houses.

He sighed inwardly, and got up. He did it as discreetly as possible, but if you were Severus Snape there was no way to escape the scrutinising glances of everyone around you. Luckily for him, the students didn’t know him, so it was only some of the older pupils and the staff members that followed his movements as he walked down the side to the Slytherin table.

“Professor Snape”, the young boy who Severus walked towards greeted him and got up.

“Mr Finley, would you please introduce me to the other prefects.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you for making me prefect, Sir. My grandmother was delighted”, the boy said. “And so was I, of course.”

“Don’t thank me, Mr Finley. I haven’t been here to make the decision. I will pass on your thanks to the headmistress and Professor Slughorn.”

It had always been important to Severus to be on good terms with his prefects. During his first tenure that was mainly due to the fact that he quite often had to leave the castle at night, and he simply needed responsible students to be in charge. He had also avoided talking to most of the students in his house, simply because their parents were fellow Death Eaters. He hadn’t chosen a single Death Eater child ever to become prefect, until Draco Malfoy. But that was a whole different story.

Now he wanted to be on good terms with them, because it was important to him for no other reason than goodwill. He wanted to be on good terms with all of his students. They were children without parents, teenagers that had lived their early years in dark times. And not to seldomly, they had seen their parents’ bodies drop dead.

Severus clenched his jaw to control himself. There was no point to go down that road now. He forced a weak smile onto his face, when two girls walked up to him behind Mr Finley.

“You must be Misses Avery and Walter”, he greeted them. “Who is who?”

“Norma Avery, Sir”, the taller one of them both said. She was skinny, had straight brown hair and a quite stern face for a girl of her age.

“Year?”

“Seven, Sir.”

He nodded once in acknowledgement.

“Why are there only three of you?”, he asked.

He knew that there should be six prefects for each house, two per year from year five upwards.

“We are the smallest house. The ratio prefect to remaining students is the same as in the other houses, and I am Head Girl”, Miss Avery answered.

She seemed to be the mouth of the group and he didn’t mind it. She was straight forward, yet polite, although he couldn’t ignore the sober and somewhat cool character the girl had.

“Make sure that the students remain in the common room after dinner and don’t retire to their chambers just yet. I will join you and introduce myself”, he explained to them.

“Yes, Sir”, the three of them replied in unison.

“What will you be teaching, Professor?”, Miss Walton asked him suddenly.

“Potions.”

“What about Professor Haywood?”, another boy sat at the table behind them chipped in.

“You name?”, Severus asked in his coolly drawling signature tone.

“Jeremiah Rosier, Sir.”

Severus hid the shudder that run down his back well.

“The headmistress will explain the changes to staff once the sorting ceremony is over”, Severus replied to him.

He felt uncomfortable, but he didn’t show it, as he continued chatting to his students. They were surprisingly open and friendly towards him, not at all what he had expected.

He didn’t know it, but it was an endearing sight. He stood in between his students, his hands tightly crossed behind his back and his shoulders rigid, but he engaged with them nonetheless. He asked them questions and he listened to their answers. There were cool glances from some of the older students and curious glances from the younger ones.

When he noticed the headmistress entering the Great Hall, he made his way back to the top table and sat down in his seat.

Minerva gave a short speech that introduced the first years and when the huge doors of the Great Hall opened, Severus forgot to breath for a moment.

_Merlin, what a woman._

His face gave away nothing of his thoughts, but he could have looked at Hermione walking down between the house tables over and over again.

She was in her usual teaching robes, the dark purple ones that made the hair in her bun look so golden. He knew that the flickering light of the candles made her eyes look like chocolate. Of course, he couldn’t to see it from where he was, but it was enough to be able to imagine it.

She had the Sorting Hat squeezed under her arm and held the parchment with the student’s names rolled up in her hands. Her stride was determined, yet she radiated such softness. Her posture was unyielding, yet her face was the definition of kindness.

As she reached the top table, she flashed him a bright smile. He got jealous immediately, when her eyes also wandered to the rest of the staff, before she turned around and propped the Sorting Hat up on its chair.

The ceremony and dinner were overall a bearable affair. Hermione and Neville were chatting with one another over his head, and strangely enough he found himself in conversation soon with Septima, who sat next to Hermione. After a while of bending and stretching necks, he and Hermine decided that they would swap seats from the next meal onwards. Severus rejoiced childishly at the prospect of not having to sit next to Longbottom anymore.

Very much to his bewilderment, all four of them, Hermione, Septima, himself and nuisance Longbottom soon started to talk about the wolfsbane project. First, they had only talked to Septima, but Longbottom had chipped in fairly quickly.

“A friend of Luna has given me wolfsbane younglings. I could dedicate one to research.”

Severus looked at him with a raised eyebrow, but Hermione spoke before he could make a snide remark. Not that he had planned one.

“That would be amazing, Neville. Severus and I were thinking, if one could capture the transfigurational magic of the whole moon cycle…-”

She started to explain what they were looking for and Severus was genuinely impressed by Longbottom’s knowledge. Septima added a useful thought here and there and they were soon so caught up in the matter, that Severus barely realised how much he enjoyed talking to all of them. For a moment he even forgot that he hated Longbottom.

However, the first couple of weeks of teaching were pure hell. It didn’t take Severus very long to reclaim the position of most hated teacher, although he was nowhere near as bad as he had been during his first tenure. He was just as strict and he could be just as venomous, but the lack of two megalomaniacs kicking him around made him overall a much better teacher.

But he was still not pleasant, although equally unpleasant to all of them, now that he didn’t have to favour Slytherins any longer.

He gained back his reputation quickly, the bat from the dungeons, the greasy git. It did not bother him, if anything he rejoiced in it.

What really troubled him was that he could see _their_ faces everywhere. The children sometimes couldn’t even remember their parents, yet Severus recognised features and habits in them, that they had clearly inherited.

Norma Avery looked like her mother, who was locked up in Azkaban alongside her husband. Jeremiah Rosier was as bad at potions as his father, and Anne Blackburn, a half-blood student from Hufflepuff, got as nervous as her muggleborn father when she had to read out in class. She also had the look in her eyes that you get, when you see your parent being murdered. Severus had not been there, but he had to witness Bellatrix Lestrange’s sickening joy at New Year’s Eve, where she had explained in great detail how she had done it.

It tortured him, every day. As a resort, Severus slipped back into his old coping mechanism of being spiteful.

Despite all of that, he was a good teacher and there was no questioning it. He had become much better with recognising individual student’s weaknesses and was willing to support them according to their needs. He was still pettily churlish, but it was his way of making them detail oriented brewers. The students did well in his class and they behaved under him. One look from Professor Snape made them stand in a straight line and follow every instruction. And the first years still pissed themselves.

He sometimes couldn’t help returning to his old teaching persona, but in his defence, he was only unpleasant when they deserved it. Which was most of the time. Because they were dunderheads.

He wondered what life could have been like if it had been normal. He could have studied and become a professor at a later stage. He could have been a successful potioneer and later a good teacher, instead of trying to teach students when he was barely out of Hogwarts himself and traumatising several generations with his helpless and therefore cruel teaching methods.

The only reason he had this detestable teaching persona was that he had needed a way of executing power in his classroom when he had been only a few years older than his students. Being condescending and harsh had seemed like the easy way out and it had manifested itself since then.

Hermione’s thirty-first birthday was a Saturday, and although they could not leave for the weekend, Severus agreed to go to Hogsmeade with her.

They walked down the path through the main gates and once they came to the Shrieking Shack he noticed that Hermione eyed him closely. He tried to show her, that he was alright. “I am surprised they haven’t torn the old hut down yet. They can’t possibly have any use for it anymore”, he said casually, looking at the Shack.

“I wish they had. It is just horrible…” Hermione shuddered, although it was a warm September day, and he wondered if she was thinking about the Battle of Hogwarts… and him dying. To his surprise he was absolutely calm.

“I am sorry”, she added.

Severus sighed deeply. “Will you every stop that bothersome habit?”

She looked at him bewildered.

“Merlin, you are sorry for things that are so far from your impact… And thinking logically, you cannot actually be sorry for it, because you didn’t do anything.”

Hermione furrowed her eyebrows. “I am sorry on your behalf, for what has happened to you and for what others have done to…-”

“And that exactly is where the mistake is. You cannot apologise for what others have done. Therefore people misuse the word sorry”, he said.

“I don’t agree”, she said heatedly. “The word sorry stand for much more than an apology. It can express compassion and…-”

“I don’t need you or anyone to be sorry for me”, he snapped.

Hermione took a deep breath and discreetly touched his hand.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

Severus looked at her coolly, but his eyes softened very soon. He hadn’t meant to be snarky. It was just such a weird sensation. He looked at the Shack and felt absolutely calm. He had died in there. Nearly. Yet he didn’t want anybody to be sorry about it.

In fact, it had been a most pleasant experience. He would never say that to Hermione of course, or she would get upset. But dying had been a relief, at that point in his life.

At first, he was anxious and frightened. He hadn’t finished his job, Potter hadn’t known what to do yet. But then the three of them had turned up, as if they had known that he needed Potter to be there. And he had given his memories away.

After that the whole process had been rather relaxing. Probably because he had lost so much blood by then. But it had been soft and gentle, like falling asleep just a bit too quickly. In that moment he had thought he had finally been released from the terrors of his life. He had awaited death eagerly and he had thought he was leaving peacefully.

But now? Now he knew that he hadn’t been peaceful. He had been tormented and it had simply been the end of his pain. But dying when you are at your lowest is not a release. It is a punishment for your aching and tormented soul, because it will never experience peace.

How could your soul possibly be at peace after death when it had never had the chance to come to rest, it had never experienced the feeling of being loved, it had never lied calm under a happy surface?

No, it had not been peaceful. His death had simply been an amplified version of his life.

Now he was happy that it had not been his death, and looking at the Shack simply reinforced that feeling. It fortified his will to live, his will to experience love, and it reminded him of how different his live was now. If he were to die today, he would feel entirely different. He loved and he was loved, he dreamed, he was breathing hope and enjoying the abundance of live.

They walked past the Shrieking Shack next to one another in silence. Only when they were nearly in Hogsmeade he started talking again.

“I am glad that you feel on my behalf, but I don’t want you to be upset. There is really no need for it. It cannot possibly do you any good.”

“No, it is a terrible sad feeling sometimes”, she said. “But seeing you happy and thriving and feeling that you are content and peaceful makes it all worth it. No sad thought in the world can outdo the happiness you provoke in me.”

He gave her only a short glance, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to resist her and he didn’t want anyone to spot them.

“I am happy”, he said. “And I love you.”

They had a stroll around some of the shops, and Hermione found a nice quill set at Scribbulus’s that she wanted to get. Severus insisted on getting it for her and made it part of his birthday present. The other part was another one of those magic notebooks that calculated her students’ grades, as well as a notebook with magical index keeping for her research.

“Let’s go in here”, he said when they arrived at the Three Broomsticks.

It wasn’t busy at all and they sat down at a table close to the bar. Some people eyed them apprehensively and whispered behind their hands, but Severus wasn’t bothered by it. He was just ticking another point off his bucket list, after all.

When Madam Rosmerta appeared she stopped abruptly in her steps and held onto the countertop with one hand.

“By Merlin’s thrice-long beard”, she exclaimed breathily. “I never thought I’d see you in here again.”

Rosmerta looked at Severus warily, yet not hostile. He simply looked back emotionlessly and pulled his lips into a weak, ironic smile.

“Neither did I”, he drawled quietly.

“Well, glad to see you’re back”, Rosmerta commented brusquely. “Can I get you a drink?”

She was clearly uneasy and was looking from Severus to Hermione and back in disbelief.

“We’ll get two butterbeers”, Severus ordered brusquely and Rosmerta went off to get it for them.

They enjoyed their drinks and talked about some of the things Hermione had read in her new Charms Trilogy. She wasn’t entirely happy with the contents of the books, just as Severus had expected, and he started planting the thought of writing her own books into her head again.

She was vibrant and thrilled, her laugh rang like bells in his ears, and he soaked her in; her presence, her looks, her voice, all of her. However, he knew better than to give away his feelings in public and kept up his stoic and cold expression.

When they walked back up to the castle, he promised to join her and her friends at Hagrid’s for one drink in the evening. He was rather glad when he could leave again though, and once Hermione came back later that evening, they had an enjoyable night in Severus’s chambers.

A day later however, their little trip to Hogmeade had made the front page of the Daily Prophet and it had conjured another argument between the two of them.

“One could think that you have never met Rosmerta before”, he drawled at Hermione, whilst violently scratching out a whole paragraph of some third year’s essay.

“She is gossip incarnated.”

“First of all, that is not true and you know it”, Hermione snapped, arranging her fifth year’s essays in a stack. “Secondly, I haven’t done anything wrong, because if I had, you would have been the first one to tell me off right there, right then.”

She slammed the papers on the table in front of him.

“And thirdly, the article in the Prophet has been nowhere near as bad as you make it sound, and there is no need for your petty and annoying behaviour.”

“So you think it isn’t bad enough that I have the ministry and all of the Hogwarts staff breathing down my neck for being a convicted radical for the better part of my life, they now can also point with their fingers at me for… hang on, let me quote… _making advances at Britain’s most desirable bachelorette_ , _luring her into his dark and mysterious charm,_ and _making her fall for his tale of woe_?”

“For Merlin’s sake, you are being stupid and nonsensical on so many levels right now, I cannot even begin…”

Severus put down his quill and looked at Hermione haughtily.

“I know this might sound _stupid and nonsensical_ for someone of your kind”, he drawled and Hermione’s blood was dangerously close to boiling, “but can you simply be a little less Gryffindor and behave like a cultured, civilised witch and be less open with your display of _affection_ in public? I would like to keep my reputation.”

“Oh, because that reputation of yours is so stainless, right?”, she snapped at him waspishly, without thinking.

“Well, compared to your _glorious_ and _heroic_ public image, everyone must look like riff-raff”, he sneered mockingly.

Hermione looked at him for only a short moment, before she grabbed all her things of the desk and shoved them into her bag.

“I’ve had enough.”

“I am just asking you to be less obvious, and more aware of what people could interpret into your behaviour!”, he said fiercely and got up to stop her from leaving.

She just looked him coolly.

“If you say so. Would you prefer if I were as cold-hearted as you? That can be arranged. Goodnight.”

With that said, she slung her bag around her shoulders and left his rooms.

She avoided him for two full days, being as friendly to him as she would be to the other members off staff, but cold as ice when they were alone. It bothered him, but he was so hurt by her comment that he didn’t even go to look for her.

He knew he could seem stiff or emotionless, but he had tried everything to not be like that towards her. Everyone else could think of him what they wanted, but he didn’t want her to think he was cold-hearted. To hear her say it was to hear her criticise him, and he couldn’t cope with it. It made him feel inferior and insecure, and it made him doubt his worthiness of her.

The second night he spent alone in his chambers made him itchy. She usually always came to be with him, but she didn’t this time. He lay awake until four in the morning, thinking about her absence.

Severus knew from her behaviour that she wanted to make a point. She wasn’t more or less angry with him than she had been before, but she had indeed had enough. He knew someone needed to set the tone for their interaction at Hogwarts and his approach had clearly not gone down well with her. After thinking about it all morning, and barking at any student that dared to make a tiny mistake, he came to the conclusion that in fact, not even he himself liked his own approach anymore. This realisation made him even moodier and he deducted more housepoints than ever before.

He was still hurt by her comment and he wanted to prove her wrong. He was not cold-hearted, not at all. He was aflame for her, in his mind and his body.

When he had finished his last class he made his way to her office, knowing she had her office hours until nine that evening.

He felt on edge, as he walked down the moderately busy corridors. On the one hand, he was proud and hurt, on the other hand he was aching for her, emotionally and sexually. The latter set him off completely, as he felt like an idiot not being able to eclipse the pictures of her winding body in his mind.

He knocked on her office door, but she didn’t answer. She knew it was him, and it made his blood boil that she refused to answer the door. He clenched his jaw in anger and entered the room.

Hermione sat behind her desk, not lifting her head, which confirmed his suspicious that she was very much aware of him being there.

“What can I do for you?”, she asked coolly, as she carefully wrote something on a pupil’s paper.

He watched her, and although he loved it when she did her work, he suddenly felt such a rage. The way she used brown ink, because it was ‘ _less aggressive’_ , the way she carefully phrased her comments and wrote them neatly next to her student’s writing, because it was ‘ _more supportive’_ … she had kindness and love for everyone in the world, and he wanted it from her most in this very moment.

He had no idea what was wrong with him, but he was angry, and ardent, and passionate, and filled with desire, all at once, and when she lifted her head and looked at him passively, something switched in his brain.

_He wanted her now and he wanted her hard._

_He felt the force of nature driving him nearly mad. Without any rational thought left, he flung the door shut behind him and locked it without so much as a wave if his wand._

_He didn’t even bother to come to a halt, as he opened the bottom half of his robes. He stormed across the room and quite literally attacked her. He pulled her out of her chair and swept her of her feet, using the momentum he’d gathered to carry her a few steps to press her against the wall._

_“Don’t you dare give me that look”, he snarled at her._

_Her face was in shock, but he did neither notice nor care. He took her chin into one hand, squeezing her cheeks and kissed her forcefully onto the mouth. She tried to breath hectically through her nose, as he grabbed her arse, before opening her trousers and pulling them over her hips._

_Without much ado, he moved the waistband of his own trousers down a bit and positioned himself under her with his legs apart. Then he picked her up roughly at her thighs and thrust his penis into her._

_She gasped loudly, but he immediately covered her mouth with his and growled against her._

_Each time he thrust into her he did so more forcefully. When high-pitched moans of pleasure started to leave her mouth, he lost the last of his control and moved her away from the wall onto the desk._

_He pulled his cock back out only to turn her around. Wrapping one arm around her, he bent over the table with her under him. She frantically tried to cling on to something and pushed some of her papers off the table, luckily missing the jar of ink that would have destroyed about three dozen essays. He grabbed her wrists and then shoved his hard erection back into her hotness from behind._

_“I want… you…. so much”, Severus panted into Hermione’s ear and she moaned in reply. With each word he thrust his hips against her arse._

_“Sev…”, she tried to say under him but gasped for air._

_Her robes were very easy to access and even easier to pull off. He kissed her wildly on her neck and exposed shoulders, moaning against her skin._

_He entered her again and again, it was raw, and they were like animals with one another. Hermione held his head close to hers with her hand and caught his bottom lip with her teeth. The resulting pain made Severus thrust heedlessly into her and she cried out in painful pleasure._

_When he felt the pain in his groin increasing, he placed his hand on Hermione’s clit to help her reach the peak too. When she started winding herself under him, everything in his brain shut down._

_“Tell… me…”, he growled. “Tell me… you want me too.”_

_“I do.”_

_“Tell me!”_

_“I…”, Hermione nearly chocked on the words, because she couldn’t breathe. “I want you! I…_ _Sev… Come! Now…”_

_Her last words where swallowed by their combined groans and he thrust all the way into her warmth. His legs and hips where moving uncontrollably as he jerked off and he couldn’t stop the deep rumbling cry that escaped his chest. His cock was twitching in a way he had never felt before. He held onto Hermione, whose hands were desperately clutching the edges of the table underneath them._

Once they were done, he immediately left her and pulled her up with him from the table. Her eyes were closed, and she felt limp in his arms. He kissed her neck softly and wrapped her up in a loving embrace. 

“Are you alright?”, he asked quietly. 

“I am now”, she said breathlessly, and he laughed into her ear. 

She turned around and slung her arms around his neck. She looked him in the eyes, and he thought he saw a fiery glint, but her tenderness held the upper hand. 

“I liked that.”

“Not too cold-hearted, no?”, she said with a shy expression in his eyes.

She kissed him softly and he grumbled against her lips. Then she slipped away from him and threw him a mischievous glance, before pulling up her trousers, picking up the essays and tidying her desk.

She did it so gracefully, nothing would have given away the recent encounter. Severus looked at her in adoration, he himself being utterly dishevelled.

“Is anything the matter with you?”, she asked cheekily, raising her eyebrows at him.

“I wonder if you chose those robes on purpose…”, he said, thoughtlessly staring at her. She had ink smudged over one cheek and for some reason it turned him on like mad.

“If you take me to your room, you can find out”, she said, subconsciously biting her lower lip.

“That can be arranged.”

She left the office and he followed her. A sly smile appeared on Severus’s face at the look of her rolling gait.


	26. Chapter 26

IT’S WHERE MY DEMONS HIDE – GAVIN MIKHAIL

After carefully studying all the students for over a month, Severus started to notice some peculiar things about his Slytherins. Many of them were dulled in their spirits, they were yea-sayers and lacked ambition. They didn’t want to beat their fellow students at anything and they were never arguing against anything. They were perfectly nice and adaptable, but they weren’t striving.

“It is not right!”, he bellowed one evening in October at Hermione, as they talked about it in her rooms.

“They’re Slytherins, but I can’t see a single Slytherin trait in them. It is as if it was beaten out of them.”

Hermione put a stack of essays on her desk and turned to Severus.

“I am sure nobody would beat out anything of them”, she said softly. “They’re too proud for that, but just think about it for a moment. The school has been very different when I was here and when you were here. Rivalry was expected and clear house classification was expected.”

She walked over to the sofa, sat down and beckoned him to join her.

“Wizarding society has changed since then. Houses and families are not arguing anymore over whose worldview is correct and whose isn’t.”

“It is not the worldview I am talking about”, he said heatedly. “Do you think I want them all to be pureblood worshippers again?”

“No, of course not.”

“It is the fundamental characteristics, Hermione.”  
She eyed him carefully.

“Gryffindors are still brainlessly daring…-”

“Thanks”, she huffed.

“Ravenclaws are still aloof bookworms and Hufflepuffs are still… well, Hufflepuffs.”

Hermione laughed at the fact that he couldn’t say anything bad about the house.

“Slytherin is barely a shadow of itself.”

He sank down onto the sofa next to Hermione. It upset him, even more than he cared to admit. Was he the bad person here for wanting them to be _proper Slytherins_? Was there such a thing?

“Why don’t you talk to one of your prefects or your Head Girl?”, Hermione suggested. “Miss Avery is a nice girl and she knows her house very well.”

Severus furrowed his brows at her. How did Hermione know? He didn’t think she’d chat about Slytherin house politics to Miss Avery.

Hermione pulled her legs up onto the sofa and tucked her feet under Severus’s thighs. As if she was reading his thoughts, she continued: “It is very obvious once you keep an eye on her. They look up to her and she might as well be Head of House. If you worry about anything Slytherin, she is the person to talk to.”

“How do you know?”, he wanted to know, sounding a little bit more snarky than he had intended to.

“I’ve watched her.”

“Why has nobody else told me this?”, he demanded to know.

“Because nobody else cares very much. Professor Slughorn was Head of House and Slytherin has integrated well under him over the past years. The staff are happy that there is peace in the school, so there is no reason for them to keep an eye on it.”

“And why did you?” Severus felt slightly defensive now.

“I didn’t actively. I just kind of noticed that she is quite the character.” Hermione shrugged her shoulders. “It’s not obvious, but don’t you sometimes get this hunch about a person?”

“No”, he replied bluntly.

Hermione rolled her eyes in reply, but smiled at him afterwards.

“Well, a hunch can be a good thing sometimes”, she said cryptically and Severus could see the familiar volcano bubbling in the depths of her eyes.

His senses immediately heightened.

“Is that so?”, he drawled.

“If it hadn’t been for a hunch I had about you”, she said softly, “we probably wouldn’t be where we are today.”

She moved around and crawled over to him, placing herself onto his lap.

“And what kind of hunch was that?”, he asked her, slowly moving his hands from her knees up to her hips.

“The first time we met in Geneva. In the café”, she started to explain. “You have been decisively vicious and snarky.”

“It is known to happen”, he returned sarcastically.

“Well, my hunch told me that you might not have been as opposed to seeing me as you pretended to be”, she said casually, but the heat in her eyes was nearly driving him mad.

As she lowered her face to kiss him, he stopped her by placing both his hands on her cheeks.

“I made you come to Arraxy”, he suddenly and unwillingly confessed.

She looked at him confused and he had to swallow down his nervousness. Why was he suddenly nervous?

“I saw your name”, he said slowly. “I read about your talk at the university. I wanted to know if it was really you. So I made Clemency go to your presentation.”

Hermione sank back a little bit. He could feel his heartbeat in his throat.

_She hates you now. You have finally managed to make her hate you. Congratulations, loser._

She looked at him completely dumbstruck.

“That is all I did”, he added quickly, tightening his grip desperately around her waist. “Meeting you the second day in Geneva was a coincidence. And I would have never influenced anythi…-”

She put a finger on his lips to shut him up. Severus looked at her apprehensively, but very slowly the most loveable smile appeared on her face.

“And here I was, thinking we have been fated to be together by the constellation of the stars at our birth, and Destiny, the warrioress, had fought her way through to us, beyond country borders and through decades.”

_She is being silly. And you’re totally in love with it._

He wrapped his arms around her torso and pushed her down onto the sofa to kiss her steamily. Her skin was hot under his touch, as he slid up her shirt and squeezed the soft flesh of her waist.

“I am glad you were looking for me”, she panted under him as he moved to kiss her throat.

He slowly pulled back and looked into her fawn eyes. The eyes that he couldn’t ever get enough of, the eyes that he wanted to look into every day for the rest of his life.

“I am glad you didn’t leave”, he replied.

Their intimacy was exciting that night. He started loving her on the sofa, slowly undressing her and paying attention to all her needs. He kissed her deeply, caressed her neck and every inch of her face.

“I love you”, he whispered, looking into her eyes. “I don’t know what I would do or be, if you had not stayed with me.”

“And I don’t know a reason why I shouldn’t have”, she simply replied.

He kissed her lovingly, but a feeling of desperation rose in him.

He would do anything do keep her by his side. He did not want to be without her, he could not be without her.

Could he live without her? No. He could exist, nourish himself and breath air. But he would not live without her. She had shown him how different life and existence were. She had given him a taste of life, fed him with her love. With her he was breathless, but he didn’t need air. He would breath and flourish in her divine glory.

Live was a gift and emotions were a treat, and she had shown him it. And once she left, live would leave him and he would return to shallow existence.

Yes, he could exist without her, be a shell that held a dark soul and an evil mind. But he could not live without her. 

“Stay with me”, he whispered, sounding more desperate that he wanted to. “Please.”

“I will, I would be mad not to.”

She looked at him softly, taking his face into her hands and kissing his cheeks and lips. “You are a wonderful… wonderful man, and I love you with all my heart.”

He kissed her deeply, soon wandering down her neck and resting his lips on her neck.

She had stopped covering her scars and he kissed the soft pink line than ran across her chest.

He loved her scars and for some odd reason they even turned him on. The scar he currently caressed with his lips was a testimony of her brilliance, the mind that he loved so ardently. At the young age of fifteen she had already been quick witted enough to avoid certain death by simply muting her opponent, a fully grown Death Eater.

The thin cut on her neck and the word etched into her arm where marks of her unwavering braveness, stamina and resilience. She was proud, she loved life, and she fought for what she believed in. She was the goodness and kindness of this world, and he would make sure she was aware of it every day for the rest of her live.

_His lips wandered down to her breasts and he sucked softly on her nipples. He stroke every inch of her with his long fingers, running them down her side over her hip and back up. He let his head wander further down her body, kissing her slightly toned abs, right under her sternum. As he let his tongue wander down the middle of her tummy, he moved his fingers to caress the inside if her thighs._

_Just as his mouth reached her pubis mound, he slid two fingers into her vagina. She moaned under him, and he licked her from her womanhood upwards to her belly button and back._

_When he finally teased her with the tip of his penis at her entrance, she groaned desperately and swung her legs around him, forcing him to fully enter her._

_It was sublime. The feeling of entering her was like coming home into his own kingdom of heaven every single time they had sex. He would never grow tired of it. He had been dead for decades and their physical passion was his resurrection. He needed it just like he needed her._

_She wound herself under him, pressing her body against his and pulling him closer to her. She kissed him hungrily, moaning against his lips and into his ear. She dug her fingernails into his back and it was painful, but he liked it. She was wild, and he rarely was like this with her. He did all he could think of to reciprocate her fire and passion; pinning her down onto the sofa, holding her hands tight above her head and chewing her nipples._

_As they got more desperate, he picked her up and carried her towards the bedroom, stopping halfway to press her naked body against the window, shamelessly ignoring the fact that anyone outside in the courtyard could see them if they looked upwards. It was late though, and the animal in him still listened to the logical part of his brain, telling him that nobody would be out there at that time._

_She sucked in some air through her teeth when her hot skin touched the cold glass, and he used the moment to mercilessly thrust into her. She gasped at the forceful movement, but immediately wrapped her arms around his body to make him continue._

_He could feel how she lost all her inhibitions, her legs started to twitch around his hips and her moans got louder. He pressed her heavily against the window and thrust into her over and over again, pushing her body down onto his cock with his arms._

_“Sev…”, she wheezed. “Sev, get... off the… window!”_

_He could feel that she was already close, and he did not care about anything she said. He wanted her to come violently, he wanted to hear her scream his name in pleasurable pain. Growling deeply into her ear, he buried his face against her head, leaning his forehead against the cold glass himself. He pushed her down onto his hard erection once more, burying himself deep inside her and then he started to circle his hips to create the friction on her clit that she needed to come._

_Her heavy breaths came irregularly and he could hear and feel her heartbeat. When short squeaks started to escape her mouth, he grabbed her thigh violently with one hand and moved his other one towards her butt, sliding a long finger down her cheeks and sinking it into her anus._

_A deep, animalistic groan came up from deep inside her chest and made her body tremble._

_“Sev, fu-…”, she gasped for air. “Se-…argh!”_

_She stopped breathing and threw her head back against the window as she broke over him._

_“Say it!”, he growled. “Say my name!”_

_He knew that she couldn’t possibly. He had her squeezed between himself and the window, she could barely breath, but he didn’t move away from her as he felt her walls clenching violently around him._

_When she relaxed around him, he kissed her hard onto the mouth and picked her up._

_“I am not done with you”, he said as he carried her upstairs into her bed. He had no idea how she had done it, but she had driven him mad with desire for her. All he could think off was to push into her over and over again until she was sore and would beg him to stop._

_They ignored time and space, making love in her bed all night; frantically, softly, passionately and lovingly. They took a bath at two o’clock in the morning and loved one another in the hot water. Hermione was riding him and he indulged in the sensations around them._

_His wish was fulfilled and she moaned his name in ecstasy, as she came on top of him, helping him massage her breasts with one hand and touching her own clit with the other hand. He spilt himself into her shortly afterwards._

_They slept for a few hours, but only until dawn, when Severus crept under the duvet to wake her in the most pleasant way. Wandering his tongue up her thighs and towards her womanhood, he noticed her waking up when he started sucking on her clit._

_“Come up here”, she moaned. “Don’t make me come again. I am already unable to stand through my classes today.”_

_He crawled up to kiss her breasts and finally her lips, but ignored her words and sank slowly into her, making her come softly, but not less passionately than any other time._

They were lying in each other’s arms for half an hour before they got up to start their day.

“You know what annoys me about teaching?”, Hermione said as she tied up her hair into a bun at the back of her head.

“Hm?”

He looked at her with raised eyebrows over the rim of his cup, that he was just drinking his coffee from.

“I am down by about fifty percent of my weekly orgasms.”

She said it in such a casual and sober manner, that Severus couldn’t help but choke on his coffee laughing.

She furrowed her brows at him. “Do you find that funny?”

“No, no”, he said quickly, but couldn’t hide a grin. “Not at all.”

She pursed her lips at him.

“It’s easy for you to laugh about it. You came once when I came three times then. And now you still come once when I come one time.”  
He grinned mischievously at her.

“As far as I can remember, you did not only come once last night”, he drawled in his most Professor-Snape like tone. “Neither… did I.”

“You know what I mean.” She smiled at him lovingly. “Anyway, the orgasms I get now all happen in one night, because most evenings we’re too tired. And I am unable to move for three days after a night like the last one.”

She sighed theatrically and he walked up to her and took her face lovingly into his hands.

“I shall be more tender with your delicate body the next time”, he said smiling. “But sometimes…”

He licked his lips subconsciously, then he cleared his throat and gave her a kiss onto the forehead. “I will be more thoughtful of your teaching schedule in the future.”

“No, that’s the wrong approach”, she shook her head and smiled at him. “I need you to be like this more often, so I get used to the workout.”

She kissed him tenderly, but sucked and bit his lip softly. It immediately send hot blood into Severus’s groin. A wicked smile adorned her face, as she picked up a stack of parchments.

“I shall be waiting for you in your rooms tonight”, she said. “Enjoy teaching today, Professor Snape.”

With that said she departed for her first class that day, and left him heated up as he was in her rooms.

“Thank you for seeing me, Miss Avery. Take a seat.”

Severus sat behind the desk in his office and nodded towards the chair opposite of him. Miss Avery did as told and politely waited for Severus to store away his unfinished essays. He really just did it to stall some time. Why the fuck was he so nervous about talking to a student?

_You are getting old and soft, mate._

“How is the term going for you?”, he asked her, folding his hands on the table and eyeing her.

“Very well, Professor. Thank you”, she answered politely, but as cold as he expected her to be.

“Which N.E.W.T.s are you taking?”

“Potions, Transfiguration, Charms and Herbology, Sir. I would like to study Alchemy after I am finished.”

“Why are you not taking Alchemy N.E.W.T.s then?”, he inquired.

“Not enough demand. Professor Ladice trains me and Matt Corcoran independently on a Saturday afternoon.”

Severus nodded. Mr Corcoran was a seventh year Ravenclaw who also was in his Advanced Potions class. He had now also finally found out the Classics professor’s name.

“I asked you here to talk to you about the Slytherin students”, Severus introduced the topic. “I hoped that you would have some insight as their Head Girl.”

“That depends on what you want to know, Sir.”

Severus looked at Miss Avery thoughtfully. He was certain she could have given him information on anything he wanted, but she was a Slytherin. She wouldn’t give it to him just because he asked, even though he was her Head of House.

“I do not want to know anything, Miss Avery”, he said soberly. “I would much rather tell you something.”

He leaned back in his chair and eyed his student carefully. Her face was expressionless, too expressionless. She had learnt to look like this and Severus knew it, because he had done the exact same. He also wondered if she also thought of him as the Death-Eater that he was.

“It is not a crime to be in Slytherin”, he said.

“We know that, Sir”, she replied coolly.

“It is also not a crime to portray Slytherin characteristics.”

She didn’t reply to that, but Severus knew she understood what he was talking about.

“If someone cannot distinguish ruthlessness from ambition, rogue from cunning, or segregation from fraternity, it is not our fault”, he stated calculatedly. “Will you pass that message on in an appropriate manner?”

Miss Avery assessed him, and he didn’t blame her. Her gaze was cool, but her eyes betrayed some of the thinking that was going on behind them.

“I will, Sir.”

He nodded once and spread out his essays in front of him again.

“Thank you, Miss Avery. You are dismissed.”

“Good evening, Sir.”

The girl left this office and Severus put down his quill. He hoped that he had planted the right thought in her mind and that she would return to him soon, to talk about the things he actually wanted to talk about.

He had the weird hunch, that Slytherins were acting un-slytherin-like on purpose, and he wanted to find out why.

The next couple of weeks passed rather uneventfully. However, when it came closer to Halloween Severus was starting to feel the familiar uneasiness that always haunted him around that time of the year.

For many years he had to deal with Dumbledore’s preposterous belief that Lily’s death alone caused Severus’s mood at Halloween, and whilst that wasn’t entirely incorrect, there was much more behind it.

Yes, he blamed himself for Lily’s death, but what bothered him just as much, if not even more, was the fact that it had marked the beginning of everything. It reminded him of his life, which he had hated ever since he could think.

It had begun so much earlier, when Lily had decided that she had enough of him, which retrospectively Severus could understand. He had been hateful and he had supported his friend’s anti-muggle and evil views. She had no longer been able to ignore his behaviour; he had demanded sympathy from her for being bullied, yet he had done exactly the same to others. He had been a hypocrite.

Lily had not friend zoned him, neither did she fall out with him because of James Potter. For years she had tried to convey to Severus that muggleborns were as much a part of the magical world as anyone, and that she wasn’t an ‘exception’, which he had always said, simply to not appear even weaker in front of his Slytherin-companions. And he had believed it then. It was all he had been exposed to. He hadn’t understood that the people that had finally accepted him, might not have been right in all their acting and beliefs. Yet, Severus had never learnt from it, or at least not early enough.

He had been shaped by the circumstances in his early life, even before he had met Lily, and he had made the wrong decisions based on it ever since then. He had not been pushed towards the Death Eaters solely because of a girl, but also because of adults that had failed to care for him, failed to teach him about black and white and grey, or taught him that he was only worth that, what he could do for them.

And all of it had led to that Halloween. Even that night he hadn’t cared about anyone else but Lily. He hadn’t cared about any of the other Muggleborns, not to mention Lily’s family. He hadn’t cared about the Longbottoms; he would have not even blinked, had they been the family that the Dark Lord had decided to wipe out.

But they hadn’t been. It had been the Potters and it had led to the Dark Lord’s downfall, which in itself hadn’t been a bad thing, but the years of uncertainty followed by years of terror were. Years of destruction, cruelty and inhumanity. And it had all been caused by a series of unfortunate circumstances and events, and one stupid young man’s hunger for attention. 

He had only cared about the one friendship he had ever experienced, thinking it had been love, because he had never actually learnt what a real friendship was.

Severus had fought two wars for Lily. He did it because he loved her, but he had thought a lot about it during the past ten years. He would never admit it, but he had thought of Potter and his friends. They had fought in wars for him. Hermione had fought for her friend, and Severus knew she would have died for the stupid Potter-boy, if she had had to.

That was when he had realised, that it was friendship, deep and true friendship, maybe slight obsession, that had pulled him towards Lily Evans.

The thought had occupied him for the better part of the past decade, and it had taken him a few years to understand and come to terms with it. However, now that he knew what love felt like, it was much easier to accept it.

However, it did not change his mood on Halloween. He was in a place that was laced with bad memories. Bullying, abuse, hate, corruption, exploitation and death. Hogwarts was very peaceful now, he recognised that. His memories however weren’t and they made it so hard for him to feel at home.

He had the habit of drinking himself into oblivion on Halloween, and intended to do exactly that, but unfortunately Minerva had remembered that habit of his and had put him in patrol together with Hermione.

“Thank you very much for you concern, Hermione”, he snarled at her. “But I don’t think I need a babysitter. You can leave.”

“What are you talking about?”, she asked befuddled as he stalked ahead of her, down the sixth floor west corridor.

He twirled around, his teaching robes billowing around him just as they have always done.

“Do you think I don’t know that Minerva has set you up to look over me tonight?”, he spat at her.

She looked taken aback and one of those incredible few seconds happened, when her face went through several emotions. Her features turned into a resolute but loving expression.

“I am sorry that I have to break it to you”, she said, “but that is complete and utter nonsense.”

He snorted and turned around to walk away, but she grabbed for his hand.

“What are you…-”

“Calm down”, she interrupted him tenderly. “Nobody is here.”

He scanned their surroundings quickly, the expression on his face not changing, and he finally looked at her coolly.

“I was supposed to patrol the fourth floor”, she said casually, but the heat in her eyes gave her away before she even continued. “But I knew where I could find you.”

A small smile adorned her lips and she longingly let her gaze wander over his body.

“I remember when I walked the corridors alone, thinking about you and what you could do to me in those alcoves.”

“Don’t be ridiculous”, he snapped. “We weren’t even like this then.”

“Just because you weren’t yet licking me then, doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about it”, she said cockily and stepped closer, giving him a seductive look.

He grabbed her by her arms quicker than he realised himself and pushed her away.

“Don’t mock me”, he drawled dangerously at her.

“I’m not…-”

“Just leave me alone”, he bellowed.

He let go of her and she looked at him exasperatedly. Severus simply turned his back on her and hurried down the corridor.

“Sev…”

She came after him, but it clearly cost her a lot of energy to keep up with his long strides.

“Sev, let’s just…-”

“Can you really not follow the simplest instruction, Miss Brainy?”, he snarled at her in a whisper.

She opened her mouth to say something but the words didn’t come out.

“If you don’t mind”, he continued in his venomous tone, “I would really like to continue my rounds now. Why don’t you go and have a little kindergarten party with your school friends?”

“What is wrong with you?”, she asked fiercely.

“ _What is wrong with me_?”, he repeated in a sarcastic voice. “Where would you like me to start? At the point where I became obsessed with my only childhood friend? Or when I decided that joining a lunatic’s murderous army would be a good idea?”

“Severus…-”

“When I singlehandedly created the basis of a wizarding war? Or at the point where I decided to fuck a former student?”

He hated himself for saying it. He didn’t even mean it, but he simply felt like raging and it was the first thing that came into his mind. What he did not consider were Hermione’s feelings.

“You don’t mean that”, she whispered in shock.

“And why wouldn’t I? You are my school bully’s son’s _brainy best friend_. What is it, if not _wrong_?”, he drawled in his most icy and Snape-ish tone.

She shook her head and looked at him speechlessly.

“Just go and get drunk on butterbeer with that oaf Longbottom and Miss Loony. They are at least…-”

“Shut up”, she interrupted him bluntly. “You are the most intelligent man I know, but you can also be the most unreasonable”, she added. “I will leave you alone. Please, only come looking for me once you’ve decided to drop that idiotic behaviour.”

With that said, she turned on her heal and left him alone.

He didn’t think about what she had said at first. He wallowed in his self-pity, just as he always did on Halloween. Only when he walked into his rooms and opened up a drink, it started to dawn upon him, that he had behaved like an arse.

_Does that surprise you? You are an arse._

And he would have deserved much, _much_ worse than the way she had reacted. It made him incredibly sad, realising how kind she was and tolerating, and how vicious and spiteful he was.

He also knew that he had only behaved the way he did, because he was used to it. It had been a tradition: on Halloween he was a snarky, vile and hateful person.

He hadn’t meant a single thing of what he had said about her. He didn’t see her that way. She wasn’t Potter’s friend to him, and ever since he had met her again, she hadn’t been. It hadn’t crossed his mind a single time. She had just been Hermione, a person in her own right, just as she deserved it. _His Hermione_. 

He had only wanted to be snarky, because that’s what he had to do on Halloween. He was a cruel sinner, and it was what he expected of himself. He had to be self-loathing and violent on Halloween, because he had caused violence in the world that night many years ago. He deserved the pain and despair that came with Halloween.

However, once he started thinking about it, he realised that neither the feeling of despair nor the pain were even a fraction of what they used to be.

Had he forgotten what he had done? No. Did he still blame himself for all the things he had done? Yes. Did it rule his everyday life and impact his mood? Well, this is where he would have usually said yes, but it wasn’t true anymore. There was a new feeling that ruled him much more than the feeling of guilt or pain.

He wanted to go to Hermione, he wanted to lie next to her and listen to her soft breath until he fell asleep.

But he felt bad. He hated himself on a good day, but even more so when he had one of his nasty days; not because he was nasty in general, that was a rather enjoyable thing to do, but because he was also nasty towards Hermione, and he hated hurting her.

She never mentioned it, and she never reproached him with it. It was never a question whether he could still go and see her; she accepted him with open arms and an open heart, even when he’d been the most terrible version of himself.

The real reason why he didn’t go to see her now was to punish himself. He didn’t deserve her kindness. He felt horrible for how he was; vile, derisive and unpleasant, and yet he could always count on her to love him. He felt as if he was taking advantage of it. If she didn’t punish him for his bad behaviour, he needed to punish himself.

But wasn’t it punishment enough to see her walk away from him? And to know it had been him that had pushed her away? Hadn’t she said once, that she would let him push her away over and over again, until she broke?

He didn’t want to be that person. Why was he the kind of person that needed telling it in the first place? He wanted to be better than that, for her.

He put his drink away and decided to go to her room. He felt like a lousy, snarky crook that took advantage of her seemingly unconditional love. She would find a reason to excuse his behaviour, when in reality there wasn’t an excuse. And she would explain it to him in the most tender and loving way, until he would believe her. And it would make him feel good and his addiction to her would increase by another ounce.

He stood in the small alcove on the fourth floor, behind the tapestry with Picus on it, and stared at Hermione’s chamber doors. He should return to his own rooms. He felt as if he was using her.

He _was_ using her, to lift his own spirits, and all he did was lower hers. 

He must have stood there for quite a long time, because he suddenly heard the lock in the door and it swung open, but only about two inches. She wasn’t there, but he couldn’t leave anymore now that she had opened the door.

When he stood in her dark rooms is was quiet. He couldn’t see much, as there wasn’t as much moonlight as in his own rooms, but he knew his way around. He moved towards the spiral staircase that led up to her bedroom. He made his way to the top of the stairs and looked at her. She was sleeping.

_Why is she sleeping? She opened the door? Did she open the door? Where is Crookshanks?_

He watched her for a while and thought about leaving again. He felt absolutely lousy.

She was the loveliest, kindest and tenderest person he had ever known. Who was he compared to her? Before her, he was helpless and breathless. The earth, and everything that lived on it, was helpless and breathless over her sheer existence.

“Severus?” Her voice sounded sleepy.

“I didn’t want to wake you up.”

She turned in her bed and he could make out that she had moved over onto one side.

“Come”, she said quietly and pulled the duvet back.

He didn’t even think about leaving again, once he had heard her tender voice.

_Merlin, you preying piece of shite._

“I don’t even have an excuse”, he said sadly.

“No need for an excuse”, she murmured. “Come…”

“Hermione… I’m…”

She groaned.

“You’re a prick and nothing excuses your behaviour…”

_That was unexpected._

“… but I am tired and the bed is getting cold. So get your arse in here. We discuss the rest tomorrow.”

There was no need to say anything to that, so he simply took of his shoes and clothes and slid in beside her. He didn’t dare touch her however.

“God, Sev you’re the most annoying person sometimes”, she moaned and moved over to him. His body was cold from standing outside in the corridor for ages, and her hot skin burnt him, physically and emotionally. He immediately wrapped his arms around her and let the touch sink in, straight through his skin into his heart, where it wrapped him up and caressed him tenderly.

“I don’t know why I… why I am like that”, he tried to explain.

“I do.”

He didn’t reply, hoping she would explain.

“You shouldn’t be here”, she continued.

She was right, he didn’t deserve to be with her tonight.

“Hogwarts is not doing you any good.”

What was she talking about?

She didn’t say any more and his thoughts raced, but her soft body against his own softened the blow. He didn’t know what to reply.

“Now, relax that mind of yours”, she said. “There is no need to argue or talk about this now. It’s who you are, but I do not condone it. We are going to have a serious discussion tomorrow, but I love you no matter what.”

“You shouldn’t”, he said half-heartedly.

“For Merlin’s sake. Shut it, and sleep.”

He relaxed his breathing and started to draw circled on her neck, because he knew it would send her to sleep. When her own breathing was calm and deep, he buried his nose in her hair and closed his eyes.

“I love you so much”, he whispered against her head. “So, so much. You cannot fathom the extent of it.”

They did have a discussion on the next day, however, Hermione didn’t explain what she had meant when she had said ‘Hogwarts wasn’t doing him any good’.

Of course, she just pretended that it was nothing, but he knew better than that. He realised very quickly that she was thinking hard on it, and decided to leave it at that. She would sooner or later talk about it, it was in her nature. She could not resist the urge, and he could wait that long.

A couple of weeks later Severus had to visit Teddy Lupin in the hospital wing.

The class had been brewing a common antidote to poisons, when shortly before the end Lupin Jr’s cauldron had exploded and burnt him slightly on one side of his face and his arms. It wasn’t tragic, but Severus had sent him to the hospital wing anyway.

“I am… I am sorry for causing a mess…, Professor”, the boy stuttered whilst Madam Pomfrey applied some balm to his arms. Severus had never been particularly hostile towards the boy, but he was terrified nonetheless.

“There is not much one can do wrong with this antidote, Mr Lupin. Yet you have managed to make it explode. Two points from Hufflepuff”, he said coolly.

“I know, Sir. I… I have brewed the potion before… My granny doesn’t want me to experiment with potions at home… I… I hoped I could…-”

“You _experimented_ with the potion during my class?”, he drawled. “Another two points from Hufflepuff.”

“Now, Severus…”, Madam Pomfrey tried to chastise him, but a merciless look from Severus made her shut up. She only sighed and pursed her lips in discontent.

“I thought… if… if I crush the mistletoe berries… their effect would increase”, Teddy explained quietly.

Severus raised his eyebrows at the boy. Was he genuinely using his brain to brew potions?

“And why would you want to increase their effect, Mr Lupin?”, he asked the boy soberly, but not viciously. Although the name hurt on his tongue.

“I thought, if I crush one berry and could use its juice, I wouldn’t need a second berry.”

“Mistletoe berry juice reacts unfavourably with some herbs of your standard ingredient”, Severus explained. “You want to keep the skin on the berry to protect it, but still get its benefits.”

“Which herb does it react with?”, the boy asked eagerly.

Severus couldn’t decide if he should chastise the boy for being a nuisance, or if he should rejoice in the fact that there was one of those rare children that had an interest in potions. Maybe he wasn’t a nuisance after all.

“It reacts with the chamomile. If you want to use crushed mistletoe berries, you have to completely leave out the standard ingredient and use Honeywater, mint springs, stewed Mandrake and essence of Lavender instead.”

The boy’s eyes widened with interest and a smile nearly escaped Severus’s lips. Only nearly, though. He looked at him sternly.

“Brew the antidote again with the altered ingredients. You can pick up the instructions tomorrow morning and bring the finished potion to my office by tomorrow night. If it is brewed correctly, and by that I mean absolutely flawless, you shall be awarded two house points.”

Teddy had jumped off the bed once Madam Pomfrey had told him he could leave and nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes, Sir.”

“I do not tolerate random experiments in my classroom. In the future, if you intend to alter the instructions, you will inform me and get my approval. Otherwise you shall lose more house points than you can ever earn in your next seven years at this school.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”

Teddy Lupin ran out of the hospital wing.

“No running in the corridors, Mr Lupin!”, Madam Pomfrey yelled after him whilst she cleaned her hands in a bowl of water.

Severus looked at the matron and thought it might soon be time for her to retire. How old was she? She must be Minerva’s age.

“I will send the next batch of Pepper-up potion tonight”, he informed her and turned to leave.

“Thank you, Severus”, she replied with a kind smile.

He never really knew what to do with such a gesture and simply inclined his head, his features remaining stoic. Then he made haste to leave.

“It’s good to have you back”, she said before he had reached the door. “And to see you healthy.”

He turned around and looked in Madam Pomfrey’s kind, wrinkled face. It was incredible how much this woman had done for him throughout his whole life. And she hadn’t made a fuss over it, ever. He always thought she had just helped him because Dumbledore still needed him alive, but now he couldn’t help but wonder if she simply was a genuine, helpful and kind person. It would make sense. Why else would one become a healer?

Despite all the horrible night he connected with the hospital wing and her presence, he gave her a weak smile.

“It’s good to be back, too.”

He wasn’t entirely sure if he actually meant it, but it felt like the right thing to say. And for once in his life he wanted to do the right things.

He left the hospital wing in a hurry, feeling completely at odds with the positive feeling this whole visit had created in him.


	27. Chapter 27

STRONG – LONDON GRAMMAR

On a rainy Saturday evening in November Severus was sitting in his potions lab working through some research he and Hermione had done on the wolfsbane potion a few weeks earlier.

They had both hoped that they could work on the project more, once they were at Hogwarts, but teaching occupied most of their time and there wasn’t as much progress as they had wanted.

Hermione had gone to Hogsmeade for the evening, as the Potter-rabble were visiting the Weasel and his family. They all had a merry gathering and Severus had made clear that he did not want to know a single thing about it.

His office was connected to his lab and he heard someone knock on the door. To his surprise it was Septima Vector.

“Good evening, Severus”, she greeted him. “Am I disturbing you?”

“No”, he replied curtly and opened the door completely to let her into his study. “What can I do for you?”

“Actually, I’ve come here with some calculations I did regarding the wolfsbane potion”, she replied as they walked towards Severus’s desk.

Septima had been surprisingly invested in their research, much to his delight. She was a terrific arithmancer and had a tolerable character. He would nearly say he liked her, and working with her was always a pleasure anyway. He would have not admitted it in Merlin’s four-hundred-forty years, but he had even thought of her occasionally when he had lived in France.

“Don’t you have more important things to do?”, he asked, sounding more hostile than he had intended to.

Septima looked at him slightly aggrieved, and he stretched out his hand to have a look at her work. He simply did not know how to deal with other people. She gave it to him, quickly getting over his comment and they started discussing her equations.

“To be quite frank”, she laughed, “I don’t have more important things to do. You know yourself how tiring the curriculum can be. I am glad that you are back and providing me with some challenges.”

They decided that it would be helpful to have Hermione around as well, as she was the expert for the charm work and just as Septima wanted to leave, Severus’s office door flung open.

Hermione walked in, slightly damp from the drizzle outside. Her hair was all over the place and she had opened her teaching robes in preparation to take them off upon arriving in Severus’s chambers.

“You won’t believe…-”, she started bubbling, but went silent once she saw Severus wasn’t alone.

She clearly looked too casual to be coming to Severus’s office, but it only took her a moment to cover her unease at the situation.

“Septima, good to see you”, she said with a smile.

“Hello, Hermione. I was just here to talk through some arithmancy with Severus”, Septima replied as if nothing was the matter. “If you have time we could have a look at it?”

“Actually, erm…”, Hermione held up a letter and looked at Severus. “I just came to inform you about a visitor form France.” She turned her attention back to Septima. “I have been out all evening, I might retire early tonight. But if you are free next week at some point, I would love to have a look at what you’ve worked out.”

“Sure, you know where my office is, dear.”

Septima left them and Hermione took off her robes and draped them over a chair.

“Now, guess what. I just popped into the owlery on my way back and…-”, Hermione started enthusiastically but was cut of brutally by Severus’s icy voice.

“Do you consider it appropriate to storm into my office like that?”

“Wha…-”

“Unannounced, half undressed, and..”, he contorted his face in disgust, “… reeking of firewhiskey?”

“Whoa! Come off it!”, Hermione exclaimed and looked at Severus in disbelief. “I have been coming to your rooms unannounced for the whole term, I am dressed perfectly decent and I did not even do so much as sniff on firewhiskey!”

“And do you really think anyone would consider it appropriate that I am receiving you in the dead of night like this and..-”

Hermione threw the door shut behind her and the deafening noise interrupted Severus. She had a terrifying expression on her face, but he just looked at her even more deadly.

“Appropriate?”, she retorted. “It is inappropriate of me to come to your office, but Septima coming here is no problem?”

“That is not the same”, he snapped.

“It is exactly the same”, she retorted. “Why should I not come down here if any other member of staff can?”

“Because there haven’t been headlines of me and any other member of staff. Do you really think I want to lay myself open to ridicule by being seen…-”

The deadpan look on Hermione’s face made him go silent immediately.

“ _Lay yourself to ridicule_?”, she repeated weakly. “Are you really that ashamed of me?”

“No”, he said immediately, but Hermione’s face looked dead.

The following pain and consternation in her eyes made him immediately regret his unthoughtful outburst. She shook her head slowly and took her robes, heading for the exit.

“No, I am not… Hermione!”, he called and quickly caught up with her. He held her by the arm and stopped her from leaving.

“Let me go”, she said quietly and it broke his heart.

“No, Hermione, please”, he begged her. “Don’t go. I didn’t mean…-”

“See, Severus. I simply don’t believe you anymore”, she said, her voice sounding hurt. “If you didn’t mean what you said, why do you say it? You are such an intelligent person. I know you can think before you speak. The fact that you decide not to, when speaking to me, makes me wonder how much you care about what you say to me.”

“I would never be ashamed of you”, he said.

He didn’t know what else to say and the hurt look in her fawn eyes lamed all his thinking. He just wanted to hold her and make her happy again. He couldn’t bear the look on her face. He couldn’t bear to imagine that she was hurt. He wanted to kill everyone who ever hurt her, and that would be himself most of the time.

He didn’t mean it, he had just lashed out because he had had an unexpected fright when she had walked in so casually. He was afraid they would find out about them, and evil would come and take her from him. Like everything had always been taken from him.

“Why then, Severus?”, she said quietly and he could hear she wanted to cry but was too proud to do so. “Why do you always have to hurt me with your words?”

“I don’t want to lose you”, he said.

“That makes no sense!”, she replied.

_You stupid twat. As if she would understand what you mean._

“Please…”

_God, you pathetic ghoul._

“Please, Hermione… they… they’ll take you from me.”

He didn’t know how to explain his worries. It was ingrained in his brain that everyone he loved was at constant danger of being murdered.

He knew that she thought it was irrational, but in his head it was real. In his head, the danger never ended. He knew they were everywhere, he knew they hated him for his betrayal. There was no proof for it, but in his head it was a real and legitimate danger, and he needed to keep her his secret to protect her from all the evils of the world.

“How often do we have to discuss this, Sev?”, Hermione said exhaustedly.

He looked at her openly, caught her eye and hoped she would understand that it would never go away. The fear was with him every single day of his life and nothing anyone said could change it.

She always understood him, more than he did himself. But for some reason the sad look in her eyes didn’t go away.

“I don’t know what to tell you anymore, Sev”, she said. “I don’t know what I could say to make you realise that we are in no immediate danger any longer. I don’t know what to do.”

“Nothing, nothing at all. Just don’t leave me”, he said desperately.

“I would not leave you in a hundred years, Severus. You know that, and you take advantage of it”, she said breathlessly.

“No, Hermione…” He had no words to voice his pain and anger at himself.

“Do you want to leave Hogwarts?”, she said suddenly, with a pained but thoughtful expression in her eyes. It hit him hard.

He knew that he had been cruel and spiteful towards her, he had been aware of it from the first day. He didn’t want to hurt her, yet he had done it regularly ever since they had met. She had never said a word about it. But now she wanted him to leave.

Hearing it from her mouth was worse than anything he could have imagined. Shame and agony seemed to devour him and without being able to control it, his eyes filled with tears.

He sank into the chair and let his arm fall loosely into his lap.

“I will lose you”, he whispered, his voice thick with the tears that strangled his throat. “I _am_ losing you…”

He looked at his hands and didn’t notice how Hermione put her robe back down and walked up to him.

He flinched in shock when she placed her fingers under his chin to lift his face.

“You’re not losing me…-”

“I am”, he said desperately. “I break you. It is like a race…” Salty tears started running down his long nose. “… it is either them taking you from me or me making you hate me.”

“I could never hate you, you stupid man”, Hermione said softly.

“You must do so already”, he said lost in thought, looking at his hands.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Se-…”

“You want me to leave you.”

Hermione touched his cheek softly.

“I don’t want you to leave me.”

“You said so, just now. You hate me. Please, don’t hate me”, he wailed quietly. “Please, don’t…”

“I don’t”, she said fiercely. “I love you, Severus. I love you now and I will love you for the rest of my life. And I don’t want you to leave me. I want you to th…-” Severus interrupted her before she could explain herself.

“But I do terrible things to you…”

“Yes, you do. And I will fight with you over it whenever I need to. I will put you in your place whenever you need to be put in your place, and I will not tolerate your thoughtless comments”, she said sternly, but then she took his face into both her hands and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead.

“But I love you. And I will stay with you, no matter what. There is nothing you can do, that would make me stop loving you, and there is nothing you can say that would make me want to leave you.”

He leaned her face against her lower abdomen and wrapped his arms around her legs.

“I wonder, Sev, if…”, Hermione didn’t know how to bring it up again. “I wonder if you should not be in Hogwarts.”

He didn’t say anything, but tightened his grip around her hips, pressing his cheek against her tummy.

“I wonder if it is too much.”

“I want to be where you are”, he said, like a small child that didn’t want his mother to leave for work.

“I would leave with you.”

They didn’t say anything, but their thoughts were buzzing in their heads.

“No”, Severus eventually mumbled into Hermione’s jumper. “No, you won’t. I would not let you.”

“I do not usually care about what men tell me to do”, Hermione said bluntly. “Even if it is you… or especially if it is you. Please think about it.”

“No. Out of question”, Severus said more fiercely and tried to pull back from her, but Hermione held his arms firmly in place.

“Please”, she said, stroking the cheek over his beard with her thumb. “Think about it.”

When he tried to argue again, she only needed to look at him resolutely.

“I do not deserve you”, he whispered, slightly shaking his head. 

“We all deserve so much, Sev”, she said and stroke his head. “We all deserve love and kindness and someone to lean on.”

“I don’t…”, he replied, leaning his head back against her tummy.

“You of all people do”, she affirmed, stroking over his hair. “And I need to be with you, Sev. I need your love. I need your heart next to mine. I could never leave you, or I might as well rip my heart out of my chest and replace it with a cold stone. And nothing in this world will stop me to do whatever it takes to guarantee you a happy life.”

She slowly caressed his head, pushed his hair out if his face and massaged his neck.

“That doesn’t mean that I have to tolerate your thoughtless comments. But do not tell me about hate and love or leaving and staying. There is no choice. What we do, we do it together.”

Hermione never realised it, but she did tolerate an intolerable amount of unjust behaviour from Severus. She knew that he worked on it, but she also knew it was simply part of his character. And by Merlin, how much she loved him despite his sometimes questionable character.

It was in her nature. She was able to look beyond things that distracted the observer from the essence of what they were dealing with.

She looked beyond his stoic demeanour and bitter character, and what she found was a kind, devoted, brave and fiercely loyal man. A soul that had been tortured and stripped of all its brightness, had been frightened and torn at from all ends ever since it had been created. And yet it was still warm and spirited, it was good and it was connected to his heart. A heart that was protected by a shell made of ice cold stone, but under it lay an unmeasurable amount of love.

If you had every man in the world, loving with all of their hearts, for all of their entire lifetimes, they would have not loved as much as Severus Snape did in one day, despite the fact that he considered himself the most unlovable person that had ever walked this planet.

He needed to learn that there was unconditional love even for him, and Hermione had the insatiable need of loving and caring for every being in this universe. She looked after people, and Severus needed someone to look after him. Severus, once given the chance, loved without restraint, and Hermione needed to be loved ardently for who she was.

She needed to learn, that the strongest people could be the most broken, that even when you handled them with care, there might be things that simply couldn’t be fixed.

There might have been unbalanced situations to the unknowing onlooker, situation were one of them seemed irrational to an intolerable extent, but on a deep level Hermione and Severus were equals. They loved each other, they needed each other, and they knew exactly how to deal with each other. But most importantly, never would there ever be a doubt about feelings. Both of them gave as much love as they had. Their love and devotion were not measured or valued by reciprocation; they gave it willingly, abundantly and without ever requesting anything in return.

Hermione had informed Severus of the content of the letter a few days after their argument. Clemency had announced herself. She had finished her potions mastery and had decided to continue her education and become a healer, to fully take over her father’s work one day. To Hermione’s delight, Clemency would be training in England at St Mungo’s under no other than Draco Malfoy and her apprenticeship would start from the beginning of next year. Poppy informed them a few days later, that Clemency would transfer to the Hogwarts hospital wing after the February half term break and Hermione was over the moon at the news.

Over the next couple of weeks, a certain professor kept a close eye on Severus’s and Hermione’s interaction. They were never indiscreet or careless in their mannerism, and had one not payed closer attention, one would have never expected anything between them. But with the help of a couple of probability equations and prognostic calculations, Septima Vector became the first person to recognise Severus’s and Hermione’s mutual love. At the end of November she decided to head to the Hogwarts kitchens.

“Winky has been looking after Master Snape for a long time. Fifteen years Winky has looked out for Master, ever since you have told Winky.”

“I am very proud of you, Winky”, Septima said smiling at the elf. “You have even saved his life.”

She had sent the elf to look for him during the battle. She had never found out whether Winky had been successful or not. The house elf had returned back to Hogwarts without Severus and she hadn’t ever mentioned him again.

Septima had considered him dead, just like everyone else. Only when she had seen his face in September, she had realised that Winky must have indeed saved his life. And upon talking to the house elf at the beginning of September, she had found out that Severus had forbidden her to ever speak of him.

“It was Winky’s honour, Ma’am. Master Snape needs someone to look after him. He lets nobody he knows look out for him. But Master Snape does not know Winky. Master Snape doesn’t know Winky is from Hogwarts.”

“I believe Snape is in very good hands now. You don’t need to look out for him any longer”, Septima tried to explain to the elf, but it wouldn’t listen.

“Winky will look out for her Master for the rest of Winky’s life.”

December came quicker than anyone expected, and Hermione, Septima and Severus were on duty that weekend for the last Hogsmeade trip before Christmas.

“Are you sure you don’t want any help?”, Hermione said to Severus.

“The day Severus Snape needs help with telling some third years off, is the day hell freezes over”, Septima laughed and beckoned Hermione to follow her into the Three Broomsticks.

“I will join you shortly”, Severus said, his tone just as bored as his expression.

Snow had started falling a week ago and once they arrived in Hogsmeade they had immediately headed for the Madam Rosmerta’s bar. However, not even the iciest wind could stop Professor Snape from harassing students, and he followed a bunch of giggling girls to Honeydukes.

“It’s like sport for him”, Septima said as the two women stood at the bar to order hot butterbeers. “You should have seen him during his first tenure. Highly competitive.”

“Oh, don’t worry”, Hermione said. “I have experienced it first-hand…”

“Of, course”, Septima laughed.

Hermione looked at the older witch sceptically. She seemed to find Severus’s methods rather entertaining, but Hermione didn’t really share that opinion.

“It wouldn’t do him any harm to be a little bit less caustic from time to time”, she said, taking her butterbeer and heading towards a spare table.

They shortly talked to a group of sixth year Gryffindors, before they sat down and Septima started to chat to her again.

“You know, Severus never used to come to Hogsmeade.”

Hermione didn’t really know what to say to that and just took a sip of her hot drink. She noticed Septima’s glance on her.

“Thank you for convincing him to come back to Hogwarts, Hermione”, she said eventually.

Hermione looked at her older colleague surprised, trying to hide her worries.

“I didn’t convince him. It was his own decision”, she explained, although she didn’t truly believe what she said. 

Septima looked at her thoughtfully and she couldn’t make out what her former teacher was thinking. They were interrupted by Madam Rosmerta coming up to their table.

“Can I bring you some food, miladies?”

“I am alright, thank you, Rosmerta”, Hermione said.

She gave the lady a kind smile. What would the Three Broomstick be once Rosmerta decided to retire? She wasn’t very old yet, but Hermione knew that she was at least twenty years older than Severus.

“Can I book a table for tonight?”, Septima asked. “I might take out the lovely Professor Sinistra for dinner.”

“The two of you…”, Rosmerta said laughing in her distinct tone. “Keeping the tradition of monthly romantic dinner alive for over twenty years now!”

“Twenty-three actually! You started working here during our seventh year!”

Hermione listened in interestedly. What were they talking about?

Rosmerta chuckled and left them and Septima smiled at Hermione.

“Aurora and attended Hogwarts together. We have been going for a monthly meal here since out fourth year. When we’ve both been appointed as professors at Hogwarts, we turned it into monthly dinners”, she explained with a tender look on her face.

Hermione was wondering if they were a couple but didn’t feel like she was in a position to ask the question. They had both been her teachers after all. Although she now did some rather racy things with another person who had been her teacher once. She immediately blushed at the thought at hoped Septima hadn’t noticed it.

“Hogwarts is very tolerating about relationships between staff members”, Septima mentioned casually and finished her butter beer.

Hermione couldn’t help but think that the woman had a twinkle in her eye, but as soon as she tried to think about what Septima was implying, her thoughts were interrupted by Severus entering the Three Broomsticks.

“Well, then”, Septima said and got up. “I shall go outside and mind the mob of dunderheads.”

Hermione’s gaze followed her older colleague and Severus eyes joined her.

“What is it?”, he asked, taking his heavy cloak off and putting it over his chair.

“Are Septima and Aurora a couple?”

“Aurora Sinistra?”, he asked and sat down.

Hermione just no hummed into her butterbeer in confirmation.

“How should I know?”, he said a little bit more snarky than necessary and Hermione gave him an annoyed look.

“Maybe because you’ve known them nearly forty years? And worked with both of them for nearly twenty?”

He snorted quietly and screwed up his nose. Leaning back in his chair, he crossed his arms and looked at Hermione’s butterbeer, clearly annoyed that he hadn’t thought about getting one yet. Luckily Rosmerta walked straight up to them.

Severus furrowed his eyebrows at her, and Hermione couldn’t quite make out why he was so moody.

“A hot butterbeer, please.”

It wasn’t busy in the three broomsticks, despite the icy cold snow outside. There were a few sixth- and seven-year students sitting in a different corner, having butterbeer themselves. A small group of Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs had left upon Severus’s arrival, but overall Hermione was surprised how little the students seemed to be bothered by him.

She thought of her days as a student. Had he entered the Three Broomsticks when she had been here with Harry and Ron, they would have left immediately, and the boys would have ranted about him all the way to the common room.

It conjured a small smile onto her face and to her delight it seemed to lighten Severus’s mood a bit.

“What are you grinning about?”, he asked.

“Oh, nothing really”, she said. “I’m just happy.”

The trace of a smile tucked on Severus’s lips, but when Rosmerta came back to them with his hot butterbeer, it immediately vanished again.

Severus didn’t say a word to the landlady, and she pursed her lips at him in discontent, throwing Hermione a questioning glance.

“Thank you, Rosmerta”, she said, giving the older lady an apologetic smile.

After Rosmerta had left them again, she turned her attention back to Severus.

“You could try a be a little bit more…-”

“No”, he simply interrupted her.

Hermione opened her mouth but didn’t know what to say.

“You’re doing it again”, he drawled.

“What?”

“Fish, you’re gaping like a fish”, he sneered.

She wanted to snap at him, for being such a bully again, but she restrained herself and decided to watch him instead.

What was the matter with him? Was he still cross with Rosmerta about the article in the Daily Prophet?

She looked at him concentratedly, but he avoided her eye, inspecting his surroundings and the people instead. His shoulders were tense, and he was rubbing his forearm slightly with his index finger. His jaw was clenched.

Hermione sighed quietly.

“Are you alright?”, she asked him, knowing full well that he wasn’t.

He looked at her, and his eyes softened a bit.

“Yes.”

“Do you want to go outside for a walk?”

“No.”

She didn’t say much more, and they sat in quietness. It took him a while, but Severus relaxed and eventually seemed quite content. They were drinking their hot butterbeer and he even said hello to a group of Ravenclaw girls that passed their table. Hermione noticed the tiny twitch of the corner of his mouth, that disclosed that he was thinking about something and wanted to talk.

However, before he could make up his mind, the door to the Three Broomsticks opened and his demeanour turned icy instantly.

“Hello Mione!”

Penny and Ron had come in, their four-month-old daughter strapped around Ron’s tummy.

“Snape”, Ron greeted Severus.

He got up immediately and raised his eyebrow at the redheaded man, then he left them wordless and went outside. 

“Hi”, Hermione greeted her two friends, trying not to sound too disappointed at Severus’s departure.

“I haven’t seen you in ages!”, Ron exclaimed. “Neville told me you’re on Hogsmeade duty! Why didn’t you tell us?”

He softly caressed his daughter’s head and Hermione immediately felt absolutely miserable. She had neglected the relationship to her friends in recent weeks. She still went to Hagrid’s and met them occasionally in Hogsmeade, but nowhere near as often as she used to.

Instead, she spent most of her free time with Severus.

“I am so sorry”, she exclaimed and moved over on the bench to make some room for Penny. “I don’t know where I am with my mind! I’ve been quite busy recently with research and work…”

She threw a quick glance out the window, for some reason hoping she’d see Severus.

“Yes, yes…”, Penny chuckled and got out of her coat.

Hermione blushed and had to fight to keep a cool head. Did Penny imply something? Did she know anything? Hermione’s throat got a bit tight.

“Neville has told me all about it!”, Ron said and waved at Rosmerta. Even with his wife and daughter here, he still swooned over her.

“What?”, Hermione asked.

“Well, you and the bat from the dungeons!”, Ron laughed.

Hermione started to panic. She could feel how her heartbeat increased drastically and how the heat welled up in her.

“Don’t call him that!”, she said agitatedly.

_Calm down. They cannot possibly know._

She put her hands flat on the table and started rubbing the wood with her fingertips.

“What about him?”, she added more casually.

They didn’t get to explain, because Rosmerta brought over Ron’s and Penny’s drinks and spent a good few minutes adoring their baby-daughter Rose.

“Well, whatever you do to him in your research sessions, please continue”, Penny chuckled.

Hermione tried to keep her calm.

_They cannot possibly know._

“Neville told me Snape even talked to him. Apparently, he is rather interested in Herbology. Neville is going mad. He can’t believe that he and Snape talk about plants. He can’t shut up about it.”

“Really?” Hermione’s eyes widened in surprise. She hadn’t realised that Severus and Neville got on so well.

“Yes, and Aurora told me that he’s having regular conversations with her and Septima at breakfast. Apparently, he hasn’t done that ever before.”

Hermione knew that, because she was usually there as well.

“Well, it doesn’t surprise me”, she said in her no-nonsense tone. “He is not spying anymore, of course he is much more pleasant without two lunatics chasing him around.”

_Perfect, good point._

“You seem to chase him up and down the library”, Penny said. “Apparently, Madam Pince has complained about your library sessions.”

“Excuse me?”, Hermione exclaimed. “Madam Pince has never had any reason to complain about my library habits. What did she say?”

“She just doesn’t like people hanging around in the library late at night.”

“ _Hanging around_?”, Hermione repeated. “We’re not _hanging around_. We’re working on important things! The wolfsbane potion, tranfigurational charms, and just recently I’ve started to compile a number of articles for a new Charms Teaching Series. Severus is working on improving the standard ingredient that the students use at Hogwarts and the cauldron manifolding project isn’t finished yet either.”

“No wonder you’re never around these days. You seem to have doubled your projects ever since you’re working with the greasy git”, Ron said.

“Ronald!”, Hermione snapped and have him a reprimanding look. “He is not a greasy git. He is very intelligent, and I like working with him! In fact, after hours and hours in a Potions lab, everyone gets greasy and I don’t mind it at all! It’s just what happens when you work with potions and fumes all day!”

Ron lifted his hands in submission and grinned.

“Well, seems like two brainy nutters have found one another.”

“We have not _found one another_ ”, Hermione tried to argue, but she realised that with every other word she would say, they’d be more likely to find out about what was really going on in the dungeons. Not that they were wrong; Severus and Hermione worked a lot, but they also did other things.

“Anyway”, she sighed. “You’re right. I spend too much time on work…” _You sneaky liar._ “… I’ll definitely be around more in the future.”

Severus had two free periods on a Wednesday, the one before lunch and the one after lunch. He usually spent them in his private lab, but this week Hermione had sent him a note and asked him to quickly come to see her in her classroom during lunch.

“Hi”, she said and smiled at him.

It was a rare thing, Professor Severus Snape in the Charms classroom, and Hermione wished he would come more often. She liked her classroom and she did a lot of her work in here. The only thing that it was missing was him. Unfortunately, there wasn’t an official reason for him to be there, so he rarely came.

“You asked to see me?”, Severus said casually.

She didn’t like his cold tone, but knew he was only being cautious. Thanks to gossip, the Daily Prophet had written about the last Hogsmeade trip again, and it had been along the lines of ‘ _Severus Snape angrily storming out of the Three Broomsticks after fellow professor Hermione Granger shared a loving embrace with ex-boyfriend Ronald Weasley_ ’.

It was ridiculous, and the headmistress had arranged a meeting with the Chief Editor, discussing the stories that were published concerning her staff. Not even the Daily Prophet would have dared to challenge Minerva McGonagall.

Unfortunately, the possibility of Severus and Hermione being a couple seemed so impossible to Minerva, that she had said a couple of things that she would not have said had she known of their liaison. It had resulted in Severus being sulky for the last two days, and Hermione couldn’t even blame him.

It was upsetting her as well. The staff had obviously read the headlines too, and for some reason it was quickly established that a relationship between the two professors would be utterly ridiculous. What annoyed Hermione the most was the fact that everyone assumed, she couldn’t possibly be attracted to Severus.

“Merlin, they don’t even realise how stupid they make themselves look”, Neville had said one Thursday evening when he had visited Hermione during her office hours. “As if someone like you would even look at that greasy bat twice.”

“Don’t call him that, Neville!”, she had reprimanded him.

“You know what I mean, Mione”, he had said. “Roger Davies was fit, and that Muggle you were dating…-”

“Michael Daly”, she had reminded him.

“... Exactly, well he wasn’t bad either.”

“I am not choosing my partner based on their looks, Neville.”

“Oh, no. I know that. Anyway, I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you”, he had tried to console her, although he had clearly not understood why she was actually upset about it. “Everyone knows that you wouldn’t tolerate him. Don’t worry…-”

“What is that supposed to mean?”, she had said more harshly.

“Just that… well, everyone knows you have morals and wouldn’t fall for a bully.”

Hermione had been slapped by this comment and hadn’t known how to react for a moment.

“Excuse me?”, she had uttered weakly.

Neville had looked at her uncertainly and apprehensively.

“Severus is not a bully, and he has higher morals than any of us!”, she had snapped at her friend.

“Well, just rest assured that no one actually believes what the Prophet writes…”, Neville had tried to calm the waves.

So, on the Wednesday before the Christmas break, Severus was as icy as one could have expected considering the circumstances.

“I did ask to see you”, Hermione repeated with a smile. “Close the door…”

Severus furrowed his eyebrows at her and did as told. When Hermione flicked her wand ever so slightly to lock the door, she could detect a weak but excited glint in his eyes.

“Kiss me”, she said.

“You should have lunch and sort yourself…-”

Severus didn’t finish his sentence, not because Hermione interrupted him, but because the fiery look on her face did.

He walked up to her, and pressed his lips softly against hers, not touching her body in any other fashion, but her hands found their way to his face and pulled him closer down to her. His cheeks were cold from the air in the dungeons, and the tip of his nose that poked her own cheek was cold too. She breathed softly against his skin, before opening her eyes and looking at him again.

“I love you.”

She felt like she didn’t tell him near as often enough as she should. His features relaxed a bit and he leaned down to rest his forehead on hers.

“I love you, too”, he said quietly, resting in the position for a while, before he eventually pulled back a bit and kissed her on the forehead.

“Would you like to go to London over Christmas?”, Hermione asked him, as they moved away from one another and she made her way around her desk to sort some papers.

“We could, of course”, he replied.

Hermione looked at her desk, not sure how she should proceed with what she wanted to tell him.

“My parents are not going to Australia this year”, she said casually, although she felt slightly nervous.

To her discontent, Severus didn’t say anything. When she looked up at him, she realised that he knew her too well. There was no point trying to hint something to Severus Snape. He probably knew the core of a subject as soon as she had mentioned London.

“They want you to join us”, she said without further fuss.

“It says a lot about their characters, that they haven’t asked if I would like to join them”, he replied coolly.

Hermione looked at him reprimanding and pursed her lips.

“You don’t need to go, if you have already decided on their character without ever spea…-”

“I have not said that it is a bad thing, have I?”, he interrupted her calmly.

“Although there are several unpleasant associations with being told what to do, I cannot imagine that your parents are any less kind or just than you are. I will join you, if I get to decide what to do on New Year’s Eve in return.”

It took Hermione a moment to process what he had said, but then her face lit up in a loving grin.

“It’s always a pleasure doing business with you, Professor Snape.”

As he left her classroom, she added: “I will make sure your bath is hot tonight. Don’t let me wait too long.”

He opened the locked door but didn’t turn around to her again, so she never saw the heated, devilish smile that adorned his lips as he left down the corridor.


	28. Chapter 28

BETTER PLACE – RACHEL PLATTEN

Severus and Hermione left Hogwarts together on the day of Christmas Eve. Hermione had bid her friends goodbye and left Crookshanks with them, and now the two of them were walking down the snow-white path to the main gates. They spotted George the Mighty stretching his wings in the sky over them, and for some reason Severus felt extremely relaxed and happy at the prospect of leaving Hogwarts for a while.

“I will apparate to the house before coming to your flat, if that is alright”, he said to Hermione as the exited the grounds.

She looked at him confused at first, then insecure, until finally a small smile adorned her plum red lips. It warmed his heart, these magical seconds where her face showed a multitude of emotions.

“Can I come with you?”, she asked. “Only if you don’t mind.”

“Of course!”, he immediately replied. He hadn’t expected her to ask, but it made him incredibly happy that she wanted to stay by his side.

“I have been looking forward to returning home with you”, she said quietly and quickly, and Severus was surprised to hear a trace of insecurity in her voice.

However, hearing her refer to his house, _their house_ , as _home_ made his heart explode. Without further thought he took her hand and apparated them to the North Yorkshire Moors.

When they landed, he immediately took her small fairy face into his hands and kissed her. She was petrified in surprise, but relaxed into his touch quickly, making him feel like the king of the world. It was the most relaxed and happiest he had been in months, standing here in the snow-covered field, his quaint little place waiting for them. Nobody throwing him glances, nothing to remind him of bad times. Only him, his woman and the beauty of life.

_Your woman._

When he stopped kissing her and looked into her hot-chocolate eyes, all the past months of mental irritation seemed to matter no more. He didn’t think of the pressure or the edginess another second and only enjoyed her very being with him.

He buried his nose in her hair and wrapped an arm around her shoulder to shelter her from the cold. Then he nodded towards the house at the bottom of the hill.

“Let’s go home.”

She slung her arm around his back, and they walked towards the cottage, Hermione chattering on about the meals she and her mother cooked best and that Severus was obliged to eat some of the trifle.

He could have listened to her for the rest of his days, and when they entered the house and she flicked her wand to warm it up, he felt more at home than he had ever felt in his life. He could feel how his shoulders had started to relax, his breath came more easily and… he was hungry.

He kissed Hermione onto the forehead and left his lips there longer than he would have usually done, before looking down at her again.

“Food?”

“You bet!”, she smiled and made her way to the kitchen.

He watched her rummaging through the cupboards, but stopped her after a moment, by holding her hands and kissing her cheek from behind her.

“You won’t find anything”, he chuckled. “It was your idea to empty everything before leaving.”

“Ah, right”, she sighed and turned around to him. “Why don’t you apparate and get some things and I go and check on the spells on the apothecary and vegetable gardens?”

And so they did. They went about their business and when Severus returned from Scarborough with the shopping, he saw Hermione just walking into the house, her arms loaded with vegetables from the garden.

“Broccoli and kale are winter hardy”, she explained. “And I put a greenhouse spell on the large bed.”

He watched her and it was like a dream. He would never not see just how beautiful she was, but he had nearly forgotten how wonderful the sight of her was when she moved around the house, knowing exactly which cupboards to open, the tea towel tucked into her back pocket, or her purple robes hanging tidily over the chair. The way she lazily dropped the cooking utensils into the sink, the bouncing of her step as she came over to put two plates of scrambled eggs on the table.

He watched her eat and ate with an unbelievable appetite himself. Hermione had one leg pulled up and was lazily looking through the January edition of _Potions Today_ , that had come already. When Severus started to tidy up the dishes, she went outside again and put new spells on the garden.

He watched her through the window. Small snowflakes were whirling around in the wind, and when she came sprinting back inside, her cheeks were rosy, the tip of her nose bright red, and her hair sprinkled with white crystals.

“We should get a Christmas tree next year”, she said, whilst rubbing her palms to warm them up.

She smiled at him with her lovely, fawn eyes and it didn’t need any words from him to express his need for her. With only one heated glance from him the warmth in her eyes turned into fiery passion she cheekily stole herself away from him, heading upstairs.

He hung the tea towel over the chair closest to the kitchen counter, the spot where Hermione always left it and then he let his long pale fingers slide over her purple robes that were draped over his own frock on the chair, before he followed her upstairs.

_The bedlinen was just putting itself on when Severus entered the room, and he saw Hermione standing in front of the dresser pushing her jeans over hips._

_“Wait…”, he said and walked over to her. “Can I?”_

_She turned around to him and gave him the loveliest smile, her pupils sparkling like stars in a brown sea._

_He undressed her slowly, kissing her still winter cold skin, and wandering his long fingers over her body, ever so slightly touching her erogenous zones._

_When he wanted to push her towards the bed, she stopped him._

_“Stay here”, she said, then she walked backwards to the bed and lay down on it._

_He watched her get comfortable, her golden curls sprawled out over the pillows and her toes finding their way under the duvet. She did however not cover her body and spread her legs instead, so he had a look at her womanhood that drove him nearly mad. When he made a move towards the bed, she stopped him immediately._

_“No, wait over there”, she said again, hot passion bubbling in the depths of her eyes. “Undress yourself”, she added._

_He frowned at her and didn’t quite understand._

_“W… Are you… I mean…-”_

_“Take off your clothes for me”, she repeated more clearly, and his mouth went dry._

_He placed on hand onto the dresser to balance himself whilst kicking off his shoes, then he slowly brought his hands up to his shirt. He unbuttoned it, carefully watching Hermione’s face that lit up more with every button that was loosened._

_When he slowly slipped out of the sleeves, he saw her move her hand onto one of her breasts and he subconsciously stopped moving, staring at her._

_“Go on…”, she breathed, her glinting eyes looking directly into his, and then moving her gaze back onto his body._

_Severus did as he was told, and when she started to slightly squeeze her nipples, he swallowed hard and licked his lips in anticipation. The shirt fell onto the ground behind him and he bent down to take of his socks. When he straightened himself again, he saw that Hermione’s other hand had moved onto her tummy and rested just above her pubic mound. His breath started shaking slightly at the sight and he moved his hands towards his trousers. When he opened the few buttons there Hermione moved her hand further down and started stroking herself between her legs, never taking her eyes off his body._

_“Hermione…”, he grumbled, but her name nearly didn’t come over his lips with his voice being so thick._

_“Go on…”, she said again._

_He opened the last button, pushed the trousers down and they fell onto the ground, gathering at his feet. He stood in front of her in only his underwear and the look on her face was taking his breath away._

_Her mouth stood agape a bit, her cheeks were flushed, and her brown eyes were on fire. Her breath was slightly quicker than usual, and she had started to caress her nipple as well as her clit. It drove him absolutely wild._

_Severus’s erection had grown painfully hard and Hermione’s eyes were fixed right on it, begging him silently to free it._

_As he pushed down the boxers Hermione pushed two of her fingers into herself and moaned quietly. He nearly came right then, as his penis jumped out and stood straight up in its full size._

_Severus didn’t move for a few moments, transfixed by the sight in front of him. Hermione was sliding her fingers in and out of her slowly, whilst eyeing his erection and his body._

_He had felt weird in the beginning, undressing himself so shamelessly in front of her, but now he felt as if… The way she made him feel couldn’t be compared to anything Severus knew._

_His eyes were fixed on her fingers slowly moving in and out of her vagina, her milky arousal covering her hand and opening. When his eyes found hers, he stepped out of the clothes on the ground and moved slowly towards her._

_Crawling onto the bed, he made his way towards her centre, holding her hand by the wrist and bringing it to his mouth. He sucked on her wet fingers, tasting her, and moaning deeply. He closed his eyes and kissed her wet opening._

_He licked her very slowly and softly, until she whimpered quietly, begging him for more. He moved up and lay down next to her, spooning her from behind, wrapping his arm tightly around her and covering her pubic mound with his other hand._

_Then he slowly entered her._

_It was hot and soft, and he wanted to stay there forever. Hermione took a deep breath and relaxed around him, tilting her head back slightly, and he buried his face in the nook of her shoulder._

_He started moving his hips, back and forth and in circular motions, and he softly massaged her clit the way he knew she liked it. She was a goddess and he wanted to make her feel like it every minute of every day._

_“Welcome home”, he whispered into her ear and she sighed contently in response, her eyes shut and her hand reaching backwards for his head._

_“I love you”, she whispered._

_He grumbled into her hair in return and then moved one hand to cup her breast. He heard her breath becoming quicker and felt her getting tighter around him, so he started moving his hips more rhythmically. When they both climaxed it was soft, yet trembling with love. Hermione’s wall clenched around his shaft, her back arched away from him and when a deep moan escaped her mouth, his muscled also spasmed and he softly thrust up one more time before spilling himself into her._

They took their time to get ready to go to the Grangers, who expected them around six o’clock on Christmas Eve.

“Sev…”, Hermione said and looked at him in the mirror that he stood in front of after having shaved his beard into shape. “Calm down.”

“I am calm”, he snapped and left the bathroom without cleaning the foam in the sink.

She had to smile at his moody-nervous behaviour. He had dropped nearly everything that there was to drop in the bathroom and cursed over it like a sailor, until Hermione had joined him and made things worse just by the fact that he had witnessed him being scratched up. She knew that he didn’t like being caught in any other emotional state than… well, stoic, emotionless Snape.

When she had tidied the bathroom and went downstairs into the kitchen, she found Severus rummaging through his traveling bag. A small parcel sat on the table and she went to inspect it.

“Leave that!”, he said without lifting his head, still looking through his bag.

“What is it?”, she asked, ignoring his haughty tone.

“Prsnt…”, he mumbled into his beard.

“Pardon me?”

“A present…”, he repeated only marginally louder.

“But we said we wouldn’t gift anything to each other!”, she replied slightly panicky, as she hadn’t gotten him anything… materialistic. She did however have a plan.

“It’s not for you!”, he replied, sounding annoyed and finally lifting his head, having a deadly expression on his face.

“Oh…”

She watched him scurrying around the kitchen and then rushing upstairs. Taking a closer look at the little parcel again, she knocked it softly, determining it was a metal box.

Severus came back downstairs, luckily looking much more relaxed now and carrying another small parcel.

“Who are they for?”

“Prnts…”, he mumbled again, bending over the table and putting the two small parcels into one bigger bag.

“Would you please use your lips and tongue when you speak?”

“For. Your. Parents”, he drawled.

“For my…?”

She raised her eyebrows at him in surprise. He had gotten presents for her parents?!

Severus busied himself with putting on his shoes, but Hermione could tell that he simply wanted to hide the adorable blush that had crept onto his face.

She smiled broadly and sat down on the staircase next to him.

“You didn’t need to get them…-”

“Yes, I did. It is what one does, Hermione. It is called proper etiquette”, he said coolly.

She knew he was only being haughty because he was nervous for whatever reason, so she smiled and rested her chin on his shoulder.

“What did you get them?”

He looked down at her and his eyes softened immediately.

“A self-disinfecting dentist tool kit and an endless supply of that toothpaste they use in their practice.”

A warmth filled Hermione’s heart and she kissed him fiercely onto his cheek, which he tried to escape, but had no chance.

“How do you know what toothpaste they use?”

“Clemency took samples to France when she started working with your parents…”, he said expressionlessly, “… and I might have nicked some of those samples and charmed them.”

“Brilliant!”, Hermione laughed and gave him another wet peck onto his cheek. “You have definitely won them over already. That stuff is incredibly expensive to buy! Why have I not thought of that!”

They apparated to Hermione’s flat, where they just quickly checked that everything was alright. Clemency had left her a small gift when she had stayed in August and Hermione only found it now. It was a mug that kept the beverage at ideal temperature and a French Coffee Press that worked by itself.

Hermione quickly made the bed as they decided to not go back to Yorkshire that night, and after putting some other homely spells onto the flat, like heat and some scent, they made their way to the train station.

Severus was extremely nervous, and Hermione didn’t really know how to calm him down. She knew he would naturally deny that he was on edge, so she resolved to simply inform him about her parents.

“My dad doesn’t really talk, he’ll most likely just want to show you around his office”, she said lightly. “It’s full of dental research stuff, it’s quite interesting if you’re new to the subject.”

Severus didn’t reply to that, but Hermione knew he was listening.

“He is also very interested in magic stuff. He knows a lot about it by now too, so it’s very easy to have a conversation about any magical thing with him. Now, my mother on the other hand…”, she chuckled quietly. “She doesn’t care a lot about magical stuff, because she can’t make use of it. She likes working with Clemency and Armita, but she’s overall much more interested in people. She will ask you the most random things…”

Hermione chuckled again, but then she noticed how Severus’s hands tensed up in his lap, and she realised that that might have not been the best thing to say.

“I mean, she’ll like to know about your favourite food or drink, to make sure that she will have it the next time you come around. And she’ll ask about your family or interests, but in a very discreet manner, to make sure she doesn’t make a blunder. She’s a very sensitive and considerate person.”

Severus hummed quietly and Hermione was relieved to hear a note of softness.

When they made their way from her parents’ train station to their house, Hermione couldn’t help but look and smile at Severus the whole time.

It was bitterly cold, and she was wearing her winter coat, a scarf, a hat, and mittens. Severus however was in the same black coat she has met him in in Geneva. His throat was covered by the dark grey fabric of his woollen jumper, but his cheeks were slightly blushed from the cold and she couldn’t get enough of it.

She took his hand and they walked down the road. He was quite tense but squeezed her fingers firmly.

“Sev…”, she stopped him in his tracks.

He looked down at her, the deep crease between his eyebrows being very prominent and a look of worry plastered on his face.

She lifted her mitten covered hand and evened out the crease with her thumb, smiling at him.

“Stop worrying.”

“Can’t help it…”, he replied, and a small, sad smile appeared on his lips.

“Come here…”, she sighed and pulled him in for a kiss. “I promise you, by the time you ate my mother’s trifle you’ll see that you worried over nothing. At the very latest.”

They walked down the path to the Granger’s house and when Hermione knocked on the door, she thought she saw Severus fixing his hair in his bun and a wave of adoration came over her. She slung her arm around his and smiled up to him, just as her mother opened the door.

“Come in, come in!”, Jane said. “Quick, it’s cold!”

They made their way inside and before they could even close the door, Jane Granger set the tone.

“Shoes off!”, she instructed them. “And you can put your coat on the bannister there, Severus.”

Hermione chuckled quietly and tried not to look too amused. She loved her mother and how straightforward she was.

“If he wants to hang his coat up, go and put it upstairs, darling, will you”, she said to Hermione.

“The bannister is alright. Thank you, Mrs Granger”, Severus said, and Hermione was surprised at his calm tone, considering that she could feel his tenseness radiating around him.

“Jane will do”, Hermione’s mother said in a suddenly much kinder tone. “Now, come in!”

George Granger walked ahead and waved his hand, making Hermione and Severus follow him into the living room.

Sitting down on the sofa, Hermione patted on the seat next to her, making Severus join her, who was obviously proper enough, to not sit too close to her or touch her in any fashion.

“Darling, can you come quickly?”, Jane called her from the kitchen.

Hermione gave Severus a quick apologetic glance.

“Back in a minute.”

Then she hurried off.

The silence in the living room was slightly awkward, but Severus didn’t mind. He’d rather have awkward silence than annoying conversation.

“Cold, isn’t it?” George tried to break the ice.

“Hm”, Severus hummed in acknowledgement.

They looked at one another, and for some odd reason it wasn’t uncomfortable at all. With only a short glance, the two men established that small talk was neither of their preference, so they just resolved to sit in silence.

“What do you drink?”, George asked after a moment. “Gin, sherry, whiskey?”

Before Severus could reply, Hermione came back into the living room and started speaking: “Oh, I got the yearly bottle of firewhiskey again. We can open that!”

She hurried into the hallway to pick it up. George gave Severus an expressive glance, but couldn’t say anything, because Hermione was straight back with a bottle of Odgen’s Firewhiskey. 

“Ahhh”, George said with a smile on his face and got up to take the bottle of his daughter. “Lovely, as every year, darling. We should keep it for a special occasion though, don’t you think?”

“Well, isn’t Christmas Eve special enough?”, Hermione said happily.

Severus understood George’s intentions immediately and simply said: “I wouldn’t mind a glass of dry sherry.”

Hermione pouted slightly, but her father gave her a peck on the nose and said: “I wouldn’t want to share that with anyone anyway.”

It seemed to work, and she went to get them two glasses for some sherry.

George looked at the bottle of Odgen’s, then he gave Severus a nod, beckoning him to follow him into an adjunct room.

It was George’s office and it was indeed full of dentistry things. Severus was slightly creeped out by some of the stuff, and that meant something, considering that he dealt with weird potion ingredients all the time. Toothy things were a whole different story however, and he found himself touching his teeth with his tongue to check that they were definitely healthy and didn’t need any doctoral attention. They were ugly and crooked, he knew that, but his dental hygiene was overall not bad, and his teeth were healthy. 

George gave Severus a quick glance, and he went to join Hermione’s father, who stood in front of a cupboard behind his desk and opened one of the bottom doors.

The shelf was filled with about a dozen bottles of Odgen’s, and George added the one Hermione had given him to the collection.

“I once told her I liked it, about ten years ago”, he explained. “Didn’t have the heart to tell her it’s horrible. Muggle tongues probably can’t cope.”

A smile tucked on Severus’s lips.

“Do you like it?”, George asked.

“I do.”

“Well, then…” George bent down and pulled out a fairly dusty bottle. “There you go. A well-aged bottle of Odgen’s firewhiskey.”

Severus gave a genuine smile to the slightly older man, took the bottle, and shrunk it to put it into his pocket. He wanted to say something but had simply no idea what would be appropriate. Why was conversation such a problem when he couldn’t be spiteful and mean?

“I’ll see if I can make her give you something else next year”, he said.

George gave him a look, that Severus had never seen on anyone’s face before, and slight panic came over him. He hated the unknown.

“And the years after that?”, George asked.

Severus understood in an instant what he meant. They looked at one another, nothing negative between them, only George Granger’s unspoken want to know if Severus intended to stay with Hermione.

“As long as she’ll have me”, Severus replied eventually.

Nothing more needed to be said and the two men went back into the living room.

“I thought you’re getting the sherry?”, Hermione asked, standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

George nodded and chuckled, lowering his face and heading back into his office. Severus walked up to Hermione and smiled at her. The simple gesture made Hermione’s heart burst and she wanted nothing more but to wrap her arms around him and kiss him. He seemed relaxed, and… happy?

However, as soon as she made a move to hug him, her mother made herself known.

“Severus”, she exclaimed. “I hear you are a Potions Master. How’s your cooking?”

“Acceptable, I’d say. Can I help you with anything?”

“That would be lovely!”

Hermione let Severus pass into the kitchen and the look of him standing next to her mother made her nearly cry. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

Jane Granger instructed Severus Snape on how exactly to peel and cut the cucumbers for the prawn cocktails they were going to have for starters. He had rolled up his sleeves and crossed his hands behind his back, and he listened to her carefully. His tall figure next to Hermione’s small skinny mother looked odd, but somehow as if they had been friends for a hundred years.

Dinner was a lovely affair and Hermione couldn’t get enough of Severus interacting with her parents. It was absolutely divine.

“So, I said to him, that it’s just a hole fill, not brain surgery, although to be quite frank”, George said, “he would have been better off with brain surgery.”

Hermione knew the story, but Severus’s deep and warm laughter filled her heart with joy, and she joined in.

“Well, maybe you should just slip with your dental drill the next time he comes around”, Severus said, still laughing and then took a sip of his wine.

George nodded vigorously, trying not to choke on his own drink and Hermione decided to fill their glasses up again.

“I’m good, darling”, George said, indicating that he didn’t need any more.

“I am alright, too”, Severus added, looking at her with fiery, happy eyes.

“What?”, Jane exclaimed exasperated. “No, no. You have another glass with me now, Master Snape!”

“Well, how about we open some firewhiskey!”, Hermione suggested and got up to walk into her dad’s office.

“Ah, hang on, honey”, George panicked and got up to join her. “I’ll go and get it. Help your mother.”

Severus got up as well to help her and Jane with the dishes. They carried everything into the kitchen and with to wands flicked, the task was finished in no time.

“Good God, how much I would like to have a wooden stick like that sometimes”, Jane said and got some ice out of the freezer. “Do you like ice with your drink, love?”

Hermione could see how Severus’s face lit up like that of a small boy. Jane and George were only about ten years older than Severus, but Hermione could tell that it made him as happy as a sandboy to be called ‘love’ by anyone. She was sure he’d deny it at any time, but the expression on his face was for once as positive as his thoughts.

“A tiny bit of ice would be nice”, he said and went to give Jane a hand.

“Severus!”, George called him from the living room, and he immediately went to join her father.

Hermione was so happy she felt tears welling up. Her parents were mad for Severus and he wallowed in their attention. His eyes were bright, his smile ever present, and he seemed head over heels in love with life.

Hermione sniffed quietly, and quickly wiped a tear away, but her mother had seen it already.

“Why, darling!”, she said and hurried towards her. “What is wrong?”

“Nothing!”, Hermione said immediately, laughing. “Nothing at all! I am just… so… happy.”

Her last words came come chocked because some more tears had welled up, and now she just stood in the kitchen laughing and crying in happiness.

“Goodness, child…”, Jane exclaimed and hugged her. “You and your emotions.”

“It’s just…”, she did know how to express her feelings and thoughts. “I am so happy for him.”

Severus Snape had been denied attention, compassion and love. Rooted in domestic abuse, neglect, and poverty, he had been ridiculed and bullied all his life. The traumas that had shaped his character had been discredited not only by everyone he had at some point admired, but also but the rest of the world. He had been set up to die by the one man he followed and obeyed unconditionally, and in the end had been betrayed by both his masters.

Severus had yearned for affection his entire life, and had not only been denied it, but had also been denied the truth: having the Elderwand deliberately set on him, so Voldemort would come to kill him and possess a useless weapon.

He had been treated with an underlying cruelty as long as he was alive, and now he finally was given all he deserved and needed, and Hermione felt as if it was her own personal heaven. His laugh sent waves of love over her body, his shining eyes were like the first rays of sunshine in spring, the way he sat relaxed in one corner of the sofa chatting to her father made her believe in the existence of something godly.

“I love him so much, mum”, she breathed, as she looked out into the living room and her mother patted her shoulder.

“I can tell”, Jane replied.

They talked about anything and everything, sipping their whiskeys (some of them enjoying it more than others), and laughing about the silliest things.

“Christ!”, Jane suddenly exclaimed. “Listen to that!”

Everybody went quiet and listened carefully to the sound of a bell in the distance. When it rang twelve midnight, Jane clapped her hands and cheered: “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas!” George and Severus said in unison, and Hermione followed shortly after.

George gave his wife a kiss, and Hermione moved closer to Severus too. The expression in his eyes, said more than a thousand words could have done, but still, he said: “Thank you.”

She smiled at him, and they shared a short but loving kiss.

Severus and Hermione left soon after twelve, and as they were heading towards home from the train station, they staggered just a little bit more than either of they would condone but were chuckling and giggling like young teenagers.

“You know, I know that daddy doesn’t like firewhiskey”, Hermione said.

“Seriously?”, Severus asked surprised.

She just giggled in return.

“Tut-tut, how vicious. I am shook, Miss Granger”, he murmured, and it sounded more erotic than he had probably intended.

“Call me that later in bed, and I won’t let you sleep”, she murmured back, throwing him a seductive glance.

“I’d like to call you by a different name altogether”, he said without thinking.

She looked at him with her big, fawn eyes, and he knew he should have panicked, but the alcohol had made his brain fuzzy and his mood was too good to be unsettled.

_Hermione Snape. What an odd name._

“I’d like that, too”, she said, a smile appearing on her face and wandering into her eyes.

She was sparkling, and shining, and glistening, and radiating like the sun and the moon and all the stars together, and Severus couldn’t help but lift her of her feet and kiss her in the cold winter air, before putting her back down.

“Let’s get sober”, he said smiling and she replied with an angelic laugh.

They made their way home and fell into bed soon after, curling up next to each other and letting their fuzzy brains and love drunken giggles do the rest.


	29. Chapter 29

CHANGES – LANGHORNE SLIM & THE LAW

Severus woke up late the next morning. The window in the roof only let in a little bit of light, as it was covered in snow. Hermione’s limbs were sprawled out over him and she smelt of alcohol. Or maybe he smelt of it, it was hard to tell.

He rested his cheek against her head and started to play with her hair, and just as he dozed off again a little bit, she stirred a bit and sighed contently.

“I love you”, she mumbled.

“Good morning”, was his reply and he gave her a kiss on the head.

She moaned and stretched herself beside him.

“I had plans for today”, she said. “But it’s just so comfy in bed…”

“Christmas Day in bed sounds good to me.”

They kept talking, cuddling and loving each other all afternoon.

“I wish the holidays would be longer”, Hermione sighed, leaning on one arm and playing with Severus’s hair. “I get to do no research at all at Hogwarts. It’s frustrating.”

She was particularly annoyed with the fact, that she couldn’t dive deeper into some muggle subjects that had recently piqued her interest. Ever since Severus’s breakdown in August, she had tried to read about psychological concepts and coping methods, but for once in her life the Hogwarts library was no help. She had managed to get electricity, so the music on her laptop worked, but an internet connection was impossible to create magically. What she really wanted was a week at Oxford University and unlimited access to a photocopier.

She had thought about telling Severus, but she was worried that he would shut down if she mentioned her increasing interest in psychological therapy. She wasn’t interested in it just for his sake, but more as an overall concept that was missing in the magical world. She had thought about how it could change the mental health in the magical world, if let say children with lycanthropy could have access to a therapist, or especially in these years, people that had lost their dear ones during the war, generally witches and wizards that survived the war, and pretty much anyone who felt like life was a burden sometimes. It also was distantly connected to her Muggle degree in anthropology, and she missed working in that area.

“What are you thinking about?”, Severus asked her. She took a breath, but he was quicker: “Don’t say nothing, your face is an open book.”

She sighed and smiled at him.

“I wanted to read about some muggle things, that I can’t find in the Hogwarts library…”

And she hesitantly started explaining her idea.

He was listening carefully, and to Hermione’s surprise, he didn’t tense up or interrupt her.

“That is all well and good, Hermione”, he said eventually. “But _having_ the knowledge and _applying_ it are two very different things.”

“Well, I thought if we were to leave Hogwarts…-”

“Why do you want to leave Hogwarts so desperately all off a sudden?”, he asked harsher than she had expected him to, but his long fingers pushing the hair out of her face softened the blow. Nonetheless, his eyebrows were furrowed, and he didn’t look very happy.

“I am not desperate to leave…-”

“I am neither blind nor deaf or stupid, Hermione. You have been thinking about this the whole term.”

She looked at him annoyed but sighed and positioned her head on his shoulder.

“It’s just… I don’t want to be in a place where my love life is being taken apart, frowned upon and even ridiculed. You have seen and heard them…”

“Let them talk”, he said, and it made her smile, because usually she was the one to utter exactly that phrase. “Just don’t listen to it. As long as we don’t give them any reason to believe that were an item, they can say whatever…-”

“No, that exactly what I don’t want”, she said fervently. “What if I want the world to know we’re _an item_? I cannot stand everybody telling me, how I cannot possibly be in love with you, and how ridiculous the thought is. I _want_ to be walking down the street by your side, and…-”

“Hermione…”, he sighed. “We have been over this so often…”

“I don’t care”, she said heatedly and propped herself up to look at him angrily. “I have been serious last night, Sev.”

He looked at her, his face expressionless and his eyes cold, but with a glint of surprise and fear in them.

“I would take your name in an instant, in fact, I would walk down the road and marry you within the next ten minutes. I am sick of having people tell me who I can and cannot love, having people trample over my feelings for you, and discredit our relationship, just because they don’t know any better. I want them to know, I want my friends to know, and I want to beat their asses up if they have anything less than supportive to say about it. I want to just life my life with you, and that is not too much to ask. I want to be happy, and I want you to be happy. Tell me in all sincerity that you like being at Hogwarts, and I will never say a word again, but I don’t believe that’s the case.”

She was panting, looking determined and fierce, and she could hear the blood rushing in her ears.

Severus was clearly absolutely stunned, looking at her with his dark eyes and his mouth slightly agape. She thought she could see the slight trance of panic in his eyes and thought about what might have induced it.

“Don’t worry, I won’t drag you in front of the altar within the next ten minutes”, she said with a small smile.

“Wouldn’t mind…”, he whispered, still looking at her.

She laughed and leaned in to kiss him softly.

“I am sorry, I hadn’t planned on exploding…”, she murmured against his lips.

He kissed her deeply and passionately, his hands finding their way around her head. When she pulled back for some air, he wrapped her up tight in his arms and pressed her towards his chest, holding her head and caressing it nearly desperately. Placing one kiss after the other on her head and forehead, he eventually resolved to just holding her fiercely against him.

They lay like that for quite a while, and when Hermione was just about to ask if he was alright, he started speaking.

“It is not like I had imagined it. I thought it would be easier.”

She knew he was talking about Hogwarts, and although it pained her heart to hear it, she also rejoiced inwardly at the fact that he finally admitted to it. They could work with that, rather than him vehemently denying his true feelings.

“Let’s leave, Sev”, she whispered agitatedly, motivating and begging him at once, and she felt as if she was trying to get him to run away with her. “Let’s leave and live our life!”

She felt rogue, as if she was trying to do something forbidden, something that was not in the rulebook. The prospect excited her, and she nearly didn’t recognise herself.

“You love your work…”, he tried to calm her spirits, but she was aflame now, and nothing would stop her from achieving what she had set her mind to.

“Nonsense!”, she exclaimed. “I love you!” She sat up in bed and looked at him with fiery eyes. “Let’s leave and live at home. Let’s groom our apothecary and grew rare plants. Let’s invent charms and cures for curses. Optimise every potion there is and let me find out about things that can change the world! Let me do something that matters!”

“Your teaching matters”, he said.

“My teaching is restricted!”, she replied. “I am given a curriculum that I can hardly change. As much as I love teaching, and people might not believe that I am saying this, but society needs more than information being served on a silver plate. The world needs compassion, everyone deserves just and fair treatment, no one should feel helpless at the sight of life. I want to help people, even if it only improves one life, it is an achievement.”

He looked at her and Hermione could tell he was thinking. She tried to convey with her eyes that she was serious, but it didn’t seem to convince him.

“That is not a decision to be made in a whim.”

“So, you are not denying that you’d like to leave”, she tried to push him again.

“That is not what I said.”

She could hear the reluctance in his voice.

“I am certain about it, Sev. Just promise me you’ll think about it.”

“There’s not much thinking needed”, he said a little bit more fiercely. “You have a job that gives you stability and good reputation. Nobody in their right mind would give that up.”

“You know as well as I do that that is not true”, she replied. “Just think of it…”, she said and looked up at the ceiling dreamily. “The freedom of independent research…” She turned to look at him again. “I own my place, we’ve got a roof over our heads, there’s no mortgage on it.”

“We own the house, too”, he said.

“Really?”

“I bought it with my savings.”

She smiled at him.

“It would be perfect, Severus.”

“Everything is perfect as long as you stay with me.”

“Promise me, you’ll think about it?”, she asked looking pleading at him.

He sighed quietly and stroke her cheek with his thumb.

“Guillaume has been pestering me about some potion research for months now… That would be a point to start at, I suppose.”

Hermione had been getting restless and after an hour of her wiggling her knees uninterruptedly, Severus made her take a shower and went downstairs himself to make some food.

Just as he was looking through the fridge for some tomatoes to add to it, he heard a man’s voice in the living room.

“Mione?”

_Potter._

What should have been the biggest shock of the day, turned for some reason into an uninvited opportunity. Severus stepped into the hallway and listened for Hermione, who was still warbling away in the shower. He looked down his own body and did a quick assessment… plain tshirt, long checked pyjama trousers, no socks.

_For fuck’s sake, you’re not doing this._

Yet he did. Quickly fixing his hair into a bun with one of Hermione’s hair ties that was lying around, he stepped into the living room.

“Dm dm, dm dm, … knock knock!”, he heard Harry rambling on. “Welcome to Hermione Granger’s mailbox. I am currently busy redefining the concept of magic whilst also doing…. No, Gin, she hasn’t answered… yea, yea, I’ll ask her… dm dm, dm dm…”

It was the most hilarious thing Severus had ever heard in his entire life and he couldn’t help but snort laughing.

“Mione?”

“Potter.”

“ _Snape?_ ”

Severus walked up to the fireplace.

“You might not be mistaken with your assumption that she is _redefining the concept of magic_ … she is probably doing so right now, whilst showering. Can I pass on a message?”

He tried to sound as cool and bored as possible, but in reality, he was nearly freaking out. He stood in Hermione Granger’s living room, in pyjamas, talking to Harry _Fucking_ Potter.

“Erm, … right, erm….”, Potter stuttered. “No, erm…”

“Use your brain, Potter”, Severus drawled with his arm crossed over, looking into the boy’s face in the flames.

“ _What are you doing there?_ ”

Keeping his cool, Severus sat down on the sofa opposite the fireplace. Inwardly he was screaming.

_Get out. Run as long as you can. You fucking idiot._

“I was just about to make some scrambled eggs, before I heard you singing so _heart-warmingly_.”

“Wha… how… Merlin’s … wha…”

“Why don’t I tell Hermione to call you back?”, Severus proposed belittlingly.

“Right… erm… right, yea…”

Severus stood up and nodded once towards the fireplace, then he left the room and shut the door with quite some vehemence behind him.

_Merlin’s fucking beard. What have you done?_

He tried to calm himself down, whilst chopping up some tomatoes and onions, but his hands were shaking.

Why were his hands shaking? Severus Snape never lost composure.

_Pull yourself together, you moron. It’s you own fault! What did you think? You’re losing it! You lost your mind already!_

When Hermione came downstairs, she immediately noticed his tension, but did just as always give him the time and space he needed to process his thoughts and feelings.

She tucked in heartily, and when she looked questioningly at his untouched plate, he resolved to tell her.

“Potter called.”

“What?”

“Potter. Called”, he drawled a little be more venomously than he had wanted to.

“Just now?”

“I told him that you were having a shower and that you would call him back.”

“You spoke to him?”

Her eyes were as big as tennis balls, and he irrationally thought they might fall out of her head.

“No, I shat letters and made him construct the sentence himself”, he snapped. “Of course, I spoke to him.”

“Like… that?”, she looked him up and down and smiled excitedly.

“For Merlin’s sake, would you just call him back?”, he grumbled.

Her smile grew even bigger and without further warning she kissed him heartily onto the mouth.

“I will do that right now.”

She kissed him once more, and it sent another wave of relief over him, before she left the kitchen.

 _Well, that wasn’t too bad now, was it._ _Mission complete._

Severus heard a mix of voices murmuring for some time, before Hermine shouted: “Would you shut up for a minute!”

He tried to listen in but couldn’t hear much. He knew she’d be perfectly capable of handling the situation by herself, but he had started the scenario and he felt like he should at least show his face.

When the voices had been calm for a while, he slowly opened the living room door and peeked inside. Unfortunately, or maybe not so unfortunately, Potter was no longer in the fireplace, and Hermione just got up.

A wave of relief came over him when he saw her smiling face.

“They asked if you’d like to come to their place tomorrow.”

“No”, he replied immediately.

Hermione grinned at him.

“I told them that much.”

Then she went and kissed him.

“I love you”, she said against his lips, and he couldn’t help but smile like a teenager.

“I love you, too.”

When Hermione left for the Potters the next day, Severus decided to go to Richmond Park and nick some of their plants.

As he came back home and walked down the street to their flat …. _their flat_ … he saw Jane Granger coming towards him.

“Hello, love”, she said and rubbed his arms. “Gosh, why don’t you wear a proper coat. It’s freezing! I just dropped you some fruitcake. Why are you not with Hermione?... Ah, what a stupid question, I should have known better… what are you up to? Do you want to come down to our house?”

Severus had to smile at her chattering.

“I could do…”, he replied when she eventually stopped speaking. “I just need to bring these home…” He held up a small canvas bag. “And maybe write Hermione a note.”

And that’s how he ended up sitting on the South-Western-Railway line next to Jane Granger discussing the work she and the Nancys had done on magical dentistry.

He had known that Hermione’s parents lived in a very wealthy area, and even before having been to the house he had guessed as much, considering their holiday home in France. But when he walked down the street with a view onto Hampton Court, he felt slightly out of place.

“We didn’t always live here”, Jane explained. “We got the house for a good price, because we knew the previous owners very well. They have run the dentistry there before us.”

Severus could only imagine what _a good price_ might be in an area like this and didn’t say anything.

Despite that, he felt as comfortable as he had done two days before, when he sat down with the Grangers in their living room. Hermione joined them later in the evening, having omitted the visit at Shell Cottage that day.

“Everyone asked for you”, she said, as she took of her coat in her parents’ hallway.

“Good for them”, he snarled, and George chuckled at the comment.

Hermione made a face at him and flung herself onto the sofa.

“We had a rather pleasant afternoon here”, Jane informed her, and the smile that lit up Hermione’s eye made him go completely soft.

“So, they’re all well?”, he asked at last.

They didn’t stay long at Hermione’s parents but agreed to come back on New Year’s Day for a late lunch.

On New Year’s Eve Severus woke up to a scent of something sweet in the house. Hermione was not in bed anymore and he listened out for her. When was the last time he had slept that well? Well, when he thought of it, he had slept well ever since they started their holiday.

He heard Hermione clinking with some dishes downstairs and decided to get up and join her. Just before he arrived on the first floor, he recognised the smell. It was mango chutney. 

“You are making a curry”, he greeted her.

She looked as beautiful as ever, with her wild hair tied up into a huge bun and his massive woollen jumper swallowing her.

“I am indeed”, she replied smiling, but not lifting her head.

_Just like last year._

“Using exactly half of what the cookbook states”, he continued.

“Quite.”

He smiled and helped himself to some coffee. He had smiled so much in recent days, the corners of his mouth hurt him a bit, which made him smile even more.

“Do you want to head into London? Foyles still has its Boxing Day Sales on”, he said.

“Oooh, yes!”, she exclaimed, licking her spoon and putting the lid onto the slow cooker her parents had gifted her for Christmas. “I haven’t bought a book in… well, far too long!”

“The two Waterstone’s bags are still under the sofa”, he drawled, and raised his eyebrows at her.

“Yes, yes. I’ll put those away soon”, she said hastily.

“That’s what you said exactly one year ago.”

“Do I have to throw you out of the kitchen again?”, she laughed.

“I’d rather throw you somewhere else…”, he said, taking a sip of his coffee and looking at her over the rim of his cup.

“Not until I have another bag to add to the collection under the sofa”, she said cheekily and left the kitchen. “Let’s get ready to go and pick up a croissant on the way!”

He didn’t let her get away with it however, and they only left the house two hours and three orgasms later.

They walked through London hand in hand, enjoying the intimacy that came with the simple gesture. They picked up coffee at Severus’s favourite coffee house at the Seven Dials and indulged in some bookshop hopping.

“Do you like Scrabble?”, Hermione asked him, looking at the box in a shop.

“I’ll destroy you”, he replied coolly.

That’s how they ended up on the floor, in front of the crackling fire, eating ice cream and cursing like sailors.

“Ok, new rules, new rules!”, Severus barked. “Magical words are not allowed anymore!”

“Ha!”, Hermione exclaimed and jumped onto her feet, pointing her ice cream spoon at him. “You surrendered!”

“No, no, no!”, he laughed. “I just don’t trust you with your made up Charmology words!”

“Says you!”, she cried back. “ _Qzinjenxberry_? How convenient that it has all these ten-point letters in it!”

“I dare you look it up in the library!”

“You…! Be sure, I will! You crook!”

“What did you call me?”, he asked in a dangerously low tone, but the flames reflecting in the heat of his eyes betrayed his true intentions.

“A crook! And a mighty one at that”, she ranted. “You and your chi-chi-berries… Pathetic! A bad loser, that’s…-”

But she couldn’t finish her tirade, because Severus attacked her mercilessly and pulled her down onto the carpet floor under him.

“Keep on ranting, you wench!”, he growled. “You’ll beg for mercy, and I won’t have even started!”

And he did not utter empty words. Additionally, to the fervent attention he gave her, the ice cream was used in a fashion, that made Hermione’s cheeks blush in erotic thrill, not knowing if she liked it, hated it, or both.

When her back was all scratched up from rubbing on the carpet for hours, he allowed her to sit on him, enjoying the view she granted him. Her blushed face and plum lips, the dark red marks he left down her neck, the flames from the crackling fire flickering in her eyes, the pure adoration, hot love, and sweet passion in her gaze. A short memory of last year’s New Year’s Eve flickered in front of his inner eye, how she had been sleeping on the sofa he was now leaning against, holding her book, looking like an angel.

If anything, she had become even more beautiful in his eyes. With every day, every minute, every breath he took, her physical and mental beauty seemed to overwhelm him more and more.

As she slowed down on top of him, and the blood in his ears became slightly less, he could hear the bell ringing midnight in the distance.

“Happy New Year”, she whispered into his ear, poking her small perky breasts against his chest, and trailing kisses down his mangled neck.

Her beauty, her grace and kindness, her spirit and her mind, where lifting him up and showing him what eternal peace would look like. She was the rock under his feet, the solid and calm constant in his wavering existence.

The feeling of longing, the homesickness for a place he had not known, the aching for an existence he had not believed in, it was all stilled by her. He felt light like a feather that night, being carried by her winds towards heaven.


	30. Epilogue in Four Scenes - Scene One

Epilogue in Four Scenes - Scene One

“That’s enough!”, Hermione cried and knocked over a jar of ink in her angry heat. “Enough!”

Severus didn’t say anything, and his face maintained its icy and spiteful expression.

He had been vile towards her. Again. They’d only been back from their Christmas break for a month, but his mood stability had decreased drastically.

Hermione was at the end of her tether, being very close to be defeated by his temper. There was only one thing she could think of anymore.

“We’re leaving”, she stated. “I will not spend my life like this. We are leaving at the end of this year, and that’s the end of this discussion.”

She grabbed her papers and made her way to leave his rooms.

“How very attentive of you to consult me in this matter”, he sneered, crossing his arms in front of his chest and scowling at her from above. “It might have escaped your notice, but I do not usually listen to former students for life advice. And I certainly don’t need a Miss Know-it-all to tell me what to do, thank you kindly.”

The scorn in his tone was undeniable and Hermione felt tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn’t find any way anymore to cope with his anger and hatred.

“Fine”, she said, chocked up and trying hard to keep her voice from crackling. “You do whatever you like. I am leaving. I repeat, _I will not live like this_.”

With that said, she left the room, making sure to close the door as violently as one could possibly do.

Only a short while after Hermione had left, it dawned upon Severus what she had said. She was right, they couldn’t live like this. In clear moments he had come to the conclusion himself. The relief that rushed over him the second he left the castle grounds was undeniable. The feeling he experienced when he was living the life outside these walls was something he had never experienced. He destroyed himself by staying here and consequently, he destroyed Hermione and their relationship.

It needed no further overthinking, and he left his rooms to follow Hermione. He met her on the Charms corridor, she was just leaving her office and the look on her face was frighteningly determined.

“Let’s talk…”, he tried to slow her down.

“I have to sort out my things now. I am sorry”, she snapped and walked past him.

Severus quickly scanned the corridor, to make sure there were no students or staff members around, before he followed her hastily.

“What… where are you going?”, he asked coolly, trying to hide his uneasiness.

She turned around to him and gave him a resolute look.

“I am handing in my resignation.”

“No…”, he breathed and shook his head slightly. “Hermione, wait a moment.”

Before she could make another move into the direction of Minerva’s office, he stepped into her way and held her softly by the arm.

“Wait… wait for me”, he said flatly, but she knew his eyes and they betrayed him.

“Wait until… I have my meeting with Minerva before the February break. Wait for me.”

She furrowed her eyebrows and looked at him thoughtfully. He could tell that she didn’t quite understand him.

“We… might as well resign together.”

She didn’t say anything or smile, she only eyed him thoughtfully another moment, before her gaze drifted down onto the letter in her hands and she nodded in agreement. 

On a cloudy morning in May, Minerva watched Severus gulping his third cup of coffee at breakfast. He hadn’t even eaten half a toast, and she wondered how he wasn’t dead yet. 

It had taken her by surprise when Hermione had come to Severus’s pre-full-tenure performance review, and even more when they had informed her about both of their resignations.

She had suspected Severus’s resignation. He had been a surprisingly good teacher and she had really hoped that he would have stayed, but only a completely sense-deprived person would have not noticed the obvious tension and misery that surrounded him.

However, nothing had prepared her for the blow that came with the announcement of their relationship. It had caused her sleepless nights over how she could have missed their mutual affection, when now it seemed very obvious to her.

She had kept an eye on both of them over the past months, and although there were no hints or indiscretions, for the knowing onlooker it was perceivable that they were deeply in love. It had been a mystery to her, Hermione Granger and Severus Snape, two so fundamentally different characters, and yet they complemented one another in a way that Minerva had never witnessed before.

It pained her to lose the both of them. They were extraordinary people, with unimaginable talent and immeasurable skills, yet she could understand that the world had more to offer the both of them than a tenured position at Hogwarts.

She sighed heavily and took her eyes of Severus, letting her gaze wander to the Slytherin House table. They had needed a capable Head of House. She had highly appreciated Horace’s work but she had known that he simply taught them to keep their heads down to avoid conflict of any kind. She had hoped that Severus would bring back some of Slytherin’s former pride.

However, Mr Malfoy, or Healer Draco Malfoy as he was called now, would do just as well, and possibly even better. He was one of the few Slytherins that had gained and kept a formidable public reputation, not shying back from the new government and speaking out in favour of it. Additionally, Poppy was relieved to hand over her position to a skilled healer and reduce her hours to part-time. He had been coming to the Hospital Wing only for a couple of months before Minerva had approached him, and was probably thrown a little bit into the deep end, but she was glad that she could welcome him back to Hogwarts.

As for Severus and Hermione, Minerva was sure that the world would hold nothing but opportunity and excitement for them.


	31. Epilogue in Four Scenes - Scene Two

Epilogue in Four Scenes – Scene Two

Severus tapped the three brick stones on the wall to get from Diagon Alley into the Leaky Cauldron.

Walking up to the counter and sitting down, he nodded towards Ben, the new innkeeper.

“How are ye? Is the business going well?”, the man asked. He was Irish and Severus was not annoyed by him, which said a lot.

“Keeps us busy enough”, he replied. “Will you keep us a table for dinner?”

“Sure, look it”, Ben said wiping off the counter. “Dinner is on the house for ye tonight. I’ll see ye laters.”

Ben and his wife had a son that had just started his last year at, and Severus gave him potions lessons whenever he was home on holidays. He was extremely gifted and had accepted an apprenticeship with Guillaume’s new potion master in residence, a very well-known former Professor from the Paris conservatoire.

Thanking Ben for the offer, Severus inclined his head and left back for the Apothecary.

After long consideration, Hermione had sold their flat to Susan, the woman who had lived under them, and they had bought the Apothecary in Diagon Alley about four years ago. They lived on the second floor when they were in London, and Hermione had her practice on the first floor. Money had been tight the first few years after they had left Hogwarts, because she had gone back to Oxford to study psychology and Severus had insisted she put all her energy into her studies. When they took over the Apothecary and she had started taking clients however it had been quickly getting better.

He spotted the cupboard with rare alpine herbs he had imported from France and remembered that he wanted to take stock, so he knew what to get the next time he visited Guillaume.

Just as he carefully looked through the saxifragas Hermione came downstairs.

“I sorted out dinner”, he said.

“Did you really?”, she chuckled. “Let me guess… The Leaky Cauldrons lamb stew!”

“Not to take away!”, he replied instantly. “I got a table tonight.”

“My, you have outdone yourself!”, she laughed and even after year and years of hearing it he did not grow tired of the blessed sound.

She walked over to him and leaned onto the counter to watch him work.

“Could you apparate home to get some things at some point today?”, he asked her.

They grew many of their ingredients in their cottage garden, which over the years had been expanded to about six times its original size.

“I’ve got one more person coming now in an hour”, she said checking the time swiftly with a tempus charm. “After that I’ll pop up.”

Severus plodded on with his work, as Hermione received a young lady and took her upstairs. Of course, Severus had no idea what she was talking about with her clients, it was an ethical code of conduct that Hermione would never break, but when she came back downstairs, he could tell that she was still thinking about it, although the lady had left them a while ago.

“Self-care?”, he asked quietly and she looked up at him.

The smile that adorned her beautiful plum lips and filled her fawn brown eyes with so much love made him realise again and again, just how lucky he was to be living his life with her.

They had their routine, when Hermione needed her self-care. Severus locked up the apothecary early, stretched out his hand for hers and apparated them to Wildrose Cottage.

He wasn’t a fan of the name Hermione had given their home upon discovering wild roses growing at the back of the annex, and he made fun of it whenever he could, but secretly he thought, there was a heart-warming beauty inherent in the name.

They landed on the grassy lane that led down to the house. The had bought the two fields surrounding their property and planted more trees on it. They weren’t very big yet, but they’ve had a good few apples and pears last year.

It was a beautiful warm afternoon in July, the sun kissed Hermione’s hair, and her warm arm slung around his back filled him with love and comfort.

They took a shower together, not being sexual but very intimate. He washed her hair and combed it, helped her into her light cotton dressing gown afterwards and set up some coffee to make her a cappuccino.

They were sitting outside the house on their bench, and Severus worked her hair into a plait whilst Hermione worked through her thoughts. She did it mainly in silence, only sometimes asking him for his opinion on something. He sometimes wishes he could help her more, but he knew if anyone in the world was capable of helping other people with their problems, is was Hermione. And for some reason, his presence and the odd time when she needed a few hours to recharge, seemed to be enough for her to carry the lives of people that had put their trust into her.

She turned around and kissed him, then got up and walked across the garden, her bare feet being as light as fairy wings. He followed her and just before he reached her, she slid her dressing gown over her shoulders and dropped it onto the warm grass.

She was the crowning of creating, a goddess in her own right, and he loved her so much it physically impacted him. The waves of admiration and breathlessness transfixed him, he was helpless before her and he wanted to cry in joy every minute of every day.

Walking up to her slowly, he lowered his head and kissed her.

“I love you.”

They sank onto the ground, becoming one in body and soul, the warm sunrays blessing their bond. His face hovered over hers. With closed eyes he took in her touch, burying his nose in her hair, touching her softly with his lips.

He did not understand how he had every deserved this or would ever deserve it in future. He lay at her full mercy, being utterly and irreversibly transfixed by the godly grace of her.


	32. Epilogue in Four Scenes - Scene Three

Epilogue in Four Scenes – Scene Three

“Come here!”, Severus spit through clenched teeth. “Now!”

The twins were driving him mad. Why Hermione had not taken up her mother’s offer to take them for the weekend, she didn’t know.

Soter and Pistis obeyed, but not without cheeky grins on their faces.

“Sit down, and not another word, or I’ll get your mother!”

Where was she anyway?

The two young boys were driving him crazy, but he just could not be strict with them. In fact, if anyone ever spotted how soft Severus Snape was around his two sons, they’d probably call a doctor. They had their mother’s brown eyes, but much darker than hers, as well as her curls but also in a much darker shade.

The two boys sat down, and to Severus’s utter annoyance he saw Guillaume winking at them cheekily from the other end of the church pew.

_That damn, old, son of…_

To his relief Hermione came hurrying down the side aisle of the church and Guillaume got up to let her past, so she could sit on the other side of the twins. By Merlin, how much he adored the sight. There was nothing in this world that he would have done for his family. Who would have every thought Severus Snape would have three children.

They had only the two boys at this point, six years of age, but there was already a noticeable bump under Hermione’s pink dress. It would only be another three months and the two of them were looking forward to the latecomer.

She stretched her legs, and her exhausted face gave her away, just as always. She looked at Pistis bumping his feet against the bench in front of them, and he suddenly felt bad about always having her chide the boys.

“I will not warn you another time. Stop that right now or you have to clean the cauldrons tonight.”

He immediately stopped and slid his hands under his thighs to keep still.

Hermione’s eyes filled with tears as Clemency walked down the aisle. She looked pretty, but nothing like Hermione had looked at their wedding. Hermione had looked… Merlin, he had to stop thinking about or he’d cry as well.

Clemency and Draco had decided to get married in a muggle chapel and Hermione had arranged it for them. It came a bit as a surprise to Severus. He still wasn’t on very good terms with the Malfoys. He had been meeting Draco occasionally, talking about his work at Hogwarts, and he has also visited Narcissa and Lucius, but overall he was just as unsocial as ever. He had known that they were dating, but when Hermione was head over heels after Clemency had told her about the wedding, Severus was a bit perplexed. He should probably pay more attention to his acquaintances.

He liked spending his time at home with the boys and recently he had started to visit Guillaume more frequently to give him a hand in the pharmacy. He got along well with his new potions master, whose name he could never remember, and the boys liked spending the summer with their grandparents in France.

After the ceremony there was a small drinks reception in the church grounds and Severus made it his mission to look after the boys whilst Hermione talked to some people. She had recently published extraordinary research results in the area of post-traumatic stress in post-war communities, and a few of the guests walked up to her to congratulate Dr Granger-Snape on her achievements.

“No, if you ask he’ll be more likely to say yes!”, he heard one of the twins say. He knew exactly what was coming.

“Uncle Severus?”, Albus came running up to him, and Severus had to admit he’d grown to like the boy after his suspicious of him getting sorted into Slytherin had been confirmed by the Sorting Hat.

He raised his brows to make the boy speak.

“Erm… Lily asked if Soter and Pistis are allowed a sleepover at our house.”

“I didn’t ask!”, the redheaded girl exclaimed.

“Please, daddy?”, Soter begged him.

Of course he could never say no to them, but he wasn’t going to make it easy for them.

“What does your mother say to that?”, he asked Albus.

“She said… yes?”

Severus eyebrow vanished under his hairline. “Is that so?”

“She will say yes if you do”, Pistis said matter-of-factly.

_Slytherin._

“I say yes if your mother says yes”, he replied, and they all ran off towards Ginerva Potter. 

Despite the Potter children being a good bit older than their own sons, they were mad for one another. Whenever James and Albus came home from Hogwarts, Soter and Pistis went absolutely bonkers. Luckily Lily wouldn’t be at Hogwarts for another three years, and they always had her as well as the two younger Weasley children to play with. The youngest Weasley offspring, Rose, was just a few months older than the twins.

Potter had been Draco’s best man, also to Severus’s surprise. He had no clue what was going on in their circle of acquaintances, Hermione made sure he was spared from any unnecessary interaction and knew the important things. And he had to admit, it was nice not to give a single fuck.

“Uncle Severus said yes”, he heard one of the kids say.

He looked over to them and saw Ginny Weasley’s deadly face.

_Yes, let her deal with the lot tonight._

He threw her an innocent but roguish look and turned to get a drink.

He had a quick chat with Lucius and Narcissa. He still didn’t like the man, but he had to admit that he had been too harsh in his earlier judgement. He was still a pretentious pureblood wizard, but much less racist than he had been.

“I hear you’ve managed to get us a night off?”, Hermione said, leaning against him.

“Don’t celebrate to early, I have plans for you…”, he growled.

Yes, he knew exactly how he would treat his wife that night.


	33. Epilogue in Four Scenes - Scene Four

Epilogue in Four Scenes – Scene Four

Hermione looked out the window onto the Black Lake. She had a very good view from up here. Hagrid’s hut was still there. Nobody had lived in it in decades and the staff used it for the Care of Magical Creatures lessons.

They had all left now at the end of term, and Hermione was nearly alone in the castle. The sun was standing high and its reflection glistened on the lake’s calm surface. There was only one place that she could think of right now, and she left her Headmistress Office to walk down into the dungeons.

Clemency and Draco had lived in the Head of Slytherin Chambers for the better part of their life. The new Head of Slytherin was Norma Avery and Hermione could have not picked a better person to do the job. She was pleased with herself.

She felt a little bit rogue just going into her staff members chamber, but she missed the view.

Walking into the chambers she sighed in content. The light still did its game, connecting all the objects in the room, playing with the colours and shadows and reminding her of her youth.

“You miss him a lot, don’t you?”

Hermione had felt her daughter approaching the rooms and turned around to smile at her. Epione was the splitting image of her father. Just her nose was straight and her eyes a tad lighter. Nobody would ever have eyes like Severus.

“I do”, Hermione said and tears filled her eyes.

It had been a long time, since Severus had passed, but there hasn’t been a day she had not missed him with all her heart and all her soul. He had died at an early age for a wizard, most likely the result of all the torment in his early life, Epione had just started her second year at Hogwarts.

“Merlin, was he mocking me about the fact that all three of you were in Slytherin”, she smiled sadly.

“Well, you have two grandchildren now in Gryffindor, mum”, Epione said.

“And three in Ravenclaw, and two in Hufflepuff. And the first great-grand-child will be sorted into Gryffindor as well, I can tell you that much!”, she said. “You know what makes me laugh every night?”

“What?”

“Thinking of the face that your father would have made had he lived long enough to see that the Slytherin-gene didn’t get any further than the three of you!”

Epione laughed and beckoned her to leave.

“Let’s get home, everyone is waiting for you.”

Epione dropped her at the cottage. Hermione could still apparate by herself, but she liked the company.

Epione and her husband had taking over the Apothecary, and Pistis’s son Joshua was working with them too. They looked after Hermione’s apothecary garden and vegetable whilst she was at Hogwarts. When she was back over the summer, they often came to visit her, but Hermione didn’t mind when she was by herself. It gave her some time to think about the past without needing to justify it.

“I will pick you up tomorrow before lunch then, alright?”, Epione said and gave her a kiss.

“See you then, darling”, Hermione waved her daughter goodbye.

She went inside the house and slowly up the stairs. It took her a bit longer now at her age, but she still made it.

Taking off her purple robes, the ones that Severus had loved so much, she slid into her dressing gown. Her long bushy had had grown thin and was hanging over her shoulders in light grey curls.

The bedroom was exactly the way it had been always, Severus’s pyjama bottoms nicely tucked under his pillow. Of course she washed them from time to time. He had gotten her a muggle washing machine for her sixtieth birthday.

Smiling, she went back downstairs and outside to enjoy the warm, sitting down on the bench in front of the house. One elbow-rest was quite worn down where Severus always used to lean with his arm, but Hermione didn’t have it in her heart to repair it.

“I miss you, Sev”, she whispered, patting the wood next to her. “I miss you quite a lot.”

She sat on the bench for a long while, feeling tired and looking at the garden. The trees on the fields had grown mightily and the kids had great fun picking all the fruits when they came to visit her during the summer.   
Her wild roses had made their way around the annex and covered most of the fence on one side of the garden gate, and the vegetable garden produced enough to feed a whole army.

She stretched her legs and wiggled her toes in the grass.

The sun was very bright and it made her feel quite energetic. Getting up from the bench was quite easy and she walked towards her raspberry bush.

When she heard some birds tweeting she raised her head, a view she hadn’t had in fifty-two years conjured a relieved, delighted smile onto her face.

Severus came out of the house into the garden. He spotted her and the adorable, rare smile lit up his face. He stretched out his hand towards her.

“Welcome home.”

_To everyone out there who has followed my story…. You are my heroes._

_I have been so self-conscious and worried, not only about my writing, but about many things throughout all of my life. What you have given me with your support is more than you can imagine._

_I know that a few of the things in the story have not been resolved or dealt with. Personally, I think the character of Septima Vector is one that bothers me most. I used her absence in the later chapter as a metaphor for all those people in the world that do good and righteous things without ever being recognised. As much as I wanted her to be more involved in Severus’s and Hermione’s life, it didn’t feel quite right._

_I hope it sets a reminder, that more often than not, the best people don’t get nearly enough gratitude or attention as they deserve. Not because they are being overlooked or ignored by other, but because they decide for themselves that it is not necessary to shout out all the things they have done._

_There are other things, that are still open, but that is what life is like sometimes. Things don’t always work out or resolve the way we’d expect them to. Sometimes you never hear of an incident again, sometimes the smallest drop in the ocean can cause the biggest waves._

_I wish that this story has inspired some people to think about out social and moral norms, to think about the impact certain actions can have, and to cherish the immeasurable value of being kind. Of loving your neighbour, of being helpful and humble, but never to take any shit that is served to you._

_We are all born wonderful, wonderful people. We have beauty and grace inside of us, and nobody should make you feel worth any less than that. We are all incredible human beings, capable of so much love and we should give as much as we can to each other, every day in our lives._

_Thank you everybody. Stay happy, healthy and kind xxx_


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